Have you ever grow to like someone?

Curiousgirl · #1 10-28-2001, 10:33 AM

I have been single for many months. I am not particularly desperate but I do prefer to have someone nice than being alone all the time. I have admirers every now and then, but I don't like any one of them. Those I was attracted to, don't like me. (isn't it always so?)

Some said I need to lower my standard. I wish I could. And the thing is I don't even think that it is a matter of standard. If there is no chemistry there is no spark. I can't quite make myself to give these people a try and later hurt them by saying, no sorry, I have decided that I still can't fall in love with you.

So what is it there? Anyone of you who have similar experience please share. I'd like to see how you guys switch a friendship into a romantic affair. Or how you 'grow' to like certain someone.

Many thanks.

alphachiohmy · #2 10-28-2001, 11:23 AM

I too have been single for a while. A relationship a few years ago left me pretty hurt, and I have been so picky about what I get in to since that.

I think attraction is very important initially, for me at least. But there have been a few guys that I have grown to like more than just friends after getting to know more about the person they are and how we act together. And that has really suprised me.

Sophomore year, a semester after a hard breakup, I was a student advisor to the res hall floor below mine. To sum it up, I met one of the residents through a fraternity mixer and we ended up walking home from the function together talking the whole night and joking about how people might think we were hooking up.

Well, we ended up talking each day and several times after and becoming better friends, but I never felt anything more than just friendship. He felt different and told my friends that.

So finally, I start to see him in a different light and we go out together for a weekend. Then it became really weird, and we just decided to be friends. So I have become attracted to someone after having a friendship firs, but the minute I saw him differently our friendship skewed.

At the same time, there have also been (two) recently guys that I have gone out with and have a good conversation with, but the physical attraction isn't there and never really developed.

I don't think theres anything wrong with being picky, at the same time you need to just follow how you feel. But always keep your standards high.

MoxieGrrl · #3 10-29-2001, 01:56 PM

Ok, my story is a bit scandelous, but oh well...

I met KA guy the summer before I came to college. Actually,we "met" online. He was a student at the school, so we were talking about what it's like, blah blah blah.... We had really great conversations, and he really made me laugh.

At the beginning of the year, I went to KA to party and meet him. He was kind of shy at first, but warmed up to me.

Well, I ended up not hanging out with him as much because I started dating a really possessive guy in another fraternity. He started dating a good friend of mine. All in all, we lost touch on campus, but would still talk online over breaks.

Fast forward to my junior year. I got engaged over the summer. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision, so I needed some good guy advice. I called KA guy and had a long chat with him. He was excited for me and very helpful and supportive.

That year, Christmas break was hard for me. The guy I was engaged to was in the military, so we never got to talk. Most of my time was spent online, so KA guy and I were bonding like crazy.

After Christmas, I was a mess! My fiance was able to call, but didn't. He was able to email, but didn't...(You get the picture). KA guy took me to my formal, date parties, and stuff so I didn't have to go alone. He was my best friend through and through, even though the chemistry was missing.

Finally, at the end of the school year, I broke off my engagement. My life was a complete mess! I cried every day for 3 weeks. KA guy called me up and wanted to hang out...He confessed his crush on me. How could I resist? This guy was great! Not only was he my best friend, but there was starting to be a major attraction.

So, to end this really really long post.....KA guy and I are together now and plan to be for a looonnngg time. I'm not quick to get engaged again, but we're having fun and just enjoying each other. Friendship and "no chemistry" can definitely change after time! Don't give up! Your perfect guy may be right under your nose!

shadokat · #4 10-29-2001, 02:14 PM

Curious--

Don't lower your standards hon! You'll only regret it later

I think you can grow to like someone...but it's that whole, "they get cuter as you get to know them" thing.

I've been single for long enough to know these things

KABillyMac · #5 10-29-2001, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MoxieGrrl
Ok, my story is a bit scandelous, but oh well...

I met KA guy the summer before I came to college. Actually,we "met" online. He was a student at the school, so we were talking about what it's like, blah blah blah.... We had really great conversations, and he really made me laugh.

At the beginning of the year, I went to KA to party and meet him. He was kind of shy at first, but warmed up to me.

Well, I ended up not hanging out with him as much because I started dating a really possessive guy in another fraternity. He started dating a good friend of mine. All in all, we lost touch on campus, but would still talk online over breaks.

Fast forward to my junior year. I got engaged over the summer. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision, so I needed some good guy advice. I called KA guy and had a long chat with him. He was excited for me and very helpful and supportive.

That year, Christmas break was hard for me. The guy I was engaged to was in the military, so we never got to talk. Most of my time was spent online, so KA guy and I were bonding like crazy.

After Christmas, I was a mess! My fiance was able to call, but didn't. He was able to email, but didn't...(You get the picture). KA guy took me to my formal, date parties, and stuff so I didn't have to go alone. He was my best friend through and through, even though the chemistry was missing.

Finally, at the end of the school year, I broke off my engagement. My life was a complete mess! I cried every day for 3 weeks. KA guy called me up and wanted to hang out...He confessed his crush on me. How could I resist? This guy was great! Not only was he my best friend, but there was starting to be a major attraction.

So, to end this really really long post.....KA guy and I are together now and plan to be for a looonnngg time. I'm not quick to get engaged again, but we're having fun and just enjoying each other. Friendship and "no chemistry" can definitely change after time! Don't give up! Your perfect guy may be right under your nose!

Congrats to you and "KA Guy"

Bring him to GC, I need all the backup I can get around here.

Kevlar281 · #6 10-29-2001, 04:09 PM

I really wouldn’t advise lowering your standards it usually just leads to disappointment. My thing is ill give anyone a chance even if that “chemistry” isn’t there. There is nothing wrong with going out with someone one night and seeing how things go. Usually I just make sure it’s a completely platonic situation so there is no weird tension, just go out and have a good time with a group of friends and by the end of night you might not like the person “in that way” but you might gain a new friend.

Dejajeva · #7 10-29-2001, 04:10 PM

As a lot of you know, I went through a horrible breakup about two months ago- and I got a lot of support from a lot of people.

My relationship with Jason (strokertke) started pretty innocently- I posted about ND fraternities, and found out he lived near me- And I was like, we should hang out-

We did..
And then I knew, right away, how much I liked this guy.

I adore Jason, and I can't imagine that I would have liked someone as much as I do after only a few weeks- but I do.
So, my advice to you, is that just stop looking so much for someone to love.

Eventually, you'll find it. It may or may not be right or wrong- but One of these days, you'll find the true thing. Hey, I even found someone amazing right here on GC!

Good Luck,

Jessica

aggieAXO · #8 10-29-2001, 10:32 PM

MoxieGrrl that was such an awesome story! It gives me hope. I have a lot of guy friends, all are single, cute and available but i don't feel sparks with any of them. Maybe I will someday? However, Curious, my opinion is I would rather be alone than with someone I only feel so so about. I have seen girls that HAVE to be with a guy at all times-even if they are treating them badly-that makes me sick!! I don't mind being single rt. now, though it would be nice to have someone to share the days events with.

K