Sorority Life... ahead drama factor nine... - Page 2

maggieaxid · #16 08-28-2002, 09:13 AM

some of you guys said that at formal there are no rules...we always had rules at formal! esp. for the new girls bc they didn't know what was expected of them. no, they could not drink unless they were 21 or unless it was during their new member period...(we always had dry nm periods, but formal was usually the weekend after initiaiation). noone was allowed to leave unless they were a. asked to bc they were out of control, or b. it was medically necessairy. you could never leave bc you were bored! and everyone always went together and left together.(unless of course you were sent home, where you would be put into a rented cab that you would have to eventually pay for with an alumni or older sister.). and our formals could not go past 4 hours. they were usually 8-12, with post party's there after that could get totally out of hand...but it was not the sorority's function anymore.
and who serves liqour during a presentation anyway?

CrucialCrimson · #17 08-28-2002, 10:23 AM

It would be nice to think that all college-aged women would know what type of behavior is "expected" of them at any formal function - sorority or not - but in this day and age that cannot be assumed, i.e. inebriation and sunglasses are bad ideas. If an organization has particular expectations or traditions, they need to find a way to share that with their pledges/new members, etc. This might be a NPC or Sigma no-no but I might have even had them play a role in the planning or work with the committee on set up or presentations just so there is some buy in and their first formal is special as opposed to it being someone elses party! After all, they took a day to go shopping for dresses, but it doesn't seem like they did anything else to prepre them for the experience! I guess even the shopping trip wasn't a "supportive" activity because someone should have told Jordan about her tacky, tropical paradise attire! I say that jokingly because I'm actually starting to like her. I'm still not understanding the Big Sis/Lil Sis relationship - is it over after the revealing ceremony - they don't seem to maintain a supportive/mentoring bond.

zchi2 · #18 08-28-2002, 10:33 AM

I was wondering about the Big/Little Sis relationship too. Is the only point of a Big sis is to give the little sis gifts?

Do they form any type of relationship with each other?

snuggles12 · #19 08-28-2002, 10:35 AM

"I guess even the shopping trip wasn't a "supportive" activity because someone should have told Jordan about her tacky, tropical paradise attire!"

I'm glad someone else notice how tacky her dress looked.

#7 snuggles
DST - RVA 12/93

Quote:

Originally posted by CrucialCrimson
It would be nice to think that all college-aged women would know what type of behavior is "expected" of them at any formal function - sorority or not - but in this day and age that cannot be assumed, i.e. inebriation and sunglasses are bad ideas. If an organization has particular expectations or traditions, they need to find a way to share that with their pledges/new members, etc. This might be a NPC or Sigma no-no but I might have even had them play a role in the planning or work with the committee on set up or presentations just so there is some buy in and their first formal is special as opposed to it being someone elses party! After all, they took a day to go shopping for dresses, but it doesn't seem like they did anything else to prepre them for the experience! I guess even the shopping trip wasn't a "supportive" activity because someone should have told Jordan about her tacky, tropical paradise attire! I say that jokingly because I'm actually starting to like her. I'm still not understanding the Big Sis/Lil Sis relationship - is it over after the revealing ceremony - they don't seem to maintain a supportive/mentoring bond.

KappaKittyCat · #20 08-28-2002, 11:09 AM

I guess it's all about reading your group. For example, Jordan's physical appearance wouldn't have been at all out of place at my chapter's spring formal. I was dressed as a Gypsy Queen, my date wore a Zoot Suit, and several people came in Renaissance dress. And no, this was not a costume ball.

That said, inebriation is definitely not in style.

We have social contracts that we have to sign before each event.

