Another SEC Recruitment Story, Cut Short

[SWTXBelle]

One of the things I valued about my chapter was that it was made up of women with a variety of interests different than my own. If not for my membership I would never have run across the many sisters who had different majors and interests - all of which enriched my life far more than had I stuck with hanging in the drama building with other drama majors. I LOVED all the differences - I felt that my life was enhanced by being exposed to different viewpoints, hobbies, etc.

Eh.

To each his/her own.

[redlady2]

Gatorgen: just know that by no longer pursuing all but three houses, you are likely missing out on your chance to be Greek. The three houses you like, statistically speaking, are very very unlikely to have space even if there are drops. When I attended, there were large gaps in chapter size between the smallest and largest, and so five or so chapters would COB. Those days are gone and there are probably only one or two doing COB. I would strongly encourage you to stick it out and see if continuing to meet women at your available options works out. Wishing you all the best - being Greek at UF is a fantastic experience, no matter which chapter you join.

[redlady2]

Just to make sure I was right, I looked at old grade reports posted online. In Fall 2004, some chapters had nearly 200 while others had 140 or less, and size seemed to correlate with recruiting strength. Now, looking at Fall 11, the gap between the smallest chapter and largest was only 30, with size seeming to have little to do with recruiting strength. Good for UF (and RFM!) for getting every chapter strong. However, this means precious few spots for COB.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

Thank you so much for everyone's kind words!

I spoke to about a dozen girls and met probably close to 25 while out with the ladies. I felt a little awkward while there, but the recruitment chair that invited me helped to introduce me to others. Unfortunately, I just didn't feel a connection with these ladies. I had a feeling this wasn't the chapter for me during formal recruitment, but I wanted to give this opportunity a shot. While nice, they did not seem to be a group of girls I would personally go out and befriend for various reasons. The whole PC 12 was there, along with probably 50 or so additional sisters, and I just couldn't see myself as apart of this particular sorority's PC. No one seemed to have similar interests as me, and many of them had different, I guess, priorities than me. I'm a very observant person, and I usually can trust my gut instinct, and this time it was telling me I just wouldn't fit in here.

During my short recruitment, I did get this feeling of belonging at three houses. Trusting my gut, I decided to send an email to the three chapters thanking them for their hospitality and asking about COB. Two have replied, one saying they would keep me in mind if they happen to have any drops. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I think you blew your second and perhaps last, chance. They obviously saw something about you that they liked, so how bad can their taste be?

You met fifty sisters plus the pledge class, and out of all those people, you didn't connect with one person? What is so reprehensible about their "priorities" that you don't agree with? How can you have possibly known what 50-100 people's priorities were in one night?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

Thank you so much for everyone's kind words!

I spoke to about a dozen girls and met probably close to 25 while out with the ladies. I felt a little awkward while there, but the recruitment chair that invited me helped to introduce me to others. Unfortunately, I just didn't feel a connection with these ladies. I had a feeling this wasn't the chapter for me during formal recruitment, but I wanted to give this opportunity a shot. While nice, they did not seem to be a group of girls I would personally go out and befriend for various reasons. The whole PC 12 was there, along with probably 50 or so additional sisters, and I just couldn't see myself as apart of this particular sorority's PC. No one seemed to have similar interests as me, and many of them had different, I guess, priorities than me. I'm a very observant person, and I usually can trust my gut instinct, and this time it was telling me I just wouldn't fit in here.

During my short recruitment, I did get this feeling of belonging at three houses. Trusting my gut, I decided to send an email to the three chapters thanking them for their hospitality and asking about COB. Two have replied, one saying they would keep me in mind if they happen to have any drops. Keeping my fingers crossed!

I'm going to be honest here and hopefully you will understand that rather than take it as me being mean.

The groups who are actually participating in COB are your best shot.

Generally speaking, a chapter with no open spaces right now isn't going to have any drops. Women don't just drop out of those groups.

In the unlikely event that someone does drop out or depledge from one of those groups, generally speaking, that spot is going to be filled by someone they already are familiar with who maybe didn't participate in FR (ex: a good friend of another sister whom everyone likes.)

Or they may not even fill the spot at all and just wait until next formal recruitment.

So of course, trust your gut. But understand that it may mean potentially not being Greek (if these likely already full groups don't contact you.) If that's okay, then cool.

[gatorgeneration]

I'm kind of amazed at the responses I received; it's almost like I'm being criticized for going with a gut feeling. But I guess I may have been vague/worded my response incorrectly so here's an edit:

For one, I do appreciate others that have differing interests as me, but I would like to meet a handful of sisters that perhaps I could bond with over my own interests. And yes, my interests aren't very common. And for the record, several other houses I spoke with did have sisters interested in my uncommon hobbies. (I'd rather not mention them for identification reasons.)

Second, I would like to point out something I forgot to mention: I was invited to go back to the house and will be giving it one more go. I plan on speaking to some of the girls that were not there the other night; hopefully third time's the charm. I plan on going in with an open mind and hope to make a friend, but if my instincts tell me it's not for me, then I'm trusting my gut.

Overall, I believe I did the right thing by giving this opportunity a go; just because I didn't feel a click both out in this social setting and during formal recruitment doesn't mean I made the wrong choice. I'm aware I may not have another opportunity to go Greek, and that's fine. I'd rather be a non-Greek than be apart of a sorority I don't feel comfortable in.

