What do you feel like saying, right now? - Page 515

nikki1920 · #**7711** 03-03-2009, 12:45 PM

this convo is interesting!!

some people think that if there isn't some level of physical conflict, that the relationship isn't "real". It's twisted thinking, IMO, but that's how their minds work. It's easy to say what one would do in a hypothetical situation, but real life is totally different. It's not always cut and dry. (Speaking from my own experience, and that's all I am saying.)

I don't think DS was saying that it was ok for Bynum to hit his wife, though. THAT situation is a whole 'nother ball of wax, though.

I also feel that Chris and Rihanna aren't role models for anything except being 19 and 21 years old. They haven't experienced much in life yet.

I'm with you, Dr. Phil. We don't know the true story behind what happened, and at this point, I really don't care because its all been muddied and everyone has chosen sides. Only those two know what happened and they are the ones who will have to deal with whatever consequences follow.

agzg · #**7712** 03-03-2009, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Or their role models at all.

At the same time, I don't know any black girls who had Britney and Christina as role models. So I can save that sermon for some other role models.

Whitney Houston?

DaemonSeid · #**7713** 03-03-2009, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

Whitney Houston?

You got a reciept?

agzg · #**7714** 03-03-2009, 01:00 PM

Maybe in the 80's - a lot of my little girl friends wanted to be Whitney Houston when they grew up. Early 90's even. People loved The Bodyguard and I must have sang "I Will Always Love You" 9000 times before I realized the Dolly Parton version was better.

Although most remakes of any Dolly song aren't as good to me. Chalk it up to living in a country world and being a country girl.

Whitney's still beautiful and talented, IMO, just nuts.

ETA: Wasn't trying to get all up in arms or anything, just thinking of a crazy singer beyond Britney. I also could imagine her as a woman who probably smacked Bobby Brown around a little, too.

agzg · #**7715** 03-03-2009, 01:05 PM

No way! Dolly Parton's version is sadder, I guess.

Because she sounds like she's just given up.

Chalk it up to differences in taste but I love Dolly Parton.

DrPhil · #**7716** 03-03-2009, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

No way! Dolly Parton's version is sadder, I guess.

Because she sounds like she's just given up.

Chalk it up to differences in taste but I love Dolly Parton.

I like Dolly Parton.

Her version is sadder because her voice is sadder. Her voice is also weaker so it would sound like she's crying. LOL

Whitney Houston's version is strong and confident. Then again, I hate weak voices on strong songs. That's why I hate Bey's version of At Last.

DaemonSeid · #**7717** 03-03-2009, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

No, she doesn't. LOL

Coincidentally, I heard stories of Houston's drug use when I was young and long before Bobby Brown came around. People blame Brown's bipolar disorder and drug abuse. Houston had some isht with her before she met him.

Remember when she dated Eddie Murphy? I think I remember her being on Arsenio Hall Show or Video Soul talking about she had been pregnant by him.

Exactly

Bobby was the innocent and hapless victim.

Heh!

But seriously, that is another situation where not knowing the whole story or rather 'knowing' more about his past than hers, people think that Whitney was a victim. So, automatically, they took her side.

cheerfulgreek · #**7718** 03-03-2009, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is all speculation.

What if they were in the car together? What if she was reaching over and hitting him and "getting in his face" as some reports claim?

Then that's an unhealthy realtionship. If he has to hit her, then he doesn't need to be married to her or anyone else. He should get help to get himself mentally healthy again, then when the time is right, find someone else who is going to treat him (in a respectful way) how she wants to be treated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

But this speaks to what I am saying. It's NOT ok but...BUUUT...I can understand why he went off..It's not condonable behavior at all.
And keep in mind all we have is the allegation, but the bottom line is what i stated earlier, if someone is pissed and they want to be left alone lest they end up in a situation with you fighting for your life, or they going to jail, leave them alone, let them walk off...cooler heads will prevail in the sight of rationality.

Ok...so this is a very bad analogy but the best I can do on short notice. If you poke a chained ill tempered dog long enough eventually it will bite you.

Do you know what I mean? A dog biting you is bad but we can understand why it happened if we know what provoked it.

All I am saying is know the consequences before provoking anyone.

Daemon, IMO I think I would be afraid of him if he felt he had to walk away, just because he was so upset. If a guy walks away and won't stay to try to talk it out, I don't think I would want to be with him anymore. I mean, you're comparing a dog to a human being. A dog will attack out of instinct. A dog's instinct is to protect him/herself if he/she feels threatened. I work with dogs and they will bite even if they are receiving help. If the doctor is helping you, but at the same time hurting you, what are you going to do, punch him? I totally don't agree here.

DrPhil · #**7719** 03-03-2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Exactly

Bobby was the innocent and hapless victim.

