Writing Recs for PNMs

ZetaLuvBunny · #1 06-19-2006, 10:35 AM

Hey everyone! I haven't posted on here in a LONG time, but I joined way back in 2001. I am a recent alum, and I have never filled out a rec before, though a couple of people gave me recs when I rushed back in 2001.

I have been asked by a former ZTA and member of my pledge class - let's call her "M" (she had to drop out after her second year for financial reasons, and couldn't afford to re-join later, unfortunately)

to write a rec for a good friend of hers who is rushing this Fall at another school in my state.

I am looking for advice on how to go about this. I know that many people write recs for people they've never met in person before (again, this was done for me), but I still feel a little awkward about the whole thing. M told me that the girl is "an awesome girl and definitely Zeta Lady material", and I do trust M's judgement (M and I were very close when she was in the chapter with me). Even so, do you think it would be best to ask my former sister to have the girl e-mail me a little about herself so I can get to know her better before sending the rec?

Also, will I be contacted by IO or by the chapter I send the rec to? If so, what will they ask me? Any more helpful advice from experienced alums regarding recs? I really appreciate it!

I also figure this thread might be helpful to other new alums who might be asked to give recs this Fall.

AlphaFrog · #2 06-19-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZetaLuvBunny

do you think it would be best to ask my former sister to have the girl e-mail me a little about herself so I can get to know her better before sending the rec?

YES.

PS Welcome Back!

gpb1874 · #3 06-19-2006, 10:58 AM

Yes, ask the girl to email or call you and get to know her at least a little. I don't imagine IO would contact you, although the chapter might. Most likely, you will get a "thank you" (or hopefully you will..hint...hint chapters). Some chapters may tell you what happened with her after recruitment, but others may not (we actually are not to tell the recommender or the mother/sister, etc of a legacy what happened....it's their business and they will tell those they want to know.).

ZetaLuvBunny · #4 06-19-2006, 11:30 AM

Thanks you guys!

Also – can a ZTA or Panhellenic officer from UT Knoxville please provide me with the correct address to send recs to? I can't find it on the website!

ZetaLuvBunny · #5 06-19-2006, 04:31 PM

Okay I got her to send me an e-mail so I'm asking her q's & stuff to try and get to know a little about her. I'm getting excited thinking about people rushing LMAO.... gosh I'm getting old (not really).

AGDee · #6 06-20-2006, 05:49 AM

I wrote a rec for my niece and had to ask questions about GPA and her school activities (all I knew was band). Granted, she lived out of state, but some of those kinds of details just don't come up in regular conversation.

dvs-dz · #7 06-20-2006, 06:51 AM

Go to www.zetataualpha.org

Click on "How do I send in a reference for a PNM?"

Follow the instructions.

FSUZeta · #8 06-20-2006, 08:01 AM

i will pm you the info you need.

DSTCHAOS · #9 06-20-2006, 08:25 AM

As with letters of recommendations for work and school, I think it's a bad idea to write letters for people you don't know. When you write a letter, you are vouching for that person and that person's promise. When it comes to Delta, I make it known that I don't do letters of recommendation unless I know the person very well. Even then, I make it known that I will respectfully decline writing a letter if I can't honestly and sincerely vouch for that person's potential as an applicant and possible member. I think it's admirable to decline writing a letter for someone if you don't really know them or if you know the letter will be harmfully vague and/or negative.

I know letters of rec are often done as favors because you are close to someone who knows that person, but never put your name and credibility on the line for someone you don't know personally. Knowing someone personally goes beyond having met that person briefly and/or receiving an email introduction from that person.

Besides, not really knowing the person you're writing the letter for often means that you're lying (or stretching the truth) to the organization you're writing the letter to. Particularly if this is your sorority, that isn't a good way to introduce a prospective to the application process. How would we feel if we found out the aspirant misrepresented any other part of their application?

ETA: It's normal to have to ask the person you know some more detailed questions (like GPA, activities, etc.) that may not have come up in your interactions with the person.

