GreekChat.com Forums  

Go Back   GreekChat.com Forums > Greek Life

Greek Life This forum is for various discussion topics regarding greek life. If you are posting a non-greek related message, please do so in one of the General Chat Topic forums.


Register Now for FREE!
Join GreekChat.com, The Fraternity & Sorority Greek Chat Network. To sign up for your FREE account INSTANTLY fill out the form below!

Username: Password: Confirm Password: E-Mail: Confirm E-Mail:
 
Image Verification
Please enter the six letters or digits that appear in the image opposite.

  I agree to forum rules 

» GC Stats
Members: 325,042
Threads: 115,496
Posts: 2,195,826
Welcome to our newest member, prettyandpearls
» Online Users: 1,807
0 members and 1,807 guests
No Members online
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-29-2013, 02:15 AM
bas bas is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Question Disaffiliation

x
if i wanted a rude response i would have asked my chapter

Last edited by bas; 03-31-2013 at 12:55 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-29-2013, 02:32 AM
Pingyang Pingyang is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by bas View Post
I have been a part of my sorority for the past 2 years. I commute and work a lot, so I have not been able to attend every single thing we have had going on, however I have been involved, definitely. Why do I want to disaffiliate? I gave it my best try, I just didn't really click with them. My best friend in there is leaving soon also. It was fun at first but now it just seems like an obligation. It's not just me, about 60 women have disaffiliated in the past 5-10 years alone. That's a lot.
I am one of few who commutes and has a job and a difficult major. Sorry, I am pre-med and work my butt off a little harder than a fashion major (no offense, I know everyone works for grades). I don't go to many parties or the greek bars, and I miss a few co-sponsorships. That does not give newer sisters the right to disrespect me the way they do. Don't accuse me of being an ungrateful, lazy sister when you are on the phone screaming at your mom because she can't give you $600 overnight for your rent when you don't have a job. Also, our treasurer sucks. She keeps overcharging me on dues and when I tell our secretary she does nothing.
We had a problem with sisters posting things on those anonymous college fb's calling a sister a jezebel (you know what word I mean) and a b****. We had a problem with sisters talking to the new members the day after they accepted their bids. They trash talked SO many sisters that a fraternity overheard it and thought it was so nasty they came to our exec board for it.
Now I don't expect sunshine and rainbows and BFF hearts evrywhere. But I am SO unhappy. I am having anxiety attacks at this point that are just consuming. I wish it was different because I really like the alumni but I can't wait another year until I graduate.
So I guess I am asking for opinions. I won't name my sorority out of decency.
QFP

What exactly do you want opinions about? I couldn't quite figure it out from your post.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-29-2013, 06:40 AM
Titchou Titchou is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Sweet Home Alabama
Posts: 4,569
So, when you talked with your chapter adviser about all this, what did she tell you? When you appealed your bill to your chapter's board (whatever you may callthis entity), how did that go? And when you contacted your province/regional collegiate officer, what did she advise you to do?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:13 AM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I can't seem to keep track!
Posts: 5,803
There is no such thing as disaffiliation from your chapter unless you have transferred schools and transferred into another chapter. You can resign your membership, meaning you will no longer be a sister.

It sounds like you are very unhappy with your membership, so I would suggest that you submit a very brief letter of resignation to the chapter leadership, signed and dated. Make sure to return your sorority badge and any other sorority memorabilia, shirts, etc., to the sorority, as you will no longer be a member and are not entitled to own or wear letters.

If you have genuinely overpaid and are not getting anywhere with the officers regarding having the amounts credited, talk to the chapter adviser. You should have an exact accounting of what you paid and what you believe you overpaid.
__________________
Click here for some helpful information about sorority recruitment and recommendations.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-29-2013, 12:18 PM
Old_Row Old_Row is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Consumer of Educational Resources
Posts: 486
If you are so miserable and you think they are so awful I think you should resign. NO need to take up space that could be offered to someone who would be happy to be there.
__________________
Roll Tide!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:18 PM
ree-Xi ree-Xi is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: State of Imagination
Posts: 3,400
Quote:
Originally Posted by bas View Post
I have been a part of my sorority for the past 2 years. I commute and work a lot, so I have not been able to attend every single thing we have had going on, however I have been involved, definitely. Why do I want to disaffiliate? I gave it my best try, I just didn't really click with them.

>> Is this the reaspon?


My best friend in there is leaving soon also.

