Sophomore who didn't get a bid at a frat - how should I approach open rush?

love4pacers · #1 01-17-2006, 12:49 AM

OMG, my computer just froze and my one page post just got erased! Lucky for you guys (and girls) I'm not going to try to rewrite it and I'll make this one more concise. I've read a lot of information on this site today and it's been incredibly helpful. Here's my situation:

I didn't rush my freshman year fearing that my grades would suffer from fraternity life. I did formal recruitment just this past week at my small school which has six fraternities and I rushed at two. I knew some guys in one frat but I didn't get a bid from either. Not to be cocky, but I'm good-looking, friendly, and I have a 3.4 GPA. I feel like I clicked well with all of the guys that I met from both frats but something must have gone terribly wrong. Frats at my school usually don't have a problem with sophomores. I'm going to go through Open Rush for Spring 2006. I have a family friend who was a brother at one of the frats but from a different school - should I ask him to write me a letter of recommendation? Will this help? Any hints of what could have gone wrong? My school is small so it was easy to find out where I fit in, and that's why I was so disappointed that I didn't get a bid the other day. I really felt like I was a perfect fit at either fraternity.

adpiucf · #2 01-17-2006, 10:30 AM

I'm a girl, so take this for what it is worth--

Go through rush again, and this time rush all 6 fraternities. Then you'll maximize all your options. If you have a recommendation, that can't hurt. It won't guarantee you a bid, but it could raise your visibility to that fraternity.

As an upperclassman, your reputation precedes you. Your appearance, actions and behavior count. You will not be told why you may have been cut, and you have to just shake it off and move on-- either re-rush or pursue another campus niche. The reasons you were not offered a bid varies from group to group and within individual chapters. Can't help you there.

Joining a GLO is like any interview process-- they have a set number of "spots" to fill and certain criteria that those prospects should have. Beyond the physical "job description," it is a matter of personalities clicking for you to be offered a spot. Any of these attributes could be the cause of you not having received a bid, but again, membership selection varies and is a private matter within each fraternity.

Good luck.

** and now, I'm preparing to be told off by the all the GC fraternity men who lurk in the Rush Forum and think a girl has no business offering a guy advice about membership recruitment...***

TSteven · #3 01-17-2006, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by adpiucf
** and now, I'm preparing to be told off by the all the GC fraternity men who lurk in the Rush Forum and think a girl has no business offering a guy advice about membership recruitment...***

Not by me. Excellent advice is excellent advice.

love4pacers: How well do you personally know the family friend? Or more to the point, how well does he know you? Basically, are you confident he will write you a good recommendation? Cause you want a recommendation that helps you and not one that may harm your chances. Since most chapters aren't use to getting recommendations of any type - great, good or a simple introduction - this may stand out. And of course, you obviously do not want a bad introduction or a 'no' recommendation to go out.

So sticking with the positive, the more personal your relationship - and the recommendation - the better. Example of a good recommendation: "I've known love4pacers for eight years. He is an excellent student, outgoing and popular, and is active in his community. I personally feel he meets our fraternity's values and would be a fine candidate for consideration for membership. Please consider taking a look at love4pacers."

If he doesn't know you personally, you want the recommendation to serve as a positive introduction to the chapter. Example: "There is guy from my hometown, love4pacers, that is attending your college. While I don't know him personally, I have known his family for eight years and he may have the values worthy of membership. Now what I do know is that he is an excellent student, outgoing and popular, and is active in his community. As such, you may want to consider taking a look at love4pacers."

What you do not want is something rather non specific or not flattering. Example: "There is guy from my hometown that is going through rush. I know his family but I really don't know much about him and can't vouch for his character or values. But I said I would send a letter of introduction." While this may help because it is an introduction, it may also have the affect on the chapter that you can't stand on your own merits. The chapter may look at this type of introduction and ask "Why did he (love4pacers) feel a need to ask for this introduction? Is there something wrong?"

So my advice is that before you ask your family friend to write you a recommendation, be sure you feel it will be a positive one. Otherwise, it might do you more harm.

Best of luck.

