Dropping Out of My Sorority

GreenEyedGirl27 · #1 01-12-2009, 04:03 PM

I can't decide if I want to drop out of my sorority or not. I've been thinking a lot and it seems that I should, but I don't want to regret my decision. Everyone is really nice but I don't have a lot of real friends or "sisters" in the group. Just people I'll say hi to when I see them somewhere. I'm paying a lot of money just for people I say hi to. I haven't been to any mixers or semi-formal yet because I always have already made plans on those nights so I haven't really done a lot with the sorority but everyone already has their group of friends and I'm not in a group. I don't know what I should do.

SAEalumnus · #2 01-12-2009, 04:11 PM

It sounds like you've been intiated, but haven't really 'joined' your sorority in the sense of really being involved. The benefits of membership aren't given out for free; they have to be earned through participation. It's been my experience that official events like mixers or semi-formals are planned well enough in advance that unless your personal social life is that busy that your own calendar books up months ahead of time, there really shouldn't be any reason why you can't make time for your sorority. Besides, since you've described all your sisters as really nice, I can't imagine it would take more than the tinest bit of effort to develop lasting friendships with them. Good luck to you.

MysticCat · #3 01-12-2009, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

I don't know what I should do.

Stop making plans to do other things when mixers, semi-formals or other events are scheduled. Perhaps you're not "part of a group" because you're not around when everyone else is doing the things that form the deeper friendships.

#4 01-12-2009, 04:27 PM

If you aren't willing to put yourself out there, then HELLO? Do you really expect your sisters to come to you? The sorority does not revolve around you or your schedule. It takes effort.

Benzgirl · #5 01-12-2009, 04:41 PM

Sororities are not just about mixers. Sororities are for life.

What have you participated in so far? Philanthropy? Scholarship? Making your chapter a stronger group?

Example...when I relocated, I knew no one in my sorority locally. I showed up one night at an Alumnae meeting without knowing a soul. By the end of the night, I talked to everyone at the meeting (over 20 women). I swapped phone numbers with several of them and met some for coffee, etc.

You need to reach out to them as much as you are expecting them to reach out to you. Get off your butt and make it happen.

Kevin · #6 01-12-2009, 04:54 PM

This is like that passive-aggressive people do when they're dating to 'test' the relationship, i.e., don't call them or communicate to see if they'll initiate communication, even though the accepted norm in the relationship is that you are the one who initiates things.

Greek life is not unlike most things -- you get out of it what you put into it. Maybe it's not for you.... the internet is a bad place to look for advice though.

The situation really isn't that complicated. If you think you'd be happier if you quit, then you're probably right.

gphifoxAL · #7 01-12-2009, 05:11 PM

Try asking some sisters to hang out. Ask them if they have time to grab lunch or do something on campus. Try going over to the house and just hang out with them. You get what you give to your sorority. The more time and effort you put into it, the more time and effort you will get from other people. Try going to as many events as you can. They should tell you with advance when all the mixers/philanthropy events are so you will minimize scheduling conflicts. Sororities aren't 'paying for your sisters' as you see, you have to put some effort in as you would any other relationship with a friend.

FSUZeta · #8 01-12-2009, 05:19 PM

have you ever heard the phrase "you get out of something what you put into it"? that is exactly what is happening in your situation. how on earth can you expect to have friends if you are not participating in the sorority's activities? that's like wondering why you failed a class, when you did not attend any of the lectures.

RaggedyAnn · #9 01-12-2009, 05:20 PM

If ever there was a truer statement about Greek Life...
You get out of it what you put into it.

ASTalumna06 · #10 01-12-2009, 05:25 PM

I’m going to guess that you were just recently initiated. If this is the case, I would also guess that you don’t yet have any positions in the sorority. This is the perfect opportunity to offer your help. Ask a sister if you can help her out with her position. Good positions to help with would probably be recruitment, fundraising, philanthropy and social, which usually require a large amount of work. These positions might already have committees, but if you ask to be the sister’s “assistant” (if they don’t already have one), then they’ll probably love you for it. Just tell a sister that you might be interested in eventually running for the position, and you’d love to get a feel for it. You could do something as small as making phone calls to specific fundraisers to find out potential profits... or run to the store to pick up some last minute decorations for recruitment. Whatever the case, this way, you’ll have a consistent line of communication open between you and that sister.

