dropping out

smile101 · #1 08-19-2002, 07:55 PM

I just got a bid for my new sorority ... I hung out with the girls last night, and it was ok, but I am having second thoughts about joining..
When I went into rush I had no intention of actually joining a sorority, I wanted to meet people. And somehow I ended up joining, now I really dont know if it is what I want and I am seriously considering dropping it... I have only been a new member for one day.. do you think i should just drop now? I dont want the girls to invest a lot of time in me only for me to drop out. If I did it now, i feel like it would cause less of an issue... Will the girls hate me if I drop? Should I give it longer of a chance? I am so confused!

valkyrie · #2 08-19-2002, 08:05 PM

Smile, I'm sorry things aren't going as well as you'd like. Obviously, I don't know you and know nothing about you, but I think that you should at least give it a chance.

I think that joining a sorority can be a little overwhelming at first, because you don't know anybody, and you might be expecting feelings that you won't necessarily have right away -- just because all these women are suddenly your sisters doesn't mean that you feel this bond with them. That takes time, and if you give it time, maybe you will grow to become the closest of friends with some of these women -- the only way to find out is to give it a chance. You went through rush to meet people, and you met people, and they like you, and now you have the wonderful chance to see what happens from there, and in the process you may develop friendships and do all kinds of fun things.

I definitely don't think you should drop out because you're not sure and you're afraid of offending the other members. If you give it a chance and it doesn't end up working out, there is no reason for anybody to be offended. I also don't think anybody would hate you if you drop out, but they may be sad because after all, they liked you enough to invite you to be their sister. However, I don't think that should stop you from dropping out if that is what you REALLY want.

I would suggest that you spend some time here (if you haven't already) reading messages that members of GLOs have written about their experiences with fraternities and sororities. I think you will see that being in a sorority is definitely worthwhile and rewarding, and many, many positive things can come of it -- friendship, leadership skills, community involvement, study skills, parties, etc.

Let us know what you decide -- either way, we're here for you and will support you!

anniesigkap · #3 08-19-2002, 08:05 PM

I definetly think that you should give it more time unless there is a HUGE reason why you want to drop out. In my sorority they have bid day buddies (heart sis), I don't know if you have one but that would be a good person to talk to if you are unsure. Pledge period is a time to explore and learn more about the group of girls, the girls will not hate you if you decide to depledge but it would only fair to give them a chance.

I hope that whatever decision you come to is the right one for you and know that it is not the end of the world. I do hope you give it more of a chance though.

LeslieAGD · #4 08-19-2002, 09:24 PM

Smile101, I know that the first couple of days, I was doubtful as well. My suggestion is to give it at least two weeks. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work...but at least you'd have given it a standing chance.

AOIIBrandi · #5 08-19-2002, 09:30 PM

Smile, give it a couple of weeks. Go to a couple of meetings, sisterhood events... and see how it goes. You are bound to that chapter for one year now(you can't join another group if you want to till after that year) even if you drop out, so make the most of it and see if it doesn't grow on you. If it doesn't there may be some people who are disappointed, but most will understand and still be your friend.

PKTKKG · #6 08-19-2002, 09:34 PM

Smile, I remember standing in line waiting to get pinned after pledging and thinking "Is this really for me? Do I really want to do this?". I just got involved and got to know my pledge sisters and kept in touch with the actives I knew. I had such a great experience, and I wouldn't trade my sorority for anything. Hang in there and give it a chance. The new member period is designed for you to learn about the sorority before it is time for initiation.

If you are not comfortable initiating, then at least you would have given it a chance.

Best of luck to you!

sororitygirl2 · #7 08-19-2002, 09:40 PM

Please, reconsider dropping out... it is SO early in the game! I feel that it is better to give something a chance and make an educated decision instead of acting rashly. I know many girls who went through recruitment without the intention of joining and then did, and LOVED it!

And, remember that even for girls who were born "sorority girls" and had always planned on joining, those first few weeks (especially the bid day craziness!) can be overwhelming... you wonder if you will click with your new sisters, if they will like you once they "really" get to know you, etc... But trust me, usually things only get better! Give it a chance!

jharb · #8 08-19-2002, 11:51 PM

My pledge class had a girl who dropped out after two pledge meetings (I think...it might have been less than that!). I still see her on campus and she wishes she had given it more of a chance but she's going to rush again during formal rush in the spring.

I would hang in there for a few weeks, even I who got the house I wanted was a little apprehensive about whether or not I fit in with the Pi Phis! It happens to everyone I think, and you just gotta try it out and see what is best for yourself. Good Luck with your decision!

Jess

MoxieGrrl · #9 08-20-2002, 12:01 AM

To echo everyone else's sentiments...give it a chance! I have known many girls on my campus that have depledged after bid night, only to repledge that same sorority or regret their choice when they see their ex-pledge sisters having a great time.

Everyone has given you good advice...but you have to follow your heart. Good luck!

James · #10 08-20-2002, 12:35 PM

I would like to point out that in psychological literature it usually takes 3-6 weeks to get a true grip on something new.

You are bound for a year. And you can drop-out anytime before initation.

Give it a sincere effort for 5-6 weeks. I mean really try. Go out of your way to meet as many girls as possible abd se if you can develop a few friends.

Its kind of just common sense. You would be a little delusional if you did feel really connected so quickly.

NatalieCD · #11 08-20-2002, 03:16 PM

I don't know what to say. If you really aren't enjoying youself, and you feel that you made a big mistake than I would consider dropping out.

It's never too late to rejoin. Take some time away, and see how you feel. If you feel you did infact make a mistake, join the sisterhood again in the future.

But if you feel that maybe you can actually see yourself being sisters with these girls, and having a good time enjoying yourself than stay with it.

Time flies when you're having fun, so make the most of it!

violets · #12 08-20-2002, 05:07 PM

smile101
Honey, there is no reason to make a decision right away. Why don't you wait and actually establish some friendships with the other new members and actives? That's what its all about anyway. And if you're having a hard time adjusting call your new member educator and let her know. You are not the only woman who has experienced this, it can be overwhelming, all the singing, chanting and smiling can obscure the reality of being in a sorority. It's all the little things that make the experience invaluable, like having someone to call and talk with, to study with, to grow up with during the 4 extremely formative years of college. The rituals that we go through each year serve as amazing touchstones and markers of your personal growth, the experience is really worth it.
So, why don't you just take a deep breath and ask a new member that you seem to get a long with to lunch. Just take that simple action and see how it goes.
Let us in on how things develop for you.
Fraternally,
violets

mmcat · #13 08-20-2002, 05:14 PM

don't rush to judgement.
rush week is a tiring time and you may well be looking at the new situation through fatigued eyes.
give yourself time to get acquainted.
lol

SATX*APhi · #14 08-20-2002, 08:20 PM

I, like most everyone else, think you should give it some time. You haven't even given yourself the opportunity to really see what Greek life is all about. If later on down the road, prior to initiation, you still think that it is not for you, you can depledge. But if you do not give yourself the opportunity to see if it is for you, how can you have made an educated decision to depledge so soon? If you give it a few weeks, I don't think that you are going to want to depledge; however, if you do, then at least your decision is based on a few weeks of actually being a new member, rather than just a day or so. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know what you decide.

LeslieAGD · #15 08-23-2002, 04:46 PM

Looks like Smile101 may be a hit and run poster...but if you're not and you're still lurking around...are you sticking it out or did you drop?