To Invite or Not? Wedding Dilemma

BetteDavisEyes · #1 05-13-2005, 01:07 AM

Hi everyone. A while ago I had posted about my cousin who got married last September & did not invite my family b/c she told us that her fiance's (now husband) family from Boston were not used to being around "people like us." I'm assuming this meant California Latinos b/c that's what we are. She invited my mom & one of my sisters (I have 6 sisters & 1 brother).
Now, I am wondering if I should invite her & her hubbie to my wedding this December. My mom thinks I should out of respect for my aunt & uncle who helped raise me but my sisters say I shouldn't invite her b/c she disrespected & insulted our entire family by excluding us from her wedding.
I don't want to start a family war over this so I think I should be the bigger person & just invite her & not bring up her wedding but everytime I think about it, I get pissy.

Any advice and/or opinions? I would really appreciate any and all help on this b/c my family is biased as well as my fiance. He thinks I shouldn't invite them but I am inviting her parents & two brothers so I'm stuck.

#2 05-13-2005, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
Hi everyone. A while ago I had posted about my cousin who got married last September & did not invite my family b/c she told us that her fiance's (now husband) family from Boston were not used to being around "people like us." I'm assuming this meant California Latinos b/c that's what we are. She invited my mom & one of my sisters (I have 6 sisters & 1 brother).
Now, I am wondering if I should invite her & her hubbie to my wedding this December. My mom thinks I should out of respect for my aunt & uncle who helped raise me but my sisters say I shouldn't invite her b/c she disrespected & insulted our entire family by excluding us from her wedding.
I don't want to start a family war over this so I think I should be the bigger person & just invite her & not bring up her wedding but everytime I think about it, I get pissy.

Any advice and/or opinions? I would really appreciate any and all help on this b/c my family is biased as well as my fiance. He thinks I shouldn't invite them but I am inviting her parents & two brothers so I'm stuck.

Honestly, I'd take the high road and be that better person. If you can afford two more people at your wedding, you should invite them.

Not doing so would only make you as bad as she was when she excluded you from her wedding.

A family war is not worth it. Trust me, because I know all too well about that.

I wouldn't let something as petty as this to get in the way of YOUR day.

LeslieAGD · #3 05-13-2005, 07:23 AM

As someone who's planning her own wedding...

If it's going to make you upset on your wedding day to see her, then don't invite her; it's just not worth it. Call your aunt and uncle and explain how you feel. If her not inviting you didn't start a family war the first time around, then your cousin should suck it up if she's not invited to your wedding.

AXO4Life · #4 05-13-2005, 09:18 AM

I think It'd be funny if you invited her but not her husband (afterall, is HE used to "people like you") lol.

But seriously, It's YOUR big day! Do whatever's going to make you happy cuz you're the only one that matters on your wedding day (oh, and i guess your groom

)

AlphaFrog · #5 05-13-2005, 09:24 AM

I wouldn't invite her, but I think that sentament comes from my mom trying to get me to invite everyone and their mother to my wedding because they give good gifts. I thought my wedding was more about my special day then how many presents I got, so I invited ONLY who I wanted to, and not who I felt obligated to.

PhoenixAzul · #6 05-13-2005, 09:57 AM

The vindictive spirit tells me to say, "We aren't used to being around people like you." BUT! The real person in me says to invite them. Who knows, they might decline and just send a card instead.

My mom and aunt and I are really offended, my mom's cousin's daughter is getting married in Maryland, and my mom and dad and my aunt were invited....BUT NOT MY GRANDFATHER!

Granted he wouldn't have gone anyways just because he's getting up there in years, but it is still really upsetting that they didn't even bother to send him an announcement. But my grandfather is the kind of person that will send a card and a little gift no matter what...a better person than I.

The Truth · #7 05-13-2005, 10:04 AM

If you think years from now, you may look in your wedding album, see a picture of her or her even just in the background and start cursing to yourself; you may not want to invite her.

valkyrie · #8 05-13-2005, 11:09 AM

HAHA this reminds me of something that happened when I got married.

My cousin on my dad's side (we've never been close) is weird -- once he was on Oprah back when it was dramatic because he was in love with this woman who was in love with someone else. His glory days were when he was an extra in Risky Business -- yeah, that's hot. He used to drive a Camaro. He ended up meeting this fat, bitter fortysomething woman who couldn't wait to start popping out the babies. After meeting her at Christmas one year, she decided that she hated me. The next year she bought lottery tickets for everyone EXCEPT ME (and I cried because scratch-off lottery tickets are just the best present EVAR). When they got married, they invited everyone but me. I wasn't upset at all because I really didn't care to go to the wedding of bitter fatty and my cousin the McDonald's security guard.

When it came time to invite people to my wedding, my dad said that I shouldn't "lowerate yourself to their level" -- which cracked me the hell up and I still use the word "lowerate" to this day (my dad is a wacky engineer type who is more math smart than English smart). So anyway, we invited their dumb asses even though I really didn't want to because they're stupid and annoying. Long story short, they Rsvp'd that they would come and then didn't show up -- SUPER CLASSY as always.

So yeah, if I were you, I wouldn't bother. Wedding aren't the time for stupid people.

ETA: Word now is that even his sisters and mother haven't talked to him for years.

The Truth · #9 05-13-2005, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
my dad said that I shouldn't "lowerate yourself to their level" -- which cracked me the hell up and I still use the word "lowerate" to this day

Yea so now I'M using the word. LMAO

astroAPhi · #10 05-13-2005, 11:34 AM

I'm on the "if you really don't want her there, don't invite her" side. If it will really bother you to have her there, don't invite her. If you're ambivalent and just don't care, then send her an invitation to avoid a family fight.

Who knows? She might not even come if invited because she's got a whole new of family of people who aren't "like that".

Honeykiss1974 · #11 05-13-2005, 11:34 AM

Can you just invite your aunt and uncle (who raised you) and not her?

My first thought was just to take the high road and invite them (because like someone said earlier, they probably won't even show up anyway), but at the same time, its your wedding day and that alone makes it STRESSFUL so that last thing you want to do is start some family beef (and at your wedding/reception on top of that!

).

I would probably invite them (just to be nice) and sit them next to most "rowdy" family members (we all have them

)or at a table next to the bathroom.

recentASAalum · #12 05-13-2005, 11:35 AM

as has been said before... be the bigger person... invite them and smile everytime you see them!!! that way their prescence their won't affect you as much...

CutiePie2000 · #13 05-13-2005, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
Can you just invite your aunt and uncle (who raised you) and not her?

What she said....

norcalchick · #14 05-13-2005, 12:28 PM

if you do invite them and they do end up coming, they might think about how they didn't invite people in your family and feel bad....

Taualumna · #15 05-13-2005, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CutiePie2000
What she said....

Cosign...do that or....ELOPE...