Rejoining a sorority: SOMEONE HELP!

[BEClassyASA]

So last semester I got an instant bid from ASA. I had a lot going on at the time back at home and one thing just kept leading to another. I also started to feel disconnected from a lot of the girls. I just felt left out and like no one really wanted to get to know me. In the middle of pledging with just about two weeks left, I had to quit the sorority. I gave everything back. We ended on good terms, I still talked to most of the girls and even continued to hang out with a few of them. Recruitment is next week and they have been giving me mixed signals.. Some have asked me if I was coming back and telling me how excited they were that I wanted to be in ASA again, others... haven't really said anything to me about it. Today, I got a phone call from one of the girls and she said "The girls and I definitely think you should come back out to formal recruitment next week. We are really excited to see you. Maybe you could get a better feel for all of the sororities and see if we still fit you best. We think that's the best option for you and us too." Okay, well some of the girls just made dinner plans with me for like the next half hour. So I really don't know what to think about all of this?!?! Can anyone give me some advice... I really feel like the phone call was telling me that they aren't giving me a bid again which means I can't pledge this semester for any sorority, so why would I waster my time at recruitment? I just need advice.. I don't even really know the rules for Greek life either, so that's another disadvantage that I have. SOMEONE HELP!

[AZTheta]

Someone who knows more about recruitment can help you with your questions about rules. I don't want to give you any bad advice, so just hang on and be patient.

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Some one correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't this provision of the UA be applicable (from the 2013 version of the green book)?

9. A COB acceptance is a binding agreement. If a potential member accepts a bid, signs a COB acceptance and then has her pledge broken by an NPC fraternity or breaks her pledge, then she is ineligible to be pledged to another NPC fraternity on that campus until the beginning of the next year’s primary membership recruitment period.

The operative part here being at the end (bolded). It seems to me, that given this, you should be eligible to participate in formal recruitment and receive a bid even if a year hasn't expired.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

This has been debated around here, and it seems that most of us agree with your interpretation, but some Greek Life directors do not. The best thing the OP can do is call the Greek Life office and ask.

[DubaiSis]

There are too many rules, variations and interpretations to say anything with confidence, at least without knowing which campus (and don't tell us). If your concern is about your eligibility, talk to the Greek advisor. You SHOULD be eligible for ASA regardless. Your concerns about them being on the fence are valid. I could see some girls wanting you back and others being hesitant about giving you a valuable place that another girl might be more willing to give a full commitment to. Or just being annoyed at what you did. If you are interested in them, and I mean REALLY interested, be out there and up front about it. But it sounds to me like you got a noncommittal "sure, come on, rush, why not?" that should in no way be interpreted as ANY kind of a promise.

And use this situation as a lesson about lifetime commitments. Sometimes you get a do-over and sometimes you don't. Think ahead before signing on the dotted line (for ANYTHING) next time.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by BEClassyASA

So last semester I got an instant bid from ASA. I had a lot going on at the time back at home and one thing just kept leading to another. I also started to feel disconnected from a lot of the girls. I just felt left out and like no one really wanted to get to know me. In the middle of pledging with just about two weeks left, I had to quit the sorority. I gave everything back. We ended on good terms, I still talked to most of the girls and even continued to hang out with a few of them. Recruitment is next week and they have been giving me mixed signals.. Some have asked me if I was coming back and telling me how excited they were that I wanted to be in ASA again, others... haven't really said anything to me about it. Today, I got a phone call from one of the girls and she said "The girls and I definitely think you should come back out to formal recruitment next week. We are really excited to see you. Maybe you could get a better feel for all of the sororities and see if we still fit you best. We think that's the best option for you and us too." Okay, well some of the girls just made dinner plans with me for like the next half hour. So I really don't know what to think about all of this?!?! Can anyone give me some advice... I really feel like the phone call was telling me that they aren't giving me a bid again which means I can't pledge this semester for any sorority, so why would I waster my time at recruitment? I just need advice.. I don't even really know the rules for Greek life either, so that's another disadvantage that I have. SOMEONE HELP!

We cannot answer any of this for you. You need to speak (in person) to people with knowledge of rules and regulations, and with authority to make decisions and speak on behalf of the group, campus NPC and/or NPC in general. Good luck.

PS - if you are NOT a member, it's generally frowned upon to use official letter designations as part of your user name.

[AZTheta]

Came back to read responses.

Wait a second - some of the current actives in a chapter are inviting a PNM to dinner a week before formal recruitment? Is that allowed? I thought there was a "no contact" rule or "silent period" before and during FR. Am I confused?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AZTheta

Came back to read responses.

Wait a second - some of the current actives in a chapter are inviting a PNM to dinner a week before formal recruitment? Is that allowed? I thought there was a "no contact" rule or "silent period" before and during FR. Am I confused?

If she's still bound to her ASA bid, she's not a PNM. Quite frankly, I think this "next primary recruitment" period rule is BS and completely unfair to smaller groups trying to COB up to total. OP, definitely ask the Greek life director if you're still bound to your ASA bid or not. It's his/her call as to how they want to interpret the Green Book rules.

And lots of campi have much more relaxed rules regarding silence than some posters are used to - that's how deferred rush is supposed to work. You're supposed to interact with freshmen/possible PNMs of all classes that first semester, not clam up every time you're around someone non-Greek.

[AZTheta]

Wow. I'm confused again. But I see what you're saying. Thanks.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If she's still bound to her ASA bid, she's not a PNM. Quite frankly, I think this "next primary recruitment" period rule is BS and completely unfair to smaller groups trying to COB up to total.

Agreed. I think they messed up when they changed it from "one calendar year." I don't know if they really meant to change the rule, or if they were just trying to accommodate that it could really be 364 days from bid day to bid day.

[WhiteRose1912]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Agreed. I think they messed up when they changed it from "one calendar year." I don't know if they really meant to change the rule, or if they were just trying to accommodate that it could really be 364 days from bid day to bid day.

As someone who works with WRCs, I think I prefer it this way. It's much easier to convince a hesitant PNM to give your chapter a shot if you can reassure her that trying out your organization won't mean shooting herself in the foot should it not be a good fit.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by WhiteRose1912

As someone who works with WRCs, I think I prefer it this way. It's much easier to convince a hesitant PNM to give your chapter a shot if you can reassure her that trying out your organization won't mean shooting herself in the foot should it not be a good fit.

And it's also easier to end up wasting your time on someone who just wanted letters and who knows she can string you along until the minute before she initiates with pretty much no consequence. I'd rather someone take a semester or even a year to decide to pledge and know what she's getting warts and all, rather than just sign a bid on the spur of the moment and then decide to quit later - which really doesn't help the WRC's self-esteem.

Plus, I find the whole concept offensive. It's like saying COBs given outside of formal are "less than" a bid you receive in formal rush. It pretty much flies in the face of all the lip service NPC has been giving to the whole "we need to rush differently" for the past 10-15 years.

[WhiteRose1912]

Eh, if it's coming down to reputation issues, taking a few weeks to realize the chapter women are ordinary people, just like her, can really make a difference. This might be a YMMV situation. I haven't dealt with a lot of "shoppers".

I think it'd be interesting to see how this rule applies on minimally-structured recruitment campuses. For partially- or fully-structured recruitments, formal rush is the preferred method to get a bid--you get a chance to meet every sorority and mutually select your best fit. COBing is to fill spots left over by poor formal performance or retention/graduation. It's not less-than to get a COB bid, but COBs are secondary to formal recruitment. The rule accounts for the bids coming in midway through a recruitment year.

[33girl]

I don't think you're picking up what I'm laying down.