Resigning/Disaffiliating... Help!! - Page 2

gagirl90 · #16 03-11-2010, 02:07 AM

Just to reiterate, I really don't intend to use these posts to air my dirty laundry about my sorority. I really just wanted people's opinions on whether these actions justified contacting nationals (about false accusations and subsequent threat of kicking me out from my sisters), and I wanted insight from retrospective thoughts from others who have been faced with the decision to drop, regardless of the choice thy make.
Again thank you to everyone who has helped so far but I would really like the opinion of those who have thought of resigning and didn't for whatever reason, or people with the same conflict now (I just realized people who resigned wouldn't be here. It is a helpful site and was among the first to pop up when I googled "how to resign from a sorority" haha)

KSUViolet06 · #17 03-11-2010, 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

Just to reiterate, I really don't intend to use these posts to air my dirty laundry about my sorority. I really just wanted people's opinions on whether these actions justified contacting nationals, and I wanted insight from retrospective thoughts from others who have been faced with this decision, regardless of the choice thy make.

Again thank you to everyone who has helped so far but I would really like the opinion of those who have thought of resigning and didn't for whatever reason, or people with the same conflict now (I just realized people who resigned wouldn't be here. It is a helpful site and was among the first to pop up when I googled "how to resign from a sorority" haha)

If you do a search for "quitting" of "resigning" or "terminating" you will find TONS of threads about the same thing you're asking.

gagirl90 · #18 03-11-2010, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I am really unsure of what you hope to gain by posting this.

We have given you genuinue advice.

I don't know if you're trying to get us to see "wow look what meanies these girls are" or what.

Billions of people use Google everyday. There's nothing creepy about it.

It's creepier that you would post such a personal situation on the internet, saying that this is your "close friend" you were dealing with.

If you are having issues, get some help. But there is no need to post about this situation on a message board knowing that it's a personal matter that I'm sure she wouldn't want the entire free world to know about.

example of why i am not a fan of greeks as a whole. look, i know you devote your life to this website but please could you not be such a prick to me because i'm a "newb" and just want some effing feedback from people who are deciding whether to drop their sorority... idk as maybe a support thread?
clearly this does not apply to you so please don't reply if it is irrelevant. thanks for trying to help so far but like i said before i think other people who have also been though this situation may have more relevant advice to me.

gagirl90 · #19 03-11-2010, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If you do a search for "quitting" of "resigning" or "terminating" you will find TONS of threads about the same thing you're asking.

As written in my first post, I used the search function first. Just because I'm new doesn't mean I don't catch on. Please feel free to post relevant links and delete this post if that will make you happy. I'd appreciate you linking me to these posts because when I typed in resigning and deactivating I didn't quite find them.

VandalSquirrel · #20 03-11-2010, 02:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

example of why i am not a fan of greeks as a whole. look, i know you devote your life to this website but please could you not be such a prick to me because i'm a "newb" and just want some effing feedback from people who are deciding whether to drop their sorority... idk as maybe a support thread?
clearly this does not apply to you so please don't reply if it is irrelevant. thanks for trying to help so far but like i said before i think other people who have also been though this situation may have more relevant advice to me.

I'll be blunt with you, a lot of us won't share specific details about issues we've had because we worked through it and don't want to put our organizations or brothers and sisters on blast. I'd use an example of a friend but it may be false as I wasn't involved and only heard her side. We keep suggesting what we're suggesting because it has worked for us and other people. Most of the people I know who resigned regretted it because it was a permanent solution to a short term problem. You're concerned about your social standing and social life because of your school and membership, and want to be in an alumna group. The first may not be an issue, but the second one will definitely be one. I know for some groups you resign, that is it, forever. Others may be more forgiving, you won't know and can't go back at that point.

I know it is very hard because of the situation you mentioned and deleted, and I do not blame you one bit for anger, hurt, frustration, and all of it; but these are a few women at one point in time and if you can get some perspective, do it because it is a decision you're obviously struggling with. I'm guessing you're 19 or 20 and you're in close quarters with these people and it is hard to see beyond it because it is all around you.

