Recruiting Another Fraternity's Pledge

[Moral Dilemma]

So there was this Freshman guy (let's call him "Nick") who I started becoming very close friends with last semester. He was very accomplished in High School, and he is incredibly driven to be successful in college. Great GPA, well-dressed and groomed, and a gentlemen with the ladies. He introduced me to his less-impressive, but still very nice roommate and childhood friend (let's call him "Will"), and I decided to actively Recruit both of them for Spring Recruitment.

After establishing a good relationship with these guys and inviting them to hang out with the Fraternity, they started asking about joining. I explained everything to them, and I started introducing them to Brothers, "This is ________ and __________ they're interested in pledging next semester." I thought I had it in the bag.

Now, I was always much closer with Nick than I was with Will. I considered Will to be my friend, but I just didn't have as good of a relationship with him. After one of the SG meetings, I start talking to Nick about the Recruitment events, and he tells me that he's not sure if he's pledging my Fraternity after all.

Will was planning on pledging a different Fraternity, and Nick was worried that if he joined mine, it would hurt their friendship. Furthermore, he kind of liked the Fraternity that Will was interested in, and could see himself joining.

He asked me what I thought about all of it, and I told him (perhaps not accurate advice, but it was how I felt, and it is still how I feel) "If you two end up joining a different Fraternity, you will probably be friendly with him, but you probably won't be his best friend, at least while you are both in college" I tried to qualify it any way I could with the "college is a place to make new friends" and "Maybe we could try and convince Will to still pledge [my fraternity]?". I could tell he was still torn about the whole situation, and he promised that he would come out to all of our Rush events with Will if he could, but I knew that my "sure things" were not guaranteed any more.

In the end, Will pledged a different Fraternity, and (very reluctantly) Nick went with him. I really had my heart set on this guy, but I can't blame him for making his decision.

Then a couple of days ago, Will and I see each other on-campus, and he asks if we can talk. He says he's having second-thoughts about the Fraternity he pledged. He starts telling me about how he doesn't think he fits in, he doesn't think the guys in the Fraternity are very nice, and he really doesn't like his "pledge name" that he got because he's Asian. He tells me that he picked this Fraternity because he thought they were the "Frattiest" and they threw the best parties, but now realizes that he may have made a mistake. He wasn't completely set on dropping out right there and then, but he asked if there was any way he could still accept his bid to my Fraternity.

I know if Will ends up quitting, Nick will almost-definitely follow. It's not against any Recruitment rule to depledge one Fraternity to join another, and it's (oddly) not against any rule to actively Recruit someone from another Fraternity, but I know I would feel shitty doing it. If the tables were turned, I would feel terrible if someone stole two of the pledges from my Chapter, especially if my Chapter was struggling for membership in the same way theirs is right now.

I don't know what to do in this situation. What do you guys think? Is it really wrong to pursue someone who's pledging another Fraternity, even if he might not be happy with it?

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by Moral Dilemma

So there was this Freshman guy (let's call him "Nick") who I started becoming very close friends with last semester. He was very accomplished in High School, and he is incredibly driven to be successful in college. Great GPA, well-dressed and groomed, and a gentlemen with the ladies. He introduced me to his less-impressive, but still very nice roommate and childhood friend (let's call him "Will"), and I decided to actively Recruit both of them for Spring Recruitment.

After establishing a good relationship with these guys and inviting them to hang out with the Fraternity, they started asking about joining. I explained everything to them, and I started introducing them to Brothers, "This is ________ and __________ they're interested in pledging next semester." I thought I had it in the bag.

Now, I was always much closer with Nick than I was with Matt. I considered Matt to be my friend, but I just didn't have as good of a relationship with him. After one of the SG meetings, I start talking to Nick about the Recruitment events, and he tells me that he's not sure if he's pledging my Fraternity after all.

Matt was planning on pledging a different Fraternity, and Nick was worried that if he joined mine, it would hurt their friendship. Furthermore, he kind of liked the Fraternity that Matt was interested in, and could see himself joining.

He asked me what I thought about all of it, and I told him (perhaps not accurate advice, but it was how I felt, and it is still how I feel) "If you two end up joining a different Fraternity, you will probably be friendly with him, but you probably won't be his best friend, at least while you are both in college" I tried to qualify it any way I could with the "college is a place to make new friends" and "Maybe we could try and convince Matt to still pledge [my fraternity]?". I could tell he was still torn about the whole situation, and he promised that he would come out to all of our Rush events with Matt if he could, but I knew that my "sure things" were not guaranteed any more.

In the end, Matt pledged a different Fraternity, and (very reluctantly) Nick went with him. I really had my heart set on this guy, but I can't blame him for making his decision.

