Damage Control?

RazorHogs · #1 09-02-2015, 10:10 AM

What's up guys, I'm a freshmen currently in the middle of rush at Arkansas and need some quick help. I really want to keep the fraternities I'm naming secret, but I'm pretty sure you guys will figure it out, so here we go.

I'll try to sum this up, but if anyone wants me to go into detail about the whole thing I will. So loved this one fraternity, they liked me, but I ended up getting cut first day. I kept an open mind starting rush so I just moved on. After the first cuts I still had this one fraternity that's considered "top-tier" so when I told people I still had them they'd get really excited and tell me that I'm still good. They were cool guys and all, they just weren't one I just gave much thought, but I kept them and I proceeded with the process. After the second day, we go through cuts again. There was another fraternity on my list that I really thought I fit in. They were stand up guys. Problem is, I was cut by them too. But, that fraternity I told you about earlier kept me. Since I liked them and they seemed to like me, I put them and 2 other fraternities I'm really not in to down for my pref night.

Here's the problem. In such a big SEC school where pre-bids and legacies are heavy, it's not too often a guy who doesn't really know anyone to get in a "top house" or even middle-tier. Side note: I think tiers can be overrated and don't harp on them, but for the sake of showing the fraternities prestige, I'm using the tiers that people speak of. Anyways, so I'm actually African American and there's not many of my race rushing. The fraternity that I speak of has had some backlash over this past year for a certain chant. Mind you, I know it was a different chapter that caused the problem, but with something like that, you do begin to question other chapters and if their similar to such behavior. Seeing that they have kept me this far, I've honestly questioned whether they like me or if this is just a power move for them. I've spoken with my PX and he thinks they do because in his words "In my fraternity, if we don't like a guy, we cut them and I honestly don't see them keeping a guy they don't like." But, the question still lingers in my mind.

I will say that this fraternity caught me off guard at first. While I was attending pre-rush events for another house, a member of said fraternity that's keeping me was there. I thought he was an active of the other one so Inintroduced myself and he did as well and told me he's an active for the one that's keeping me. He pulls me to the side and we have a conversation and he told me at the end "I really feel that you'd be a good fit. You should come by sometime and eat dinner with us" I even questioned him then and there asking if he's trying to do damage control and all that, but he assured me that it wasn't. Just thought I'd throw this in there.

I'm finished now, so does anyone have any advice for me going into pref night? I know it's a long read but I felt I needed to give a lot of info.

DeltaBetaBaby · #2 09-02-2015, 10:16 AM

I'm sorry you are in this situation, because tokenization sucks, and until there is a MAJOR shift in the composition of the PNM pool, it will happen. The best thing I can tell you is to listen to your gut. Do the guys seem genuine, and like guys you could really be friends with? Do they like you and express interest in you as a person? Could some of them describe you without mentioning your race?

Also, none of us are privy to membership selection, BUT...it's hard to imagine a strong chapter at Arkansas feeling like they need to do "damage control" for an action by their brothers at another university. I highly doubt the incident, though it made national news, has hurt their recruitment or their prestige on campus in any significant way.

thetalady · #3 09-02-2015, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Also, none of us are privy to membership selection, BUT...it's hard to imagine a strong chapter at Arkansas feeling like they need to do "damage control" for an action by their brothers at another university. I highly doubt the incident, though it made national news, has hurt their recruitment or their prestige on campus in any significant way.

Let's not pretend that there is not significant pressure from their national to pledge men of color. There is still plenty of damage control needed by all chapters to repair the damage from that horrific incident.

To the OP, I sincerely hope that the members of this chapter really like you for YOU. Listen to your gut. It should tell you if they are being authentic.

LaneSig · #4 09-02-2015, 11:34 AM

The main question is do you like them well enough to be brothers? Everything else aside, do you like the guys and feel like you would be proud to say "I'm a member of _____".

