Disappointed Mom - Page 2

adiisis · #16 08-26-2014, 04:41 PM

My daughter is rushing this week at a large SEC school (TAMU) and knows under no condition should she go anywhere that is the least bit questionable, permission or not. She has worked too long and hard for this experience and wants to be greek so badly to put herself into any type of questionable situation. It's Gig'em week - parties everywhere. Thursday night the Aggies play South Carolina and her fish camp group is watching the party together but she isn't. She doesn't want to risk it.

33girl · #17 08-26-2014, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Your daughter sounds really judgmental. Maybe that's why she was released.

I met this girl and I cut her like whoah!!!

In all seriousness, if you have ANY interest in rushing and meet women at fraternity houses, especially if you're dating a brother, always be kind, friendly and gracious. (Note I didn't say "sorority women." This applies to ALL women you meet because you never know who is friends with who.) What you want is for women to go back to their friends and sisters and say "I know I should hate that Susie chick because she's dating Danny that Jen likes, but I talked to her and she's really nice."

adiisis - what is fish camp??? (Please tell me it has nothing to do with Troy McClure from the Simpsons.)

AZTheta - I need new contacts. I thought your post said "I wouldn't say we're eggplants."

Pamt · #18 08-26-2014, 05:20 PM

Hi, She's not judgmental and I'm sorry if it came across that way. There are two points to make that I didn't make clear: She felt that as she often saw the girls drinking "a lot" that maybe they wouldn't remember she was there with a guy they made no secret of liking. (Wrong) Also, she would have accepted a bid from any house. She felt that some of the houses she "hated" weren't friendly or more likely didn't click with her. No matter what the house offered her a bid, she would have accepted

Pamt · #19 08-26-2014, 05:24 PM

You're right. She is friendly to everyone but should have made an effort to be friendlier with these girls. A lesson learned

TSteven · #20 08-26-2014, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

adiisis - what is fish camp??? (Please tell me it has nothing to do with Troy McClure from the Simpsons.)

About Fish Camp

Fish Camp strives to welcome freshmen into the Aggie family by sharing the traditions and values of Texas A&M University and creating a universally accepting support system that allows them to build relationships and embody the Aggie spirit.

(I miss Troy McClure.)

APhiLife · #21 08-26-2014, 05:38 PM

So sorry your daughter was disappointed. I think a lot of PNM's think that knowing fraternity guys is a plus- but at my school it could be a double edged sword.
A lot of girls in my house did not like non-greek girls who would hang out at fraternity houses. It sounds weird- but going over to a frat house with a group of sisters was okay but a girl showing up by herself was often talked about. I can look back now and see how ridiculous this thinking was, but with age comes clarity that 18 & 19 year olds do not have.
As far as going to parties etc. during rush week- what one house finds acceptable, another house may frown upon. It's the same as Sisterhood week, etc.- some chapters would let girls go out and party and others were on virtual lockdown.

Pamt · #22 08-26-2014, 05:53 PM

I agree. Her best friend, a non-Greek is best friends with a frat guy and the four of them hung out all platonically. She was never there on her own. The platonic ( really good looking) guy made no secret of the fact he really liked her so that didn't help. I agree that going last week was a big mistake but also agree with some posters that she inadvertently made some "enemies" last year. It is a shame. Every mom thinks her daughter is special and deserves a bid. She rarely drinks, isn't promiscuous, stellar grades in non-fluff courses but made "innocent" decisions that most likely came back to bite her. A very painful lesson......for both of us.

azureblue · #23 08-26-2014, 05:58 PM

I can't believe that a Pi Chi said it was okay to visit a fraternity house during Recruitment week. That is just such an absolute no-no.

Pamt · #24 08-26-2014, 06:03 PM

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

Katmandu · #25 08-26-2014, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

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Pamt, I think you are a great Mom with a great attitude. You are supportive, but honest, a rare combination. It is so hard to watch them have those difficult experiences. I hope she has a great year....you too!

kiteflyersmom · #26 08-26-2014, 10:19 PM

On another note.....

It could be that catty, jealous girls used the only power they have- and cut her from rush. Young people do many things we don't do later in life. They lack maturity. They may have been threatened by her and her popularity.

