Coming Back to My Fraternity....

[SigChiFS]

Hey everyone,

I pledged and initiated into Sigma Chi Fall 2012 and, I'll be straight honest here, I basically just disappeared from the fraternity a couple months after initiation. There were some factors that led me doing so; mostly involving the death of a freshman pledge at another fraternity house on campus, our fraternity being put on sanction for alcohol poisoning of a freshman girl, and a lot of pressure from my ROTC Detachment to not affiliate myself with the Greek community after said incidents.
Anyways, it's been a year now and I have absolutely no contact with my fraternity anymore (other than brief and awkward hello's when I run into them around campus) and needless to say it's been gnawing at the back of my mind ever since I left; I feel terribly guilty that I abandoned my brothers and feel like I lost a great experience that I left to wither and die.

I'm starting my last year of college now and I'll soon be commissioning as an officer in the military, but I feel like I'll always have this regret for the rest of my life if I don't take care of it now. I want to make it up to my brothers and get involved back with the fraternity while I still have this last chance, but I'm afraid they still hate me and won't accept me back. If it means anything, I actually called the national Sigma Chi headquarters and found out that my chapter put me as an alumni.

Any advice for my situation is appreciated...

[Sciencewoman]

Is it even possible to return to collegiate status after you've been switched to alum status? I would call again and ask if this is possible, and what the process is.

[SigChiFS]

Yeah it is, the guy I talked to from HQ asked if I wanted to change my status back to undergrad, since I'm actually still an ungrad and not an alumni. I told him not to though; I wanted to see if there was a reason why my chapter did this.

I'm thinking about contacting my chapter's advisor and asking him for advice too.

[AZTheta]

What I find problematic is that you left when the going got dicey or tough or whatever, when they most needed strong members. Yes, you did abandon them. Now you want to come back, but I'm unclear as to your motives.

My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie, based on your statements about "awkward" encounters on campus and being "afraid they still hate me". The prodigal son is a story in the Bible. In real life, it doesn't always work that way. I think you are fortunate that they granted you alum status; you could have been terminated. There are bridges burned because you never should have gone down that road in the first place. But, as you're discovering, this was a bridge that you regret having burned.

[33girl]

Well for starters, the Sig Chi in your name is all kinds of nails on a chalkboard, so you obviously missed that lesson.

They probably moved you to alumni status to avoid being assessed for your dues. I don't know why they didn't just terminate you, to be perfectly honest.

Get in touch with the current president and ask if you can come to a meeting and try to explain yourself in front of the brotherhood. If that doesn't work, you just have to realize you messed up and consider it a lesson learned. I would not contact the advisor (makes it look like you're going over their heads) and I DEFINITELY would not ask HQ to switch you back to active status. I'm surprised they asked that, actually, and I hope your contacting them didn't make things worse for the chapter.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Get in touch with the current president and ask if you can come to a meeting and try to explain yourself in front of the brotherhood. If that doesn't work, you just have to realize you messed up and consider it a lesson learned. I would not contact the advisor (makes it look like you're going over their heads) and I DEFINITELY would not ask HQ to switch you back to active status. I'm surprised they asked that, actually, and I hope your contacting them didn't make things worse for the chapter.

I was going to suggest the same thing: see if you can explain yourself, and in a way, apologize for "abandoning" them when they needed you most. Don't ask for anything from them.

If the chapter doesn't "want you back", and you stay in alumni status, so be it. You can always get involved as an alumni and join an alumni chapter. If you truly want to be a part of the fraternity, jump into it head first. You may not be able to make things up to the guys who were in your chapter at the time you left, but you can still contribute to the fraternity as a whole.

As others have said, you're lucky they didn't terminate your membership entirely.

[LaneSig]

Originally Posted by SigChiFS

Hey everyone,

I pledged and initiated into Sigma Chi Fall 2012 and, I'll be straight honest here, I basically just disappeared from the fraternity a couple months after initiation. There were some factors that led me doing so; mostly involving the death of a freshman pledge at another fraternity house on campus, our fraternity being put on sanction for alcohol poisoning of a freshman girl, and a lot of pressure from my ROTC Detachment to not affiliate myself with the Greek community after said incidents.
Anyways, it's been a year now and I have absolutely no contact with my fraternity anymore (other than brief and awkward hello's when I run into them around campus) and needless to say it's been gnawing at the back of my mind ever since I left; I feel terribly guilty that I abandoned my brothers and feel like I lost a great experience that I left to wither and die.

