Too fat to recruit: or, DePauw, the Sequel

[hmd1014]

I lurk at another message board where a number of the members are Greek. A few days ago, one of the members brought up a difficult situation she's going through:

She's a member of the smallest sorority at a big state school with a large and brutally competitive Greek system. She's also overweight. The sorority's national office has given the chapter orders to double their numbers within five years—despite reassuring them only a couple of years ago that their size was not a problem. As part of this plan, a national consultant has apparently instituted an "image requirement."

The young woman in question has been asked to stay away during this fall's recruitment. She knows it's because of her weight, though they didn't tell her that in so many words. Now she's heartbroken and wondering whether she should turn in her badge. (Another active has already resigned.)

In light of a certain recent media circus, you'd think national GLOs would think twice before planting the seeds of another one ...

[AnchorAlumna]

I'll be brutal (yes, I'm overweight, but I'm old)...overweight young women need to realize that they could hurt the chapter as much as help it. This is not to say they cannot be important members with much to contribute. But as a wise national officer once said, in recruitment, first impressions are EVERYTHING. If this young lady can be mature about it, she can tell them that she understands, and offer to do something helpful behind the scenes during recruitment, or at least during the preparation week. Doesn't she want her chapter to survive?

[honeychile]

Did anyone else see both a picture of the DePauw women who were allowed to stay and those who weren't? IMHO, the weight/looks issue was highly overstated - I actually thought that many of those asked to take alumna status looked much better than some who weren't.

But with Photoshop, who knows anymore?

[Drolefille]

I disagree. To me, much more important than the size of the girls who rushed me were their personalities. If you can talk to me and get me engaged, then you should be rushing me. If she's one heavy girl in an average sized sorority, her presence is not going to turn off girls from joining. And frankly if it did I wouldn't want those girls to be my sisters anyway.

The DZs at DePauw should have just shut up and taken it too if they really cared about their chapter, right?

[AlphaFrog]

I'm kinda mixed on this. I understand the importance of image at a school where Greek life is everything. I also understand those who would not want to call someone a sister who judged the group solely on apperance.

I would think they could strike a compromise and let the girl do behind the scenes things for the first two or so rounds, but then let her attend prefs, as the "first impressions" stage would be over.

[33girl]

Well, say she and the other fat/fugly/what have you girls stay away from rush. The sorority does great with their "new image" and gets a pledge class full of adorable girls.

Then when those adorable girls show up for bid day, they notice that there are 1) sorority members that they haven't met before 2) most of those members are less attractive than the members who rushed them.

What are these new girls going to think? Don't you think they'll feel more than a bit taken, hoodwinked, bamboozled, etc? I would.

AnchorAlumna, what if this girl has a sparkling personality and tells the funniest stories ever and can put any rushee at ease? What if the "pretty" girls are bumps on logs? I wonder if the national consultant looked at that.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I think that if your situation is already this bad that people who are going through recruitment already know they wouldn't join your organization and if you've been labeled "fat" or "bad" or "small" then one or two fat girls in a room full of skinny girls may not make a difference.

The women who you are going to get coming back are the ones who are willing to see you for who you really are and won't care and like you. But there usually aren't a lot of those and if there are they usually like somewhere else as well.
They are more willing to go there because they don't have the same reputation despite recognizing that there's nothing wrong with your chapter. And then if you're lucky to get the ones "left over" and the few who truly don't' mind and really love you and if they are willing to accept the bid then you'd work from there.

[adpiucf]

If I were that woman mentioned by the OP, I would stick up for myself. Recruitment is about appearances, yes, but if she wants to be on the floor, speak up.

I know recruitment is about first impressions, but if it is that important to her, she should say her piece.

I also know that PNMs can be very judgmental and I know that at recruitment we want to show the best of the best about our chapter. If a member is going to let herself be steamrolled like this, though, she probably isn't going to be a good rusher-- fat, thin, hook-nosed or pigeon-toed. Someone who is a strong rusher is going to make a PNM forget all about those things within moments of meeting her, and I knew three such women in college who were members of the top chapters... they were exceptional and all of them were plus-sized. I realize these people are the exception (regardless of your body type!), but if you met these women-- wow.

ETA: if the chapter is in this much trouble and so small, they really can't afford to have anyone off the floor.

