depledging

[DaffyKD]

I know a lot of things have changed since this dinosaur joined a sorority but I have a question for those of you who are collegiates now-- back in my day if you de-pledged, the 1 year before you could rush again began at the time you broke your pledge, not when you signed your bid. If you signed a bid and then did not accept the bid the 1 year ran from that date. Is this the same now? If it is the same, she will be unable to rush in fall to try for her first choice house because of the 1 year prohibition.

DaffyKD

[kddani]

Originally posted by DaffyKD
I know a lot of things have changed since this dinosaur joined a sorority but I have a question for those of you who are collegiates now-- back in my day if you de-pledged, the 1 year before you could rush again began at the time you broke your pledge, not when you signed your bid. If you signed a bid and then did not accept the bid the 1 year ran from that date. Is this the same now? If it is the same, she will be unable to rush in fall to try for her first choice house because of the 1 year prohibition.

DaffyKD

I think it's one calendar year from when you signed your bid, now, at least technically. But I know at Pitt you could re-rush in the next fall's rush. It wouldn't be "fair" if, say, you couldn't rush because they moved rush back earlier. I'm sure someone will whip out their green book with the answer!

[FSUZeta]

if this pnm made it all the way to prefs with her dream sorority, but was not offered a bid, then she might stand a chance with them next year. for instance, dream sorority might have extended 52 bids, and all were accepted and our pnm was #53 on the bid list. if she was dropped fairly early in the recruitment process, the chances of being extended a bid from the dream group next year would be slimmer.

however, i would also like to join the majority who are urging you to give your present sorority a little more time. talk to the officer in charge of educating the new members, talk to the president, or your big sister, or a pledge sister-anyone in the sorority that you feel close to OR you feel would listen to you and would care. don't tell them that you really wish you had been offered a bid by your dream sorority, but do tell them about you feelings of not being connected.

i will tell you this: you should make a concerted effort to go over to the house, eat your meals there,be outgoing, meet your pledge sisters and get to know them, as well as the initiated members. turn yourself into the rusher-ask the girls questions, start a conversation with them and really listen. don't just show up, sit in a corner and expect them to run up to you and keep you entertained. if,after all that effort you still do not feel a connection, then have one more talk with the pledge trainer or president, and if things can't be worked out, then depledge.

[kddani]

Originally posted by FSUZeta
i will tell you this: you should make a concerted effort to go over to the house, eat your meals there,be outgoing, meet your pledge sisters and get to know them, as well as the initiated members. turn yourself into the rusher-ask the girls questions, start a conversation with them and really listen. don't just show up, sit in a corner and expect them to run up to you and keep you entertained. if,after all that effort you still do not feel a connection, then have one more talk with the pledge trainer or president, and if things can't be worked out, then depledge.

EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT advice there!

When I think back to various girls that we had depledge or that were thinking about depledging (now, i'm excluding girls that weren't sure if they could handle the cost)- they were the girls who were never around, who rarely showed up to things, who did NOT put forth any effort. Some of them, after talking to their plege mom or big, started showing up to more things, hanging out when they didn't "have" to, doing stupid things like going to Walmart and watching crappy TV with sisters... those not-so-sure pledges turned into fabulous sisters who love the house! The ones who actually depledged? Yep, they were never there and put in no effort to get to know any of the sisters.

You get out of a sorority what you put into it. The sorority's job isn't to entertain you. It goes both ways.

And if you don't put in any effort to get to know the sisters, why should they go out of their way for you?

Obviously we don't know the situation and exactly what you've done, but I do get this impression.

[33girl]

For everyone who asked about the year rule, as far as I know it is still the "spirit" of the year, not a calendar year. So if you depledge in October from fall formal rush you can still rush next August or September.

[PenguinTrax]

I think you need to stop thinking of the 'what ifs' and start thinking about the 'now'. You did not get a bid to your first choice group. Neither did I - it happens to many of us. If you want to be Greek, you have your opportunity. You can either make the most of the experience or not, the choice is yours.

