Pref & Crying

aprilxo · #1 08-25-2002, 09:28 AM

Okay, I read somewhere that someone thought that because a house didn't cry at pref, they were not as close sisters as another house that did. Personally, I disagree with this statement because our sisterhood is VERY strong in our house, but we have a "rule" of sorts that we aren't allowed to cry at pref because we don't want it to get too cheesy. Our formal recruitment is not as long as some other schools' (only three parties, and pref is the only one where the girls have invites--everyone goes to the other two); my point in that is that while it might be more appropriate to let the tears flow after getting to know girls better, we feel like here (well, it's an engineering school too

) it is sort of heavy emotion to lay on a person we've only met twice before and don't want them to feel too overwhelmed. It's not a bad thing to cry, the PNMs might, and inevitably one of my sisters will, we just try not to

So my only point is that I would hope people dont automatically equate crying with close sisterhood.

greek love,
april

AchtungBaby80 · #2 08-25-2002, 09:47 AM

My chapter had this discussion last week. About half of us felt freaked out by crying as PNMs, but the others felt that since we didn't show much emotion last year, our pref ceremony seemed cold and unfeeling. So we concluded that some tears are fine, because it is an emotional day, but we don't want to just all be bawling uncontrollably because, well, it's freaky. But see, our recruitment week is a week long, so it's different that your situation. I don't know...I guess it's up to you all, but if you feel like shedding a few tears, I don't think you should be ashamed to do it.

DeltaBetaBaby · #3 08-25-2002, 09:57 AM

Last year, as president, I got to tell a personal story at pref. I am a notorious crier, and all a few women told me before hand not to cry. I was really surprised. I mean, obviously I wasn't going to break down bawling, but I didn't see what was wrong with getting choked up. I spoke about my pref night and the woman who rushed me. She cried, because she hadn't heard it yet, and I cried at the very end, on a finishing line that I though was appropriate. A few PNM's were crying too. After the party, a few sisters told me not to cry at the next one. Why???

XOAlumXO · #4 08-25-2002, 10:44 AM

I agree that bawling at prefs would be uncalled for- but it is the most emotional party and a few tears are bound to happen. I know that my last pref party was the saddest, and during a song, I did shed some tears. It was natural. I think you should do whatever feels right.

Aphigal · #5 08-25-2002, 10:54 AM

I think it epens on the person the chapter the pref etc. For example I know tons of pnm's who pledged an Alpha Phi chapter because they didn't cry while other chapters on that campus get really emotional. I have seen the opposite happen.

Really I think that the pnm is finding a home and it has less to do with the tears and more to do with the connection she has found at the house. I don't think I am describing my thoughts really well. Basically it is like when you find a match you look at the alike things and not the things that don't make you part of that group.

AngelPhiSig · #6 08-25-2002, 11:22 AM

I know at my chapter sisters cry at pref, cos its emotional... especially when someone who's leaving is there....

I know I cried as a PNM too...

KillarneyRose · #7 08-25-2002, 11:31 AM

Well, it's not like people can control if they cry or not! Some people cry at the drop of a hat and others keep their emotions bottled up inside. Either way, I don't think there is anything wrong with doing what feels natural to you.

dzsaigirl · #8 08-25-2002, 11:37 AM

I think that crying is okay. I commented on the thread that you are talking about that I cried at pref, AND I cried while reading about Fewdfreak's pref. In my chapter, girls cried. Our pref ceremony has some very profound and touching moments and when you sing some of the words to those songs and hear some of the things that your sisters say, even the least emotional person is bound to shed a tear. Couple the emotion from the ceremony with the fact that people are DOG TIRED from the week of rush and it is not at all a surprise.

Now we I am not saying it is a good idea to be wailing...even if you are crying pretty hard, you should try not to make actual boo-hoo noises...that could get a little freaky. But streaming tears and sniffling and maybe having to pause a little while giving a speech, that's fine.

I think that suggesting that someone supress their emotions by not crying is sort of a cold way to look at pref. Why deny the emotion?

And by the same token, I think it is a BAD idea to make the crying something that is planned...if you have to try to make yourself cry because you think it will tug at the heartstrings, that is just acting...pref is about being real and showing the true bond of your sisterhood.

There is a song we sing at pref that has these words at the beginning "It's not a dream, this is life and it's for real. The love we have, it's not a show, it's what we feel..." I think this is what pref should be all about!

