True Life: My story through Rush

[RedLipstick]

I needed to share my rush experience/dilemma and thought to come here. Thanks in advance for reading!

I'll start by saying that I first became excited about rush my senior year of high school. The idea of a group of wonderful friends, social events all the time, and philanthropy absolutely excited me. There was no way I was NOT going to rush.

Two weeks before I was to start college, I found out I had a very rare, very serious medical issue. There were no symptoms and on the outside, you could not tell anything was wrong with me. I almost was not going to attend college this year because of it, but thankfully was able to.

As the first semester of my freshman year went on, I became even more strongly in favor of rushing. So many great girls I knew were in sororities and I saw the benefits of being in one even more.

Winter break came along and I had to go immediately into surgery because of my medical issue. I was not supposed to attend spring semester and therefore, not to rush. But, I recovered miraculously fast. The surgeon gave the go ahead for school and a few days before rush was to start, said ok to me rushing. I was OVERJOYED. I cannot explain how much of a miracle it was that I was able to first, attend school and second, to go through rush!

So then rush came. I told myself to keep an open mind about houses, even though I already had some preconceived notions since I knew some girls in houses. The first round's results came in. I was cut from my favorite house. I was so sad! But, I knew to keep an open mind and I still had plenty of options open. Second round's results came in. I was cut from every house I liked and most of the houses I had left, I had cut at one point or another. I wanted to drop out of rush, but my Rho Gamma convinced me to stay. I continued to keep an open mind about the houses and started to even like some a little. Third round's results came in. I was left with the two houses I liked the least. I felt like I was being forced to join one of the houses, because I had cut it every single round!

Anyway, I did not get bid and considering that I didn't feel comfortable at any house I had left, that was probably for the best. But, let me explain how devastated I was. I just had extensive surgery and went through recovery practically alone. Not many of my friends knew about my situation and the ones that did, did not provide much support. What I really needed at that moment was a group of friends that would support me. Because of the surgery, I was left with permanent damage. Again, you could never tell on the outside, but I could tell and didn't know how to deal with it. (I also didn't tell anyone at school and no one throughout rush...eventually I had to tell friends at school since I was still recovering from surgery). So, I needed support. I also couldn't understand why I had not received a bid. I don't mean to sound self-righteous, but I have always been pretty confident about myself. I go to a great school, so grades were never an issue. I have a really interesting major, so I'm definitely not boring! I get along with pretty much everyone and am pretty well-liked. And I've always felt good about my looks. So honestly, I was a bit surprised when I didn't get a bid! My friends were surprised too. I have a really secluded living situation and very small major, so I hadn't made GREAT friends yet (and still really haven't!) So, I was counting on a sorority to help.

After I got over not receiving a bid (which was very difficult since most of my friends are in houses and big/little weeks were terrible to go through as a non-Greek), I set about exploring my options. There is fall rush and formal rush again. Let me share my thoughts.
Fall Rush: There is a sorority recolonizing here and I would be interested in checking it out. However, I have NO clue if I would be comfortable/fit in with the types of sisters the house is looking to recruit. Since it is new on campus, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with stereotypes of a new house. (It would be easier to join a house with no/good stereotypes, you know?) I'm not sure if other houses are doing fall rush since this one will be recognizing, but I've done a bit of research and most of the houses I like don't do fall rush. It's been rare that one that I liked did.
Formal Rush: First, I would be afraid that my first experience with rush would happen all over again. I would definitely not want that again! Second, I'm not sure I can! This year, my school did a trip for my major that took place partially during formal rush. They are hoping to do it again, and it's not an opportunity I can pass up. So, formal rush might not even be an option.

I just want to say thanks to those who have read some/all of my post. It was long, I know. :P And I probably still forgot things I wanted to say! I haven't really had the chance to share this with anyone. I'm really just looking for support and advice if there is any to give. Thanks!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

I needed to share my rush experience/dilemma and thought to come here. Thanks in advance for reading!

I'll start by saying that I first became excited about rush my senior year of high school. The idea of a group of wonderful friends, social events all the time, and philanthropy absolutely excited me. There was no way I was NOT going to rush.

Two weeks before I was to start college, I found out I had a very rare, very serious medical issue. There were no symptoms and on the outside, you could not tell anything was wrong with me. I almost was not going to attend college this year because of it, but thankfully was able to.

As the first semester of my freshman year went on, I became even more strongly in favor of rushing. So many great girls I knew were in sororities and I saw the benefits of being in one even more.