Three weeks is too soon to throw in the towel, IMO. I think you need to speak with your New Member Educator, Advisor or Big Sis and talk about your concerns.

As far as recs helping or not helping - if a sorority requires recs, they will find them for you. Having them in advance won't do much good for the second time rushing. The chapters already know you..and they will know that you pledged another group and left.

[dekeguy]

I hope you won't mind if I add a comment from a guy's point of view, but, as I read through this thread I couldn't help noticing a recurring theme which ran along the line of "do you want to be in Greek Life or not?" While I think some very good advice has been offered I was wondering if Greek Life for the sake of Greek Life is a good argument. When I went through the system several years back I checked out all of the fraternities, did my research by talking with lots of people about each group, visited each house and made a point of meeting as many actives as I could. Right from the start I knew where I wanted to be and I knew that if I did not make it I would try for open bidding. However, I realized that if there was no way I would get a bid from my first choice there were a couple of houses that I might fit with pretty well. On the other hand, there were several houses that I did not feel comfortable with at all, and a couple that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot barge pole. If I got a bid from one of these I would politely decline. By the end of senior year, and in the years since, I found that my instincts were right on the money and I would have been far better off avoiding certain houses as there was no way I could committ to lifelong brotherhood with these guys. Since to me Greek Life is all about brotherhood and living up to the ideals, aims, and purposes of your org joining a house you don't feel you can really identify with only for the sake of being in Greek Life makes no sense to me.
I was lucky, I got the bid I wanted and it has been great ever since, but as I look back I truly believe that it is better to decline bids from houses that do not balance the equasion for you. Somehow the thought of going XYZ just to be in a fraternity strikes me as a really bad choice. Better to be GDI and get involved in all sorts of other activities. A lifetime committment should be a happy and satisfactory committment.
Anyway, those are my thoughts from a guy,s point of view. Thanks for the opportunity to add an opinion.

[AlphaFrog]

dekeguy,

I believe that's why many GCers are asking her to elaborate and trying to cover all bases.

They want to know if this was a house that just wasn't her first choice, one that she could eventally fit in well, one that she wasn't comfortable in or one she "wouldn't touch with a 10 foot barge pole" as you put it.

Also, there are some schools (and from what everyone else is posting, I believe hers is one) that it's almost better for a woman to stay in a sorority that she's not 100% in love with, then not be in a sorority at all.

I think there's different levels of "Going Greek, just to be Greek". If you're doing it just to say you are and to wear around some neat letters, then I would say don't waste your money and a spot for a PNM that would be totally happy. If you're doing it for the networking aspect I would weigh heavily what field your in and if there's enough sisters (alum) with connections to make it worth it to you. If it's to have a family away from college (or, let's face it, to have drinking buddies), and you feel like eventually you could connect with the group you're in, even if you're not feeling it right now, then I would say to stick it out. I know the thought of someone "Going Greek, just to be Greek"(we need an anacronym for that on GC, GGjtbG maybe?) is not the best thought for us that are gung-ho about our org, but everyone goes Greek for a different reason.

So I guess the bottom line for this girl, as many have said, is she needs to decide why she wanted to go Greek in the first place.

[amycat412]

Originally posted by AlphaFrog

Also, there are some schools (and from what everyone else is posting, I believe hers is one) that it's almost better for a woman to stay in a sorority that she's not 100% in love with, then not be in a sorority at all.

IMO, this is the case at SC. if you want to be in a sorority and you are not, the Greeks are everywhere and visible and you'd feel left out. I know a lot of women who did not get their first choice house, but came to love the houses they did join and did feel it was better to be greek at SC than not be greek and want to be.

[irishpipes]

Also, dekeguy, she had to have liked this sorority enough to stay with them all the way through rush. If they were as awful to her as your "10 foot pole" houses, she would have cut them during recruitment. (Unless she was a snap or something - unlikely.)

Also, speaking as an alumna, most of a person's Greek experience is going to be after college. I know that is very difficult for a collegian to realize. Even if she doesn't totally love the girls in her collegiate chapter, is she opposed to the whole org so much that she wouldn't even want the alumnae experience?

