Rolling solo without being "alone" and "lonely"

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Anyone care to share why eating solo bothers you? Is it the need to be doing something like talking to someone, watching the restaurant TV, or on your phone or laptop?

I don't mind eating alone if I'm sitting at a bar, but eating alone at a table is weird to me (if I don't have a laptop or a book or something) because I don't know where to look. LOL. Take a bite, look up, stare at the couple at the table in front of me. I guess part of it is not wanting to freak other people out. Haha.

[DrPhil]

LOL, ASTalumna06, that makes sense. You don't want to be the creepy solo person staring at other tables. I like certain restaurants because they have something to keep me occupied. If I go to a restaurant that has nothing to keep me occupied I will bring my phone.

****
Yes, being alone and lonely aren't the same. But, being solo is different than both being alone and being lonely. When I enjoyed my seafood risotto this evening, I was eating solo but I wasn't alone. And I definitely wasn't lonely. There are times when I go out solo such as to a walking park. That is more alone but I damn sure make sure there are people somewhere in the vicinity so I don't end up with a bear attack.

I wasn't thinking of alone time in the bathroom or at home when I created this thread. LOL. I was more thinking about whether GCers go out solo.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Anyone care to share why eating solo bothers you? Is it the need to be doing something like talking to someone, watching the restaurant TV, or on your phone or laptop?

I noticed that when I don't bring my phone with me or there is no restaurant TV in my vicinity, the bartender or server (if I don't sit at the bar) wants to talk more. LOL. I know I'm solo. It is intentional.

I've really tried to disconnect in public when solo. It is HARD. If I'm reading a book or magazine, easy. Incessantly checking my phone is harder. This was a few years ago, but I didn't enjoy my own company then. Now, I can go to a restaurant, order, drink and just savor the moment. I do get a bit sad if I realize I'm the only one dining alone, but then I remind myself it was intential.

A lot of times, rolling solo is a matter of distance - if I dont feel like travelling to meet up with folks, I go alone. I really enjoy pedicures alone. Museums I almost prefer to go alone. I've yet to muster up going to a movie alone (I always say I will, then I don't).

As far as being at a bar... I definitely need something (TV, conversation, a game). If I sit there in my thoughts, (positive) solo time turns into (negative) lonely time.

OTOH, I do enjoy borderline creepy people watching, but I think that's the inquisitive writer in me.

[KKGCaroline]

I have a wonderful husband, but I really do like my alone time, I'll shop, visit the cinema, take myself into London for the day, drive a couple of hours to the coast. I also have a great social & professional life.

Before I was married, I travelled on vacations alone (Mexico, Spain, Germany) and I love the freedom it brings me, being able to take a day trip here, or go visit that museum, without having to worry that my travel companions want to hit the beach and lay out.

I have no issues with eating out alone, I always carry my kindle/book and have my phone to keep me entertained.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Anyone care to share why eating solo bothers you? Is it the need to be doing something like talking to someone, watching the restaurant TV, or on your phone or laptop?

The solo/non-solo thing has never been a big deal for me so maybe I'm missing the import of the question. I was divorced 9 years before remarrying, so I just did what I felt. Was cool doing things solo, and had dates/company whenever I wanted them.

I highlighted the above quote/question because for some reason, seeing people eating alone does bother me. Always has. I always feel like they're alone, and have no one--knowing it's very possible that there are 18 folk back at the house aggravating the fire out of them and they just want to get away.

But still, seeing single diners in restaurants, particulary elderly people, gives me an unexplainable twinge of sadness.

[pinksequins]

Tony, may I use your phrase "18 folk back home aggravating the fire out of them?". : )

I can see it being handy today.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

Tony, may I use your phrase "18 folk back home aggravating the fire out of them?". : )

I can see it being handy today.

feel free.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

The solo/non-solo thing has never been a big deal for me....

I highlighted the above quote/question because for some reason, seeing people eating alone does bother me. Always has. I always feel like they're alone, and have no one--knowing it's very possible that there are 18 folk back at the house aggravating the fire out of them and they just want to get away.

But still, seeing single diners in restaurants, particulary elderly people, gives me an unexplainable twinge of sadness.

Then the solo/non-solo thing is kind of a big deal to you.

I don't understand some people's need to find a "plus one" for everything. There are people who won't do anything (non-work related) if they don't have someone to accompany them. Going out "on the town", attending religious services, etc. It is one thing to want someone to accompany you but to absolutely need someone to accompany you is different.

It's fine if some people cringe when seeing someone dining solo but I think those people need to spend time paying attention to their "plus one." What's the point of a "plus one" if you're staring at the next table (or checking your IPhone----cringe).

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Then the solo/non-solo thing is kind of a big deal to you.

No, really, it's not. Beyond the fleeting, if consistent, momentary thought in the restautant, it has no bearing on the rest of my day.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

No, really, it's not. Beyond the fleeting, if consistent, momentary thought in the restautant, it has no bearing on the rest of my day.

Good.

[AZTheta]

Maybe I'm not getting it. Then I thought, oh! I know - it's because I meditate. I have, for decades. I can go to a happy place or space, with a quiet mind, very easily and quickly. It results in a peaceful expression, a calm serenity; and then people want to talk to me because I look so happy or whatever. So, damn it, I'm not solo and I have to interact with others. Gah!

My friends tell me how they envy me. It's there, for the taking. A quiet mind is a gift.

[33girl]

One of the good things about being an only child is you get used to doing things alone and even more, give off an air of being comfortable doing so. I have no problem eating alone, anywhere from McDonald's to the fanciest place in town. There used to be a time when a single diner would be asked if they minded having another single diner join them, or always forced to the bar, but those days are pretty much gone, thank God.

The other activity I love doing alone is shopping. I've never understood why some people feel this always has to be done in a team/group and I actually usually drive people crazy when I do shop with them because I dart from place to place.

[WCsweet<3]

Eating solo bothered me a lot during college. I felt very lonely when I had to eat alone because everyone else was in class or where ever. I slowly got used to it and now enjoy it when I chose to eat solo. The choice meant a lot to me. When I choose to go out alone, it is more enjoyable for me.

[Still BLUTANG]

my preference is actually to roll solo. i'm an only child, and there is no one's company i enjoy more than myself. LOL. this can be aggravating to my partner but oh well, he will deal. or i'll date until i find someone who does.

oddly enough, i am the planner / program manager in my group of friends. although i create opportunities to socialize, my plan is ALWAYS to pick something that i'll enjoy in a group or solo.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by jenidallas

I think solo time makes me a more complete and fulfilled person.

I agree. ^^

I'm a solo also. I enjoy the company of others but really prefer being by myself. I've always been like that. Mr. Ninjapoodle is like that also.