GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > Greek Life

Greek Life This forum is for various discussion topics regarding greek life. If you are posting a non-greek related message, please do so in one of the General Chat Topic forums.


Register Now for FREE!
Join GreekChat.com, The Fraternity & Sorority Greek Chat Network. To sign up for your FREE account INSTANTLY fill out the form below!

Username: Password: Confirm Password: E-Mail: Confirm E-Mail:
 
Image Verification
Please enter the six letters or digits that appear in the image opposite.

  I agree to forum rules 

» GC Stats
Members: 325,042
Threads: 115,496
Posts: 2,195,826
Welcome to our newest member, prettyandpearls
» Online Users: 1,732
0 members and 1,732 guests
No Members online
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-23-2007, 07:39 PM
newnameforme newnameforme is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
DE-Pledging: Should I?

I'm currently a sophomore student at Cornell University. I'm transferred to Cornell in the Fall of 2006 and did Spring Rush this past January. I'm currently in the process of pledging a fraternity on campus but I am not liking it very much and I am considering de-pledging. I don't feel close to anyone in the house or my pledge class, the house itself is pretty run down and in bad condition, our mixers haven't been great, and I don't feel connected to the people or the house in general which is most important. Most of my friends who are pledging now absolutely LOVE their houses and I do not feel like this whatsoever. The problem with de-pledging however involves a couple of things. I have canceled my on-campus housing for next year and so if I de-pledge I will need to find a place to live off-campus next semester. Secondly, being that I am a sophomore now and will be a junior next year, I will have a difficult time finding a house to accept me during Fall Rush. Cornell holds a Fall Rush specifically for sophomores and upperclassmen, however the only houses that participate are those houses who did not reach their quotas and are very low on the social ladder. The chance of a junior getting a bid is extremely low however it isn't impossible. I honestly don't know what to do. I've put a lot of time, effort, and have gone through hazing for this current house and I don't know what I should do. Any advice would be great? Thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-23-2007, 07:53 PM
UGAalum94 UGAalum94 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Atlanta area
Posts: 5,372
Well, you just have to ask yourself if you'd rather not be greek than be in the group you are pledging. If the answer is yes, then drop, and you can try to rush in the fall, but if it doesn't work out, you will still be happy with your decision.

If the answer is no, then you've got to decide whether you like the group you are pledging now better than the groups you are likely to get a bid from. You also need to consider whether those groups will hold your de-pledging against you, which probably varies a lot from campus to campus and chapter to chapter.

People who have recently been at your campus could provide the best information.

Good luck!

ETA: Is it really too late to get on campus housing for next year? Would you rather live in the run-down house or deal with finding a place to live?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-23-2007, 07:57 PM
susan314 susan314 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 528
That's a decision that only you can make.

2 things jumped out at me from your post though:

1) the comment about hazing: that's not something that should be happening

2) the mention about your concerns about the chapters who might participate in the upperclassman rush being "low on the social ladder": You said that I don't feel connected to the people or the house in general which is most important, but your other comment leads me to believe that your concerns about the "social prestige" of your fraternity might be at least equally important to you as "feeling connected to the other guys." (Not criticizing you for that - everyone has his/her own priorities when it comes to what they want from their prospective chapter - just trying to get a more clear picture of your objectives.)

Anyhow, I don't think you should go through Initiation in a chapter that doesn't feel right to you, but its also hard to know from your post whether you have given the chapter a fair shake. (You know what they say "you get out of it what you put into it.") Let's assume for the sake of argument that you have made every effort on your part to get involved and build relationships with the other pledges and active members. In that regard, you need to look at your options in comparision with what your priorities/goals are...one thing to think about - how much does being a member of the Greek system mean to you? If you depledge and don't get a bid from another house in the Fall, will you feel like you missed out on a part of the college experience that was important to you? (Plenty of people go through college without joining GLOs and have enjoyable college experiences. However, if you're determined to be part of the Greek system, its something to consider.)

P.S. General question to everyone - are there other campuses where fraternities have "quotas"? That's completely new to me. On all of the campuses I have been involved with, fraternities seemed to have pretty wide latitude as to how many pledges they wished to accept in any given semester. I guess I always assumed that fraternities were a whole different breed in that regard - not obligated to all the quota/total requirements that sororities are.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-23-2007, 11:20 PM
newnameforme newnameforme is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
In response to those comments:

1) I definitely do want to be part of the Greek system.

