In-law venting thread - Page 9

TonyB06 · #**121** 07-05-2011, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This past weekend, my MIL introducted my SIL (who is also her DIL, as she only has 2 sons) as her daughter. The person she introduced her to said "Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter, too!" In response, my MIL said "Well, she's really my DIL, but that's only a technicality. She's really my daughter now." She then went on to introduce me as her son's "friend". Even though I've been married to him for years.

wow. and you'd think that you should be able to expect more in the way of maturity and/or grace, from someone who've lived long enough to have two daughter-in-laws. that's unfortunate.

AlphaFrog · #**122** 07-05-2011, 11:49 AM

My boss refers to her son's live-in baby mama as her daughter-in-law. Son was previously married and seems to have no interest in being married again, but baby mama has never been married and is just dying for that ring. She spoils her grandson like no other.

On the other hand, boss refers to the guy her divorced daughter lives with as "that man". He's not ok because he's divorced and has custody of his 3 children. Divorced daughter should have started over with a single man with no kids. The prospect of step-grandchildren does not amuse her.

AnotherKD · #**123** 07-05-2011, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

Wow. There are no words. What did you respond with? Did you correct her?

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

BetteDavisEyes · #**124** 07-05-2011, 01:30 PM

I get along much better with my MIL now than when we were first dating 13 years ago but once in a while, she'll say or do something that causes me to snap back or place her on ignore for a while until I'm calm enough to talk to her without choking her.

AOII Angel · #**125** 07-05-2011, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

AnotherKD · #**126** 07-05-2011, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

Not just jean shorts- jean shorts with bits of butt hanging out! And I am not even exaggerating! Well, I only saw 2 people with butt hanging out. But LOTS of jean shorts and cargo shorts. It's just these little things that add up over each and every time I see her. Granted, they never offered my husband money to not marry me, but I sometimes wonder if they wish they would have in hindsight.

AOII Angel · #**127** 07-05-2011, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

Not just jean shorts- jean shorts with bits of butt hanging out! And I am not even exaggerating! Well, I only saw 2 people with butt hanging out. But LOTS of jean shorts and cargo shorts. It's just these little things that add up over each and every time I see her. Granted, they never offered my husband money to not marry me, but I sometimes wonder if they wish they would have in hindsight.

I'm always thankful when I hear these stories that my husband doesn't like to associate with his family. As sad as that is, it's his family's fault for being shady and crazy. In the end, it isn't me against his family. Unfortunately, so many men leave it to their wives to fight this battle when it really should be the man who sets down the ground rules to his family as to how they should treat his wife. It would take one conversation to stop all this horrendous behaviour. Stop treating my wife badly or you will have no relationship with me. Period. The same goes for women who let their families treat their husbands poorly.

aephi alum · #**128** 07-05-2011, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

It would take one conversation to stop all this horrendous behaviour. Stop treating my wife badly or you will have no relationship with me. Period. The same goes for women who let their families treat their husbands poorly.

aephi alum likes this. (Dang it - GC needs a Facebook-style "like" button.)

That was exactly what my husband said to his mother when she told him to divorce me. And he followed up on it. He gave her the silent treatment for most of the summer. He ignored her emails. He let her calls go to voicemail and then didn't return them. If she'd tried snail mail, we would have written "return to sender" on the letter and sent it back unopened. If she'd tried showing up on our doorstep, we would be "not home" (we have plenty of practice with that as we have an infestation of Jehovah's Witnesses here).

We have re-established a relationship with them, but we are keeping them very much at arm's length.

AOII Angel · #**129** 07-05-2011, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aephi alum

aephi alum likes this. (Dang it - GC needs a Facebook-style "like" button.)

That was exactly what my husband said to his mother when she told him to divorce me. And he followed up on it. He gave her the silent treatment for most of the summer. He ignored her emails. He let her calls go to voicemail and then didn't return them. If she'd tried snail mail, we would have written "return to sender" on the letter and sent it back unopened. If she'd tried showing up on our doorstep, we would be "not home" (we have plenty of practice with that as we have an infestation of Jehovah's Witnesses here).

We have re-established a relationship with them, but we are keeping them very much at arm's length.

I tell my own mother this when she complains about my brother in law. I ask her if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren. Some people just have to control everything. My sister just isn't confrontational enough to tell my family off, though I do it for her anytime I'm around.

P.S. Good for your husband. His mother deserved it after that remark!

SWTXBelle · #**130** 07-05-2011, 04:14 PM

My mil died before we married - I did get to meet her, and in fact my husband's last words to her were "I'm going to marry Belle if she will have me". I'm very sad that she didn't get to see her grandsons - the one thing she really wanted was grandchildren. So I don't have evil mil stories.