Winter break came along and I had to go immediately into surgery because of my medical issue. I was not supposed to attend spring semester and therefore, not to rush. But, I recovered miraculously fast. The surgeon gave the go ahead for school and a few days before rush was to start, said ok to me rushing. I was OVERJOYED. I cannot explain how much of a miracle it was that I was able to first, attend school and second, to go through rush!

So then rush came. I told myself to keep an open mind about houses, even though I already had some preconceived notions since I knew some girls in houses. The first round's results came in. I was cut from my favorite house. I was so sad! But, I knew to keep an open mind and I still had plenty of options open. Second round's results came in. I was cut from every house I liked and most of the houses I had left, I had cut at one point or another. I wanted to drop out of rush, but my Rho Gamma convinced me to stay. I continued to keep an open mind about the houses and started to even like some a little. Third round's results came in. I was left with the two houses I liked the least. I felt like I was being forced to join one of the houses, because I had cut it every single round!

Anyway, I did not get bid and considering that I didn't feel comfortable at any house I had left, that was probably for the best. But, let me explain how devastated I was. I just had extensive surgery and went through recovery practically alone. Not many of my friends knew about my situation and the ones that did, did not provide much support. What I really needed at that moment was a group of friends that would support me. Because of the surgery, I was left with permanent damage. Again, you could never tell on the outside, but I could tell and didn't know how to deal with it. (I also didn't tell anyone at school and no one throughout rush...eventually I had to tell friends at school since I was still recovering from surgery). So, I needed support. I also couldn't understand why I had not received a bid. I don't mean to sound self-righteous, but I have always been pretty confident about myself. I go to a great school, so grades were never an issue. I have a really interesting major, so I'm definitely not boring! I get along with pretty much everyone and am pretty well-liked. And I've always felt good about my looks. So honestly, I was a bit surprised when I didn't get a bid! My friends were surprised too. I have a really secluded living situation and very small major, so I hadn't made GREAT friends yet (and still really haven't!) So, I was counting on a sorority to help.

After I got over not receiving a bid (which was very difficult since most of my friends are in houses and big/little weeks were terrible to go through as a non-Greek), I set about exploring my options. There is fall rush and formal rush again. Let me share my thoughts.
Fall Rush: There is a sorority recolonizing here and I would be interested in checking it out. However, I have NO clue if I would be comfortable/fit in with the types of sisters the house is looking to recruit. Since it is new on campus, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with stereotypes of a new house. (It would be easier to join a house with no/good stereotypes, you know?) I'm not sure if other houses are doing fall rush since this one will be recognizing, but I've done a bit of research and most of the houses I like don't do fall rush. It's been rare that one that I liked did.
Formal Rush: First, I would be afraid that my first experience with rush would happen all over again. I would definitely not want that again! Second, I'm not sure I can! This year, my school did a trip for my major that took place partially during formal rush. They are hoping to do it again, and it's not an opportunity I can pass up. So, formal rush might not even be an option.

I just want to say thanks to those who have read some/all of my post. It was long, I know. :P And I probably still forgot things I wanted to say! I haven't really had the chance to share this with anyone. I'm really just looking for support and advice if there is any to give. Thanks!

It sounds like you went into rush with the attitude of "what a sorority can do for ME". In this case, you want them to be an instant support group. That's a totally unrealistic expectation, and I can tell you that even if you had gotten a bid to your #1 choice, there is a good chance you would have been disappointed. Sororities are NOT insta-bonds like they show in the movies (and on MTV ). It would still be up to you to make the kind of connections to girls who could eventually support you. In truth, you don't need a sorority to do that, but you do need to learn how to make those connections. If you can't make those connections with the people you already have in your life, a sorority isn't going to do it for you.

Next rush try going in with the attitude of "what can *I* do for the sorority", ESPECIALLY if you choose to participate in the colonization recruitment. Also, make sure you are physically (and mentally) up to the task. Sororities are work and commitments that take a lot of energy and time. If this is something you can't give with your condition, then maybe you'll have to pass on this experience.

Meanwhile if you really are having this hard of time dealing with your medical condition, maybe you should go look for an actual support group. They will generally be lead by people who know how to help you. If you need further help, go to your school's counseling center. They are there to help you as well.

[RedLipstick]

Originally Posted by Jen

I think one of the biggest misconceptions PNMs get is that they are cutting chapters. You are not cutting, you are just ranking chapters. Truthfully, it's the chapters that are doing the cuts - and I think a lot of people don't like the way that sounds, despite it being an accurate description of what happens.

The only time a "cut" is made is if a PNM is invited back to all chapters during an invite round, then their last ranked chapters will be dropped (ie, a PNM can go to a max of 4 houses, all 6 sororities want her back, they will cut the two she ranked lowest).