Heh!
s
But seriously, that is another situation where not knowing the whole sotry or rather 'knowing' more about his past than hers, people think that Whitney was a victim.

LOL. They were probably both the victim and the perpetrator.

CrazyA found CrazyB and stuck with CrazyB until CrazyA finally got help for her own crazy. I like CrazyA and CrazyB as artists and hope they both get to a healthy and stable place. God hope that their daughter isn't CrazyC.

DrPhil · #**7720** 03-03-2009, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Then that's an unhealthy realtionship. If he has to hit her, then he doesn't need to be married to her or anyone else. He should get help to get himself mentally healthy again, then when the time is right, find someone else who is going to treat him (in a respectful way) how she wants to be treated.

LOL. I feel like you went all the way around the corner with this one.

agzg · #**7721** 03-03-2009, 01:16 PM

I think the song is strong musically but the lyrics are so sad. Dolly's voice conveys the lyrics better, Whitney's voice conveys the music better.

Because seriously? "Bittersweet memories, that's all I have and all I'm taking with me. Goodbye, oh please don't cry, cause we both know that I'm not what you need." = SAD The singer should sound broken down. To be honest, the lyrics don't match the music on that one but they're both awesome separately.

ETA: I prefer Etta's version of "At Last!" because it seems more raw. Seems to be a recurring theme.

cheerfulgreek · #**7722** 03-03-2009, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL. I feel like you went all the way around the corner with this one.

Huh?

DaemonSeid · #**7723** 03-03-2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Then that's an unhealthy realtionship. If he has to hit her, then he doesn't need to be married to her or anyone else. He should get help to get himself mentally healthy again, then when the time is right, find someone else who is going to treat him (in a respectful way) how she wants to be treated..

Some people don't need to be married.

That just goes without saying, but I understand where you are coming from, however it doesn't always work out like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Daemon, IMO I think I would be afraid of him if he felt he had to walk away, just because he was so upset. If a guy walks away and won't stay to try to talk it out, I don't think I would want to be with him anymore. I mean, you're comparing a dog to a human being. A dog will attack out of instinct. A dog's instinct is to protect him/herself if he/she feels threatened. I work with dogs and they will bite even if they are receiving help. If the doctor is helping you, but at the same time hurting you, what are you going to do, punch him? I totally don't agree here.

Well what would you fear more, cornering him and goading him? The same instinct applies in some cases. All that person wants to do is to be left alone long enough to sort a situation out and the last thing anyone wants is to be badgered into a conversation (or worse yet a decision) that rationally they are not ready to make. Please think on that. No one wants to fear their s/o or spouse but think of which evil you would rather deal with. Sometimes it's not a good idea to stay and 'talk it out'. If someone is that visibly shaken, letting them cool off is probably the best thing. You never know how a person is going to be until you are in that situation and believe me some people who could normally be rational could be unusally irrational in the worst of situations.

Dr Phil asked the right question in askign if you have even been there.

Believe me when i say that it's a scary place to be and all you are hoping for is a way to come out in one peice.

Being very angry to the point of violence is not an emotion that a lot of people can cope with.

agzg · #**7724** 03-03-2009, 01:29 PM

We also forget that these stars are under a lot of pressure from the start of their relationship, too. I'm sure having the spotlight on their relationship highlights all the little faults and cracks to them.. I certainly wouldn't want paparazzi reporting on my relationship with live-in.

I guess what I'm saying is that most celebrities might have very normal relationships that get portrayed as dysfunctional in the press, adding to the pressure that's already on them and causing a lot of relationships to self-destruct, sometimes in violent ways.

cheerfulgreek · #**7725** 03-03-2009, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrPhil

You've never been so angry or so upset that you needed to take a break?

You are making this about gender and gender socialization (which gives meaning because it's a "guy" doing it in a relationship) when it's really just about people and people socialization. A person can be angered and upset and sometimes staying to talk is out of the question. Not necessarily because the person may lash out physically but because the person may say something that will be regretted later. Moreover, have you ever tried to communicate when you or the other person are extremely upset and irrational? How'd that work for you?

DrPhil I agree with you 110% when you said the respect thing works both ways. Yes, I have gotten really, really mad at times, but seriously, if we're together, we will literally sit in the same room in dead silence with the exception of the tv before we make up again. I have been in past relationships where the guy would slam things around and walk out and slam the door. Doing that made me afraid of him and I thought to myself, if he walks out all of the time, what if he walks out of a marriage or something. I broke up with those guys. They were hurt about it, but I felt that I had to, ya know? It's just that I didn't want to be in a relationship like that. I see what you mean about making someone so upset that it can push him or her to walk out, but I wouldn't push a guy like that, and I would be with a guy who kept taunting me when I'm upset. If I see that he's upset, I'll ask him what did I do that made him so upset. Then I would talk to him about the things he did that made me upset. I hate to argue. Really I do.