I feel isolated in my Sorority...

Bodes · #1 12-22-2015, 04:50 PM

I'm currently a sophomore about to start second semester and I feel so isolated and left out in my chapter sometimes. My university has chapter houses, so every member, except a few older members who opt out, live in the same house.

This semester I got put in...the only singe room in the entire house. Which honestly just feels like another message that I'm always left out. I have people that I talk to in the house, but no one ever seeks me out of really considers me. I'm pretty good friends with my littles and my big, but other than that I'm just kinda ignored.

We have a generally really close sisterhood, which is what makes it suck when I feel like such an outsider. I'm never usually outright ignored, but certain things like I never get any notice for doing things like helping sisters study, or editing papers or anything. I feel bad complaining, because some girls I've read about have it worse but I want to know what to do to fix it. People who know me know I can be outgoing, but when I'm always ignored I tent to get more quiet because obviously what I'm saying isn't important to them. There's no one I can really talk to, but some tips would be helpful. I just want to know how to get girls to like me more than just not hating me, you know?

clemsongirl · #2 12-22-2015, 04:59 PM

I've been there before and can completely emphasize with how you feel. When it looks like everyone around you is best friends with each other and you're not feeling that, it can be hard to keep putting yourself out there socially.

I lived in a single room on the hall and didn't particularly enjoy it-can you ask your house manager if you can trade with someone who's looking for a single room? Given how in-demand the one I lived in was when I moved out of it I imagine there's someone who'd love to make a trade with you if given the chance.

Can you ask your big to introduce you to her friends in her pledge class? Also, interacting with sisters that you have classes in common with can help because you see them regularly and automatically have a conversation topic to use.

jolene · #3 12-22-2015, 05:52 PM

I bet there would be someone willing to swap with you. I know I'd want a single room (I grew up sharing a bedroom with my sister so I have space issues--LOL). I've also felt alone in my sorority (back in the dark ages) many times. I think more people have felt that way than you'd realize.

Hang in there. You seem like a sweet and caring person. Your sisterhood is lucky to have you.

DubaiSis · #4 12-22-2015, 06:20 PM

I don't want to say it's all in your head (because I could be wrong), but likely you are not putting in the effort. It is not THEIR responsibility to make you feel welcome. You need to do the work to be the friend they want to have. And since you said you are friends with your big and little and some others, you may just be having the winter blues and feeling (like so many of us right now) like nobody loves you.

If you are not a Bloom County 2015 fan, you might seek him out. He's been doing some pieces on the subject of the Christmas blues, interspersed with Star Wars and the politician who shall go unnamed. And in any case they should all give you a chuckle.

thetalady · #5 12-22-2015, 07:44 PM

I had very bad winter depression (called SAD) for many years before I was diagnosed by my doctor. It may not be the whole answer to your issue, but please make sure you are getting plenty of full spectrum light (use a lamp if needed) and take a Vit D supplement.

Is this difficulty in making friends new or something that you have experienced in the past or other parts of your life? Is it possible that this is something that is more of an issue through your life?

33girl · #6 12-22-2015, 10:32 PM

^^^this, especially if your school is somewhere colder than where you grew up.

I know part of it is because I'm an only child, but I can't imagine being upset about a single room in the sorority house! Best of both worlds - you have sisters in the house when you want them, but you can keep your room however you want it and sleep when you want and listen to whatever music you want and shack when you want (whoops scratch that last one I guess).

Sometimes you might get that left out feeling when it seems like every girl in your chapter has a BFF they do everything with. Here's the thing though - that's not all good. It can really annoy others and when you're together that much, at some point there'll probably be a fight or two. You're someone people can come to when they need to get away from that.

One of my favorite quotes is "You never knew how much space you occupied in other people's lives. " I bet that many of your sisters would be amazed to know you feel this way.

FSUZeta · #7 12-24-2015, 12:01 PM

You might have been assigned the single room because the room assigner felt you would prefer the room, or because you could handle the solitude. Maybe it's actually a glass half full event, instead of a half glass empty.

I love the suggestion of speaking to the house manager about a possible room swap.

Frankly, I am surprised that the single is not reserved for the chapter president. Talk about someone who could use some alone time.

Tom Earp · #8 12-27-2015, 01:51 PM

If a single room worries you, just be happy! It can give a little peace at times. Remember you could be a room with 1-2-3-or more!!

A room is just a room of many in a house so you can get out and mingle, right?

Some said they would not say it is in your head but I think they could be wrong! Get off of your duff (rear) and mingle with your Sisters and just enjoy yourself!

NWguy · #9 01-07-2016, 10:58 PM

Definitely talk to your Big, and at chapter meetings pay attention to what events you can participate in, or volunteer to help with. If there's an opportunity to invite yourself to an outing with the other sisters, where it wouldn't be weird for you to tag along, I would just ask if you could join them. Make yourself available to socialize.