Rudey · #4 01-17-2006, 04:19 PM

1) The pacers suck
2) You're obviously not as great as you think if you got cut. Talk to your friends and find out why. If you smell, it's better to know now.
3) If there is another house you like consider rushing them. It's a small school so you should know what house you like by now. And most likely, there is no set amount of spots like sororities have so figure out what went wrong.

If you don't care for the other houses, then that's that, isn't it?

-Rudey
--You could always start your own house if you have the energy.

Quote:

Originally posted by love4pacers
OMG, my computer just froze and my one page post just got erased! Lucky for you guys (and girls) I'm not going to try to rewrite it and I'll make this one more concise. I've read a lot of information on this site today and it's been incredibly helpful. Here's my situation:

I didn't rush my freshman year fearing that my grades would suffer from fraternity life. I did formal recruitment just this past week at my small school which has six fraternities and I rushed at two. I knew some guys in one frat but I didn't get a bid from either. Not to be cocky, but I'm good-looking, friendly, and I have a 3.4 GPA. I feel like I clicked well with all of the guys that I met from both frats but something must have gone terribly wrong. Frats at my school usually don't have a problem with sophomores. I'm going to go through Open Rush for Spring 2006. I have a family friend who was a brother at one of the frats but from a different school - should I ask him to write me a letter of recommendation? Will this help? Any hints of what could have gone wrong? My school is small so it was easy to find out where I fit in, and that's why I was so disappointed that I didn't get a bid the other day. I really felt like I was a perfect fit at either fraternity.

love4pacers · #5 01-17-2006, 08:56 PM

Thanks for the help so far. I'm pretty confident that this family friend of mine could write a great recommendation for me. He's known my family and I since I was in grade school with his son. He knows a lot of good things about me, and hopefully he will mention all of these in a letter. Your advice couldn't have helped me more: I'll be sure to ask him to write the letter sometime tomorrow.

aephi alum · #6 01-17-2006, 09:06 PM

First off, strike the term "frat" from your vocabulary. "Fraternity" is the preferred term; "frat" has negative connotations.

I'd suggest you go through spring rush, and visit all the fraternities, not just one or two. Six fraternities isn't too many to visit in a day or two. So, unless there's one fraternity you absolutely CANNOT STAND, drop by each one for at least a little while - you might be surprised. Then, go back to those fraternities you felt most comfortable at.

Before rush, get to know some of the brothers in each of the fraternities, in a non-fraternity context (e.g. another campus activity).

Good luck!

Rudey · #7 01-17-2006, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
First off, strike the term "frat" from your vocabulary. "Fraternity" is the preferred term; "frat" has negative connotations.

I'd suggest you go through spring rush, and visit all the fraternities, not just one or two. Six fraternities isn't too many to visit in a day or two. So, unless there's one fraternity you absolutely CANNOT STAND, drop by each one for at least a little while - you might be surprised. Then, go back to those fraternities you felt most comfortable at.

Before rush, get to know some of the brothers in each of the fraternities, in a non-fraternity context (e.g. another campus activity).

Good luck!

Don't listen to her.

Call it whatever you want.

-Rudey

Rudey · #8 01-17-2006, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by love4pacers
Thanks for the help so far. I'm pretty confident that this family friend of mine could write a great recommendation for me. He's known my family and I since I was in grade school with his son. He knows a lot of good things about me, and hopefully he will mention all of these in a letter. Your advice couldn't have helped me more: I'll be sure to ask him to write the letter sometime tomorrow.

What fraternity and what small school asks for recommendations? And you're going to get a recommendation for a house that didn't want you? You can PM me if you don't want it out on the public space.

-Rudey

shinerbock · #9 01-20-2006, 06:53 PM

obviously, what school you're at is gonna make a difference. the advice I'd give you for rush at Michigan is obviously gonna differ greatly from Ole Miss.

frathole · #10 01-21-2006, 01:30 PM

If you got balled from every house you rushed at, a reccomendation at either one isn't going to help. A black ball is a black ball. You should think about what you did wrong at those houses, and if you really want to rush the other houses using what you learned from the first two.