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  #1  
Old 03-12-2012, 02:04 AM
sb55 sb55 is offline
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I don't know how I feel about my sorority...

Hi guys,

So I rushed this spring semester and got a bid to a sorority I didn't really like. I couldn't go to that many events before initiation because I was busy with a lot of other extracurriculars. However, at the events I went to, I really didn't connect with the girls and the atmosphere didn't seem welcoming. Also, at my school, this sorority has a reputation for being "weird" and is made fun of (especially at the frats). I was still torn about whether to quit or not, but didn't have time to think about it (I went to 3 different out-of-state competitions for dance). I got initiated right before spring break, came home and finally and some down time to get some advice...now I find out I'm not allowed to join another NPC sorority, ever.

I'm so frustrated and I can't believe it took me this long to realize they don't have what I'm looking for in a sorority and that I should have just quit when I had the chance.

I love the idea of sorority but I just feel so frustrated. I'm generally a nice person, but whenever I tell someone I'm in my sorority, they get that "Oh...you're in *that" sorority" face. I'm really sick of that and I don't want people to judge me anymore. I asked a lot of people for help but none of them ever mentioned the lifetime commitment rule...

The biggest issue I have is that I wanted my sorority to be a group of girls that go out and really have fun. There's some sororities on campus who are planning trips with other frats, going out to clubs, going to Renaissance Fairs, even, but my sorority really isn't like that. There are a few outgoing people but a lot of the people are sort of introverted, stay-at-home, socially awkward-ish. (I got that vibe from them and some older members have mentioned it too). It's a lot of money to pay for people I don't even care that much for.

How do I deal with this? Should I stay in it or just quit? Is it better to be in greek life than not?

Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 03-12-2012, 02:44 AM
knight_shadow knight_shadow is offline
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Not in a sorority, so I won't comment on much.

I will say that you can go to clubs, go on trips, and visit fairs with people who aren't in your sorority. You're not joined at the hip.
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  #3  
Old 03-12-2012, 02:48 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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What I've gathered from your post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
Hi guys,

So I rushed this spring semester and got a bid to a sorority I didn't really like. I couldn't go to that many events before initiation because I was busy with a lot of other extracurriculars. However, at the events I went to, I really didn't connect with the girls and the atmosphere didn't seem welcoming. Also, at my school, this sorority has a reputation for being "weird" and is made fun of (especially at the frats). I was still torn about whether to quit or not, but didn't have time to think about it (I went to 3 different out-of-state competitions for dance). I got initiated right before spring break, came home and finally and some down time to get some advice...now I find out I'm not allowed to join another NPC sorority, ever.
You've spent little time with your sorority, but you've somehow determined that you don't like any of the sisters...

Quote:
I'm so frustrated and I can't believe it took me this long to realize they don't have what I'm looking for in a sorority and that I should have just quit when I had the chance.

I love the idea of sorority but I just feel so frustrated. I'm generally a nice person, but whenever I tell someone I'm in my sorority, they get that "Oh...you're in *that" sorority" face. I'm really sick of that and I don't want people to judge me anymore. I asked a lot of people for help but none of them ever mentioned the lifetime commitment rule...
You feel like you're in the "bottom-tier" chapter, so you don't want to be in it anymore...

Quote:
The biggest issue I have is that I wanted my sorority to be a group of girls that go out and really have fun. There's some sororities on campus who are planning trips with other frats, going out to clubs, going to Renaissance Fairs, even, but my sorority really isn't like that. There are a few outgoing people but a lot of the people are sort of introverted, stay-at-home, socially awkward-ish. (I got that vibe from them and some older members have mentioned it too). It's a lot of money to pay for people I don't even care that much for.
And you don't care for people that you haven't even taken the time to get to know.

Quote:
How do I deal with this? Should I stay in it or just quit? Is it better to be in greek life than not?