2) And the comment about "low on the social ladder." Most of the houses that do Fall Rush are "low on the social". I visited these houses during Rush and I did not connect with any of them. So me de-pledging has nothing to do with social status.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-23-2007, 11:25 PM
AnatraAmore AnatraAmore is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Dreamin' of the Palm Trees...
Posts: 563
Go with your gut. If you really are feeling that you haven't connected with other members (and not just that you're feeling left out right now), then think twice before going through initiation. OTOH, think about the fact that you might not get a bid from another fraternity in the fall and you may remain independent for the rest of your college career. It's not an easy decision, but it sounds like you're having some serious doubts - so maybe you already have a good idea of what to do...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-23-2007, 11:59 PM
newnameforme newnameforme is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
You see that's my problem. I want to be part of the Greek system without a doubt. However, my chances of getting a bid in the fall is very small because I'm a junior. However, it is not impossible. Secondly, I'm not connecting with the people in my house. I am really conflicted as to what I should do.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-24-2007, 12:07 AM
EE-BO EE-BO is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,354
Forget about the mixer quality, condition of the house, your chances of pledging somewhere else and what your friends in other fraternities say for the moment. They are things to think about- and I will get there next, but first the big issue.

If you do not feel connected to the chapter as you state, why is that? That is the question you have to ask yourself. Here are some questions to consider in really asking yourself why. I am not asking you to post the answers- but just consider them as you make up your mind,

1. Are there particular pledge brothers that you do not get along with? If so, how many?
2. Same for actives. Are there any that you think might be making you not like the house? If so, how many?
3. How often are you at the house? How many days a week? How long are you there?
4. When you go to the chapter house, it is always because you have to be there or do you ever go just because you want to? How about your pledge brothers? Do they spend more time at the house than you?
5. When you go to the chapter house just to hang out, are you treated differently than when you are required to be there? If you have pledge brothers who spend a lot more time at the house than you, do you perceive they are treated differently by the active members than you are? If so, how and why?
6. What are your goals and social plans in college? Does the time you spend in the fraternity fulfill or accentuate those goals? Does it prevent or hinder you from achieving some of your goals?
7. What did you expect of fraternity life when you rushed? How is what you are experiencing different from what you expected?
8. Why did you pledge this fraternity? Figure out the 3 real reasons you pledged and what you expected. How is what you are getting reflective of or contradictory to what you expected when you took your bid?

I think those are some examples of the questions to ask yourself. I never really asked myself those things since I really took to my chapter from day 1 and it never occurred to me to leave. So I am not saying that being in a fraternity requires all this deep thought.

However, I ask those questions because I know from experience those are the kinds of questions that will give someone in your position the answer.

And once you have some better ideas about how you feel along these lines, then think about things like mixer quality, pledging somewhere else and all that other stuff.

It is too easy to let things like that make a decision for you- when they are really things to think about after you know how you feel about the chapter itself in terms of the friends and brothers you will have (and like family- you don't always have to like your fraternity brothers, but you can trust them.)

On a final note, if you can afford it- just disappear for a couple of days to sort all this out.

I was president of my pledge class, and so I was knee deep in hard work from day one. I never questioned whether I wanted to be there, but I do remember one week where everything was just getting to be too much to keep up with.

So I rented a suite at the best hotel in town, took room service for every meal and literally sat for 3 days and just put together a puzzle and played solitaire. It was a long weekend of mindless tasks as I sat in total isolation and comfort and just let my mind wander.

To this day I do that periodically. Anytime you face a big decision in life or find yourself overwhelmed, there is nothing more effective than removing all of life's distractions and letting your mind wander without any structure or plan of what you need to do. It is the best way to quickly figure out what you need to do.

Hope this helps.

Last edited by EE-BO; 03-24-2007 at 12:11 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-24-2007, 01:48 AM
Marcie
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
This is a piece of advice that I gave to a woman who had a similar issue when she was going through recruitment, she took my advice and in the end went on to work with our IHQ and still volunteers with AGD.