Another option... simply ask girls if you can tag along when they go out. I would do this all the time when I first joined. While one of my sisters would always complain that she was never invited anywhere, I would ask, “Hey, can I come, too?” I would always get a response of “Of course!” with tons of smiles, followed by, “Do you need me to pick you up?” If your sisters are nice, don’t be afraid to ask them if you can go where they’re going.

Yet another option... be so bold as to plan something yourself. A movie, a dinner, a night in watching your favorite tv show... anything!

And if you’re not attending mixers and formals, then you’re missing out on the fun parts of Greek life. How can you expect to make friends with people if you never socialize with them? It’s like sitting next to a girl in class. If you see her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and you talk briefly before class starts about what you did over the weekend, and about the outcome of the Sunday ball game, and about the homework that’s due... but you never go to a party with her, and you never grab some dinner with her, and you never study with her, and you never see a movie with her... then you’re never going to be best friends. The same thing goes for making friends with your sisters. If you’re only seeing them in business meetings and while working philanthropic events, and you never hang out and watch Grey’s Anatomy, or talk over coffee in between classes, then you’ll never form lasting friendships.

If you were just initiated this past semester, I would highly recommend that you stick with it. Because everyone here will tell you the same things... a) a few weeks as a sister isn’t any amount of time to immediately find your best friend for life, b) remember that you have a say in who the next new members will be, and you might find your best friends in them, and c) you can't become friends with people if you don't make an effort.

KSUViolet06 · #11 01-12-2009, 05:25 PM

If I had a dime for every time I have had to post about this on GC:

Sorority relationships are just like ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS.

They are a two way street.

Think about all the other relationships in your life. You didn't just sit back and wait for your best friend to ask you to hang out. You reached out to each other, made plans, etc.

It's the same with your sorority.

You have to reach out to girls, go to events, and make friends with them.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE FRIENDS IF YOU SKIP ALL THE SOCIALS.

It is completely unreasonable for you to expect that you can sit back and not talk to girls or attend socials and still have tons of friends in your chapter. It just doesn't work that way. People are not generally inclined to want to hang out with girls who NEVER COME TO EVENTS.

It's not instantaneous.

You said yourself that you don't attend social events because you have other plans. In order to make friends with other girls, you also have to attend events, because that's where the bonding happens.

So in a nutshell, you can't sit back and be passive, waiting for girls to ask you to hang out and be your friend. You also can't always skip socials and expect girls to get to know you and be your friend. You have to be active.

If you aren't willing to reach out to other girls and make friends, then you may as well drop out because you can't make friends just sitting back and waiting for girls to notice you.

ComradesTrue · #12 01-12-2009, 06:00 PM

Along the lines of a two way street...

Have you considered the situation from your sisters' perspective?

"GreenEyedGirl" seems nice, and we say 'hi' to her when we pass on campus. However, it doesn't seem that she likes us very much, as she always chooses to hang out with others when we have scheduled events."

In other words, you feel rejected and left out by them. I would suspect that they feel the same way about you.

As everyone else has said- you have to meet them half-way. How do you expect them to get to know you if you are never around?

Why not make chapter events a priority this semester and see what happens. That means that you may have to do the asking, inviting, organizing, whatever. It also means that you need to attend every event that does not conflict with class. I suspect your tune will change by May.

In addition, consider there will be a whole new crop of members this fall.

GreenEyedGirl27 · #13 01-12-2009, 06:59 PM

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

KSUViolet06 · #14 01-12-2009, 07:04 PM

We're not being rude. We are just trying to tell you that friendships are a two way street and they take effort. You have to make friends, they don't just come to you. You have to be willing to put in the work.

If that's not something you are willing to do, it is best to drop out.

GammaPhi88 · #15 01-12-2009, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

No one is being rude. They're telling you that if you want friends in your sorority, you have to reach out and show friendship first. I don't think thats rude, I think thats good advice. You may not have a house, and its understandable that you can't make mixers (as long as they know why), but how hard is it to pick up the phone and ask one of your sisters to have lunch or coffee with you? And how hard is it to ask someone to go to a party with you on one of the nights where you don't have an early doctors appointment? I'm sorry, but they're right, you need to reach out. Telling you so was for your own benefit, not to be rude.