Should I drop?

[sorority7]

So bear with me please while I give you all the details. I could really use some helpful advice. I’m a freshman in college (so obviously still in my first semester here). I rushed and got a bid and went through the new-member program. I have not met any girls that I have connected with and/or consider to be my friend. There isn’t even anyone I’ve had a nice conversation with. I’m not involved at all. This is simply because everything we do revolves around drinking and partying. I am not against any of this. I get it. It’s a part of the lifestyle, but I prefer to do that over the summer. I am so focused on school and trying to stay healthy. I have no motivation to go out, so I don’t. But that is all anyone ever does. I feel like the only reason I am sticking this out is because it looks good on a resume. I’m so confused. I’m not even close with my pledge mom. We never talk. What should I do? Drop? Try and stick it out and see if anything changes? I feel like there could be other things that I could do to fill my time and to put on a resume. I thought joining a sorority would be my only way to make friends in college, but all of my friends are from other aspects of my life outside of my sorority.

[AOII Angel]

There are plenty of things to do in EVERY sorority chapter other than drink and party. You get out of your membership what you put into it. You haven't told us your whole story, but you sound very partially invested in your sorority.

[MaggieXi]

Have you been initiated? How many people are in the sorority? If its small, I can see how this would be off putting. But if its more than 75 sisters, then I doubt that all of them party 100% of the time and that some of them don't have other goals, aspirations or other interests that aren't similar to yours. They gave you a bid because they liked you and thought you were a good fit for them.
Often times the girls that party are extroverts and may seem like the face of the sorority. I bet there are some other girls that you may not be seeing because the partiers are so involved.

[DGTess]

Have you hung around the house during the party times? There are probably people there who share your views.

But if what you want is just friends and resume filler, you can get that elsewhere.

[Sciencewoman]

You could try starting an interest group within the sorority for sisters...a book club, a study/scholarship support club, etc. This could be a way to find others who would like to have sisterly support and friendship that's centered on non-drinking interests.

Find out who the officer is who's in charge of sisterhood activities and talk to her about this. Frankly, the chapter should be having non-drinking sisterhood events. Before quitting, I'd give that a try.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by sorority7

So bear with me please while I give you all the details. I could really use some helpful advice. I’m a freshman in college (so obviously still in my first semester here). I rushed and got a bid and went through the new-member program. I have not met any girls that I have connected with and/or consider to be my friend. There isn’t even anyone I’ve had a nice conversation with. I’m not involved at all. This is simply because everything we do revolves around drinking and partying. I am not against any of this. I get it. It’s a part of the lifestyle, but I prefer to do that over the summer. I am so focused on school and trying to stay healthy. I have no motivation to go out, so I don’t. But that is all anyone ever does. I feel like the only reason I am sticking this out is because it looks good on a resume. I’m so confused. I’m not even close with my pledge mom. We never talk. What should I do? Drop? Try and stick it out and see if anything changes? I feel like there could be other things that I could do to fill my time and to put on a resume. I thought joining a sorority would be my only way to make friends in college, but all of my friends are from other aspects of my life outside of my sorority.

QFP

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I think it's common for sororities to really emphasize OMGFUNFUNFUN to their new members, when we all know there is so much more to sorority life than that. I agree with the above advice, but also, are you going over to the house just to have lunch and stuff?

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by sorority7

So bear with me please while I give you all the details. I could really use some helpful advice. I’m a freshman in college (so obviously still in my first semester here). I rushed and got a bid and went through the new-member program. I have not met any girls that I have connected with and/or consider to be my friend. There isn’t even anyone I’ve had a nice conversation with. I’m not involved at all. This is simply because everything we do revolves around drinking and partying. I am not against any of this. I get it. It’s a part of the lifestyle, but I prefer to do that over the summer. I am so focused on school and trying to stay healthy. I have no motivation to go out, so I don’t. But that is all anyone ever does. I feel like the only reason I am sticking this out is because it looks good on a resume. I’m so confused. I’m not even close with my pledge mom. We never talk. What should I do? Drop? Try and stick it out and see if anything changes? I feel like there could be other things that I could do to fill my time and to put on a resume. I thought joining a sorority would be my only way to make friends in college, but all of my friends are from other aspects of my life outside of my sorority.