>> Or is it really this?

It was fun at first but now it just seems like an obligation.

>> How do you think your org planned and paid for this fun stuff? Work. All of the "fun" stuff only happened because people worked to make it so. There's a cost to everything. It's like getting a puppy and then dumping him because he's not just all fluff and giggles anymore.

It's not just me, about 60 women have disaffiliated in the past 5-10 years alone. That's a lot.

>> So if everyone else jumped off a bridge...


I am one of few who commutes and has a job and a difficult major. Sorry, I am pre-med and work my butt off a little harder than a fashion major (no offense, I know everyone works for grades).

>> Do you think that "just anyone" can be a fashion designer? Sure, they may not be saving lives (well, philanthropically-minded designers might), but it doesn't mean that a fashion major's walk is easier than yours.

I don't go to many parties or the greek bars, and I miss a few co-sponsorships. That does not give newer sisters the right to disrespect me the way they do.

>> I thought they did away with this mindset in the 90s? What does "respect" from the "newer sisters" look like to you?

Don't accuse me of being an ungrateful, lazy sister when you are on the phone screaming at your mom because she can't give you $600 overnight for your rent when you don't have a job.

>> Judgmental, much?

Also, our treasurer sucks. She keeps overcharging me on dues and when I tell our secretary she does nothing.

>> Numbers are a pretty straightforward thing. Ask to see the books and get a copy of your check or statement from your bank if you paid electronically.

We had a problem with sisters posting things on those anonymous college fb's calling a sister a jezebel (you know what word I mean) and a b****. We had a problem with sisters talking to the new members the day after they accepted their bids. They trash talked SO many sisters that a fraternity overheard it and thought it was so nasty they came to our exec board for it.

>> ??

Now I don't expect sunshine and rainbows and BFF hearts evrywhere. But I am SO unhappy. I am having anxiety attacks at this point that are just consuming. I wish it was different because I really like the alumni but I can't wait another year until I graduate.

So I guess I am asking for opinions. Does disaffiliation seem justified?

>>Nobody else can answer that for you, especially a bunch of strangers on the internet.


I won't name my sorority out of decency.
>>You already missed the boat on this one.

Seriously, though, do what you feel is best for you. It sounds like you have a lot of "reasons". We can't tell you what to do. Talk to your parents, a friend, a therapist.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:37 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: naples, florida
Posts: 18,404
I call shenanigans. Too many recent new GC members with similar problems (and we are still in springbreak season)
__________________
I live in Fantasyland and I have waterfront property.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-29-2013, 06:01 PM
bas bas is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
No, I totally understand that you have to pay for fun events to happen. But when girls are calling each other stupid sluts in the open and giving our sorority a bad name, you can't help but be embarassed by it.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:58 PM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I can't seem to keep track!
Posts: 5,803
Quote:
Originally Posted by bas View Post
No, I totally understand that you have to pay for fun events to happen. But when girls are calling each other stupid sluts in the open and giving our sorority a bad name, you can't help but be embarassed by it.
Absolutely. You can also be empowered to call them out on their bad behavior in a sober and appropriate setting, and/or report them to standards and ask that the chapter exec board add a workshop about standards and respect in the chapter total education calendar.
__________________
Click here for some helpful information about sorority recruitment and recommendations.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-30-2013, 09:19 AM
*winter* *winter* is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 789
Oh, why not? I'll bite on this one...

I suspect this person has already started this tread under another username. Why?!?

What do you expect people to say? Ultimately, it's your decision. And if it really is THAT terrible, do you need a bunch of strangers on the Internet to tell you to quit?

You seem to hold competent for most of your sisters...I don't think it's fixable. Just leave.
__________________
* Kelsey *
"Apart" of isn't the right term...it is " a_part_of"...
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-30-2013, 11:05 AM
AZTheta AZTheta is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: N 37.811092 W -107.664643
Posts: 5,291
Perspective: collegiates (with some exceptions, of course) do not generally think of "lifetime membership". (another caveat: I'm talking NPC only, since that's what I am/what I know).

The OP does not have the ability, insight, or interest to understand what those of us in the alumnae world have experienced and shared re: membership, and panhellenic relationships. She's all about the here and now. That's fine. I get it. So my opinion, that the OP asked for: RESIGN. Walk away. Be finished.