I really think that needs to be explained to PNMs better, because being told you're cutting the whole time when that isn't true leads to a lot of confusion about why they keep having to go back - and the resentment against those lower ranked chapters they're "cutting" is going to grow each time.

As far as colonization, there are a few recruitment threads regarding colonization recruitment that you can search for to read that might be helpful.

Thank you for explaining this to me. I was aware that you were able to be asked back to sororities you had "cut" or ranked low, but not that you weren't cutting too!

[RedLipstick]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

It sounds like you went into rush with the attitude of "what a sorority can do for ME". In this case, you want them to be an instant support group. That's a totally unrealistic expectation, and I can tell you that even if you had gotten a bid to your #1 choice, there is a good chance you would have been disappointed. Sororities are NOT insta-bonds like they show in the movies (and on MTV ). It would still be up to you to make the kind of connections to girls who could eventually support you. In truth, you don't need a sorority to do that, but you do need to learn how to make those connections. If you can't make those connections with the people you already have in your life, a sorority isn't going to do it for you.

Next rush try going in with the attitude of "what can *I* do for the sorority", ESPECIALLY if you choose to participate in the colonization recruitment. Also, make sure you are physically (and mentally) up to the task. Sororities are work and commitments that take a lot of energy and time. If this is something you can't give with your condition, then maybe you'll have to pass on this experience.

Meanwhile if you really are having this hard of time dealing with your medical condition, maybe you should go look for an actual support group. They will generally be lead by people who know how to help you. If you need further help, go to your school's counseling center. They are there to help you as well.

Hm, I don't think I explained myself fully in that respect. Of course I wasn't expecting for Help 101 from my sisters as a whole. But I am also aware of the great friendships that result from a sorority and was more of looking for friends, in general, who were more like me. If we became bffs and shared everything, then great! If not, then ok.

Yes, I did kind of hat a "what can a sorority do for me" attitude, but that's not the only attitude I had. Even though I explained the benefits I was looking for in my post, there were still many things I was looking to contribute. Like positions in the house. For example, organizing and coming up with fresh ideas is something that I love doing, so if I was in a house, I would love helping out with the social calendar. I'm also a big proponent of many of the philanthropies, so my involvement would focus a lot on that too. I'm also a great friend, in general. You get out of things what you give in, which is something I understand. So, all that I was looking to get out of it, I was looking to put into it too!

[BraveMaroon]

Aside from the whole sorority/rush issue, it sounds like you've been through some pretty major life events this year.

I would strongly, strongly recommend that you seek out your school's counseling center and find someone that you can talk to during your recovery process.

Illness and surgery, regardless of the outcome, can leave you feeling very shaken up, emotionally. If you aren't getting the support you need from your friends who know your situation, you need to find other avenues of getting what you need.

The feel that I get from your original post is that you are confused, disappointed, scared and angry. You may be projecting some of that outwardly, and while you have a right to feel all those things, you need to find a way of effectively dealing with them so that they don't infect your interactions with others.

Good luck!

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

Third round's results came in. I was left with the two houses I liked the least. I felt like I was being forced to join one of the houses, because I had cut it every single round!

Anyway, I did not get bid and considering that I didn't feel comfortable at any house I had left, that was probably for the best.

Did you sign a bid card? If things were THAT bad with those 2 groups, you shouldn't have signed a bid card. If you did sign a bid card, and did not get a bid.... then, well, I don't know. I'd hate to think that perhaps those girls in those 2 groups might have provided what you were looking for, you just didn't realize it at the time.

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

But, let me explain how devastated I was. I just had extensive surgery and went through recovery practically alone. Not many of my friends knew about my situation and the ones that did, did not provide much support. What I really needed at that moment was a group of friends that would support me.

So, I needed support.

Like others have said, you have to tell your closest friends in order to get emotional support. What about your family, is that an option? I think any sort of coping/survivors group and/or your campus counseling center is a great idea! Being greek doesn't guaruntee you a support network right away.

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

I also couldn't understand why I had not received a bid. I go to a great school, so grades were never an issue. I have a really secluded living situation and very small major, so I hadn't made GREAT friends yet (and still really haven't!) So, I was counting on a sorority to help.

Just because you go to a great school doesn't mean grades were not an issue. Due to your secluded living situation, it is up to you to go out and make friends through other campus involvement opportunities. You've already recognized that you're at a disadvantage, so it's up to you to do something about it. Get involved, girl! Sure, being in a sorority may help, but it's not your only option.