That's what it really boils down to. I don't know if they are playing damage control or not. It sounds like they sincerely like you and are interested in having you become a part of their chapter. As the Rho Chi said, if they didn't like you, they would have cut you a long time ago. Whether they are getting pressure from their national or not, they are a strong enough chapter that they do not have to take someone that they sincerely don't want.

I hope you come back and let us know what happens.

RazorHogs · #5 09-02-2015, 11:51 AM

They are really cool guys and being a part of their fraternity is something I could see myself doing. If I'm being real with myself, the pressure of accepting their bid and joining comes from the reception I'd get from announcing that I'm a member to everyone. I know that there will be weird looks I'd get on campus and I'll have to spend the rest of my college career defending my choice because though I'm willing to give them a chance, I know others will just look at me as "the black guy that was too dumb to realize he's just being used"

Pref night is Friday. I do intend to speak personally with an exec, preferably the president just to get my concerns out there. I'm sure he somewhat knows that there's some things that could leave a guy like me a little apprehensive.

DeltaBetaBaby · #6 09-02-2015, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thetalady

Let's not pretend that there is not significant pressure from their national to pledge men of color. .

Yeah, that's a good point, but it seems like most collegians would consider pledging a loser they don't like worse than having a pledge class that lacks diversity.

The hope is that they would go out and find a diverse group of pledges that they really want as brothers.

ADPi&Theta_Mom · #7 09-02-2015, 12:44 PM

Words of wisdom, IMO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneSig

The main question is do you like them well enough to be brothers? Everything else aside, do you like the guys and feel like you would be proud to say "I'm a member of _____".

That's what it really boils down to. I don't know if they are playing damage control or not. It sounds like they sincerely like you and are interested in having you become a part of their chapter. As the Rho Chi said, if they didn't like you, they would have cut you a long time ago. Whether they are getting pressure from their national or not, they are a strong enough chapter that they do not have to take someone that they sincerely don't want.

I hope you come back and let us know what happens.

LaneSig · #8 09-02-2015, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RazorHogs

They are really cool guys and being a part of their fraternity is something I could see myself doing. If I'm being real with myself, the pressure of accepting their bid and joining comes from the reception I'd get from announcing that I'm a member to everyone. I know that there will be weird looks I'd get on campus and I'll have to spend the rest of my college career defending my choice because though I'm willing to give them a chance, I know others will just look at me as "the black guy that was too dumb to realize he's just being used"

Pref night is Friday. I do intend to speak personally with an exec, preferably the president just to get my concerns out there. I'm sure he somewhat knows that there's some things that could leave a guy like me a little apprehensive.

Here's a life lesson: There are always going to be people who are going to judge your choices and actions no matter what. Do what you want to do, don't apologize for the decisions that you feel are best for you, and if someone persists in judging you tell them to screw themselves into the ceiling. (I personally tell them to kiss my farmboy a**, but I don't know where you grew up.)

Lily Tomlin was recently interviewed on NPR and was asked what would she say to her younger self. She replied: "If you could send a message back to your young stupider self, what would it be?

I’d probably say something like: “Just barrel through life with all the audacity you can and be confident. Where you can learn something, learn it, and where you can impart something, impart it. And if you want to assert yourself and bitch about everything, go ahead. You’ll pay for it probably, but go ahead and do it. Do whatever you do, and do it audaciously.”

It's one of my new favorite quotes.

DubaiSis · #9 09-02-2015, 12:56 PM

The thing with getting past tokenism is it has to start somewhere. There is every possibility that they wouldn't have given you a second look a year ago because, without regard to race, you weren't previously connected with the chapter. It could be merely tokenism, or it could be they are giving you a closer look because national is telling them to. If you like them and you're ok being "that black guy in the house" then I'd say go for it. They can't have 5 before they have 1. And my guess is none of the fraternities at Arkansas are exactly bastions of diversity, so you'd kind of stand out no matter which way you went.