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  #1  
Old 02-28-2003, 07:43 PM
ADPiViolets ADPiViolets is offline
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Unhappy Maybe I'm just getting older, but...

This is going to be somewhat long, and blunt, but I wanted to be honest, as I want honest feedback.

I am afraid that I am starting to loose interest in it all. I am wondering if this is common, and if it is happening to anyone else out there.
A year ago, one of my sisters (who has since graduated) said to me, "Oh, just wait till your Junior year. You start to look at everything differently." Now, I am at the end of my junior year, and wouldn't you know... I see what she means.
I love my sorority. I love the idea behind it. I love our ritual. I love its history, and I love what it stands for. I am just growing tired of the people in it, the way it is run, and the way the smallest, most insignificant thing is made to be the most important thing in the world.
Everything just seems so unimportant, and at times... I am sad to say so stupid.
These are my concerns:
I am not happy with our chapter's choice in new girls. I think that as a result, we are going downhill. They act so immature, and so ditsy.
To me, the chapter has become a flashback of all of the "high school drama" that I despised while in high school.
And as I said before, I am growing tired of the way the sisters make the tiniest, most insignificant thing seem to be the biggest thing in the world. One such example: we had a sister become inactive a couple years ago. Her younger blood sister then decided to rush another sorority on campus. Everyone is all upset about this and acted as though it were the end of the world. My thoughts are simply, "Who cares? If her sister wasn't happy here, of course she's not going to want to come here!"
There are literally only two girls out of the entire chapter who I feel that I can honestly call my sisters. Sadly, one of them is graduating this May. I will really miss her.
As I said, I think this is me just getting older. I think I am just looking at things differently. The new girls are all excited about starting college (as they should be) and just want to have fun (as they should). Me -- I am looking forward to graduating next year and getting married the year after that. I really feel as though that time just can't come soon enough.

The reason why I am writing all this is because I want some advice and feedback. What do you think about all of this? Is this normal?
I by no means want to "quit." But what should I do about this? How can I make myself enjoy everything again? Is that even possible?

I do not mean to offend anyone by this entry. I am sorry if that came across that way. I truly do love my sorority and the Greek System as a whole. This sorority has opened so many doors for me that would never have been open had I not joined. I have just been bothered by these feelings for a long time now, and can really use any advice.

Thank you in advance.
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2003, 08:10 PM
SororgrlADPi SororgrlADPi is offline
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Violets,
I PMmed you.

L&L,
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  #3  
Old 02-28-2003, 08:32 PM
chideltjen chideltjen is offline
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i know what you mean. I must tell you that everyone goes thru it. I did. I wanted to drop around my sophomore year.

About the house being young and immature... I have a similar situation. We took a large class of freshman last semester and have a fairly good size class this semester. Majority of the house is under 20. Older members tend to get frustrated with their lack of experience with "serious" issues and tend to vote en-mass because they have the majority. Then we end up with decision that might not be the greatest. Have a talk with your house or president or sorority councelor. Maybe they can bring it up to exec about how everyone should be acting like an adult and if they aren't sure about certain things, they should ask. We will sit and discuss items until we are blue in the face so that decisions can be made acurately.
But to favor the youngin side... we ALL went thru being an immature sorority girl. Boy crazy party girls. They will eventually grow out of it and once they do, you will have some awesome and dedicated sisters that will be wiser than they are now.
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  #4  
Old 02-28-2003, 08:36 PM
dzandiloo dzandiloo is offline
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I don't think what you are feeling is unnatural-and believe me, you are not alone. Besides the fact that you are getting up there in years (*said with sarcasm from a 30something alum), it is normal to get discouraged when you feel micro-managed.

I wish I had some great advice for you...can you do a round-table sort of discussion with your sisters to get your feelings out into the open? I bet there are others who feel the same way, and if you bring it up in a way that is meant to help the chapter move in the right direction, rather than to criticize, it could be a really good thing for everyone. Its tough to do that though without people feeling personally attacked....

Although my burn-out didn't start until the end of my Senior year, I know there were many who lost interest sooner. I would venture to guess from your comments, that the reason you feel the way you do is not because you are losing interest, but because you care too much. That isn't a bad thing!

