Big/little problems

[Bodes]

Hi! I'm a sophomore and we just got a new batch of freshmen I got really close with two girls, who also happen to be best friends, and they ranked me first and I ranked them first so I got them as twin littles! This week is big little reveal week so we leave stuff on their desk every morning and the reveal is Sunday.

We have two girls in my PC who are sophomores in the house but are actually seniors, and one of them actually transferred to our university into our house so she doesn't have a big or little or anything here. Today, she came to me in our room and told me that she and one of my littles were pretty close and if she thought she could take a little (Danae) she would have. She then told me that she had told the little the same thing and Danae responded that if she had known that she would have ranked her.

So she came to me, and she was really nice about it, and said that she wanted to possibly adopt/co-big her with me. I told her I was okay with it and we figured out the semantics somewhat, but I'm still really unhappy about it.

I think it was really inconsiderate of her to bring it up half-way through big/little week and ask, when no one told her she couldn't have a little in the first place. I just don't want it to get to a situation where it makes the other town feel weird, or one of us gets left out. Especially since she's graduating this year and once she leaves I'll have to take over as the only big, and that could get weird if she was favored over me.

I'm also stuck paying for everything like t-shirts and crafts for this week when she also gets to claim the title of big. Does anyone have any advice for this whole situation? I don't want to feel disappointed because it's not like I'm losing her completely, I just feel that it's unfair for this person to come along halfway through the week and ask about adopting her.

[amIblue?]

No pay, no play.

[Bodes]

I'd agree but we're a really close sorority with only 100 members total, and I don't want to be rude or anything when she's so nice, it's just a bad situation.

[Alpha O]

I had two bigs and I know that they split the costs of the presents they gave me. I think it would be really unfair if one of them paid for everything. But I guess if you're okay paying for everything, that's up to you.

As long as you stay close with both twins, I think the rest will turn out fine.

[ADPi&Theta_Mom]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

No pay, no play.

I agree with amIblue. If she would like to have the privilege of being a big, she (the new big sis) needs to step to the plate and handle the responsibility of being a big. The fact that she came to the game late means that you have already been doing the job for her, financially as well as physically by getting things bought, prepared and delivered to your little's (if I understood it correctly.) She can pay you back financially, and I think she should, but you stood in the gap for her by getting things to the little at this exciting time for a little, and they are both fortunate for that you did.

Discussing money is difficult. You might couch it under letting her know that you are happy to hand over your little to her for the year or whatever the arrangement is. You will be happy to pick up the expenses after she graduates. And this is how much you have spent getting things ready for her big/little reveal. And you could talk about how much fun it will to have an extended family, this year and in the future. It could be a unique and fun situation if she would like to help make it that way. But her part of being apart of the big/little family begins with the expenses that come with the privilege.

[thetalady]

Do it!! Help make this senior feel more connected. She has no family tree, she may not really feel accepted. She probably needs this to feel more a part of your sorority. Transferring in can make it hard to find your "place."

Littles are EXPENSIVE as you are already seeing. Definitely ask her to reimburse you for what you have spent on one of the littles. You can all be "cousins." Be kind and generous and loving toward your sister. That is what we are supposed to do.

[ADPi&Theta_Mom]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Do it!! Help make this senior feel more connected. She has no family tree, she may not really feel accepted. She probably needs this to feel more a part of your sorority. Transferring in can make it hard to find your "place."

Littles are EXPENSIVE as you are already seeing. Definitely ask her to reimburse you for what you have spent on one of the littles. You can all be "cousins." Be kind and generous and loving toward your sister. That is what we are supposed to do.

Nicely put!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Do it!! Help make this senior feel more connected. She has no family tree, she may not really feel accepted. She probably needs this to feel more a part of your sorority. Transferring in can make it hard to find your "place."

Littles are EXPENSIVE as you are already seeing. Definitely ask her to reimburse you for what you have spent on one of the littles. You can all be "cousins." Be kind and generous and loving toward your sister. That is what we are supposed to do.

Hear, hear.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by thetalady

Do it!! Help make this senior feel more connected. She has no family tree, she may not really feel accepted. She probably needs this to feel more a part of your sorority. Transferring in can make it hard to find your "place."

Littles are EXPENSIVE as you are already seeing. Definitely ask her to reimburse you for what you have spent on one of the littles. You can all be "cousins." Be kind and generous and loving toward your sister. That is what we are supposed to do.

You nailed it. You are an example of "the widest influence for good" and our moral code as well. I'm so proud that we are sisters. You said the right things. TLAM, thetalady. TLAM.

[33girl]

Completely agree with the last 4 posts.

Also, this is a wake-up call to change the way bigs & littles are done. There's no reason ever for one person to get twins when there are other sisters available to take littles and ESPECIALLY if there are sisters without family connections.