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  #1  
Old 03-16-2019, 11:30 AM
Benzgirl Benzgirl is offline
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Move Over Heli-Parents, We Now Have Snowplow-Parents

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/16/s...PGzcQ5leRStegY

"The bribery scandal has “just highlighted an incredibly dark side of what has become normative, which is making sure that your kid has the best, is exposed to the best, has every advantage — without understanding how disabling that can be,” said Madeline Levine, a psychologist and the author of “Teach Your Children Well: Why Values and Coping Skills Matter More Than Grades, Trophies or ‘Fat Envelopes.’”

“They’ve cleared everything out of their kids’ way,” she said.

In her practice, Dr. Levine said, she regularly sees college freshmen who “have had to come home from Emory or Brown because they don’t have the minimal kinds of adult skills that one needs to be in college.”

One came home because there was a rat in the dorm room. Some didn’t like their roommates. Others said it was too much work, and they had never learned independent study skills. One didn’t like to eat food with sauce. Her whole life, her parents had helped her avoid sauce, calling friends before going to their houses for dinner. At college, she didn’t know how to cope with the cafeteria options — covered in sauce.

“Here are parents who have spent 18 years grooming their kids with what they perceive as advantages, but they’re not,” Dr. Levine said."
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  #2  
Old 03-16-2019, 12:20 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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Again, where has the embarrassment gone? How are these kids preferring admitting these things, to trying to make it work for fear of looking like an immature jackass?
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Old 03-16-2019, 01:28 PM
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thetalady thetalady is offline
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Snow Plow parents raise Snowflake kids. Not much of a surprise. What does raise my eyebrows is that both parties seem actually proud of the inability to live an adult life!

I actually envision these parents more like the sweeper in curling... smoothing the path, eliminating bumps and dings in the road ahead, directing the preferred way for their little balls of granite ;-)
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Old 03-16-2019, 02:15 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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On multiple sites I see mothers of sorority girls lamenting that fact their daughters are “forced” to live in the house. “She’s never shared a room”, “she has always had her own bathroom” they’ll wail. “It’s so unfair-they’re so mean to make her honor her commitment!” Yep-mean-it’s what sororities do.
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Old 03-16-2019, 02:32 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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^^^ As if the house was rebuilt between bid day and the day snowflake needs to move in? lol -- um, the house had communal bathrooms and double rooms during house tours, and it still does. And you're a member!
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Old 03-16-2019, 05:27 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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^^^ As if the house was rebuilt between bid day and the day snowflake needs to move in? lol -- um, the house had communal bathrooms and double rooms during house tours, and it still does. And you're a member!
Amen and amen!
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Old 03-16-2019, 06:22 PM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I wonder if there is any correlation between snowplow parents and crummy marriages.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:23 AM
DaffyKD DaffyKD is offline
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I wonder if there is any correlation between snowplow parents and crummy marriages.
Snowplow parents and addiction. Kids can't face life, don't know how to make their own decisions so bury it all under drugs and alcohol. I was once called out by a group of mothers at the elementary school. They tried to tell me my kids were afraid of me because I made them accept the consequences of their actions. They were appalled that I made the same demand for my special needs kids as I did for my GATE kid. Today, they both run their own lives, hold jobs, and go crazy when they have to deal with those who expect their parents to do everything for them.

My daughter was telling me that her company was interviewing for an economist. To be considered for the position one needed at least a Masters, preferably a Doctorate. One young man looked great on paper, did fantastically on the phone interview and was invited for a personal interview. Kid showed up to interview with Mom. Mom became upset when my daughter let her know that she could not sit in the interview with Son. After interview while still interviewing others, Mom called daily to be updated on the "status of Son's position." After the 3rd phone call, daughter went to Powers that Be to tell them no to hire Son because he'd come with Mom included. Mom lost Son a fantastic position. They were about to offer Son the job when Mom overstepped for the 3rd time.

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Old 03-17-2019, 10:02 AM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Originally Posted by FSUZeta View Post
On multiple sites I see mothers of sorority girls lamenting that fact their daughters are “forced” to live in the house. “She’s never shared a room”, “she has always had her own bathroom” they’ll wail. “It’s so unfair-they’re so mean to make her honor her commitment!” Yep-mean-it’s what sororities do.
So, would they prefer their kid live in the dorms? Because I hate to burst their bubble, but..

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Originally Posted by DaffyKD View Post
My daughter was telling me that her company was interviewing for an economist. To be considered for the position one needed at least a Masters, preferably a Doctorate. One young man looked great on paper, did fantastically on the phone interview and was invited for a personal interview. Kid showed up to interview with Mom. Mom became upset when my daughter let her know that she could not sit in the interview with Son. After interview while still interviewing others, Mom called daily to be updated on the "status of Son's position." After the 3rd phone call, daughter went to Powers that Be to tell them no to hire Son because he'd come with Mom included. Mom lost Son a fantastic position. They were about to offer Son the job when Mom overstepped for the 3rd time.

DaffyKD
and

A question for the parents out there, because maybe you can understand this a little better, but how does someone do this? What turns someone into a snowplow/heli-parent?
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  #10  
Old 03-17-2019, 10:15 AM
33girl 33girl is offline
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I honestly think sometimes it happens before you even realize it. I also know that I am a control freak and therefore itís good Iíve never had kids. But yeah, that was partially what I was alluding to with my marriage question.
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Old 03-17-2019, 10:24 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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I think it boils down to child-rearing philosophy. Are you raising your children to be independent or crippling them with your snow plowing, making decisions for them and orchestrating every aspect of their lives? I feel the snow plow parents are trying to make their kids lives a magical time of unicorns pooping rainbows, not realizing that at some point these children will be grown and out in the harsh cruel world that doesn't see that child as special and unique. When that happens, mom and/or dad try to plow a road back to the land of enchantment, where their darling was safe, and happy, and the chicken fingers flowed freely.
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:00 PM
navane navane is offline
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I don't think it's about the children. I think parents are subconsciously making this about themselves. It's not necessarily that they want junior to have everything, it's that *they* want to *be* everything. In other words, I think people are trying to win at the parenting game regardless of what that means for their children in the end. Does that make sense?
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Old 03-17-2019, 12:40 PM
Titchou Titchou is offline
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It's about impressing others so they think better of you. My mother was an expert at this! My ex was a molecular biologist, PhD in zoological chemistry. We were at dinner for her birthday once and the reservation was in "Dr. Titchou". As we were being taken to our table the hostess asked my husband what kind of doctor he was. Mama jumped in and said "he's a gynecologist!" Obviously an MD trumps a PhD....(it was a good thing we both had a cocktail before we left the house...all the better to deal with her)
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Old 03-17-2019, 01:43 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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Long-time parent and educator here--and I have seen this going on for at least 30 years. To this day, I can not believe what some parents did, even back in the eighties, to make sure their kid got X and Y.
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Old 03-17-2019, 04:15 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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I think, this is a hell of a mess and actually has been going on for some time until someone blew the whistle!

Parents want the betterment form their kids as mine did, but I paid and earned mine! Back when, there were NO SAT or other tests to get into college nor getting student loans. WOW how far we have come????

With today's Moral Compass and leadership, our ship of state on world of America is going to hell. Today, it is called to Hell in a Hand Cart.

Having Money has always lead the pack over the normal people! Ask our Leader, DA~!
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