Preparing for recruitment since birth

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I was actually thinking about this thread the other day. In reference to "brainwashing" at such a young age..

A girl who I went to school with and very much like, is basically having a baby as I speak (or type, rather). She's having a daughter. She had posted pics of the nursery her and her husband decorated and furnished, and there was a picture of the crib... with a ladybug pillow and blanket.

Someone, who I'm guessing is one of her sisters, commented on how much she loved the ladybugs. Mother-to-be commented back, "She's doomed to be an ASA from birth; her birthstone will either be a Pearl (June) or a Ruby (July), my parents already call her "ladybug", and her middle name is Phoenix.

The friend replied, "How perfect is all of that! She is absolutely meant to be a baby bug!"

Talk about pressure...

Damn. My whole family is Greek and the women are mostly Kappa Deltas, but there were no "Future KD" baby clothes involved in my upbringing. And if I have a daughter I won't be doing that to her either. I wonder how bad the ones that don't get in to their mother's chapter feel.

[KSUViolet06]

Well, I guess I should scratch Violet Pearl off my list of names.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Well, I guess I should scratch Violet Pearl off my list of names.

Wait now, that's kinda cute.

[ellebud]

Just because I'm curious question: How would a family, firmly entrenched in the NPHC react to little one pledging and NPC sorority or fraternity?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I was actually thinking about this thread the other day. In reference to "brainwashing" at such a young age..

A girl who I went to school with and very much like, is basically having a baby as I speak (or type, rather). She's having a daughter. She had posted pics of the nursery her and her husband decorated and furnished, and there was a picture of the crib... with a ladybug pillow and blanket.

Someone, who I'm guessing is one of her sisters, commented on how much she loved the ladybugs. Mother-to-be commented back, "She's doomed to be an ASA from birth; her birthstone will either be a Pearl (June) or a Ruby (July), my parents already call her "ladybug", and her middle name is Phoenix.

The friend replied, "How perfect is all of that! She is absolutely meant to be a baby bug!"

Talk about pressure...

No she's not. I'm going to give her a no-rec for having parents who middle named her Phoenix. Baby bug = BARF. I hope to heaven they're kidding around and not serious.

ETA by the time I was a sorority member for a year or so, I knew well enough the vast differences between chapters to not automatically say "I want my daughter to be an ASA." I'd encountered chapters I'd be horribly uncomfortable in - why on earth would I think my daughter would be less so?

Then again, the kind of thing we're talking about in this thread seems (at least for the social climbers) to have very little to do with the daughter or son's comfort or happiness. Ditto the women who are desparately trying (on their own) to shoehorn themselves into chapters they have nothing in common with. It's bad enough if you're just trying to do that because XYZ is the most popular group on campus. It's even worse if you feel it's going to affect the rest of your life on a daily basis.

[WreckinTechsan]

I thought this thread was interesting and it brought me out of lurkdom to give a male perspective.

My grandfather, dad, myself and my two brothers are all members of the same fraternity but at four different chapters (three Big 12 and one SEC). I never felt pressured or like I was "raised" to be a member of my dad's fraternity. I went with him to his old house when we'd go back for football games and I knew that most of his friends were his fraternity brothers but he never said or implied that I was looking at my future. When it came time to fill out the IFC papers for rush and list my legacy he sat me down and told me not to feel pressured to join XYZ just because he and his dad had been a member and that every chapter at every campus is different and I needed to pledge where I felt the most comfortable. During rush I realized that his house was, in fact, the right house for me. My younger brother came through rush the following year and I explained to him that he was guaranteed a bid but that he needed to have an open mind and not feel pressured to join just because I was a member (side: him and I are 180 degree different personalities). He felt it was the perfect fit for him and pledged as well. Two years later our other brother pledged at a different college.

All of that said my grandmother, mother and sister are all members of different houses but they all attended the same SEC school.

I guess we always knew we'd be Greek but we were never groomed for a certain house. However, it is pretty cool that all of us guys are "brothers."

[RaggedyAnn]

I don't agree with the pressure, but I can see decorating in your mascot. What else do you do with dozens of ladybugs, turtles, kites, pandas, etc. when you start having children? At least you know you'll like the nursery and you can save a lot of money decorating. Decorations are expensive and will probably only be used for a couple of years anyway.

[ASTalumna06]

^ I could understand that... if these were items she already had.

She indicated in the caption of the picture that her parents had made/bought (I can't remember) the blanket, and that the pillow they bought was the perfect addition. It seems as though both the mommy and grandparents are creating a potentially heartbreaking situation for the kid later on.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

^ I could understand that... if these were items she already had.