[DraconisAmante]

I'm 19, a member of a national GLO, and I wear a size 26. Does this mean that I am not going to be a good recruiter? You know nothing about me, you have never seen me or my chapter. I am a very active member in my chapter. All of my sisters know that if they need me, or can't go to something they've signed up for, they can call me. This will be my second recruitment on the inside. My chapter is on a campus where the other houses determine where girls will be placed on the stairwells determined by how pretty they are. I know that first impressions are everything, I did go through formal recruitment after all. No one has ever asked me to stay in the kitchen. We are also the smallest chapter on campus and have had headquarters breathing down our necks telling us that we need to RECRUIT, RECRUIT, RECRUIT. Personally, the size of a sister doesn't matter. If you're going through rush to be a sister, you have to meet all of the women that you could potientally call your sisters. It's not fair to the PNMs or the sister. You're hurting the sister at the hope of getting a few more girls. If the PNMs are so shallow that they won't get to know a woman before making a judgement, then I wouldn't want them as my sister anyways. Quality over quantity.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

If I were that woman mentioned by the OP, I would stick up for myself. Recruitment is about appearances, yes, but if she wants to be on the floor, speak up.

I know recruitment is about first impressions, but if it is that important to her, she should say her piece.

I also know that PNMs can be very judgmental and I know that at recruitment we want to show the best of the best about our chapter. If a member is going to let herself be steamrolled like this, though, she probably isn't going to be a good rusher-- fat, thin, hook-nosed or pigeon-toed.

ETA: if the chapter is in this much trouble and so small, they really can't afford to have anyone off the floor.

I think this sort of thing is crushing no matter how outgoing you are normally. It's a betrayal by your sisters. She may yet stand up for herself once the hurt subsides and the anger at being treated like that grows.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

ETA: if the chapter is in this much trouble and so small, they really can't afford to have anyone off the floor.

Yep. That too. And if they bring in women from other chapters to fill the room, if the school is as competitive as it sounds, that will just SCREAM "desperate."

[adpiucf]

Yeah and I'm guessing that if your nationals is dictating that you hide certain members out of plain sight during recruitment, they're a) so desperate to get your numbers up that they're not seeing the big picture of how they're creating a division in the chapter, b) silently "cleaning house" of the dissenters, c) mentally packing up your charter.

[ForeverRoses]

First of all, I disagree with the "stay away during recruitment". There are so many things that need to be done during recruitment other than actually talking to the PNMs. I know in my chapter we had a few shy girls who didn't like to recruit, so they did Membership Selection or Refreshments, or helped with the props for the skit. None of these were considered better or worse than recruiting, just different.

Second of all, I think grooming is more important than actual size. If you wear clothing that flatters your size, then I don't see that size matters that much.

I remember a stuggling chapter during my recruitment had assistance from another school. I went to open house and first parties there, however I never spoke to a member of the actual chapter. I ended up dropping them after first parties, because I still had no idea what the vibe of the chapter was!

[AlwaysSAI]

This sort of thing really bothers me.

Here's my issue: I have a mild case of cerebral palsy and I walk with a limp. If I were a member of an NPC, would I be asked not to participate?

I am one of the strongest "chatters" in both of my chapters. I have the ability to talk to anyone like they have been my best friend for 10 years, which gets us a lot of members.

Asking a member to "lay low" during recruitment is an injustice to her status as a sister and the PNMs coming through recruitment. She would not be able to meet any of the PNMs and therefore, she wouldn't be able to vote, right?

Voting on NMs is very important to me as an active member because it helps to ensure that we get quality members who will sustain the life of our chapter and uphold our reputation. She did not become a Pi Chi, possibly, for that very reason.

It's not right. This woman has rights as a sister and one of those is to actively participate in recruitment and bid decisions. She is apart of the image of the chapter. I would much more, worry about the sister that was seen sloshed drunk at a party before recruitment than a sister that is overwieght.

Other things could be contributing to their low numbers. I doubt it is solely based on the weight of this one girl.

I would not advise her to turn in her badge. If she feels betrayed, I would advise her to take alumae status. There are many opportunities and benefits to maintianing affiliation with the national organization.

I hope she takes a stand for herself and any others that may be in her situation.

[DSTCHAOS]

This is superficial.

The people in that chapter and/or national organization who think this makes a grain of sense need to depledge.