My daughter is devastated and I don't know what to do

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by TSteven

According to irishpipes’ chapter listing thread, these are the upcoming SEC colonizations.
apologies for any missed colonizations

Alabama – open for expansion
Arkansas – Alpha Gamma Delta, Delta Zeta presented/presenting (unknown date for colonization)
Auburn – Delta Phi Epsilon, Sigma Sigma Sigma to present (unknown date for colonization)
Florida – Gamma Phi Beta (2015), Alpha Phi (2017)
Georgia – Delta Phi Epsilon (2015), Alpha Phi (2017)
Kentucky – Alpha Chi Omega (2015), Gamma Phi Beta (2017)
Louisiana State – Alpha Delta Pi (2016)
Mississippi – Alpha Phi (2015)
Mississippi State – n/a
Missouri – n/a
South Carolina – Alpha Xi Delta (2016)
Tennessee – n/a
Texas A&M – Alpha Epsilon Phi (unknown date for colonization)
Vanderbilt – n/a

Neither group was selected at Arkansas and it is no longer open.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by howdy96

AEPhi is colonizing at TAMU now! They're doing informal recruitment though.

Originally Posted by irishpipes

Neither group was selected at Arkansas and it is no longer open.

Thanks for the updates. I've edited my post.

[zbxo]

So hard to be a freshman these days. She didn't just want a chapter, she wanted to share yours. All you can do is support her in moving forward.

[LionTamer]

I'm with zbxo - this isn't a girl whose approach was " top tier or nothing" and then dropped out when she wasn't invited to the sorority she thought she "deserved'. So the smug replies from the " maximize or else" crowd seem a little misplaced here. This is mom's sorority, and mom's chapter. She's been hearing about THIS chapter for 18 years. So a little slack is warranted. Fortunately at big schools, there are such a big variety of things to dive into, once the hurt diminished a little. So sorry she had that happen.

[DGTess]

Sorry, yes, but ...

Mom accurately noted there is nothing she (Mom) can do.

Daughter made choices.

Life lesson. Hopefully not her first; likely not her last.

[heartbrokenmom]

Thank you all for your compassionate messages. I read them all and I appreciate all your thoughts. I didn't expect this post to get noticed and I feel I only created it out of a sense of deep pain when I needed a sounding board. Thank you for that.

Her aunt and I visited her the weekend right after to make sure she was doing okay and she seemed to perk right up while spending the weekend with us. She said it was good to have us around because her roommate and some other friends had had successful recruitments and we were a good distraction. We didn't try to push anything on her at all and left on a happy note. She has been joining clubs and trying to get to know people.

We have talked on the phone every day since she dropped recruitment and I think she is in a much better state of mind. She seems much happier and stable. Definitely not the same girl who broke down during recruitment. I think she is wiser for this experience. She admits that dropping during recruitment because she was cut from the legacy house was rash but she says she doesn't have regrets about it. I'm glad there are no regrets.

There is a colonization on her campus this semester and I have not pushed her in that direction, but one of her friends who didn't do formal recruitment wants to be part of the colony. So she has heard about it and after reflecting about it she decided that she wants to try for it. I told her no one is expecting her to do this so she shouldn't feel obligated to do it for anyone but herself, but I will not stop her and everyone will be happy only if she is happy. And I know this campus so I know that she doesn't have to be Greek to have fun and find her place and I drilled that into her head. But if she wants to do it then I want to support her. For now she has been nervous but stable about the process. I think if it doesn't work out, she will still be okay.

Sorry for any typos, I am typing from my phone.

[Sunny3]

heartbrokenmom,

I am not Greek, but you have my sympathy. I was in your shoes a year ago. It is so hard for us mommas to see our daughters hurting. I hate the way that my daughter's school (and I think most SEC schools) do recruitment. It is the week before school starts, and the girls are completely isolated.....they start to feel like the whole world revolves around Greek life. I am not going to patronize you with meaningless platitudes. It is a hard situation for both of you. Yes, she will get over it; but there will always probably be a little part of her heart that hurts. Through this semester and next, there will be times that she is completely happy and "over it"; only to be miserable the very next day when she sees her roommate go to a sorority event. You both WILL be o.k. though, I promise. It is just a very gradual process. I hope the colonization goes well for your daughter, and she finds happiness there if that is what she wants.

[Katmandu]

How wonderful that you were able to visit! These girls are surrounded by recruitment and in their eyes, EVERYONE is greek and enjoying their new friends. We all know that is not true, but try to convince them! A new colony offers new and very challenging (and therefore very special) opportunities. Who knows...maybe this will be the answer. Maybe not, but whatever happens, she has a great mom to support her!

[heartbrokenmom]

Thank you Katmandu.

Thank you Sunny3 for your sympathy and understanding. It has been a roller coaster of feelings these past few weeks and we're all doing our best. I know my daughter still harbors some hurt from being cut from my chapter. I'm glad to say that her faith is helping her through it. We were praying together for her to find her true home on campus and discussing the best ways to make it happen, not just with the colonization process. My daughter is a very successful and beautiful young woman and this was her first big rejection. Because I'm her momma and want to protect her ("Anyone who hurts my daughter will have me to deal with!"), it was so painful to see her hurting, but my husband keeps reminding me that this will prepare her to handle rejection in the future. I know that too deep down.

[heartbrokenmom]

Just wanted to update. Thank you for all the supportive replies and personal messages.

My daughter and her friend are new members of Gamma Phi Beta! I heard from my dear daughter that Gamma Phi did a wonderful job and she really connected with their philanthropy and the other girls she met in the process. She seems very happy to be a part of the charter class...which makes for a happy momma too!

[3DGator]

Congratulations. I am really happy for the both of you.

[Katmandu]

How wonderful!! My best high school friend is a Gamma Phi Beta and Gamma Phi was my other pref, a place that I loved and would have been proud to accept a bid from. (grammar, I know....) She will love it!

[sigmagirl2000]

congrats!

[navane]

Originally Posted by heartbrokenmom

Just wanted to update. Thank you for all the supportive replies and personal messages.

My daughter and her friend are new members of Gamma Phi Beta! I heard from my dear daughter that Gamma Phi did a wonderful job and she really connected with their philanthropy and the other girls she met in the process. She seems very happy to be a part of the charter class...which makes for a happy momma too!

That's wonderful! We are happy to welcome her into our sisterhood of Gamma Phi Beta!

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by heartbrokenmom

Just wanted to update. Thank you for all the supportive replies and personal messages.

My daughter and her friend are new members of Gamma Phi Beta! I heard from my dear daughter that Gamma Phi did a wonderful job and she really connected with their philanthropy and the other girls she met in the process. She seems very happy to be a part of the charter class...which makes for a happy momma too!

CONGRATS! I must have missed this thread when you originally posted, but when I started reading through it today, I kind of wondered if there'd be a Gamma Phi ending given the timing of recent posts.

I'm sending hugs to your daughter and all her charter class sisters. She has a lot of wonderful things and a lot of work ahead of her as a foundering sister, and I hope she enjoys every minute!