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by lonestaradpi
If you truly love your first choice, perhaps you should wait and seek AI once you are finished with your collegiate experience.

For the love of god............

AI is NOT an alternative for a woman in this situation, one who gets cut form her favorite and still wants to be one.

[ISUKappa]

You have to honestly ask (and answer) yourself some questions:

Why don't you feel you have much in common with the girls in your current house? Is it for personality reasons? Background and/or upbringing? Their image on campus? Are there things you can find common interests on? Music? TV? Classes? Major? Is it just the girls in your pledge class that you feel you don't have anything in common with or is it the entire chapter? If you give it a chance, who knows; in a year, you may love your chapter.

And what is it about your "dream" chapter that makes you want to be a part of it? Are they the beautiful girls? Do they value academics? Do they have lots of fun socials? Do they seem to have a sisterhood that you want to be a part of? Do you want to have a connection with those friends/family members who are already a part of that org? Who knows, if on the very slim chance you actually got in with your "dream" chapter they may not end up being such a dream after all.

I think almost everyone on GC can think of a time where they weren't really sure they fit in for whatever reason; I know I questioned it many times during my years in college. And you'll hear many stories of women (and men) who didn't get a bid from their first choice, but went on to be actively involved and love where they ended up.

Chapters can change significantly in a few years. The girls that make up the next few pledge classes could be completely different. You may have more in common with them. You don't have to be best friends with everyone in the chapter, or even your pledge class, and it's okay to be closer to women who are older or younger than the women in your pledge class. irishpipes is right, though some of your best memories may stem from the years you spend as an active in college, the bulk of your membership time is post-college, once you're an alumna.

Take more time, talk to people in your chapter and really think about your options. Considering where you go to school, if you do want to be Greek, as you say you do, it really may be better to just stick it out where you are and make the best of it. Only you can make your experience as good (or as bad) as you want it to be.

[Little E]

So as you ask yourself all these very intelligent questions keep this in mind. It is rare, and most of us can atest to it, to fall in love at first site with your sorority. Sororities are not like some great mingling of women who all get along. We fight, we're catty, we're there for eachother, we learn from eachother and we support eachother. They all are hand in hand. The Good, the bad and the ugly.

I really echo the advice to get into it, meet everyone, spend time in the house. Literally (well with out being creepy) go to the house sit on the couch and talk to the people that come through. I've had my best sorority moments when I was bored between classes and plopped myself in the living room and had amazing conversations. It takes hard work.

Remember that you've just uprooted your life and gone off to school. You're HS friends don't come first anymore, you have to get yourself up for class, and when the perfect fit doesn't seem to happen right off the bat, it is totally easy to be frustrated. I would really tell you to stick it out and make a very concerted (sp?) effort to get to know the women in your pledge class and house. In the long run, you're the one who has to live with your decision, I just ask that you don't make everyone around you miserable if you really hate it that much.

[Jhawkalum]

Originally posted by fighton10
I am at USC and I did not have letters of recommendation the first time I rushed. I really do want to be in the greek system, but I feel like the sorority I ended up in is not for me. I do understand it will be hard to even get a bid next year, but I know one person who did it (granted 1 in however many girls there were is not a lot) , but I'm just hoping for some sort of luck I guess. How do sororities decide who they want to invite back? Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of getting a bid from another sorority the second time around?

Although sororities put a lot of emphasis on the importance of recs, the fact of the matter is that when it comes down to it, on pref night, they don't make much difference. Recs really only help you get invited back during the first round, after that, it's not based on what an alum says.

Like many other posters on this board wrote, sororities on large campuses frown on people re-rushing if they've received a bid. Chances are, someone in your "dream house" has a friend in your chapter, and they will talk if you re-rush next year. Some sororities may see this a snub to your current chapter, and they won't want anything to do with you, including your "dream chapter".

You should start focusing on why you went to this chapter on pref night, what you liked about them, and what compelled you to at least make them an option on your bid card.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by lonestaradpi
I know, I know, UCLA isn't USC, but same state, maybe similiar situations with recs.

Actually quite different...........