She indicated in the caption of the picture that her parents had made/bought (I can't remember) the blanket, and that the pillow they bought was the perfect addition. It seems as though both the mommy and grandparents are creating a potentially heartbreaking situation for the kid later on.

One can hope it only lasts as long as age 3 or so and then the kid decides she hates lady bugs and loves *insert kids TV show here*

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Just because I'm curious question: How would a family, firmly entrenched in the NPHC react to little one pledging an NPC sorority or NIC fraternity?

That's a huge question with so many answers. Here's one aspect:

I think we've had a lot of threads about NPHC legacies and the differences between the history, traditions, and practices of NPHC, NPC, and NIC. Families that are deeply entrenched in NPHC membership can be perplexed if the offspring doesn't want to pursue the legacy org or any of the other NPHC orgs. They may want to understand the offspring's choice and make sure that he/she understands the choice. (Some people have dumb reasons for joining every org, including NPHC, but families may feel a dumb reason for joining an NPHC org will be ironed out through the aspirant and membership process. However, families may not know whether NPC and NIC orgs have ways of weening out "the dumb").

After the families get over that (smart families will), things tend to be cool unless people try to transform the NPC and NIC chapters into NPHC replicas in hopes of experiencing NPHC traditions. Then it becomes laughable. It can also become laughable if the person wishes to highlight things that aren't emphasized in the NPC and NIC orgs. If you wanted a particular history, emphasis, and traditions, you should've done your research and figured out which direction you wanted to go.

If the person's experience in the NPC or NIC is positive (and the person doesn't mind being the GLO minority in the family) then the family may still not recognize the org very well or understand the offspring's choice, but there isn't too much to fuss about at the end of the day.

[MUSK81]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Exactly...

Or, when DEF decides to colonize at Anytown University. Women at Anytown haven't been raised that DEF is an acceptable organization in Anytown State so joining that group is NOT preferable to being non-Greek. This is how the custom of going to a small school with ABC chapter and noncompetitive recruitment began so that ABC legacy dropped at Anytown University could then transfer back to Anytown University to claim her "rightful" place.

It's really hard for new chapters to move up the food chain because of these biases taught from an early age.

If Anytown U allows her to affiliate - it's my understanding that it's not necessarily a sure thing.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That's a huge question with so many answers. Here's one aspect:

I think we've had a lot of threads about NPHC legacies and the differences between the history, traditions, and practices of NPHC, NPC, and NIC. Families that are deeply entrenched in NPHC membership can be perplexed if the offspring doesn't want to pursue the legacy org or any of the other NPHC orgs. They may want to understand the offspring's choice and make sure that he/she understands the choice. (Some people have dumb reasons for joining every org, including NPHC, but families may feel a dumb reason for joining an NPHC org will be ironed out through the aspirant and membership process. However, families may not know whether NPC and NIC orgs have ways of weening out "the dumb").

After the families get over that (smart families will), things tend to be cool unless people try to transform the NPC and NIC chapters into NPHC replicas in hopes of experiencing NPHC traditions. Then it becomes laughable. It can also become laughable if the person wishes to highlight things that aren't emphasized in the NPC and NIC orgs. If you wanted a particular history, emphasis, and traditions, you should've done your research and figured out which direction you wanted to go.

If the person's experience in the NPC or NIC is positive (and the person doesn't mind being the GLO minority in the family) then the family may still not recognize the org very well or understand the offspring's choice, but there isn't too much to fuss about at the end of the day.

^^^^ There is an article in the latest Essence about this. The daughter joined a NPC (AST, *I, think*), and the mom questioned why her daughter wanted to join a NPC, when NPHC orgs, in the mom's opinion, has a richer history of traditions.

[ellebud]

Thank you so much for your replies. Breaking with traditions, be it religious or racial, is hard. I remember from MY college yearbook one Asian fraternity wrote above their picture, "We exists because of our pride and your prejudice."

I rushed during the time when sororities were restricted (at my campus). My daughter had different options and seized it. One of my dearest friends is a three generation AEPhi. Her daughter had choices, but picked AEPhi. Her mother gave her the grandmother's pin. This is an open ended question.

[Munchkin03]

I think it depends on the family as well. I know that when I joined AXO, it was less of a deal than when my cousin joined an NPHC group that wasn't exactly expected. There was more of a tradition to be broken by NOT joining a certain sorority within the NPHC than going outside of the conference altogether.

Either way, folks got over both situations pretty quickly. My mother at first didn't think that my membership was serious or "lifetime," but whatevs.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MUSK81

If Anytown U allows her to affiliate - it's my understanding that it's not necessarily a sure thing.

That's what I'm talking about. In the past, a sister was a sister and women did this all the time, especially in the south. It got out of control, so for a lot of sororities, chapters were allowed to say no to sisters seeking affiliation.