If you have not yet been initiated, please consider dropping your sorority membership. From your words above, your sorority sisters do not share your social and educational goals. You are under no obligation to become an initiated member of a sorority that does not serve you.

[*winter*]

Certainly they do philanthropy events. I'd try to go to as many as possible. Or lunches, dinners, study hours- anywhere there are sober people. See if there's a subset of girls that maybe you don't know well yet who aren't all about partying, and try to get to know them. OTOH if the sorority is small and you've met everyone this may not work. But it never hurts to try to get to know them outside of a party atmosphere. They might be serious students too, just the kind who like to cut loose on weekends.

FWIW, I didn't have a connection to my "pledge mom." I found her to be kind of cold. Is there ANY sister(s) you have a connection to/with that you can talk to about this?

[SydneyK]

I'm not going to address the question posed in the thread title, but I did want to comment on this...

Originally Posted by sorority7

I feel like the only reason I am sticking this out is because it looks good on a resume.

In my experience, simply being a member of a Greek org doesn't do anything to bolster a resume. If you're wanting your sorority membership to serve as a resume-builder, you need to get involved. Take advantage of as many leadership opportunities as you can. I bet what you'll discover is that there are a number of sisters who are behind the scenes making sure that your sorority DOESN'T revolve around just drinking and partying. Go meet those women. Get involved with them. Chances are, you'll learn what's involved with the business side of sorority life. You may even make some friends along the way.

[AXOrushadvisor]

The quality of sorority life is almost always a direct link to how much time YOU as the member spend with the organization and woman.

I find it really hard to believe that EVERYTHING the Chapter does involves drinking? Maybe because you are not involved you don't know that the Chapter does other events.

I will share a story of 2 girls. One doesn't ever go to the Chapter House even though she can have lunch and dinner there every day. The other girl makes it a point to go to the Chapter House every day for lunch and dinner. While eating she meets lots of different members. Some live in the house and are older. Some are younger just like her and she hasn't met before. One goes to every sisterhood activity and one doesn't even though the involved one makes it a point to ask the other one to every event. The uninvolved one usually agrees, but then bails. One volunteers for almost every thing so she can continue to meet people the other never comes around. Guess which one quit? The involved one is my daughter and said to me "its no wonder she didn't like it. she never came around. she didn't know what she was missing"

If you were my daughter I would tell you the same thing I told her. YOU have to make the effort to go to the Chapter House and meet as many women as you can. You will have a much better experience if you get involved and meet people. She is having a ball and no she doesn't go out and drink every night. This entire weekend she spent in the study room working on 5 essays due next week.

[DubaiSis]

While I'm usually a strong advocate of sticking with it and giving it your best, in your case, I think it might not be in your interest. It sounds to me like you're pretty overwhelmed with college and the change in lifestyle around you. If you drop now you can re-pledge there or somewhere else when you are in the right mental place to make friends and become part of a community. While it's true that you can use your membership to help get over your fears of the unknown (everyone is drinking? You just think that; it can't possibly be true or your chapter would be closed for terrible grades and risk management issues), if you're not prepared to step outside your box YET, then now is not the time to make a lifetime commitment.

Then, I would like to also recommend you seek counseling. Yes, I suggest that to just about everyone. College is stressful, overwhelming or even anxiety-inducing. Your problems with your chapter sisters are in you, not on them and you need to work that out before 4 years of college are behind you and you have no friends and no fun to look back on. Your school may well have a free or very inexpensive program, and I know at least my sorority offers counseling to members, I believe for free. Probably a lot of NPC and NPHC sororities do.