I'm starting my last year of college now and I'll soon be commissioning as an officer in the military, but I feel like I'll always have this regret for the rest of my life if I don't take care of it now. I want to make it up to my brothers and get involved back with the fraternity while I still have this last chance, but I'm afraid they still hate me and won't accept me back. If it means anything, I actually called the national Sigma Chi headquarters and found out that my chapter put me as an alumni.

Any advice for my situation is appreciated...

So, let's address the first issue: As your pledge book and your magister told you, our nickname is not Sig Chi. We are Sigs or Sigma Chis. Not Sig Chi or Sig Chis.

If you really want to come back, you need to contact the chapter president (or counsul if you've forgotten the term). Talk to him, tell him the issues that made you decide to stop being active. Let him and the other officers decide if you should be allowed back as an active. They are going to have to be convinced that you are going to be an active brother; one who shows up for meetings and activities- not just showing up for parties and wanting to add something to your resume.

You don't know if they hate you. Whenever we had guys quit without giving us a reason why, we were confused and questioning; but we didn't hate the guy. The brothers who were active at the time have no idea why you gave up on them- and that's exactly what you did, gave up on them.

As others said, you were put on alumni status so that the chapter would not have to pay HQ dues and insurance on you. If they hadn't, you would owe the chapter 1 and 1/2 years of back dues. When you speak to the consul, if he brings it up, you should be thankful and appreciative of that fact.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. In hoc.

[SigChiFS]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

What I find problematic is that you left when the going got dicey or tough or whatever, when they most needed strong members. Yes, you did abandon them. Now you want to come back, but I'm unclear as to your motives.

My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie, based on your statements about "awkward" encounters on campus and being "afraid they still hate me". The prodigal son is a story in the Bible. In real life, it doesn't always work that way. I think you are fortunate that they granted you alum status; you could have been terminated. There are bridges burned because you never should have gone down that road in the first place. But, as you're discovering, this was a bridge that you regret having burned.

Well my motives are pretty clear; I want to get involved with my fraternity and make up for lost times. Really I don't see how I did anything inherently bad; my commanders made it clear that a Military Officer shouldn't be affiliated with an organization that lacks professionalism to a degree that they send an underage girl to the hospital nor any group of individuals that kill a kid due to hazing. I had a choice between service or fraternity and I made my choice and I don't regret it; serving my country does mean more to me than being a part of a college fraternity. However, I still care about my brothers despite my Commmander's views and now that the situation has simmered down I want to come back and help them.

I've lived up to the ideals of Sigma Chi better than they have in my actions: I'm the top cadet at my Detachment, have held Cadet Commander position, and have been selected as a special rated officer. I want my fraternity to know that I've still lived up our values and want to make my actions and accomplishments something they can say a Sigma Chi to better the chapter.

[33girl]

WOW you're a douche.

With all this moral fortitude that you claim to posess, don't you think it would have been more helpful to your brothers when they needed it most?

If they really did have the power to kick you out of ROTC (which I doubt; you would have probably been able to stay in, you just wouldn't have advanced because your commander is a dick) then you OWED it to your brothers to come to them and resign your membership and tell them you were doing so under duress. However, you could've been their friend instead of just turning tail and running. Now that the mess is cleared up, you want back in so you can tell them all how you embidied their values better than they did. Um, hellz no.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

WOW you're a douche.

With all this moral fortitude that you claim to posess, don't you think it would have been more helpful to your brothers when they needed it most?

If they really did have the power to kick you out of ROTC (which I doubt; you would have probably been able to stay in, you just wouldn't have advanced because your commander is a dick) then you OWED it to your brothers to come to them and resign your membership and tell them you were doing so under duress. However, you could've been their friend instead of just turning tail and running. Now that the mess is cleared up, you want back in so you can tell them all how you embidied their values better than they did. Um, hellz no.

Bingo.

I've seen members resign (or believe they had to resign) for much less; they couldn't pay their dues on time, they were struggling in one class, they might have to transfer schools, etc. The people who we respected were the ones who came to talk to us about it.