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

Fall Rush: There is a sorority recolonizing here and I would be interested in checking it out. However, I have NO clue if I would be comfortable/fit in with the types of sisters the house is looking to recruit. Since it is new on campus, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with stereotypes of a new house. (It would be easier to join a house with no/good stereotypes, you know?)

How do you know what kind of girls the recolonizing chapter is looking for? What exactly is the stereotype of a new house? I fail to see how that is relevant. You seem a bit hung up on stereotypes... get them out of your mind!

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

Formal Rush: First, I would be afraid that my first experience with rush would happen all over again. I would definitely not want that again! Second, I'm not sure I can! This year, my school did a trip for my major that took place partially during formal rush. They are hoping to do it again, and it's not an opportunity I can pass up. So, formal rush might not even be an option.

School comes first. Always. If you can't do formal, then so be it. Look at informal in the fall, and look at the recolonizing chapter. You said several times you were "keeping an open mind," when really, you didn't.

Best of luck with all things, regardless of your recruitment outcome.

[AZTheta]

Once upon a time, someone posted a response to a PNM in a recruitment thread and I wish I'd cut and pasted it into a word document so I could properly cite the source. The gist of the message was:

The chapters know who is a good fit for them. They are very skilled in many ways at selecting new members. The PNMs, conversely, think that they know which chapter(s) they would fit into, based on brief impressions and "tent talk". But, the bottom line is, it is the chapter who knows, and that's one basis for how invitations are issued.

Without going into membership selection, I will share that I remember "falling in love" with PNMs in recruitment and recognizing that they'd be great friends, but not great sisters. There is a difference. And my sisters taught that to me.

Please take care of yourself and your health; and whatever decision you make, I truly hope that you will have a happy ending. We live life forwards and understand it backwards, as a wise person once wrote. And there is a reason for everything that happens, whatever that reason turns out to be.

[RedLipstick]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

Aside from the whole sorority/rush issue, it sounds like you've been through some pretty major life events this year.

I would strongly, strongly recommend that you seek out your school's counseling center and find someone that you can talk to during your recovery process.

Illness and surgery, regardless of the outcome, can leave you feeling very shaken up, emotionally. If you aren't getting the support you need from your friends who know your situation, you need to find other avenues of getting what you need.

The feel that I get from your original post is that you are confused, disappointed, scared and angry. You may be projecting some of that outwardly, and while you have a right to feel all those things, you need to find a way of effectively dealing with them so that they don't infect your interactions with others.

Good luck!

I am recovered both emotionally and physically now. Which is probably why I've been able to come forward with my story. I will keep in mind that my attitude could have been/is being displayed outwardly when I didn't mean it to! Thank you!

[RedLipstick]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

Did you sign a bid card? If things were THAT bad with those 2 groups, you shouldn't have signed a bid card. If you did sign a bid card, and did not get a bid.... then, well, I don't know. I'd hate to think that perhaps those girls in those 2 groups might have provided what you were looking for, you just didn't realize it at the time.


I did sign a bid card. I had two options left, signed for one. I was beginning to like the sorority even though I didn't at first. I had wanted to see what my pledge class was like before I wrote it off completely, because I know you can fall in love with your pledge class! I did not feel comfortable accepting a bid from the other house, so I did not sign for them. After not receiving a bid from the other house, I was still offered one from this house, but did not feel comfortable accepting.

Like others have said, you have to tell your closest friends in order to get emotional support. What about your family, is that an option? I think any sort of coping/survivors group and/or your campus counseling center is a great idea! Being greek doesn't guaruntee you a support network right away.

I have received support from my family, but there's a certain kind of support you can get from girlfriends, even if it just means having someone to talk to about class, the weather, etc. You know what I mean?

Just because you go to a great school doesn't mean grades were not an issue. Due to your secluded living situation, it is up to you to go out and make friends through other campus involvement opportunities. You've already recognized that you're at a disadvantage, so it's up to you to do something about it. Get involved, girl! Sure, being in a sorority may help, but it's not your only option.

Of course you can still get not-so-good grades at a good school. Not to brag, but for me, grades couldn't have been an issue. I would be very surprised if they were! The thing is, I am involved! I'm in 1 group that meets several times a week, another that meets weekly, and another that I could not continue to participate in this semester because of my medical issue. So, trust me, I've been trying! And those groups are great, and I have friends in each group, but not ones I would feel comfortable calling up for a coffee date or something

How do you know what kind of girls the recolonizing chapter is looking for? What exactly is the stereotype of a new house? I fail to see how that is relevant. You seem a bit hung up on stereotypes... get them out of your mind!

