"You can do so much better."

PhiMuAmberkins · #1 09-03-2006, 04:39 AM

Why do people always feel the need to say this when you've just broken up with your significant other? Maybe it's to boost my self-esteem...but all I hear is "You set your standards too low and you should try harder next time." And maybe I didn't want to do better! Grrr...sorry, I was just wondering if this made anyone else a little peeved, especially during the "wallowing in self-pity and melancholy" phase of the breakup.

Scandia · #2 09-03-2006, 08:37 AM

I don't mind. Hey, it certainly beats "you aimed too high" or "you were too different" or "we could tell ages ago it was not going to work out, find someone more convenient".

JemmaUK · #3 09-03-2006, 08:42 AM

It does get a little horrid hearing it all the time, I'm finding staying signle the best way of not hearing it

jadis96 · #4 09-03-2006, 03:55 PM

Best advice my mom ever gave me... never make a comment that aludes to the ex as being not a good person if possible, you never know if it can come back to haunt ya! Example, Me to friend "He wasn't good enough for you" three weeks later the friend is back with the guy and she says to me "why did you insult the man I love?" Just be supportive of the friend by saying things like "you are a great person and in time you will find what you want". Just my opinion.

33girl · #5 09-03-2006, 04:36 PM

I hear you all on this one loud and clear. When you say all sorts of negative things about the guy to your friend after they break up, it doesn't help her, it makes her feel like a jackass for dating him to begin with.

When the ex Mr 33 & I split, one of my friends she said HORRIBLE things about him - and this is after he had said that he thought of her as a little sister, and after she confided to him about numerous things. She basically said she had never thought of him as a friend at all. It created a rift in our friendship that still isn't completely healed. On the other side of the coin, she dated a guy we all hated from the jump - I was never anything but icily cordial to him - and she tried to say it was the same. Umm HELL no.

So when your friend breaks up with someone, unless you've told her from the start that you don't like him, DON'T do a 180 and say you always thought he was wrong for her, etc etc. Let her wallow and keep your mouth shut. If you can't do that, you aren't a very good friend.

BobbyTheDon · #6 09-03-2006, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I hear you all on this one loud and clear. When you say all sorts of negative things about the guy to your friend after they break up, it doesn't help her, it makes her feel like a jackass for dating him to begin with.

When the ex Mr 33 & I split, one of my friends she said HORRIBLE things about him - and this is after he had said that he thought of her as a little sister, and after she confided to him about numerous things. She basically said she had never thought of him as a friend at all. It created a rift in our friendship that still isn't completely healed. On the other side of the coin, she dated a guy we all hated from the jump - I was never anything but icily cordial to him - and she tried to say it was the same. Umm HELL no.

So when your friend breaks up with someone, unless you've told her from the start that you don't like him, DON'T do a 180 and say you always thought he was wrong for her, etc etc. Let her wallow and keep your mouth shut. If you can't do that, you aren't a very good friend.

Listen. Your last few post have been depressing to me. You need help. No more listening to suicidal bands like The Smiths. Especially the "Mash" song. instead, listen to some music that my girlfriend LaRonda recommends.

Oh. Oh Sheila...let me love you till the morning comes.
Oh. Oh Sheila...you know I want to be the only one

Yeah? Thats a little better right?

BobbyTheDon · #7 09-03-2006, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhiMuAmberkins

Why do people always feel the need to say this when you've just broken up with your significant other? Maybe it's to boost my self-esteem...but all I hear is "You set your standards too low and you should try harder next time." And maybe I didn't want to do better! Grrr...sorry, I was just wondering if this made anyone else a little peeved, especially during the "wallowing in self-pity and melancholy" phase of the breakup.

now I know how my best friend felt when his ex girlfriend dumped him. I kept saying, " fuck that hoe, she was flat chested anyways. "

one time i even said, " she probably doesnt suck good dick anyways bro. "

prrrrobably not the most appropriate thing. but atleast it made him laugh.

sure it can be annoying, but atleast you know you've got some friends who will let you cry on their shoulder. they just wanna cheer you up!

JonInKC · #8 09-04-2006, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhiMuAmberkins

Why do people always feel the need to say this when you've just broken up with your significant other? Maybe it's to boost my self-esteem...but all I hear is "You set your standards too low and you should try harder next time." And maybe I didn't want to do better! Grrr...sorry, I was just wondering if this made anyone else a little peeved, especially during the "wallowing in self-pity and melancholy" phase of the breakup.

Yeah...when someone says that to me it sounds like a subtler way of saying "Your taste in women sucks".

I'll be your boyfriend, Amber. We'll go to where he works and make out. A lot.

33girl · #9 09-04-2006, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobbyTheDon

Listen. Your last few post have been depressing to me. You need help. No more listening to suicidal bands like The Smiths. Especially the "Mash" song. instead, listen to some music that my girlfriend LaRonda recommends.

Oh. Oh Sheila...let me love you till the morning comes.
Oh. Oh Sheila...you know I want to be the only one

Yeah? Thats a little better right?

believe me, they're just as depressing to me to write the things. But better here than venting on people IRL or whacking them with a brick in pantyhose a la Heavenly Creatures.

KAY10 · #10 09-04-2006, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhiMuAmberkins

Why do people always feel the need to say this when you've just broken up with your significant other? Maybe it's to boost my self-esteem...but all I hear is "You set your standards too low and you should try harder next time." And maybe I didn't want to do better! Grrr...sorry, I was just wondering if this made anyone else a little peeved, especially during the "wallowing in self-pity and melancholy" phase of the breakup.

I think that's exactly what it is. friends tend to say things to chear up other friends after a broken relationship to keep their minds off of it.