wedding Etiquette Question

Lady Pi Phi · #1 08-03-2005, 10:11 AM

I didn't want to hijack an unrelated thread.

I am going to a wedding with the new Mr. Pi Phi in 2 weeks. A very good buddy of his is getting married. I have never met his friend before.

Mr. Pi Phi is giving cash as a gift, but I am wondering what the proper etiquette for me is? Do I give a gift of cash myself, and if so, how much? Do I contribute to the cash gift from Mr. Pi Phi or do I even have to give a gift?

Help?

tunatartare · #2 08-03-2005, 10:13 AM

I would say that you since you don't know the couple, you should just put in cash and go in with your boyfriend's gift.

JenMarie · #3 08-03-2005, 10:29 AM

I'd say contribute to Mr. Pi Phi's gift. It's what I'm gonna do when Mr JenMarie's friends are getting married this fall.

valkyrie · #4 08-03-2005, 10:40 AM

The gift is Mr. Pi Phi's responsibility, not yours. You don't even know the people, so I don't think there is any reason for you to contribute.

KSigkid · #5 08-03-2005, 10:46 AM

You shouldn't have to contribute. Are you specifically invited by name? If you are it might not be a bad idea to contribute a bit (since they're paying for you to be at the wedding), but you shouldn't feel guilty at all for not contributing.

MysticCat · #6 08-03-2005, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
The gift is Mr. Pi Phi's responsibility, not yours. You don't even know the people, so I don't think there is any reason for you to contribute.

I would agree and would add that as you are coming as Mr. Pi Phi's guest (I'm assuming the invitation to him was to "Mr. Pi PHi and guest"), he should add your name to the card on his gift.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who thinks cash is a very strange wedding gift? Maybe I'm showing my age or some regionalism, but I've really never heard of such a thing, except for large cash gifts from family (parents, grandparents) or pseudo-family (godparents, figurative "aunts" and "uncles," etc.).

Not criticizing at all; just asking.

Lady Pi Phi · #7 08-03-2005, 10:56 AM

No, I was not invited by name. Originally, Mr. Pi Phi was going to go stag, but then we started dating. Mr. Pi Phi asked his buddy if it would be alright if I came to the wedding. His buddy said it was cool, but I kind of feel like I am now putting this couple out. Should I still give something. If so, how much would be appropriate?

Lady Pi Phi · #8 08-03-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
I would agree and would add that as you are coming as Mr. Pi Phi's guest (I'm assuming the invitation to him was to "Mr. Pi PHi and guest"), he should add your name to the card on his gift.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who thinks cash is a very strange wedding gift? Maybe I'm showing my age or some regionalism, but I've really never heard of such a thing, except for large cash gifts from family (parents, grandparents) or pseudo-family (godparents, figurative "aunts" and "uncles," etc.).

Not criticizing at all; just asking.

I think cash is starting to be accepted as the norm for a wedding gift. My friend got married last year and I gave her and her husband cash as a wedding gift. However, in her case there was a good reason. I asked her what she needed or wanted as a gift and she said she didn't need anything. Her and her husband had already been lving together for 2 years, so many of the standard wedding gifts were already items that they had. Since they didn't need anything, cash was the next best thing.

tunatartare · #9 08-03-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
I would agree and would add that as you are coming as Mr. Pi Phi's guest (I'm assuming the invitation to him was to "Mr. Pi PHi and guest"), he should add your name to the card on his gift.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who thinks cash is a very strange wedding gift? Maybe I'm showing my age or some regionalism, but I've really never heard of such a thing, except for large cash gifts from family (parents, grandparents) or pseudo-family (godparents, figurative "aunts" and "uncles," etc.).

Not criticizing at all; just asking.

It depends on the couple. When my dad's best friend's daughter got married, she and her husband lived together for several years before getting married, so they didn't need a lot of stuff for the house. A lot of people just got them cash so that they could use it for whatever they needed. I don't think they even did a registry.

KSigkid · #10 08-03-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
I would agree and would add that as you are coming as Mr. Pi Phi's guest (I'm assuming the invitation to him was to "Mr. Pi PHi and guest"), he should add your name to the card on his gift.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who thinks cash is a very strange wedding gift? Maybe I'm showing my age or some regionalism, but I've really never heard of such a thing, except for large cash gifts from family (parents, grandparents) or pseudo-family (godparents, figurative "aunts" and "uncles," etc.).

Not criticizing at all; just asking.

Depends - some couples don't have much of a registry, and in that case I could see where it would be hard to pick a present that they would like and cash would be a good option. Also, if most of the items have been bought from their registry, money works well.

Having just gotten married, I have to say that cash is an excellent gift, whether for completing a registry or for starting joint savings accounts.

ETA: As far as giving a present, again you shouldn't feel obligated to, especially if you weren't invited by name. As was suggested, maybe you can just sign the card and join in giving good wishes (as opposed to a gift on your own).

PhoenixAzul · #11 08-03-2005, 11:02 AM

When Pat and I started dating, not long after his good friend was getting married. In the typical fashion of males, he gave ilttle or not thought to wedding gifts. I ended up having one of my one-of-a-kind polaroid image transfers on watercolor paper framed and glassed and wrapped up for their new house...I didn't know them really well but they always say how everyone likes that picture and it is in their entry way.

But I think in this instance, a contribution of cash (20 or 30 I'd say?) would be better, since you guys haven't been dating for a really long time.

Lil' Hannah · #12 08-03-2005, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MysticCat81
Sidebar: Am I the only one who thinks cash is a very strange wedding gift?

No.

Taualumna · #13 08-03-2005, 11:27 AM

Cash is considered an approrpiate gift in some cultures. My cousin, who will be getting married in November isn't expecting actual gifts from older relatives and friends of relatives. She and her fiance are probably only going to get lai-see (lucky money in red envelopes). She is also registering.

JenMarie · #14 08-03-2005, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhoenixAzul
But I think in this instance, a contribution of cash (20 or 30 I'd say?) would be better, since you guys haven't been dating for a really long time.

This is what I was thinking... maybe like $25 or something.

As far as cash goes: It seems a little weird for a couple that has a full registry at 3 different places. However, I have a friend getting married in the fall. They have all the basics you could ever need because his fiance had a TON of stuff from college that she never used. However, they are planning on moving out of the state so cash seems like a more viable option then buying them yet ANOTHER set of pots and pans.

I do find giving gift certificates a little strange though. I had people buy Macy's GCs for weddings and always thought it was a cop out for being unprepared.

tunatartare · #15 08-03-2005, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JenMarie
This is what I was thinking... maybe like $25 or something.

As far as cash goes: It seems a little weird for a couple that has a full registry at 3 different places. However, I have a friend getting married in the fall. They have all the basics you could ever need because his fiance had a TON of stuff from college that she never used. However, they are planning on moving out of the state so cash seems like a more viable option then buying them yet ANOTHER set of pots and pans.

I do find giving gift certificates a little strange though. I had people buy Macy's GCs for weddings and always thought it was a cop out for being unprepared.

One of my friends is getting married in November, and she's registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. She and her fiance registered for a bunch of gift certificates in several denominations, so that they can use them to buy the stuff they registered for but didn't get.