Thanks!
This is up to you. It's definitely not our question to answer.. It's yours. Do you want to put in the effort to assist this chapter to become all that, and more? Or do you not want to be a part of Greek life at all?
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Last edited by ASTalumna06; 03-12-2012 at 02:51 AM.
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  #4  
Old 03-12-2012, 03:09 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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I had a whole post written that I've just deleted. You know what? I read back over your post. Just drop. You don't deserve them. You are a pathetic 18 year (or whatever) girl who is shallow and doesn't have the first clue about sisterhood.
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  #5  
Old 03-12-2012, 03:29 AM
sb55 sb55 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I had a whole post written that I've just deleted. You know what? I read back over your post. Just drop. You don't deserve them. You are a pathetic 18 year (or whatever) girl who is shallow and doesn't have the first clue about sisterhood.
No you should elaborate, please
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  #6  
Old 03-12-2012, 03:52 AM
qbt1990 qbt1990 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I had a whole post written that I've just deleted. You know what? I read back over your post. Just drop. You don't deserve them. You are a pathetic 18 year (or whatever) girl who is shallow and doesn't have the first clue about sisterhood.
That's kinda harsh, she's young. @ OP, since you can't join another sorority you can either try to make the best of it or drop. Those are your two choices. Have you tried getting to know every single person in the sorority yet? Probably not, and chances are you might find some girls you click with. Plenty of people on these boards were hesitant about their sorority initially but ended up loving it, I'm convinced it can happen. As far as reputation goes, it may seem like the biggest deal in the world when you're in college but after you graduate it doesn't matter at all - the most important thing is being able to move to different cities and still making lifelong friends because you share the bond of your sorority with others. I just graduated last year and still feel this way. I vote you should wait it out and see what happens.
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  #7  
Old 03-12-2012, 04:18 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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OK, you can't expect women to be friends, or friendly, with you when you are not physically there. These friendships, contrary to popular opinion, are not automatic. You have to WORK at them. But none of that matters if these girls are not good enough for you or the opinion of outsiders means more than the opinion of your friends. But then, they're not your friends, so the opinion of strangers might just as well be the only valid one.

Yes there are things you can do as a member to improve your campus reputation, and it only takes a few members who are more outgoing to draw some women out of their shells, but you have to be willing to not have your life, your friendships, your social status handed to you on a silver platter. If you were WILLING to say proudly that you are a member of your sorority, maybe that perception would begin to change. If you have to whisper it so nobody else hears, you are only making that reputation worse.

And ask yourself this. What of those great activities you're hearing other sororities are doing that you want have you tried to arrange within your own chapter and got shot down? What leadership roles or committees have you volunteered for to make your situation better? What WORK have you been willing to put in? Or was your job to be pretty?

If you're old enough to go away to college, live in a dorm, travel far away to competitions, you're old enough to read a membership contract before signing it, and you're old enough to accept responsibility for the commitments you've made.
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  #8  
Old 03-12-2012, 04:34 AM
sigmagirl10 sigmagirl10 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
OK, you can't expect women to be friends, or friendly, with you when you are not physically there. These friendships, contrary to popular opinion, are not automatic. You have to WORK at them. But none of that matters if these girls are not good enough for you or the opinion of outsiders means more than the opinion of your friends. But then, they're not your friends, so the opinion of strangers might just as well be the only valid one.

Yes there are things you can do as a member to improve your campus reputation, and it only takes a few members who are more outgoing to draw some women out of their shells, but you have to be willing to not have your life, your friendships, your social status handed to you on a silver platter. If you were WILLING to say proudly that you are a member of your sorority, maybe that perception would begin to change. If you have to whisper it so nobody else hears, you are only making that reputation worse.

And ask yourself this. What of those great activities you're hearing other sororities are doing that you want have you tried to arrange within your own chapter and got shot down? What leadership roles or committees have you volunteered for to make your situation better? What WORK have you been willing to put in? Or was your job to be pretty?

If you're old enough to go away to college, live in a dorm, travel far away to competitions, you're old enough to read a membership contract before signing it, and you're old enough to accept responsibility for the commitments you've made.
Everything DubaiSis has said here is what I would like to say.

In addition, I'd like to remind you that sorority membership is for life. So your chapter doesn't have the best reputation on campus or is considered bottom-tier (tiers are stupid). If you take the time to develop relationships with your sisters as human beings (because most/all of them are probably pretty awesome, if you bother to find out), reputation shouldn't matter. If it still does, so what? You will spend only four years (less) with your chapter out of perhaps 45+ years of membership in your lifetime. Think of all the opportunities you will have to be an involved alumna!

But seriously, put some effort into getting to know your sisters. Yeah, the shininess of trips with fraternities etc. looks nice, but you may be missing out on what could be the best friendships of your life if you don't put in some effort.

Side note, it's early March. Spring semesters generally start in January, so at the most you have been a member of your chapter for 2.5 months, but probably more like two months. You have the rest of the semester: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.