All I can say, is try not to sweat the small stuff...look for the positive things, and if nothing else-talk to someone on the e-board who you trust & tell them your concerns. I know when I was President of my chapter, I would much rather that my sisters came to me directly with suggestions or concerns than to talk stew about it, or talk about it amongst themselves.... Don't whine (not that I'm suggesting you would)...be professional & sympathetic & your comments will be more easily accepted (the officers have a hard job & don't like to be told they are screwing up--even if they are). Bottom line-the only way to solve a problem is to try to help come up with the solution...and you've taken the first steps to doing that by bringing it up here.

Don't lose interest. It sounds like you have some valid concerns that need to be addressed for the good of your sisterhood. Good luck to you!
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  #5  
Old 02-28-2003, 08:37 PM
LeslieAGD LeslieAGD is offline
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Honestly, I think it's a phase that many people go through. I know I did.
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  #6  
Old 02-28-2003, 09:00 PM
Sistermadly Sistermadly is offline
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I agree with LeslieAGD. I wasn't in a sorority when I was in college, but I was active in a lot of organizations where similar group dynamics came into play, and I was just TIRED of looking at the same rickey fickeys every day!
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  #7  
Old 02-28-2003, 09:08 PM
winnieb winnieb is offline
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It truly is a phase--- You are approaching a point in your life where there are other things that require your attention. You are close to the end of your college career-- you focus on "real life" things--not petty dramas and all that goes with living with a bunch of girls.
Take a breather, relax, enjoy the time you have--it really will be over soon enough, and once it is over--you will want it all back.
Don't worry about the pettiness of it all---one day you will sit back, reflect and it will be refreshing on how life could be so simple.
I think it is normal to get this way-- as most do, you have probably dedicated your heart and soul to your organization--burn out happens.

Your love, respect, and all those feeling you had when you were "younger" will resurface one day.
I know from personal experience that I was the same way my senior year--couldn't wait for it to be done. Now looking back, I question why I did not enjoy it more--live it up. But after a few years out of school--I am very involved and love every second of it. I have sisters that I talk to everyday--we are a huge part of each others lives--but it took a few years apart to get us there. It took us getting over our hurt feelings and everything that goes with being so dedicated.

Best of luck!!
wendi
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  #8  
Old 02-28-2003, 09:08 PM
winnieb winnieb is offline
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It truly is a phase--- You are approaching a point in your life where there are other things that require your attention. You are close to the end of your college career-- you focus on "real life" things--not petty dramas and all that goes with living with a bunch of girls.
Take a breather, relax, enjoy the time you have--it really will be over soon enough, and once it is over--you will want it all back.
Don't worry about the pettiness of it all---one day you will sit back, reflect and it will be refreshing on how life could be so simple.
I think it is normal to get this way-- as most do, you have probably dedicated your heart and soul to your organization--burn out happens.

Your love, respect, and all those feeling you had when you were "younger" will resurface one day.
I know from personal experience that I was the same way my senior year--couldn't wait for it to be done. Now looking back, I question why I did not enjoy it more--live it up. But after a few years out of school--I am very involved and love every second of it. I have sisters that I talk to everyday--we are a huge part of each others lives--but it took a few years apart to get us there. It took us getting over our hurt feelings and everything that goes with being so dedicated.

Best of luck!!
wendi
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  #9  
Old 02-28-2003, 09:23 PM
Tom Earp Tom Earp is offline
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Exclamation

I can truely say that I never had that stage of my Active life as there were so many things being done from a New Local to Affiliation with LXA in a one year time span. A full fledged LXA Active one Sem. and then graduation.

Stayed with it for many years despite being married.

Divorced, backed away and then got back into it with both feet 5 years ago.

The same thing happens as an Alum. You get burn out and say the Hell with it all!!! I have one Alum Brother who talks to me and tells me to suck it up count to ten and get back with it again! Had to count to 100 before I cooled down and got back with the program!!

Dont worry about it! You in your Jr./Sr. year are concentrating on getting ready to go into the real world of working for the reat of your Life.

Then when you do that for a while, ta da, you decided to get back in touch with some of the Oldies or youre! Guess what? The love, spirit, and sister hood are still there!
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  #10  
Old 02-28-2003, 09:51 PM
DeltAlum DeltAlum is offline
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You are getting older. Happens to the best of us.