Let this be a risk management lesson to them.

meheron · #21 08-28-2002, 11:26 PM

In my chapter no one is allowed to drive if the formal is off campus which it normally is. (They also have to be in the same county unless we have permission from HQ). No one can leave without permission or calling a cab without the aproval of our risk management chair either. In a way this sucked during my undergraduate career because we see the men having their formals at nice hotels in Indy or Chicago and we are always stuck in good old Muncie, but after watching how the sigma formal went I am glad that we all have to stay together, and sometimes we find out that the bus ride might be one of the funniest and best times of the night. Hense singing some getto song or something. Also if anyone shows up drunk they are sent home and we have security that gives us wrist bands at formal for those of us that are 21.

aephi alum · #22 08-29-2002, 09:22 AM

The "rules" regarding formals in my chapter weren't so much hard-and-fast as unwritten rules of politeness. Semiformals were usually dessert only, so couples would go out to dinner on their own and then come to the semiformal, spend an hour or two, and leave whenever. (The exceptions, of course, being the social chair, risk management chair, and anyone who volunteered to help with setup or cleanup.) Formals were usually sit-down dinners, so you would stay for dinner and speeches (which were generally between courses). The only excuse for being out of the room during speeches was the call of nature - and we never established a punishment for walking out mid-speech because it just wasn't done.

The only hard-and-fast rule was regarding alcohol. Alcohol is never served at any AEPhi-sponsored event, including formals, even as a cash bar. However, our formals were pretty much all at hotels, and if there was a bar elsewhere in the hotel, you could get a drink there and bring it back (not during speeches, of course!)

Funny story about the alcohol... My senior year, our fall semiformal was in a local hotel, in one of two function rooms. In the other function room was a bat mitzvah party. We had a really good DJ, some nice desserts, but of course, no booze. Next door they had a full open bar, but the band was playing songs that the adults had picked and the kids hated... so the kids kept trying to sneak into our semiformal to dance, and the poor hapless security guard had to keep shooing them out! My husband and I joked that we wanted to arrange an exchange... the kids could come to our semiformal to dance if we could go over to their party and get a drink...

maggieaxid · #23 08-29-2002, 02:07 PM

in my chapter our bigs were there for us all during our nm period, and there after. even when we go back for homecoming and stuff, my big and i always catch up and i also still talk tomy lil's and grandlil's. if something like what happened to jordan in my chapter her big would either stick up for her, comfort her, and also talk to her about her behavior.

ZTAMiami · #24 08-29-2002, 02:10 PM

The role of the big sister is to guide and prepare the new member for initiation into the sorority. Its definitely not a one week deal. In most orgs it is a mutual choice. Many bigs/lils end up best friends even after the little becomes an initated sister. Remember, don't be discouraged by what you see on TV.

I pledged in 96 and I still love and miss my big!

violets · #25 08-29-2002, 02:10 PM

zchi2 & UCLA girl, and anyone else who's interested in reading a really too long post about this already well chatted about subject:

The Big/Little sister relationship is, ideally, a mentoring one. This relationship is supposed to be far more than cute gifts. Yes, it is fun to give someone their first set of letters and other paraphnalia, but it is also more meaningful to introduce a new member to the traditions and activities of your chapter. I remember not only the fun of bid day but also the experience of making my Diamond Sister (that's what we call them) sit down and write her graduate school applications. I wanted the best for this woman, knew she had all the potential in the world, and I was determined to see it actualized. This was the tenor of the Diamond Sister relationships in my chapter.
Yes, I sat in front of my TV and wondered where those pledges' big sisters were. Why didn't one of the big sisters of those pledges get up and see where those girls were going? Why didn't anyone tell them to slow down on the drinking? (I think that confrontation would have definitely made it on-air, if it had happened. And that's an act of simple human kindness--drunk girls wandering around a large city are not safe.) Honestly, why weren't they sitting with the active sisters at their tables? We used to make certain that "families" sat together at tables during formal, it was nice to have women from different years experience it together.
I have to admit that this show is truly addictive, I wait each week to witness the lows that these women will sink to. And I go between feeling terribly sorry for the Sigma sisters to feeling self-righteous anger that they are getting exactly what they deserve after entering this *****ian pact with MTV.
I guess I have to keep reminding myself that this is actually a very new, local sorority that would be having growing pains right now regardless of the television element. So their choices in new members were obviously less than smart. (These girls are the most self-entitled, self-obsessed, self-righteous group of women I have seen in a long time. I love how they were wondering "what would Sigma do if we all left?" Honey, they would celebrate. And excuse me but when did satisfying ones every petty need start passing for "individualism'. Thoreau is an individualist, Mara is not. Sacrificing ones small needs for the good of group actually used to be a virtue--can these girls ever imagine that? UGH.)
Can we truly keep saying "well, MTV wouldn't show anything boring like studying together or their participation in Greek Week etc.." don't you think we might have been privy to at least one of the big sisters dropping by that pledge house to sit and have a conversation with their little sisters if it had been a regular occurence and became a part of the day to day activties of these pledges. I vote yes.
Okay, this subject is so talked out and I have tried to refrain from saying anything but I got to admit the whole thing has me hooked.
violets