And don't ever say one negative word about that sorority or any other, for that matter. You quit. That's the period at the end of the sentence. It wasn't for you. Okay? Fine. Move along, nothing to see here.

adpiucf I am 24 hours away from reclaiming the ability to be annoyed. This is pushing it, I know, I know.
__________________
"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." Bertrand Russell, The Triumph of Stupidity
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-30-2013, 02:39 PM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I can't seem to keep track!
Posts: 5,803
Quote:
Originally Posted by AzTheta View Post

adpiucf I am 24 hours away from reclaiming the ability to be annoyed. This is pushing it, I know, I know.
so close... so close...
__________________
Click here for some helpful information about sorority recruitment and recommendations.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-30-2013, 02:48 PM
HQWest HQWest is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,027
Since we aren't naming names - there are some NPC groups or chapters of groups that an allow you to go on leave for one semester. This was designed for women studying abroad but has also been used for women that travel for an internship or have had a sudden change and money problems. You might ask your standards board about this. Not every group (or even every chapter of that group) allows this.

P.S. Lots of people have "hard" majors.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-31-2013, 10:02 AM
summer_gphib summer_gphib is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Roaming around Disney World
Posts: 1,718
Quote:
Originally Posted by bas View Post
x
if i wanted a rude response i would have asked my chapter
Your inability to take criticism is no doubt one of the problems.
__________________
“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed.
For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.”
― Charles M. Schultz

Warning: The above post may be dripping in sarcasm and full of smartassedness.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03-31-2013, 10:14 AM
adpiucf adpiucf is offline
GreekChat Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I can't seem to keep track!
Posts: 5,803
Quote:
Originally Posted by summer_gphib View Post
Your inability to take criticism is no doubt one of the problems.
I've seen this with many collegians. They shut themselves off from their sorority because of their personal lives (it could be anything, really, from true unforeseen circumstances to someone looking at them cross-eyed), and then start nitpicking at the sorority as being the real source of their problems. And they stop going to social events, put in the bare minimum with a scowl on their faces and a "don't talk to me attitude," and then get angry that no one is calling them or trying to be their friend. They say that their chapter has changed, and they no longer want to be a part of it (but "I still really love what XYZ stands for.").

On GC, a lot of people try to encourage members to stick it out and make an effort when they are unhappy. But if you are making yourself so miserable that you've poisoned yourself against your own sorority, you are not doing anyone a favor by sticking around. What is the point of going inactive until you graduate if you hate your sorority so much?

In my chapter, a truly unforeseen financial hardship or medical emergency would grant a person a school year or semester of financial inactivity. This was granted on a case by case basis, and this was policy about 15 years ago. After that period of inactivity (the member did not come to meetings, attend socials, pay dues, etc.), the member had to return to the chapter (or, if she was graduating, she would go alumna and attend our Jewel Degree alumnae ceremony). If she did not, then she had to cancel her membership.

We always say you get out what you put in. If you are only putting in a bad attitude, you're going to get nothing. In OP's case, just cancel your membership. If you're living in your car because you don't want to go home to a bad environment, take that dues money and move into an apartment with some roommates. Your chapter doesn't know your situation and they really can't help you as individuals (and you don't seem to want to let them because you hate them). But many sororities offer scholarships, and my own chapter has emergency financial grants for collegians and alumnae in financial distress (they can't be used to pay dues, but they help pay for medical or living expenses in a true emergency). I'd worry about your personal situation right now and forget about your sorority.

Also, OP, what type of advice did you expect coming on a message board called Greek Chat? Do you think we are a bunch of disillusioned members or people who love our organizations and have stuck with them through thick and thin? I think you have a lot going on right now, and you can't see the forest for the trees. Stop lashing out at everyone as the source of your unhappiness and work on yourself. The world is not out to get you, so get over yourself and get the help you need and eliminate the bad distractions in your life. You're now an adult so start acting like one and take responsibility for your decisions.
__________________
Click here for some helpful information about sorority recruitment and recommendations.

Last edited by adpiucf; 03-31-2013 at 10:16 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Rho Chi Disaffiliation - How does it work? TSteven Recruitment 13 08-12-2008 06:19 PM
Disaffiliation gvgrl87 Greek Life 62 07-24-2008 12:03 PM
Disaffiliation Frustrated Greek Life 9 02-21-2006 04:12 PM
Disaffiliation sunnydelight Greek Life 8 01-22-2006 01:05 PM
Rho Chi Disaffiliation?? Sunny Recruitment 2 08-18-2001 05:14 PM



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.