AlphaFrog · #10 06-20-2006, 08:38 AM

Chaos:

I think D9 Recs serve a little different purpose then NPC Recs. I believe they carry a lot more weight. NPC Recs (to me) basically say that unless you know this person is not sister material in the 2.34 minutes you spent with her, please don't automatically cut her first round because she made the effort to find someone to write her a rec. Unless you are writing a rec for an ultra-non-competitive, everyone-gets-a-bid type NPC Rush, then I guess I would be a little more careful, as that rec could have more of an impact, seeing as though those schools just don't see many recs. But if it's UGA or UF, I wouldn't worry too much about it coming back to haunt me.

Zillini · #11 06-20-2006, 08:49 AM

I learned my lesson my first year as an Advisor. One of our members begged me to write a rec for her favorite PNM and silly me did it. I spent the next 4 years in hearings with that young woman. Even though she might have made it without my rec (I never went back and checked), I always felt personally responsible. I was just grateful I didn't subject this woman to another Chapter. I'll never do that again.

As an Advisor I would like to ask all alums writing recs for women they don't know to make that very clear. Most of these "unknown" women are probably fabulous, but it only takes one to cause problems in a Chapter. I know ADPi has a place on our form to mark saying "I know this woman personally", "I know this woman's family", or "I do not know this woman" or some sort of similar wording. If your organization doesn't, please point it out somewhere.

AlphaFrog · #12 06-20-2006, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zillini

I learned my lesson my first year as an Advisor. One of our members begged me to write a rec for her favorite PNM and silly me did it. I spent the next 4 years in hearings with that young woman. Even though she might have made it without my rec (I never went back and checked), I always felt personally responsible. I was just grateful I didn't subject this woman to another Chapter. I'll never do that again.

I'm confused...if she was already a favorite PNM of an active sister...why would she need a rec??

DSTCHAOS · #13 06-20-2006, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Chaos:

I think D9 Recs serve a little different purpose then NPC Recs. I believe they carry a lot more weight. NPC Recs (to me) basically say that unless you know this person is not sister material in the 2.34 minutes you spent with her, please don't automatically cut her first round because she made the effort to find someone to write her a rec. Unless you are writing a rec for an ultra-non-competitive, everyone-gets-a-bid type NPC Rush, then I guess I would be a little more careful, as that rec could have more of an impact, seeing as though those schools just don't see many recs. But if it's UGA or UF, I wouldn't worry too much about it coming back to haunt me.

I see what you're saying but while you have your particular take on letter of recs there are NPC women who have a different take, just like there are NPHC women who have a different take than I have.

Zillini's post is in line with my sentiment and it's cool that her organization has a place where members can specify the extent to which they know the PNM. It is perhaps the case that many people might not be so specific and honest if there wasn't such an option to specify. Maybe they would think volunteering "I don't know her personally" would hurt the PNM's chances.

Zillini · #14 06-20-2006, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm confused...if she was already a favorite PNM of an active sister...why would she need a rec??

I can't remember the specifics of this situation since it was many years ago so I don't remember this woman's grades, high school activities, etc.

But as a general statement it's often a numbers thing. On average we have approximately 125+/- actives return each year. Quota last year was around 65. I remind my actives every year before Recruitment starts that if each of them have 1 different favorite PNM, then at least half of them are going to be disappointed, possibly even heartbroken.

So it's up to the actives to make sure as many other actives know this girl as well as possible and hopefully fall in love with her too. It's also a help to make sure their girl has a rec so that she has a stronger chance at making it through the Recruitment process. But I inform them not to come to me asking to write a rec for their PNM.

GeekyPenguin · #15 06-20-2006, 05:51 PM

I've written recs for two girls I didn't know before - I knew their older sister in one case and a friend in another. I mentioned that the friends were both sorority members and had told me they felt this woman was good sorority material, etc.

This year I am writing a rec for a girl I don't know (friend of a friend) and have asked her to email back and forth with me a little so I can get a good feeling for her.