I have a friend who ultimately decided that sorority life just wasn't for her. She attended a meeting and told everyone how she felt, she wrote a beautiful letter saying how great the sorority was but that she didn't feel like it's where she belonged, and she turned in her lettered items without issue. Her and I were really close in college and we hung out all the time. It wasn't awkward when she passed any sisters on campus because we respected her for being honest and straightforward with us. Even though she was no longer a sister, she was still a friend.

You, on the other hand, drop off the face of the earth and now think they should let you back in because you're "more of a Sigma Chi" than they are? Again, you're lucky they didn't terminate your membership. I'm sure they easily could have done just that, given the circumstances.

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by SigChiFS

Well my motives are pretty clear; I want to get involved with my fraternity and make up for lost times. Really I don't see how I did anything inherently bad; my commanders made it clear that a Military Officer shouldn't be affiliated with an organization that lacks professionalism to a degree that they send an underage girl to the hospital nor any group of individuals that kill a kid due to hazing. I had a choice between service or fraternity and I made my choice and I don't regret it; serving my country does mean more to me than being a part of a college fraternity. However, I still care about my brothers despite my Commmander's views and now that the situation has simmered down I want to come back and help them.

I've lived up to the ideals of Sigma Chi better than they have in my actions: I'm the top cadet at my Detachment, have held Cadet Commander position, and have been selected as a special rated officer. I want my fraternity to know that I've still lived up our values and want to make my actions and accomplishments something they can say a Sigma Chi to better the chapter.

Shit. I grew up a Navy brat and I cannot handle the irony of this statement.

[pshsx1]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Get in touch with the current president and ask if you can come to a meeting and try to explain yourself in front of the brotherhood. If that doesn't work, you just have to realize you messed up and consider it a lesson learned. I would not contact the advisor (makes it look like you're going over their heads) and I DEFINITELY would not ask HQ to switch you back to active status. I'm surprised they asked that, actually, and I hope your contacting them didn't make things worse for the chapter.

Originally Posted by LaneSig

If you really want to come back, you need to contact the chapter president (or counsul if you've forgotten the term). Talk to him, tell him the issues that made you decide to stop being active. Let him and the other officers decide if you should be allowed back as an active. They are going to have to be convinced that you are going to be an active brother; one who shows up for meetings and activities- not just showing up for parties and wanting to add something to your resume.

You don't know if they hate you. Whenever we had guys quit without giving us a reason why, we were confused and questioning; but we didn't hate the guy. The brothers who were active at the time have no idea why you gave up on them- and that's exactly what you did, gave up on them.

As others said, you were put on alumni status so that the chapter would not have to pay HQ dues and insurance on you. If they hadn't, you would owe the chapter 1 and 1/2 years of back dues. When you speak to the consul, if he brings it up, you should be thankful and appreciative of that fact.

^^^I just wanted to post these quotes because they're so spot on.

Originally Posted by SigChiFS

Well my motives are pretty clear; I want to get involved with my fraternity and make up for lost times. Really I don't see how I did anything inherently bad; my commanders made it clear that a Military Officer shouldn't be affiliated with an organization that lacks professionalism to a degree that they send an underage girl to the hospital nor any group of individuals that kill a kid due to hazing. I had a choice between service or fraternity and I made my choice and I don't regret it; serving my country does mean more to me than being a part of a college fraternity. However, I still care about my brothers despite my Commmander's views and now that the situation has simmered down I want to come back and help them.

I've lived up to the ideals of Sigma Chi better than they have in my actions: I'm the top cadet at my Detachment, have held Cadet Commander position, and have been selected as a special rated officer. I want my fraternity to know that I've still lived up our values and want to make my actions and accomplishments something they can say a Sigma Chi to better the chapter.

I don't understand how you can't see that you did something "inherently bad," as you put it. You abandoned your brothers. You're extremely lucky that they didn't move to expel you for lack of attendance and participation. Just imagine working on a school project and someone drops off during the research and comes back right before the presentation. You cannot, in good faith, say you lived up to the ideals of Sigma Chi better than any of the active brothers who are actually paying their dues, attending events, and taking the steps to make the chapter better.

Please, follow the previous advice given. And if you're serious about being a Sigma Chi, actually do that and follow through. Don't be all talk with no action.