When I hear the parents of students (often they are the smart engineering students, and kids of that type) put down Greek life I am defensive. However, there is a certain amount of judgment- and it doesn't come from the best of people. So- maybe your daughter will be better off without these judgmental people with an "us against her" mentality.

Greek life went well for my first born, but I can understand why so many other kids want no part of it. Heck- look at the way people behave on this site. Enough said.
I know I'm going to get flamed- but that's ok.

Wynter · #27 08-27-2014, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I dunno, I'm not so quick to brush over this part, either:

Yeah that stuck out to me as well. Is it possible your daughter didn't rank all of her options, or acted rude at houses that would have accepted her if she had given them a chance?

I mean you weren't there, you're just being a supportive mom, so I can understand if you wouldn't know this

But just a thought.

Also I'm a bit confused about the fraternity party part...if it was pre-rush and only one sorority was there, how would this have affected her chances at ALL of the sororities? Just seems strange to me. And why were girls glaring at her for being there? Was it an exclusive mixer?

LAblondeGPhi · #28 08-27-2014, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

After round two she was cut. It is very disappointing. She (with permission from the Pi Chi) did visit friends at a Frat house that week. I didn't agree but what can you do? No drinking, no inappropriate behavior of any kind. She visited this house often last year as well; she has two platonic guy friends there and did note some "glares" from sorority sisters as she had a brief relationship with one other guy there.

Caveat from me: I'm not personally familiar with SEC Greek life and social norms, so I'm just offering the first thing that came to mind here.

Does your daughter get along more easily with men than women? That was kind of the first thing I thought of when I read all of this, especially if there was truly no romantic interest with these men on your daughter's part. I notice that you don't mention anything about sorority friends your daughter made while dating one of the men last year, but the platonic male friends seem to play a dominant role.

There's no judgment either way on who she makes friends with more easily, but it can be an indication of how she has interacted with other women over the lat year. I've seen it with women even in my own chapter in college - they typically had more male friends, and were just much less fluid with navigating all of those female relationship subtleties, which we all can agree are pretty complex sometimes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

She knew some were envious of the guy she was dating...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

She felt that as she often saw the girls drinking "a lot" that maybe they wouldn't remember she was there with a guy they made no secret of liking. (Wrong)

I suppose it's possible that some Greek women truly get annoyed when non-Greeks date a popular fraternity man, but I would imagine that a respectful relationship would have allowed your daughter to become friends with the sorority women who were also dating men in that chapter. Those relationships should have been helpful during recruitment. If that didn't happen for whatever reason, I suppose that some of the women could have thought she was aloof or whatnot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

The platonic ( really good looking) guy made no secret of the fact he really liked her so that didn't help.

This seems to concern me the most. I've seen plenty of incidents where someone has dated more than one person in the same house, but it's always pretty touchy. Even if your daughter truly just appreciated this guy in a 100% friend capacity, his overtures could really change the way their relationship was perceived to outsiders. And if it was known she wasn't interested, that could spark some disapproval in the way she was handling the situation.

Just my two cents. I'm not sure any of these thoughts will be particularly helpful for your daughter, and I wish you both the best of luck for the next three years!

DrPhil · #29 08-27-2014, 09:37 AM

lane swerve/

While this mother's account may be accurate, it is generally the case that parents don't know their children as much as they believe. College is a time when many people "find themselves" and become their own person. Most people won't share that with their parents. Their parents will keep the "my little kid" version and every incident will be depicted as their daughter or son being an awesome person who was unfairly treated due to no fault of their own.

/lane swerve

AOII Angel · #30 08-27-2014, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pamt

I agree. She did however say go with the caveat not to "talk" to any sorority girls but she never should have gone. I told her not to, but all we can do is offer advice. AND be supportive when it didn't work out they way she wanted.

Hindsite is 20/20. Sophomores and other upperclassmen can have a tough time because they are a known quantity. Now's the time to move on, find other ways to be involved on campus and forget the whole experience. There are too many things to do in college to focus on this. I hope she has a great time for the rest of her time there.