[carnation]

Well, give it a try and see what happens!

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

I'd rather be a non-Greek than be apart of a sorority I don't feel comfortable in.

In all seriousness, I applaud you for having the maturity to come to this decision. I hope, however, that you will see that the average person can find a way be comfortable and get along with a group of 200 members, and that your three meetings with this chapter have only been fleeting first impressions. I get the sense that you do realize this, and I'm a big proponent of following your gut instincts. I wish you all the best at UF!

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

I'm aware I may not have another opportunity to go Greek, and that's fine. I'd rather be a non-Greek than be apart of a sorority I don't feel comfortable in.

This is what we want to make sure that you really accept. Most of us here are Greek, so we love sharing that experience with other girls. If you decide that you would really rather forgo a Greek experience than accept a bid from this group, then that is your choice. I don't think anyone here will criticize you for it. We just don't want you to regret the decision down the road.

[FSUZeta]

Hopefully you will be invited to take a meal at the house and you can see the members a little more casually.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by thetalady

This is what we want to make sure that you really accept. Most of us here are Greek, so we love sharing that experience with other girls. If you decide that you would really rather forgo a Greek experience than accept a bid from this group, then that is your choice. I don't think anyone here will criticize you for it. We just don't want you to regret the decision down the road.

Yes. This! We all had such great experiences that we want the same for you. Again, I hear what you are saying about gut instincts, but I would urge you to accept a bid if offered and try it out. You can always drop before initiation if it really isn't right for you. This way, you can have the experience and know for sure by giving it more time if you do get a bid from this group. This is an exciting time for you, and I hope you're having fun in Gainesville!

[ellebud]

Ok ladies....let me be the first to make this observation: When a pmn does informal...meets a lot of women (25!) and doesn't feel "connected" I will just put it out there: Either the OP feels that she is prettier than all the sisters OR this is a Jewish house which the OP didn't want or feel comfortable with that idea.

I don't know anyone who, upon meeting 25 girls couldn't find SOMEONE who she clicked with unless they are socially inept, has a huge ego problem, and/or this house is too mixed for her.

It is early here in California....so, in advance of denials and/or you don't understands...I am putting it out there.

[amIblue?]

I think you may be onto something, ellebud.

Here's my two cents on gut instinct: back in the day there was a chapter that I cut because of "gut instinct." Some of my dearest friends ended up being in that chapter. I love Kappa, but I always regretted not giving this chapter a chance to show me what they had.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by gatorgeneration

I'm kind of amazed at the responses I received; it's almost like I'm being criticized for going with a gut feeling. But I guess I may have been vague/worded my response incorrectly so here's an edit:

For one, I do appreciate others that have differing interests as me, but I would like to meet a handful of sisters that perhaps I could bond with over my own interests. And yes, my interests aren't very common. And for the record, several other houses I spoke with did have sisters interested in my uncommon hobbies. (I'd rather not mention them for identification reasons.)

Second, I would like to point out something I forgot to mention: I was invited to go back to the house and will be giving it one more go. I plan on speaking to some of the girls that were not there the other night; hopefully third time's the charm. I plan on going in with an open mind and hope to make a friend, but if my instincts tell me it's not for me, then I'm trusting my gut.

Overall, I believe I did the right thing by giving this opportunity a go; just because I didn't feel a click both out in this social setting and during formal recruitment doesn't mean I made the wrong choice. I'm aware I may not have another opportunity to go Greek, and that's fine. I'd rather be a non-Greek than be apart of a sorority I don't feel comfortable in.

I'm not in a NPC sorority, but I am in a sorority.

I hear what you are saying, and I agree with what has been posted by the NPC members here: If you really feel that you don't have a connection with this chapter, then don't join.

But, there is one aspect I think you should consider: maybe they want you because you are the change they want to see in their chapter. Since you feel no connection to the chapter, which I believe, maybe they want you so that in future recruitments you can be the one to attract more members like you. Essentially, you are the change they want to be. They have to start somewhere, and they are starting with you.

But again, if you really feel no connection, then don't join.

[Venusloves11]

Originally Posted by sigmadiva

But, there is one aspect I think you should consider: maybe they want you because you are the change they want to see in their chapter. Since you feel no connection to the chapter, which I believe, maybe they want you so that in future recruitments you can be the one to attract more members like you. Essentially, you are the change they want to be. They have to start somewhere, and they are starting with you.

What sigmadiva mentioned might be the case. My roommate during freshman year did formal recruitment and each day we would go back to the dorm together and talk about the different groups and our feelings. During the two rounds where the chapters invited you back (sisterhood day and pref day) she kept getting invited back to group XYZ and couldn't figure out why. She told me that she felt like she was the polar opposite from a lot of the sisters (looks, personality, priorities, everything!). Well, anyways, they ended up offering her a bid and she figured that she would give them a try and accepted it. I know that she was much happier once she got to bond with her pledge class and met more of the sisters. She ended up moving into the house for the spring semester so it couldn't have been too bad! It turns out that the sorority was looking to become more diverse and she was one of the first steps in that.

It doesn't hurt you to meet more of the girls if they invite you back. They haven't offered you a bid yet.