Joining a fraternity is a life long commitment. People will come and go from the chapter over the few years you are on campus, what matters most is the organization itself. Take a look at their creed/purpose/moto/value statement. Does it fit with you and your beliefs? This is what is important. You will be making a commitment to these ideals and they should match who you are and what you achieve. Knowing you belong and fit with the brotherhood/sisterhood as its whole will make each day of your collegiate expereince worth it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-24-2007, 12:48 PM
newnameforme newnameforme is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
Answers to those questions:

1. Are there particular pledge brothers that you do not get along with? If so, how many?
Yes there are three pledges (out of 23 in our pledge class) that annoy the hell out of me that I feel like just punching in the face because they are very condescending and we just don't get along.

2. Same for actives. Are there any that you think might be making you not like the house? If so, how many?
There are a few brothers that just get on my nerves and I could never see my self being friends with.

3. How often are you at the house? How many days a week? How long are you there?
Cornell is an Ivy League school and so academics are a major part of everyones life. I usually go to the house everyday for dinner and houses events as well as mixers and just chill there on the weekends.

4. When you go to the chapter house, it is always because you have to be there or do you ever go just because you want to? How about your pledge brothers? Do they spend more time at the house than you?
There are some pledge brothers that spend more time their than me. And I lot of times when i do go there just to hang out no one will be on the main floor and then its awkward for me to go upstairs to knock on peoples rooms just to hang out with them.

5. When you go to the chapter house just to hang out, are you treated differently than when you are required to be there? If you have pledge brothers who spend a lot more time at the house than you, do you perceive they are treated differently by the active members than you are? If so, how and why?
I don't think any pledges are treated differently.

6. What are your goals and social plans in college? Does the time you spend in the fraternity fulfill or accentuate those goals? Does it prevent or hinder you from achieving some of your goals?
My goals and social plans for college is to have a very close group of friends that I can count on and honestly call my brothers.

7. What did you expect of fraternity life when you rushed? How is what you are experiencing different from what you expected?
I expected the brothers to be closer to the pledge class by this point.

8. Why did you pledge this fraternity? Figure out the 3 real reasons you pledged and what you expected. How is what you are getting reflective of or contradictory to what you expected when you took your bid?
1) close friends
2) people i can count on even after college
3) a place that i can be proud of and call home
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-24-2007, 12:57 PM
mystikchick mystikchick is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 384
my brother had this same problem, and grappled with it a lot. on the one hand, he loves his fraternity, but on the other, he was frustrated because none of the other brothers (he's one of three sophomores but the other two don't do much, and the rest are jrs/srs) were putting as much effort into trying to save their chapter (they were facing like, six members at the end of this year due to graduation), and he felt the entire chapter was too cliqueish and he didn't fit in to any one group.

he seriously considered deactivating but then he decided to stick with it.

he poured his heart and soul into pulling off a successful recruitment (they're hindered by being the only fraternity that doesn't have a house - they rent a house nearby), and heavily recruited his friends. he's had a few unpleasant hiccups with these new members, but generally, the effort seems to have paid off. he's happy and his chapter is saved.

my point being: why not try and save the situation? you say there's brothers you don't like, nor members of your own pledge class, but maybe those bonds will come later, and maybe try and recruit your own friends - then everyone's a winner. or maybe instead of expecting (perhaps unrealistically) that you'll bond with and be close to every brother, start with the ones you do like

as for your house, try encouraging everyone to chip in some work and do a few small touchups to the house. give it some more time
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-24-2007, 02:02 PM
REE1993 REE1993 is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 426
Only you know the answer to your question, and I think that the above posters gave you some great advice.

If you have been hazed (and if so, that is an issue you need to deal with and/or report), and honestly hate the situation you are in, don't initiate. I think it is better to take the risk of not being a Greek at all, or associating with a "lower social status" organization, than to commit yourself to a lifelong brotherhod. It isn't fair to yourself or anyone else.

I also would advise that you remove identifying info about your school. If the active brothers find this and figure out who you are, they may(depending on how your GLO works) decide to ask you to leave before you make your decision.

Put yourself into it, and you may get a lot more out of it than you ever expected. Brotherhood/sisterhood is a two-way street.