HOWEVER - I can vent about my bil. 13 years older than my husband and a "confirmed bachelor",he really could not care any less about his nephews. He refuses to put our number under ICE on his phone, make a will, or do anything to enable us to possibly take care of him (he lives in Chicago - we are in Texas). He said he wanted to be buried by his parents - the two plots were left to my husband. We told him we'd be willing to sell him a plot if we could have enough money to buy another in the same cemetery.He refused, saying "Mom and Dad wanted me to be buried by them." Well, then it's a shame they didn't leave a plot to you. I'm figuring we'll have him cremated, and bury him with my husband.

When we had our great place in TN he was happy to come and play lord of the manor - now that we are in reduced circumstances he's not interested. It's very sad - we are his only relatives, and the boys are his only descendants - but he's more interested in researching his ancestors than building a relationship with his nephews. It's saddest for him.

ellebud · #**131** 07-05-2011, 05:16 PM

Ancestors are safe...they always agree with you.

And from one princess to another: Dressing appropriately is always spot on.

Oh, and another thing: My husband gave me a very large diamond engagement ring as a twenty year anniversary gift. My sil inherited a big one. Her ring? Old money. My ring? Jewish princess.

BraveMaroon · #**132** 07-05-2011, 05:37 PM

My husband lost his parents young -he was three when his dad died, 23 when his mother died. I never met either of them.

His remaining family are a sister, an Aunt and Uncle and several cousins.

They're all spectacular, generous, kind people and to that extent, I'm very, very lucky.

But... from time to time, things get ugly, because while my live parents can be interfering, irritiating, nosy, etc. - his deceased parents can do no wrong.

And then, of course, there's the guilt that we spend more time with my family than his because mine are kind of demanding, and his Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, etc. are all very independent.

Obviously, if this is the worst I can complain about, I have it better than I deserve!

VandalSquirrel · #**133** 07-05-2011, 05:54 PM

I had a pretty serious boyfriend and his mom was generally pretty good to me, even took me when I had surgery and only said a couple of questionable things to me but in front of other people. She told me I was his first serious girlfriend and perhaps he should date someone else to be sure

I know she regret supporting and encouraging that when he got together with a girl who got pregnant and he married her out of obligation. His mom still called, wrote, and came to visit, as did his brother though he was with that other girl and she hated me of course because they always knew she trapped him. I called it as soon as I knew she spent the night at his house.

The only other potential mother-in-law drama was a guy I dated who has divorced and remarried parents. His mother didn't think him shtupping a home wrecker who then lied about being pregnant by him (it was someone else's kid) was cheating since we weren't married. It wouldn't surprise me if she gave him the okay to hook up with that skank instead of trying to end our relationship like adults, let alone try and go to counseling. She was all up in our relationship and I told him I had a problem with his mother being so involved in our relationship and that she really manipulated his behavior by projecting her own relationship baggage from when she was married to his father onto him and by default, me.

My own parents (mom and step dad, my father is deceased) are extremely kind and forgiving towards my beaus. When my former future exhusband got real shady and my serious boyfriend after that cheated on me they said they accepted both of those boys into our family the betrayal and hurt affected them as well. No one I've seriously dated has had a problem with my family, and my family only has a problem with a guy if he is being shitty &/or crummy to me.

BetteDavisEyes · #**134** 07-05-2011, 06:18 PM

Relatives of my hubby (MIL included) seem to think it's ok for them to crack jokes & stereotypes about Latinos (I'm Latina) b/c they don't see it as ignorant or racist b/c I married into the family. Since I'm family now, they think it's perfectly acceptable to make these remarks not only to me but in front of my family as well at our wedding 5 years ago. Needless to say, my family was pissed (rightfully so) but b/c it was my wedding & they didn't want to start a fight or drama with them , they let it go.

We're at the point that we avoid them as much as possible and only see them once a year if we can. My MIL we see about once a month.

GammaPhi88 · #**135** 07-05-2011, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This past weekend, my MIL introducted my SIL (who is also her DIL, as she only has 2 sons) as her daughter. The person she introduced her to said "Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter, too!" In response, my MIL said "Well, she's really my DIL, but that's only a technicality. She's really my daughter now." She then went on to introduce me as her son's "friend". Even though I've been married to him for years.

That's horrible! What a witch!

On that note, I hate it when the mother insists on introducing you as their son's "friend". I'm not married and don't see it my nearby future, but I've had this happen in the past and it drove me nuts. An ex's mom from college would do this ALL the time...I was thinking, lady, I've been dating your son for almost a year, get over yourself. I'm his girlfriend, not some girl who followed him three states north to bother him for New Years.