Ok, done ranting.
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  #9  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:15 AM
sb55 sb55 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
OK, you can't expect women to be friends, or friendly, with you when you are not physically there. These friendships, contrary to popular opinion, are not automatic. You have to WORK at them. But none of that matters if these girls are not good enough for you or the opinion of outsiders means more than the opinion of your friends. But then, they're not your friends, so the opinion of strangers might just as well be the only valid one.

Yes there are things you can do as a member to improve your campus reputation, and it only takes a few members who are more outgoing to draw some women out of their shells, but you have to be willing to not have your life, your friendships, your social status handed to you on a silver platter. If you were WILLING to say proudly that you are a member of your sorority, maybe that perception would begin to change. If you have to whisper it so nobody else hears, you are only making that reputation worse.

And ask yourself this. What of those great activities you're hearing other sororities are doing that you want have you tried to arrange within your own chapter and got shot down? What leadership roles or committees have you volunteered for to make your situation better? What WORK have you been willing to put in? Or was your job to be pretty?

If you're old enough to go away to college, live in a dorm, travel far away to competitions, you're old enough to read a membership contract before signing it, and you're old enough to accept responsibility for the commitments you've made.

I get where you're coming from, but I didn't sign up to work super hard to improve our reputation and make us look good on campus. i signed up for a sorority because it seemed like fun; it seemed like somewhere I could meet a lot of people and have a good time. Of course I would love to help out with stuff...but not improving-reputation kind of stuff. I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin with that. I don't think I have the time, energy, brain-power, patience, and skill to pull off something like that...but is that such a crime? There wasn't a "membership contract" that said that.

And anytime I've tried to ask people to go out before, no one seems interested. I never said these girls were horrible people, just that I don't think I fit in with them.

And I don't know what you mean by valuing the opinions of outsiders more than the opinions of friends/ strangers.

If you could elaborate and reply that'd be great, thanks
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  #10  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:27 AM
knight_shadow knight_shadow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sb55 View Post
I get where you're coming from, but I didn't sign up to work super hard to improve our reputation and make us look good on campus. i signed up for a sorority because it seemed like fun; it seemed like somewhere I could meet a lot of people and have a good time. Of course I would love to help out with stuff...but not improving-reputation kind of stuff. I honestly wouldn't even know where to begin with that. I don't think I have the time, energy, brain-power, patience, and skill to pull off something like that...but is that such a crime? There wasn't a "membership contract" that said that.

And anytime I've tried to ask people to go out before, no one seems interested. I never said these girls were horrible people, just that I don't think I fit in with them.

And I don't know what you mean by valuing the opinions of outsiders more than the opinions of friends/ strangers.

If you could elaborate and reply that'd be great, thanks
Oy.
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  #11  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:30 AM
DubaiSis DubaiSis is offline
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I "signed up" to be in a sorority so I can be pretty and people can revolve around me whose sole purpose is to make me happy. I stand by my original statement. Drop. They're too good for you. And if they are the ugliest, dorkiest heifers who ever wore sorority letters, they're STILL too good for you.
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  #12  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:42 AM
Leslie Anne Leslie Anne is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I "signed up" to be in a sorority so I can be pretty and people can revolve around me whose sole purpose is to make me happy. I stand by my original statement. Drop. They're too good for you. And if they are the ugliest, dorkiest heifers who ever wore sorority letters, they're STILL too good for you.
Like!
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  #13  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:43 AM
sb55 sb55 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DubaiSis View Post
I "signed up" to be in a sorority so I can be pretty and people can revolve around me whose sole purpose is to make me happy. I stand by my original statement. Drop. They're too good for you. And if they are the ugliest, dorkiest heifers who ever wore sorority letters, they're STILL too good for you.
Ouch, woman.

You're the one who said I should help improve their reputation and I replied that I wasn't sure I had the skills/ability to do that...so really, calm down.
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  #14  
Old 03-12-2012, 05:51 AM
knight_shadow knight_shadow is offline
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Long story short -- if the women are so deplorable that you would rather be independent than call them sisters, then drop. Otherwise, you need to stick it out and be a sister to your SISTERS, not to people walking around talking shit.
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  #15  
Old 03-12-2012, 06:36 AM
Old_Row Old_Row is offline
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You need to drop. They don't need someone like you bringing them down.

Good luck with not working hard in your future ventures too.
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