Remember how young the middle school kids seemed when you were in high school?

Remember how silly high schools kids were when you were a college freshman?

I remember how immature I thought freshmen were when I was a senior.

New graduates seemed totally without a clue after a couple of years in industry.

And now, many years later, a lot of your (using the global you -- meaning many GCers) concerns can seem pretty petty. Not all, but some.

As you grow and mature, you change. Change happens unbelievably quickly in those earlier years. It seems harsh to say it, but it's so easy to see in hindsight.

Stick it out. You're growing, too. And those younger kids need guidance, direction and role models to help them along.
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The above is the opinion of the poster which may or may not be based in known facts and does not necessarily reflect the views of Delta Tau Delta or Greek Chat -- but it might.

Last edited by DeltAlum; 02-28-2003 at 10:00 PM.
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  #11  
Old 02-28-2003, 10:51 PM
pinkyphimu pinkyphimu is offline
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deltalum has wonderful advice!!!!

this is something that you will notice as you get "older." it happens not only in greek life, but other things as well! last year, i used to talk to my friends at my job and say things like, we weren't as stupid as these new employees when we started, right? we all agreed that we were never like that, but we secretly knew that we were! at different points in your life, you will look back to where you have just come from and wonder why those "other people" act that way.

i will admit that my second semester of my senior year was tough!! i hated participating in activities, etc. as soon as i graduated, i joined an alum group....lol. you are totally normal....don't stress too much!!!
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  #12  
Old 02-28-2003, 11:39 PM
MSSTCY1 MSSTCY1 is offline
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You guys all have really great advice.

I am going through the same thing as ADPiViolets right now and all of that really helped
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  #13  
Old 03-01-2003, 07:30 AM
justamom justamom is offline
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I honestly couldn't tell you anything "better" than what has been said. It seems like it never ends...the "changing" that is.
Part of maturity is learning to prioritize as your focus shifts.

Delt Alum-As you grow and mature, you change. Change happens unbelievably quickly in those earlier years. It seems harsh to say it, but it's so easy to see in hindsight.

If you didn't feel a need to broaden your perspective, if you remained (as many people I know) stuck in HS or college, you would miss out on discovering all that's inside of you.

Your sorority is an integral part of who you are now. It WILL be a part of who you become in ways you can't always measure.
There is nothing wrong or "unusual" about growing tired of a situation. There is always a bit of discomfort associated with
change. Call this burnout or what you will...it is a predecessor to a new, broader perspective. Your sorority and the underlings do indeed need this kind of influence. MAYBE, just maybe the sorority hasn't REALLY changed...just the role you play.
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  #14  
Old 03-01-2003, 10:51 AM
GPhiBLtColonel GPhiBLtColonel is offline
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I want to echo...

...what everyone else seems to be saying that the feelings you are experiencing are normal and in fact, you may have quite similiar feelings at at least one point after you get married!
Since I pledged as a junior, I never went thru the sorority frustration-burnout stage, but now the MARRIAGE frustration-burnout stage.... ah well, been there done that (and still with the guy!) so just keep on keepin' on...everyone here has some good suggestions about how to get thru this phase to the other side...just don't give up!!
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  #15  
Old 03-01-2003, 12:35 PM
sigmadiva sigmadiva is offline
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I understand....

I can only say "ditto" to all of what has been said before. I went through a similar phase my senior year of college. It is not that I did not like my chapter or my sorors, but I realized I had one school year to finish my classes then graduate. I was on a full four year academic scholarship and I knew that when my money was gone I would have to be gone too, but with a degree.

For me, pulling away from my chapter was hard since I helped to start it. I remember my sorors at the time were very mad at me for doing so. And I was just a little burned out on it all. We were a small chapter at the time so to keep up with the rest each member had to pull double-duty. The results were worth it, but I knew I had to get through physical chem to get my degree and that was more important to me.

Don't feel bad. You'll come out of the phase. About three years after I graduated I re-activated with my sorority and have been active since, 10 years now. I have so much fun now. I get to work on great projects and help undergrads.

Just keep your sorority in your heart and you will come back to it.
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