Perhaps I am a little to hung up on stereotypes. I've been trying to ignore them, and have found sisters who defy their stereotypes day after day! But, I guess I'm more concerned with not being as included in the current greek system as a new sorority. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but It's hard to explain how I feel too. lol And, I have no idea what kind of girls the chapter is looking for. That's what I'm excited/nervous to find out! I will definitely be looking into the colonization of the new chapter more and look new info when it comes up. As hung up on the current sororities I may seem, I am open to new options!

School comes first. Always. If you can't do formal, then so be it. Look at informal in the fall, and look at the recolonizing chapter. You said several times you were "keeping an open mind," when really, you didn't.

Best of luck with all things, regardless of your recruitment outcome.

Thank you for your advice and post. I appreciate your help and take on things!

I answered in your quoted post in red to make sure I addressed everything.

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

I did sign a bid card. I had two options left, signed for one. I was beginning to like the sorority even though I didn't at first. I had wanted to see what my pledge class was like before I wrote it off completely, because I know you can fall in love with your pledge class! I did not feel comfortable accepting a bid from the other house, so I did not sign for them. After not receiving a bid from the other house, I was still offered one from this house, but did not feel comfortable accepting.

So they gave you a bid, even though you did not put them on your pref/bid card?

Does the one year rule (NPC) still apply here, oh wise ones? (I'm thinking it doesn't, if they weren't on the bid/pref card, but I could be wrong).

[RedLipstick]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

So they gave you a bid, even though you did not put them on your pref/bid card?

Does the one year rule (NPC) still apply here, oh wise ones? (I'm thinking it doesn't, if they weren't on the bid/pref card, but I could be wrong).

I don't believe it does since I didn't sign a card for it. I had gotten a call from a women offering me the bid and she explained my other options which included fall rush, so I'm assuming it doesn't apply.

[FSUZeta]

redlipstick,

most often the national officers involved in a colonization(or re-col.) are looking for a group of women who will each bring something unique to the new chapter, but will be bonded by their sorority ties. they will look for officer material and worker bees, politically minded women who will be involved in campus politics and girls more interested in volunteering in the community, sporty girls and glamour girls, artsy girls and girls wanting to find a cure for cancer, and everything in between. being part of a colonization is a unique experience not everyone has the opportunity to have. rushing a colony is not a guarantee, and not everyone who seeks membership in the new group will be successful, but i would urge you to consider it.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

So they gave you a bid, even though you did not put them on your pref/bid card?

Does the one year rule (NPC) still apply here, oh wise ones? (I'm thinking it doesn't, if they weren't on the bid/pref card, but I could be wrong).

It is not binding. You have to sign a bid card for it to be binding.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

redlipstick,

most often the national officers involved in a colonization(or re-col.) are looking for a group of women who will each bring something unique to the new chapter, but will be bonded by their sorority ties. they will look for officer material and worker bees, politically minded women who will be involved in campus politics and girls more interested in volunteering in the community, sporty girls and glamour girls, artsy girls and girls wanting to find a cure for cancer, and everything in between. being part of a colonization is a unique experience not everyone has the opportunity to have. rushing a colony is not a guarantee, and not everyone who seeks membership in the new group will be successful, but i would urge you to consider it.

I agree. I also think you have a misconception that new colonies aren't accepted by the Greek community, which is usually far from the truth for the NPC. Sororities are chosen by the other groups on campus to fill a need and are welcomed with open arms on campus. Colonies immediately function like real chapters with all the social activities (just nine of the secrets yet.)

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by RedLipstick

There is a sorority recolonizing here and I would be interested in checking it out. However, I have NO clue if I would be comfortable/fit in with the types of sisters the house is looking to recruit. Since it is new on campus, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with stereotypes of a new house. (It would be easier to join a house with no/good stereotypes, you know?) I'm not sure if other houses are doing fall rush since this one will be recognizing, but I've done a bit of research and most of the houses I like don't do fall rush. It's been rare that one that I liked did.

In spite of the drama of your illness (which I am sorry for and hope you are feeling better!), this is what it all boils down to. You really aren't different from the other unsuccessful pnms who come here to discuss their failed recruitment. You went into recruitment concerned with stereotypes and reputations and you continue to be too concerned with with them. A colony is not a way to "avoid" a stereotype nor a consolation prize for a failed recruitment. It's a very different situation and a lot of work, so it's something you need to think a lot about before joining.

You're at a very competitive school and sophomore re-rushing is even more difficult. So if you decide to do that, you need to be prepared for a similar result. Be honest with yourself and know whether or not you can handle it.

Lastly, did you have recommendations? You need them there. Lack of them would have had a serious impact on your recruitment.