33girl · #26 08-29-2002, 02:18 PM

considering the faces Jordan made because her big was younger than her, I'd doubt they have a very close relationship.

it could be the bigs might be some of the sisters who did not want to be on camera and were not shown for that reason.

UCLAgirl - my big has been my big for 16 years now and she is STILL a great support to me, and my little is my best friend. they both sat through the whole viewing with me when my mom passed away. So as for is the support system really there - most definitely.

AOIIalum · #27 08-29-2002, 02:26 PM

In my opinion, the relationship between a big and little (or whatever term each organization uses!) is a support system. A big will sponsor, lead, teach, be the shoulder to cry upon and be the one person that the little will know she or he can go to when they have questions or need anything. The big is the person to help their little learn about the organization. They will do all they can to help their little be ready for initiation, and help them learn those things which must be learned before and after initiation. The big is the person who generally guides the little and is their friend. Sometimes, this develops into a close true friendship. Other times, you may not be the best of friends but hopefully you both will have a good, positive and supportive relationship. I had a decent relationship with my own big, but we weren't best friends and that's okay. She was there for me when I needed her during my pledgeship and I needed it

TV editing is a scary thing...what we saw in regards to Sorority Life couldn't have been the whole story. It's quite possible that if the bigs knew about the deaths in their little's families, they were there for them. We don't know. I hope that the girls received more support than we were allowed to see on the show.

Honestly, it's not about gift giving. It really isn't. Gifts are fun, of course! It's exciting for our newest members when they get their first gifts with XYZ or AB on them! Having said that...

<jumping_on_proverbial_soapbox>

Too many chapters of any given sorority too often seem to focus on "what am I going to give my little" or "what did I get/what did you get from your big" and so on. I love hearing about creative gifts that are given that are from the heart. It breaks my heart when I hear about sorority members who don't feel they can afford to have a little. It's not about money, it's about helping the newest members of your sorority (or fraternity) become initiated members. It's about showing by friendship and example what being a member of your chapter and your organization is all about. It's about supporting the idea that our memberships are a lifetime commitment. It's about the history and the future of each organization and ensuring that history is learned and cherished. It's not about money. A chapter of my sorority has a tradition that the bigs give their littles a lavalier. I think that's a beautiful tradition, not only are they giving a gift with meaning for all of us, they are continuing a tradition which strengthens their bonds and history. I love that. Other chapters have a tee or jersey tradition with bigs and littles. Still others put a small dollar limit to encourage handmade items for gifts.

<jumping_off_proverbial_soapbox>

Let me know what you think.
Fraternally,
Christin

AlphaSigLana · #28 08-30-2002, 10:38 AM

I missed the big sis revelations. Who are all the big sisters of candace, Jordan, Mara etc?
By the way this is off subject, but I really like Leslie on the show. I am also happy that Becca is the new President.