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  #1  
Old 10-01-2005, 01:14 AM
thetakates2 thetakates2 is offline
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What happens when you break up?

If you asked me a week ago if I would ever be in this situation again I would have denied it but of course crap happens and you find yourself getting dumped on again. So what happens when that person that dumps you was the person you spent all your time with? How do you move on? For me I have found it both easy and difficult because there are always friends to pick you up in the beginning but what happens when you think your sadness is over and your friends aren't quite as there for you anymore? How do you cope? Just wondering what everyone else thinks.



By the way this isnt my first post....I was Thetakates but I forgot my password and changed e-mail address.
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  #2  
Old 10-01-2005, 01:45 AM
BobbyTheDon BobbyTheDon is offline
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do you have any guy friends? i mean like, cool guy friends? homies? let your guy friends take you out. screw girl friends. your girlfriends will just be like, " nah uh girl friend, whah whah...well he probably has a small dick" blah blah.

your guy friends will take you out to paaaartay. and you guys can rock out to some awesome 80s head bangin music. one of my girl friends got out a bad relationship recently. i told her that her new song was White Snake - " here I go again". she loves it. it pumps her up. she rocks out to it every morning while gettin ready for work.
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  #3  
Old 10-01-2005, 02:12 AM
so damn cool so damn cool is offline
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Hehe if ya know what I'm sayin.
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  #4  
Old 10-01-2005, 03:37 AM
James James is offline
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Re: What happens when you break up?

Welcome back thetaKates, its a genuine pleasure to see you post again

I just wish the circumstances were better for you
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  #5  
Old 10-01-2005, 11:24 AM
thetakates2 thetakates2 is offline
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Thanks for posting guys, but I think the worst thing for me about the break up is that he told me he was losing his best friend as he was doing it. Which made me realize that is exactly what was happening to me. Its been a little under a week....and I am still trying not to pick up the phone to tell him everything that happened to me that day. It sucks royally. Anyone else out there going through this right now?
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  #6  
Old 10-01-2005, 05:42 PM
Lindz928 Lindz928 is offline
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I am not going through the same situation right now, but I definately know how hard it is not to pick up the phone and call him.

My recomendation for that is to find a good friend (preferably guy but girl too) who will tell you that you can call them ANYTIME you have the urge to pick up and call the guy. I have had friends who have done that for me, and it was such a big help! Most of the time, all you need is SOMEONE or something to keep your mind off of it for those few minutes. And as time goes on, you won't need to do it nearly as often.

My other recomendation to get through this time, when you are thinking about it constantly... Whenever you're sitting around and can't stop thinking about it, go work out. My best friend did this after one of her break-ups and she got into the best shape EVER! The endorphins will raise your spirits, and looking even better will help you feel even better about yourself! That will make you more likely to be in the mood to go out and show yourself off and meet new people!

And actually, what Bobby said is a good idea too. My guy friends are often the BEST ones to turn to when I'm having guy problems because they will take me out and have fun. And if you're not in the mood to be hit on by random guys, going out with guys will almost always keep that from happening.
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  #7  
Old 10-01-2005, 11:13 PM
UKDaisy UKDaisy is offline
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I went through this two years ago....and really it took me a year to get over...so really just a year ago. I'm glad you are here posting b/c sometimes even faceless people over the internet can help wonders!!

Take Bobby's advice about hanging out with guy friends. Guy friends are gonna tell you straight up what some of us girlfriends can not. aka - "blah blah he has a small...." Plus guy friends hate to see you down, and will do anything to make ya smile. As sometimes us girls just wanna pity party with you.

I can honestly say that Nick, my former, was my best friend. And losing him meant losing all of those special best friend moments. Which I'm not gonna lie, its harder than hell to get over that. Because you want to have your best friend back.

So I tried really hard at just being friends with my ex, because of course I missed our friends moments. IT DID NOT WORK!!!! Somehow in every conversation we ended up talking about the past and about us. Which made us either angry or upset.

But this incredibly wise man, named James, told me "Jen, drop him. Lose his number, his aol screen name, everything. DON"T TALK TO HIM!" And wouldn't you know as soon as I did that, I felt better.

It sucks losing your best friend. But in end had we kept talking we would have completely hated each other and resented our past. Now its just nice to look back on.