Then a couple of days ago, Matt and I see each other on-campus, and he asks if we can talk. He says he's having second-thoughts about the Fraternity he pledged. He starts telling me about how he doesn't think he fits in, he doesn't think the guys in the Fraternity are very nice, and he really doesn't like his "pledge name" that he got because he's Asian. He tells me that he picked this Fraternity because he thought they were the "Frattiest" and they threw the best parties, but now realizes that he may have made a mistake. He wasn't completely set on dropping out right there and then, but he asked if there was any way he could still accept his bid to my Fraternity.

I know if Matt ends up quitting, Nick will almost-definitely follow. It's not against any Recruitment rule to depledge one Fraternity to join another, and it's (oddly) not against any rule to actively Recruit someone from another Fraternity, but I know I would feel shitty doing it. If the tables were turned, I would feel terrible if someone stole two of the pledges from my Chapter, especially if my Chapter was struggling for membership in the same way theirs is right now.

I don't know what to do in this situation. What do you guys think? Is it really wrong to pursue someone who's pledging another Fraternity, even if he might not be happy with it?

Who is Matt?

[33girl]

I don't know how Will turned into Matt but whatever. The point is that the one you're less close to of the two is the one who said all this. Mmmmmmkay.

Breaking it down:

Matt's a shallow jerk who pledged a group just because of the parties and status, not because he actually liked the brothers or bothered to figure out whether they actually liked him.

Nick's a pussy who can't do anything on his own, even when he's been given tons of encouragement to do so.

Consider yourself lucky that you are not stuck with either one.

[Drolefille]

I think you're over thinking it, on the individual level, do you really think this guy would be happier with you guys?

On the org level, what if it was your fraternity that had a pledge "poached." What would your reaction be? Would you be pissed and vow to prank revenge the other fraternity forever? Would you shrug and get over it because obviously that guy didn't want to be in your fraternity anyway? (And be honest, no "That wouldn't happen because we're awesome") You state you'd feel bad, but that's not enough.

If you think the guy would be happier with you guys, and you would NOT flip out if the same happened to you then vote and present him with the option. Alternatively make a decision and wait to see if he drops. If he drops and then you bid him rather than offering him the bid so he'll drop, you're not poaching in the same way as long as you don't promise him the bid should he quit.

Don't worry about "Nick" in this picture unless he DOES quit and asks you the same question. Don't base your answer on Matt on the assumption that you'll get Nick too. And I'd recommend sending something to the other fraternity stating that you were approached, not the other way around.

/just my 2 cents.

[AOII Angel]

As some one just pointed out to me....do guys call it recruitment?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

As some one just pointed out to me....do guys call it recruitment?

Hmm.. good point. Did I just get hooked?

But it could be a school thing.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't know how Will turned into Matt but whatever. The point is that the one you're less close to of the two is the one who said all this. Mmmmmmkay.

Breaking it down:

Matt's a shallow jerk who pledged a group just because of the parties and status, not because he actually liked the brothers or bothered to figure out whether they actually liked him.

Nick's a pussy who can't do anything on his own, even when he's been given tons of encouragement to do so.

Consider yourself lucky that you are not stuck with either one.

Aw, c'mon, we've all done stupid things at the age of 18.

I think, though, that the OP should not "poach" members. When someone comes on here and asks if they should drop out, we ALWAYS tell them to stick it out and see, that having second thoughts is natural, that they should really put in as much effort as possible to get what they want from their org, etc.

I think the same applies here. The NM's should really give it their best chance, and they can't do that if they are wondering "what if", and the OP is promising a spot on the other side of the fence.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

As some one just pointed out to me....do guys call it recruitment?

It's not completely unheard of.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

It's not completely unheard of.

Just checking. We've had so many trolls lately that the word raised some red flags to a few GCers.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Hmm.. good point. Did I just get hooked?

But it could be a school thing.

Yeah, some schools are really dickish about it and actually penalize you for saying rush, pledge etc.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by BluPhire

Who is Matt?

That's all the contribution for which I have the energy. *yawn*

[Moral Dilemma]

Whoops. I accidentally started posting the guy's real name. Pretty hard trying to change it now, but I doubt he's ever going to see this any time soon.

[Preston327]

Member poaching is a dick move regardless of circumstances in my book. Even if the guy drops and then you bid him there'll be people in his old organization who'll think your org had something to do with it, which'll cause tension between y'all.

[Moral Dilemma]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Yeah, some schools are really dickish about it and actually penalize you for saying rush, pledge etc.

Mine is one of them. You can even get punished for posting it on Facebook. I have been conditioned against saying it, but fortunately they can't find me on this website: RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH RUSH

I am a fairly frequent GCer, but I wanted to respect the privacy of the people in the story and the other Chapter, so I made this fake profile. If you're still doubting me I would be more than happy to send you a PM.

[christiangirl]

^^^You want to respect their privacy but started posting their real names halfway through?

I'm not even gonna say it.