Need advice for fitting into chapter

[FirePaint]

It's just a free-for-all when people eat. Because of the limited space in the fridge, I actually don't have a lot of food at the house, so I usually go to the student center to eat, and I usually go by myself.

We do, but I haven't heard of any sisterhoods in a while (I know it's the end of the semester, but I can't even remember the last sisterhood we had). The sisterhoods I have gone to though have been pretty fun, depending more or less on what activity we did.

And I understand everyone not wanting to give advice that conflicts with a professional's, but I'm not getting any advice from her. During the entire session, I just talk, she listens, and it's over.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

It's just a free-for-all when people eat. Because of the limited space in the fridge, I actually don't have a lot of food at the house, so I usually go to the student center to eat, and I usually go by myself.

We do, but I haven't heard of any sisterhoods in a while (I know it's the end of the semester, but I can't even remember the last sisterhood we had). The sisterhoods I have gone to though have been pretty fun, depending more or less on what activity we did.

And I understand everyone not wanting to give advice that conflicts with a professional's, but I'm not getting any advice from her. During the entire session, I just talk, she listens, and it's over.

I am afraid that your sirtuation is really beyond the ability of most of us to help with. I am sorry, but we don't want to make anything worse.

It does sound like to me you need to find another counselor. Just like we don't all click with everyone we meet, you will find counselors that you work better with than others. Find another counselor. Make the effort. You are worth it. Stick up for yourself and ASK for help from someone else.

Your first semester away at college is VERY tough. Yes, we know you are really homesick & miss your fiance. If you continue to go home every weekend, you will probably end up leaving both your sorority and college. Time to do some soul searching and figure out what is important to you & then do it. Good luck.

[FirePaint]

This isn't my first semester at college - it's my third. I'm not all that homesick, I just have to work and enjoy spending time with my fiance.

But thank you everyone for trying to help, I understand why you can't really give any advice.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by thetalady

It does sound like to me you need to find another counselor. Just like we don't all click with everyone we meet, you will find counselors that you work better with than others. Find another counselor. Make the effort. You are worth it. Stick up for yourself and ASK for help from someone else.

I agree 100% that some counselors aren't a good fit for some clients AND that there are tons of counselors out there who just suck, but I would first speak up and tell your existing counselor your concerns, if you can. She may say "this is my style, I can help you find someone who is a better fit", or she may say "okay, I can adjust to what you are saying you need", or she may say "I think this is what you need right now", or whatever, but bring it up with her first.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

This isn't my first semester at college - it's my third. I'm not all that homesick, I just have to work and enjoy spending time with my fiance.

Oops, sorry that I missed that.

May I ask why you went away to school? If you are engaged and must work a job at home (rather than getting a job where you are now in school) why not stay closer to home? Is getting a job where you are at school absolutely not an option?

[honeychile]

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: there is no such thing as a natural extrovert. There are people who have learned how to be social, but they have ways to get up their nerve prior to doing so.

So, let's say that you have a night when you're fairly up to date on your studies. Stand up on that upper floor, and walk down to the main floor. Ask what your sisters are watching on tv. If you have a coke machine, get yourself one, but first ask the crowd, "I'm going for a coke - does anyone else want one?" Relax and watch the show!

One thing we did when we had sisters who weren't very social was to set up a table, and put a couple jigsaw puzzles on it. Sometimes, someone would start one, and people going by couldn't resist placing a piece or two. And before you think it's really dumb, ask why there's so much popularity on Facebook for the hearts game - it's because of the puzzle!

These are just a couple of ideas, but there are thousands. Remember recruitment, how much you wanted to join a sorority, and go into Recruitment Mode.

You have been through some very serious challenges, but I promise you that life will become easier once you realize that you CAN do this, you ARE a survivor! As for the jerk who used you, HE'S the one who should be worried, as what he did is a criminal act. Don't let him demean you - he's only a statement away from being in the criminal justice system!

Please feel free to post here, in any forum. We all want to see things work out for you, and wish you the best!

[FirePaint]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Oops, sorry that I missed that.

May I ask why you went away to school? If you are engaged and must work a job at home (rather than getting a job where you are now in school) why not stay closer to home? Is getting a job where you are at school absolutely not an option?

That's okay

I went away to college because I have to live on campus. I don't have a car, and due to medical reasons am unable to get my license just yet. The closest community college is 45 minutes away from my house, and I couldn't make my parents drive me there and back every day.

I am trying to find a job at school, and have applied everywhere within walking distance, but I haven't gotten a single call back yet. I plan on applying to our on campus dining services next semester, though.

[DubaiSis]

Start small. It's going to feel incredibly awkward, but you are going to have to put yourself out there and work at building friendships. It sounds like you must live in a small house (if it's a shared fridge environment instead of a prepared meals situation). Maybe you could work on having a communal dinner/pot luck where the gals prepare something to share. Or if it's common to eat at campus dining, you could go out of your way to ask another couple gals to go along. That is good for you, it's good for chapter bonding, and it's good for your presence on campus.

Also, volunteer to help one of the busier exec board members, like social or membership. That would be a way to get to know one or two members more personally while helping the chapter. But be specific in how you want to volunteer. "I'm glad to help" is more work for the board member who has to try to figure out what to have you do. If an event or task gets mentioned at chapter, raise your hand.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: there is no such thing as a natural extrovert.

You haven't met my mother! I used to cringe when she'd wave at other drivers. I'd say, "Who's that?" and she'd say, "It looked like so-and-so." And I'd say, "No, it wasn't." Her response: "Well, it might have been, and it never hurts to be friendly!!!" My sister admits to asking herself, "What would mom do?" when she's in a new social situation.

I agree with you, though -- most people experience varying levels of awkwardness when getting to know new people.

[kateee]

You get out what you put in. It sounds like you do not have a lot of time on weekends to bond. But all of these girls wanted you in their sorority, and I doubt their opinion has changed. Try going downstairs and seeing what they are watching on TV. Or, bring down a board game and challenge them. Invite everyone to bake cookies in the house kitchen. It seems like you will have to be the one to initiate contact, at least at first, and eventually they will come around and start inviting you places. I know that if someone turns me down too many times, I have stopped inviting them, and that may be your problem.

Good luck!!

[Tropical_Dancer]

Just to add, when I was living on campus I would keep my door open when I was there. That way if someone wanted to chat or say hey, it would be easy for them to make contact. Also that way, it's no pressure!

[Psi U MC Vito]

Also, it might be an option to spend less time in your room, especially if you aren't actively studying. I had a similar housing situation as you, but I would more or less camp out in the living room if I wasn't asleep or studying. I was paying for that community expierence, and I sure as hell got it.