How to Soothe This Pain???

[ZTAngel]

Her daughter was not a legacy. If you had actually read GaMom's post, you would have seen that.

[FSUZeta]

mom, please add my hugs to everyone elses-i cannot begin to imagine how hurt your daughter and you are feeling right now. i do hope that she is able to bounce back , carry her head high, get involved on campus and make lots of friends in the dorm and in her classes.

honeychile(as always) gave some wonderful advice and ucfadpi's sample letter was excellent!! please be sure to share their wise words with your daughter.

[ASUADPi]

If I could I would give your daughter a hug. I can't imagine the pain she is feeling.

I know it's not the same, but I transferred to another school and the chapter I was hoping to affiliate with denied my affiliation. I was absolutely heartbroken. I didn't understand why one chapter thought I was good enough to be their sister but this one didn't. I was so upset to the point where I removed my ADPi license plate from my car, took off my lavalier and stopped wearing my letters. I felt betrayed and didn't want to be associated with the sorority. I eventually put my license plate holder back on my car, started wearing my lavalier and letters again. And eventually a wonderful sister explained to me the details of my affiliation fiasco. I'm now actively involved with my sorority. I'm in my second year of philanthropy chair for the local alum association and I'm on the committee to recolonize my chapter of initiation. Everything turned out wondefully because I just let time heal my wounds.

I know what happened to me and what happened to your daughter aren't the same situations, but like I said, time heals all wounds. This too will pass and she will only grow and become stronger because of it.

I'm sure I sound really corny, but

[33girl]

Originally Posted by mkgirl

I have a question now....is something like this a good argument for having deferred rush? A time for the pnm's to get to know the different groups and for the groups to really get to know the pnm's??

YES.

If I had had to rush straight out of high school, I would NEVER have gotten a bid - and I'd wager there are many other people on here w/ the same story.

[TXMom]

GAMom, check your pm's

[StateUGirl]

I do feel bad for her but the GC gang should not be so quick to recommend that she try COB or going through rush again. UGA obviously has a very competative rush and this may not be a realistic option. Pretending that it is will may only delay her realizing that she will probably not join a sorority at UGA and should spend her time and efforts finding a non-greek group of friends and non-greek activities to become involved in.

[AUDeltaGam]

Originally Posted by StateUGirl

I do feel bad for her but the GC gang should not be so quick to recommend that she try COB or going through rush again. UGA obviously has a very competative rush and this may not be a realistic option. Pretending that it is will may only delay her realizing that she will probably not join a sorority at UGA and should spend her time and efforts finding a non-greek group of friends and non-greek activities to become involved in.

But there is a chance that some sororities will COB (I can think of one offhand) and there IS a chance she can rerush next year. She should spend time making new friends, because that's an important part of college, but she shouldn't completely close the door on rushing.

[UGAalum94]

I went through rush and dropped out. I was crushed that many groups that I thought I wanted cut me. (I was trying to impress a boy, rather than choose for myself.)

At the time, I didn't think my mom was sympathetic enough, but in hindsight I think the way she encouraged me to get over it and not regard it as the end of the world helped.

I was disposed to think an unsuccessful rush was the end of the world, and my mom knew that life went on, and that if a bad sorority rush was the worst think that ever happened to me, I’d had a pretty easy life.

Inadvertently, your efforts at helping her may make her think it was important to you, and that she let you down

So maybe rather than offering her more ways to resolve rush in the way she thought it would go, a touch of my mom’s “get over it” attitude might help her keep things in perspective.

And, later if she really wants to COB or COR, or even go through rush again next year, she can. But she’ll know that those are only a couple of the options that she’ll have at college.

I tend to think your daughter is probably a great young woman and that the sororities made a mistake by not offering her a bid. Really, it’s their loss. Your daughter should go on and do all the other activities that she thought she might do, make good grades, and generally be the awesome young woman she is.

[BamaDad]

Please accept my best wishes for your daughter. This is the part I hate - so many incredible candidates with simply not enough slots available.

