Dating Dilemma- Opinions Please

greek222 · #1 08-31-2012, 12:41 PM

Although there are not specific rules about this set in our bylaws, I'm wondering what actions I should/should not take about a sister dating my ex boyfriend. The two had worked together all summer (while my boyfriend and I were still together) and after 5 years together we broke up about 2 months ago. Now I am seeing things online which are leading me to strongly believe that they have more than a working relationship (and have been for a few weeks). I am not close with this sister or her circle of friends by any means, but I still think that she is crossing the line and is not being very "sisterly". Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

knight_shadow · #2 08-31-2012, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek222

Although there are not specific rules about this set in our bylaws, I'm wondering what actions I should/should not take about a sister dating my ex boyfriend. The two had worked together all summer (while my boyfriend and I were still together) and after 5 years together we broke up about 2 months ago. Now I am seeing things online which are leading me to strongly believe that they have more than a working relationship (and have been for a few weeks). I am not close with this sister or her circle of friends by any means, but I still think that she is crossing the line and is not being very "sisterly". Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

Why would this be a chapter problem? What exactly would Standards do?

33girl · #3 08-31-2012, 12:47 PM

If you're not close enough to know exactly what's going on, you're not close enough to call her on it.

Let it go, unless you want to be known as Bitter Betty for the rest of your life.

SydneyK · #4 08-31-2012, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek222

Although there are not specific rules about this set in our bylaws, I'm wondering what actions I should/should not take about a sister dating my ex boyfriend. The two had worked together all summer (while my boyfriend and I were still together) and after 5 years together we broke up about 2 months ago. Now I am seeing things online which are leading me to strongly believe that they have more than a working relationship (and have been for a few weeks). I am not close with this sister or her circle of friends by any means, but I still think that she is crossing the line and is not being very "sisterly". Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

Have things like this happened before in other chapters? Yes. Absolutely.

Are you overreacting? In my opinion, yes. Try to let it go. Easier said than done, I know, but still.

Should you bring this to Standards? I think I'd try to find another way of dealing with it. You've already said there aren't any rules/bylaws prohibiting this. Bringing her to Standards will only make things worse for everyone, including you.

Best of luck. It's hard breaking up, and it's hard seeing him move on (with a sister, no less), but you'll move on to greener pastures soon enough.

agzg · #5 08-31-2012, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek222

Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

Standards? Why would you bring this to them? If you weren't in the same chapter, would you bring her up to the Panhellenic J Board?

FSUZeta · #6 08-31-2012, 01:09 PM

Anything you do is just going to make you look bad. Just be gracious & take the high road.

DubaiSis · #7 08-31-2012, 01:18 PM

I know it sucks, but they haven't done anything wrong. My Dad dated my Aunt before my mother. Of course, in that case, that single date was a disaster, but the fact is, this sort of thing happens all the time, and the fact that she's not your best friend you should consider it a blessing.

This is the time to be a grown up and move on. Unless you live in a closet and you never date, you're going to have exes show up in your life in awkward ways. Don't be that girl. (crazy stalker psycho never lets anyone move on from her personal hell). Your best cure is to get out there and meet some new guys.

adpiucf · #8 08-31-2012, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek222

Although there are not specific rules about this set in our bylaws, I'm wondering what actions I should/should not take about a sister dating my ex boyfriend. The two had worked together all summer (while my boyfriend and I were still together) and after 5 years together we broke up about 2 months ago. Now I am seeing things online which are leading me to strongly believe that they have more than a working relationship (and have been for a few weeks). I am not close with this sister or her circle of friends by any means, but I still think that she is crossing the line and is not being very "sisterly". Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

Yes, you are overreacting. He's not your boyfriend. He's your EX boyfriend. You don't have a lifetime claim on him. Gripe about it to your close friends, and put yourself back out there to start dating again and moving forward. I'm sorry. I know it hurts to see him with someone else.

Kevin · #9 08-31-2012, 03:51 PM

Everything above, I agree with 100%. Several of my fraternity brothers' wives dated someone else in our chapter before settling down with Mr. Right. If it's really over, it's really over. If he's happy, be happy for him. If your sister is happy, be happy for her.

As far as your chapter "not having any bylaws," make sure to keep it that way. To be hauling sisters to standards due to private personal life stuff would just be ridiculous. It does appear that they've at least tried to be somewhat discrete and aren't parading it in front of you. That may very well even be out of respect for your feelings.

Iota Man · #10 09-01-2012, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek222

Although there are not specific rules about this set in our bylaws, I'm wondering what actions I should/should not take about a sister dating my ex boyfriend. The two had worked together all summer (while my boyfriend and I were still together) and after 5 years together we broke up about 2 months ago. Now I am seeing things online which are leading me to strongly believe that they have more than a working relationship (and have been for a few weeks). I am not close with this sister or her circle of friends by any means, but I still think that she is crossing the line and is not being very "sisterly". Have things like this happened in your chapters? Am I overreacting or is this something I should bring forward to Standards?

This is dumb as hell. You aren't with him anymore so he's free to date whoever he wants to date, including your girl, and your girl is too. I hate it when folks try to put a lock down on an ex. That shit is stupid.