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Old 02-19-2019, 01:02 PM
sohappytobeDDD sohappytobeDDD is offline
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Unhappy Now Unsure About Big/Little Relationship

Hi everyone! Super conflicted writing this right now. I recently joined a sorority a few weeks ago and we just had Big/Little week last week. I was absolutely spoiled by my big (lots of funny interactions with guys and presents in my dorm) and she constantly told me she loves me through texts from a fake number. At reveal, I was ecstatic. She was my first choice and I couldn't have been happier. But, I also am a twin. And my twin doesn't seem to be too keen on sharing.

We went out that night together and posted photos. My twin only posted pics of the two of them together, while I posted a photo of the three of us. My big commented on it, but my twin did not, even though I commented on hers. I also found out my big and twin were super close before reveal - they were in a program together during first semester and my big even knows her parents and they were basically destined to be big/little.

This week, I tried to make plans with both and they've been super busy, always having things "come up." My big left me on open on snapchat, only finally replying after she texted in the group chat hours later. She also never answered my texts from two days ago.

I'm so sad because I really was looking forward to hanging out with her (we live close by over the summer) and being super close and even becoming super close with my twin but it seems like both don't like me and I don't know what to do....... anyone have similar stories/advice??
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Old 02-19-2019, 01:20 PM
flirt5721 flirt5721 is offline
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It is just the beginning. You are show integrity compared to your twin. You will have a different relationship with your Big then your twin does.

The relationship with your Big is not for you to be best friends with her. She is there to guide you. Yes, you can become great friends but sometimes not. Learn from what she is doing for you not to do the same when you become a big.
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Old 02-19-2019, 02:15 PM
Theta1234 Theta1234 is offline
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Take a deep breath. Hold it. Slowly release. Then, put this issue out of your mind. Deep friendships take time to develop. Be sweet. Invite just your twin to something. If she doesn’t respond, don’t take it as a personal affront. You have no idea what is going on in either of their lives.

Just give it some time. Get to know other girls in the chapter and don’t be jealous over what you think you see. If your twin and big already have a relationship that includes parents, your relationship will probably never look exactly like theirs. That’s ok. Yours will just be built on a different basis. Don’t try to force a relationship—it usually results in disappointment. Just go to class. Go to new member events. Study. Live your college life. It’s through the everyday things that relationships develop. Don’t stress about this. Many years out from graduation, I’m not particularly close to any of my “family.” However, I have two other sisters that I talk to everyday.

My daughter was in a similar boat. The hype of Big-Little week can really create unrealistic expectations. Yes, she likes her big, but they don’t do a lot together. However, right now she is getting ready for a crazy Spring Break adventure with some of her fellow sisters from her new member class. Those friendships didn’t develop overnight either.

Go to as many events as possible. Eat lunch or dinner at the house. Sit with different people each time. Sign up to volunteer for your philanthropy when there are small group options. Study at the house. It’s amazing how many people you will meet by just being present. So, relax and just enjoy the journey.
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Old 02-19-2019, 05:49 PM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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I agree with my Panhel sisters. Big/little is so overblown that everyone expects unicorns pooping rainbows. Are there love matches? Yes, but there are many more big/little relationships that are friendly and supportive and nothing more. Concentrate on developing friendships within your pledge class and with other members, but continue to try and develop relationships with your big and twin. Notice I said develop? Friendships develop. It doesn't happen instantaneously.
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Old 02-19-2019, 07:34 PM
ASTalumna06 ASTalumna06 is offline
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Originally Posted by FSUZeta View Post
I agree with my Panhel sisters. Big/little is so overblown that everyone expects unicorns pooping rainbows. Are there love matches? Yes, but there are many more big/little relationships that are friendly and supportive and nothing more.
Truer words have never been spoken.

Be friendly to your twin, but don't push it. If you find that you keep reaching out and she wants nothing to do with you, or she feels some kind of animosity toward you, just let it go. It's her issue to deal with.

Focus on your big, truly try to create a good relationship, and allow your friendship to become whatever it becomes.
I believe in the values of friendship and fidelity to purpose

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Old 02-19-2019, 08:03 PM
ladybug12 ladybug12 is offline
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I didn't get my first choice for Big Sis, but she turned out to be a wonderful mentor and friend. I was told that my first choice "was needed more by another pledge" and looking back on that I can agree. Not sure how I would have handled being a twin...we never had to deal with that in my chapter when I was a member. My advise would be to develop you relationship with your Big one-on-one and not dependent on equal twin relationships.

Were we besties for life? No, but 40+ years later we keep in touch and I treasure our relationship.
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Old 02-19-2019, 10:05 PM
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Sciencewoman Sciencewoman is offline
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My daughter had the opposite scenario -- two bigs. She really bonded with one, and had a nice relationship with the other, but they definitely haven't been as close and aren't in ongoing post-graduation contact like she is with Big #1. Big #2 went on two different study abroad semesters, which was one of the reasons my daughter got two bigs -- Big #2 knew she had plans to be gone for two semesters and this gave her the opportunity to still have a little.

I also had two littles, but not from the same pledge class. One, I am still tight with and we had a lot in common. I had a perfectly nice relationship with the second, but it wasn't the same "really hit it off with lots of things in common" kind of deal. This will be OK. Right now, she's your lifeline, but you'll forge other friendships in your sorority and those will just take some time to develop.

And, your twin might be a bit protective. Just keep taking the high road and breathe deeply. It's early days.
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Old 02-20-2019, 02:17 AM
SigmaCat SigmaCat is offline
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Getting close to people can be hard, especially under semi-artificial circumstances like sorority families. The relationship you think you have, or hope to develop, isn't always what you end up with in the end. It's a lesson in managing expectations, and it may be a blessing in disguise that you are able to maintain a bit of distance from these people. With some folks you need that buffer if you want things to stay friendly.
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