I hope she acconmplishes every other goal she sets for this Fall, including the making of new friends, grades and association with one of the many fine activities they offer at your phenomenal university.

[FSMOM]

My daughter is currently rushing at FSU and called me today crying hysterically because she did not get asked back to her 2 top picks out of 7 she submitted last night. In the list of 5 she rec'd today, there was only 1 house that she was interested in...the remaining 4 were ones that she had put on a "do not like" list. I told her she had the option to redraw, or she could take her chances with the final bids, however, it becomes her "choice" whether she wants to run the risk of being dropped. We will know tomorrow whether she gets asked back to her #1 pick.

This is the largest pledge class yet @ FSU - 1400 girls with 800+ openings. This means over 43% of the girls will not be placed in houses. I, too, can emphathize with the UGA mom. This is a painful experience for the ones who do not get a bid. Had my daughter researched more about the pledging experience, she might have reconsidered -- no one likes rejection.

My best to the UGA Mom - sounds like she has the love and support of a wonderful family.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by FSMOM

This is the largest pledge class yet @ FSU - 1400 girls with 800+ openings. This means over 43% of the girls will not be placed in houses.

Is FSU doing something strange? The number of openings per sorority is supposed to be the number of PNMs divided by the number of sororities.

[PenguinTrax]

Originally Posted by FSMOM

This is the largest pledge class yet @ FSU - 1400 girls with 800+ openings. This means over 43% of the girls will not be placed in houses. I, too, can emphathize with the UGA mom. This is a painful experience for the ones who do not get a bid. Had my daughter researched more about the pledging experience, she might have reconsidered -- no one likes rejection.

That is incorrect,. Based on past years statistics, when it comes time to set quota, there may only be 800 girls attending preference. A lot of girls drop out of recruitment before the end, either due to not receiving any invitations or by withdrawing because they don't like their invites. For example, last year between opening events and final events, 46% of the PNMs withdrew from recruitment at FSU. And there were less women going through recruitment last year, so expecting 500-600 to drop is pretty much in line with statistics in prior years. While this number seems drastic, it is actually pretty standard for large campuses with competitive recruitments.

Unlike campuses like IU that let the chapters decide how many spots they want to fill (and do not use quota), FSU does use the quota total system. PNMs that do continue to the end of the process can receive a bid.

Your daughter should stick it out through the end of recruitment - there are women that would envy the invitations that she did get. If after preference she does not feel home, she can decline to sign her preference card.

[FSUZeta]

i distinctly remember 2 posts from last year(or two years ago) from 2 young women who participated in informal recruitment at uga-both ended up pledging and were thrilled to be new members in the respective chapters. it is entirely up to ugadaughter whether she feels like giving it a try, but the opportunity will be there is she so chooses.

fsmom, hope that your daughter hears good news.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

Is FSU doing something strange? The number of openings per sorority is supposed to be the number of PNMs divided by the number of sororities.

FSU does follow NPC guidelines. Remember that not all those 1,400 will show up. Quota is generally set late in the recruitment period - as late as pref day. So it's not the number that signed up for rush divided by the number of sororities.
And any PNM who decides first thing that she'll only accept 1, 2, or 5 sororities is setting herself up for disappointment. Better to stay with it and check out the other groups. You never know where you'll find your best friends if you don't keep an open mind!

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

FSU does follow NPC guidelines. Remember that not all those 1,400 will show up. Quota is generally set late in the recruitment period - as late as pref day. So it's not the number that signed up for rush divided by the number of sororities.
And any PNM who decides first thing that she'll only accept 1, 2, or 5 sororities is setting herself up for disappointment. Better to stay with it and check out the other groups. You never know where you'll find your best friends if you don't keep an open mind!

I don't know if your answer was directed at me or the mom. I know that's how it works - the mom who posted said that there were 1400 signed up and only 800+ spots. She made it sound as if the number of spots was determined before recruitment, which simply is untrue unless the school is not following NPC guidelines for quota. If there are 800 spots, it should mean that there are 800 PNMs still in the game at prefs.