Good luck on your journey.
__________________
GSS

Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-24-2007, 03:46 PM
EE-BO EE-BO is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,354
Quote:
Originally Posted by newnameforme View Post

4. When you go to the chapter house, it is always because you have to be there or do you ever go just because you want to? How about your pledge brothers? Do they spend more time at the house than you?
There are some pledge brothers that spend more time their than me. And I lot of times when i do go there just to hang out no one will be on the main floor and then its awkward for me to go upstairs to knock on peoples rooms just to hang out with them.

7. What did you expect of fraternity life when you rushed? How is what you are experiencing different from what you expected?
I expected the brothers to be closer to the pledge class by this point.
Good call REE1993 on the discretion. Not a bad idea to remove college references newnameforme. You never know who is reading.

As for your replies that you have posted, the two I have quoted above are where I would suggest additional consideration in your own mind.

It is normal to not get along with some of your pledge brothers. If you are in a class with 23 guys, I am guessing your fraternity is pretty big- 100+ members perhaps. And so there will always be people you do not get along with. Getting over that enough to co-exist peacefully is actually one of the best parts about being in a fraternity in terms of developing skills that will serve you well in life.

Going back to question #4- and again, no need to post your response if you do not want to- I would just suggest asking yourself why it is awkward to you.

It would be awkward for anyone- it certainly was for some in my pledge class. Especially being a pledge, it can be really difficult to just go up and start introducing yourself around and hanging out.

So the question is, do you also find it awkward because you don't want to be there anymore?

And it might be too soon to really know the answer.

I am assuming you have "big brothers" in your chapter- and so your big brother or maybe an active or two you already hang out with is the way to get started. If you are just hanging out playing poker or whatever in someone's room, over time people drop- say hello and then from there you are hanging out and doing whatever and the awkwardness is gone.

I never really thought about it before, but that is kind of how it went with me. The actives who rushed me the hardest are guys I became friends with very quickly- and when I was hanging out with them at the house I very quickly met the rest of the chapter.

I lived 2 years in my chapter house and in any given day at least 5 or 6 other actives came through the door for one reason or another. It does not take very long to really get to know everyone once you get started.

But all that said, your reply to question #7 is the one that troubled me most. There is a difference between pledges and actives, but that should never be a wall to block socializing. Part of the purpose of pledgeship is to get you socially integrated into the brotherhood. If it does not happen in pledgeship, then it is less likely to just suddenly change once you get initiated.

If you really and truly feel the entire pledge class is very isolated by the actives, then I would suggest thinking about what you have observed in the active chapter.

In other words, do actives in the chapter have a strong tendency to be friends with others of their pledge class but have little to do with guys from other pledge classes? I don't mean isolated cases- but rather a strong and obvious trend among all the actives.

That is uncommon- but it seems to happen in very large chapters where it is hard to get to know everyone as it is, and where hazing exists to a degree that even after initiation a pledge class feels an eternal sense of resentment against the actives from earlier pledge classes.

Not much brotherhood to be found in that kind of environment.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-24-2007, 04:01 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: Kansas City, Kansas USA
Posts: 23,583
If it does not fit whith what you think, then why do it?

Is it that so important to you to join a Greek Organization if you will be miseriable?

Then, join. It is not just a local if it is a big enough Chapter, but a bigger National.

It is still your choice and yours only.

What ever your choice is good luck!
__________________
LCA


LX Z # 1
Alumni
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-25-2007, 06:27 PM
DeltaBetaBaby DeltaBetaBaby is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: ILL-INI
Posts: 7,208
Send a message via AIM to DeltaBetaBaby
Why did you pick this chapter in the first place? You obviously knew going in that mixers weren't great, you saw the house, etc., and something told you this was the right chapter anyway? What was that?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Pledging slayerzbt Risk Management - Hazing & etc. 32 07-11-2005 06:07 PM
Pledging ato_beta_tau02 Greek Life 16 12-10-2003 04:56 PM
Pledging TruePassion Recruitment 8 04-26-2001 12:53 AM
Pledging camarogodes Recruitment 2 01-14-2001 08:46 PM
MIP vs PLEDGING Ghostface-Killah Greek Life 14 05-04-2000 02:04 AM



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.