PM_Mama00 · #9 08-25-2002, 12:39 PM

Every year, before Rush, our chapter has it's lil problems. During Pref we go around and say what Phi Mu has given us. Last year we were practicing before the first round, so that no 2 sisters said the same thing. Picture this-- 15 minutse before 1st round comes thru.... 30 girls bawling their eyes out! Somehow our sisterhood became SOOO strong at that moment. We all gathered and had a huge group hug, and it was the first time in a year and a half that I TRULY felt the sisterhood. We laugh about it to this day. We have a few tears towards the end of Pref all the time when we sing Sisters. It's our most beautiful Phi Mu song, and gives me the chills all the time.

I think tears are ok. I've heard from girls that came in that they find those sororities to be more into their sisterhood, if they have a few tears.

aprilxo · #10 08-25-2002, 01:05 PM

Even while practicing pref I had a hard time not crying, but I'm going to do my best not to--mainly it'll be tough this year b/c there are so many people leaving in May (myself included!); I'm not saying we should suppress emotion and make pref cold/unfeeling, just try to get the majority of stuff out of our systems first. Even though I don't want to stereotype engineering students, it does seem like in general the girls at my school are not the emotional touchy feely kind (95% of student population are engineering majors), so I think that that relates back to trying not to be super emotional--it just ends up coming off as cheesy/awkward rather than sweet or something. If there are tears in all the right places and it's touching then no problem; I think the no crying "rule" is partly tradition, but I don't think it's ever hurt my chapter because we have consistently topped the other houses in recruitment for years and years.

So I guess part of it is the general "lay of the land" concerning the kinds of girls going through recruitment, too. UMR is not a very emotional girly place, lots of tomboys and women who never dreamed they'd join a sorority... I think a lot of us didn't really get "into" sisterhood until after joining and so being emotional about it was something that came with time--something that can seem weird to incoming girls who were once in our shoes. This year I feel like the girls are AWESOME and I have a feeling that even if we all started crying they'd cry with us, they've been fitting in so well with us--I swear I'm LOVING recruitment so far because the new girls are SO neat and interesting and fun people!

I can't wait for BID DAY (4 something pm tomorrow!!) so I know who my new sisters are!!!!!!!

greek love,
april

sassykd · #11 08-25-2002, 08:16 PM

My chapter always had discussions about whether or not it was appropriate to cry at pref party. There were some who felt it looked overly dramatic and rehersed while others recognized that some people can't help it. I just remember being a rushee and sitting through pref parties. I saw all these strong, involved intelligent women who were emotional about the bonds that they made. It told me a few things, first that they had a good sisterhood, it also reaffirmed my beleif that you can be strong and emotional at the same time, and since, I can cry at anything, it reafirmed that I had found my home.

After I went through pref on the other side, I was amazed at how meaning the ceremony had become to me. i could of no sooner not cried through pref than I could not cry if ssomeone was cutting off my right leg

It is something that reallty depends on the house and the sisters who make it up.

However, not crying is in no way an indication of poor sisterhood. It is just an example of different women reacting to circumstances in different ways.

SoCalGirl · #12 08-25-2002, 09:20 PM

Crying was something that we were never discouraged from. And if you can get the PNMs crying. Well, then you've hit paydirt!

As an active I was hit and miss on crying. One party I'd be ballin', the next I'd barely even tearup. :shrug:

As a PNM I completely lost it during XO's pref.

shadokat · #13 08-26-2002, 09:38 AM

See, we've always believed that tears are good!!! They're happy tears of course

But we do ask that sisters don't break down sobbing uncontrollably or anything. You know, that little choked up sort of cry, tears streaming down the cheeks, but you can still speak!

I know that sounds really ridiculous, but it's true

GPhiBLtColonel · #14 08-26-2002, 11:30 PM

...at my Gamma Phi pref party at USC (Southern Cal), they sang a slight variance in words to the Judy Collins song "Open the Door" that had me (a rushee in ROTC) choked up and sniffling and trying not to cry, but I could not help myself!

"Open the Door
And come on In
I'm so glad to see you my friend,
you're all like rainbows
comin' around the bend
And when I see you happy,
Well it sets my heart free
I'd like to be as good a friend to you
as you are to me..."

That song is played every now and then on OLDIES stations (I rushed in the 70's - jeepers!) and I STILL get choked up! Sigh!

MoxieGrrl · #15 08-27-2002, 09:00 AM

I'm with PM_Mama.....

Our chapter would work soooo hard and fight and cry and be up so late and have classes, etc.... that we were all cranky and tired by the time pref set up came around. We always had a candlepass before hand to get us "in the mood", so to speak. (I admit, sometimes these were half hearted).
Most of the sisters only cried when they were super close to the PNM. The REAL crying came in when were in the ceremony. We tweaked the words so they really fit us as people, us as sisters, and as a chapter. The ceremony was always so beautiful that we knew that we could get through anything together.

Pref was almost about us and working together and all that we'd been through. The PNMs were *almost* an afterthought.