I hope I helped a lil' bit. I ramble... but if you ever need anything feel free to pm me. Hope you feel better!!
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  #8  
Old 10-02-2005, 09:02 AM
AchtungBaby80 AchtungBaby80 is offline
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Awww, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. But I agree that "losing" his phone number is a good idea. I haven't spoken to any of my exes, except for one but that was a special case, since we broke up unless we've just happened to run into each other out somewhere. I find that it's easier that way, although some people would disagree with me. I've always envied the people who can stay close friends with their exes after the breakup, because I am just not one of those people; it's just too weird, and a lot of times, too painful to really be friends anymore. If you can't be friends with him, don't feel bad. If you do end up being friends later on, cool, but in the meantime I would suggest distancing yourself from him and focusing on something else (working out was a great idea!).
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  #9  
Old 10-02-2005, 12:05 PM
_Lisa_ _Lisa_ is offline
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I went through this once before & it brings up such horrible memories just reading your post that I honestly still get a little choked up. First of all, I cried alone for two weeks straight & then I found a hobby-working out. I increased my hours at work & spent at least 2 hours every day at the gym. I used all the time I used to spend with him, at the gym.

Get a hobby that you can use to fill your time until you can meet up with your friends. And write in a journal-its so therapeutic.
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  #10  
Old 10-02-2005, 02:09 PM
madmax madmax is offline
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Re: What happens when you break up?

Quote:
Originally posted by thetakates2
If you asked me a week ago if I would ever be in this situation again I would have denied it but of course crap happens and you find yourself getting dumped on again. So what happens when that person that dumps you was the person you spent all your time with? How do you move on? For me I have found it both easy and difficult because there are always friends to pick you up in the beginning but what happens when you think your sadness is over and your friends aren't quite as there for you anymore? How do you cope? Just wondering what everyone else thinks.



By the way this isnt my first post....I was Thetakates but I forgot my password and changed e-mail address.

You should start sleeping with his best friend.
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  #11  
Old 10-02-2005, 04:36 PM
Allie Allie is offline
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I know that a break-up can be hard... but when it's your best friend it makes it even worse. If both of you are good friends I'm sure things will come full circle in time where you will be just that...friends. I don't suggest calling him either. I'm sure both of you are mature adults and will find a happy ground to base a friendship off of.

Finding a hobby can be a lot harder than you think... first I would suggest doing all those little projects that you have been meaning to get to... I'm sure you have an old hobby or something that interests you that you just haven't done in a while. After all what did you do with your time before you started dating?
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  #12  
Old 10-02-2005, 04:36 PM
Lindz928 Lindz928 is offline
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Re: Re: What happens when you break up?

Quote:
Originally posted by madmax
You should start sleeping with his best friend.
That only makes things worse..... Trust me, I've done it.
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  #13  
Old 10-02-2005, 04:54 PM
so damn cool so damn cool is offline
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Re: Re: Re: What happens when you break up?

Quote:
Originally posted by Lindz928
That only makes things worse..... Trust me, I've done it.
What about the rest of the guys on the football team?
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  #14  
Old 10-02-2005, 08:29 PM
UKDaisy UKDaisy is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by crzychx
And write in a journal-its so therapeutic.
Journals are awesome! Also I am totally 100% about finding a new hobby. Working out is a great one.
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  #15  
Old 10-02-2005, 10:16 PM
texas*princess texas*princess is offline
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I have to second UKDaisy's senitment about it just not being the same when you try to be friends w/ an ex that was your best friend. It really just isn't the same. I tried that w/ my latest former, but really, I found the same thing she did: most of the time we just kept talking about things that happened or things we did when we were together and honestly, when I realized what was happening, I realized it wasn't worth it.

I know when my former & I broke up my friends were there for me, always whenever I wanted someone to talk to, but after awhile I realized I was repeating myself over and over and over again. What's the point? Even I got bored w/ it. I had to find other outlets. I wrote in my journal a lot, I got a puppy (that took a bunch of time!) and started teaching her tricks, I started working out.

For a long time I even distanced myself from our mutual friends b/c I knew it would be weird, ya know? I still talk to them & hang out sometimes, but even now (several months later) it still just seems weird. I spent a lot of time w/ new friends and people that I wish I had spent more time w/ when I was w/ the former.

Like someone else said, I think the best remedy is to just cut him off for awhile. Maybe in a couple of months things will be different and you can go back to being friends? Who knows. In the meantime though you need to take care of yourself and do things you want.
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