DDDlady · #21 03-11-2010, 02:24 AM

There really is no need to be defensive and lash out at KSUviolet06. I don't think she was trying to be a jerk. With that said, what did you expect people to say when you come on a public forum and post very personal information about your friends and your chapter? If you are that upset about being in your chapter, talk to a parent or someone close to you. Don't go to strangers with your problems. We are are neither knowledgeable enough about your situation or qualified to give you any substantial guidance about whether you should resign or not.

gagirl90 · #22 03-11-2010, 02:29 AM

Vandal Squirrel, thank you for all of your advice- I think it's great.
And I would like to say one last time, that I just want to hear the POV of someone who has or is considering deactivating since none of my friends/ family can relate, and I have already spoken with my 2 close friends in XYZ. I thought posts from others who have been through this could be helpful since I have no access to that at home. That's it, please and thank you. I'll get back on to check for that, but to the rest of yall, we are just wasting eachother's time.

Leslie Anne · #23 03-11-2010, 02:38 AM

Since you're looking for someone with a similar situation for feedback, I'll offer you mine. There was a time in my collegiate years when I felt that the members of my sorority and I had different values. I was also upset about something that was going on and the attitude the sisters had towards it.

Like you, I considered contacting National HQ about my problem. (Although it wasn't to inform HQ about my sisters, but rather to find out if I had to participate in an event.) Unlike you, there was no way in hell I was going to resign my membership.

What I ended up doing is taking Alumna status which is not an option for you.

Looking back on this whole situation 20 years later, I realize that I was so caught up in the drama of the moment that I failed to see that most of my sisters weren't even aware of anything going on. I could have and should have talked to my sisters.

What I regret is that I didn't take the time to talk it out with my sisters. I regret taking Alumna status. I could have had an entire extra year in my sorority. I regret leaving instead of sticking it out.

I hope this is helpful to you in some way.

ETA: The fact that you've come here for help in deciding whether or not to resign tells me that you really don't want to. I would focus on that and figure out a way to make this all work. Nothing worth while is easy.

DDDlady · #24 03-11-2010, 02:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

And I would like to say one last time, that I just want to hear the POV of someone who has or is considering deactivating since none of my friends/ family can relate, and I have already spoken with my 2 close friends in XYZ. I thought posts from others who have been through this could be helpful since I have no access to that at home. That's it, please and thank you. I'll get back on to check for that, but to the rest of yall, we are just wasting eachother's time.

Actually, I have been there thank you very much. I struggled with my decision for a long time. It was a difficult time where I had to really sit down and evaluate what I was feeling and what I wanted. Random advice from strangers would not have helped. There is no "I want to drop my sorority" manual or guidelines. This is a decision that you will have to make and live with. You should not let some random strangers influence that. And I think you are wrong about your parents/friends not being able to relate. While they may not have been in the exact situation you are in, I bet they have been in similar ones. They can also provide you with an alternate perspective on your situation that we can't because we do not know you or your situation. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

KSUViolet06 · #25 03-11-2010, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

example of why i am not a fan of greeks as a whole. look, i know you devote your life to this website but please could you not be such a prick to me because i'm a "newb" and just want some effing feedback from people who are deciding whether to drop their sorority... idk as maybe a support thread?
clearly this does not apply to you so please don't reply if it is irrelevant. thanks for trying to help so far but like i said before i think other people who have also been though this situation may have more relevant advice to me.

Love how I'm a terible person for attempting to protect another person's private mental health info.

That's not picking on you, that's reminding you that the internet is a VERY public place.

Sure, I don't care to find out who you guys are, but I don't know who else does. I'm certain you did not ask her permission before you put it out there.

You have no clue what I devote my life to. Furthermore, you came HERE for advice.

I sincerely hope that you do not take this sort of attitude with your sisters, because that was uncalled for.

I hope you get the help you need.

ComradesTrue · #26 03-11-2010, 02:47 AM

First, I did not need google to know your school. There are plenty of people from that university who read these boards and will know the chapter that you are in. I say that not to be "creepy" but to give you one more opportunity to clean up some of your posts/delete identifying information. Chapter business should not be discussed here.

If you scan down to the very bottom of the page there are several links to prior threads about disaffiliating. You may also use the search function within Greekchat to locate more threads.

This board is filled with both actives and alumnae. Many of us come from the perspective of having a enriched experience not only as a collegian but also as an alumnae chapter member. That is probably why you are getting several responses about taking things slow, talk to professionals, etc. You could be making a HUGE mistake by throwing everything away right now. If you are a sophomore, then you only have 2 more years left as an active. Be very, very sure that you don't want to throw away a lifetime of alumnae opportunities.

Also- you mention that there are some members in your chapter who you do like. Focus on your relationships with those women. All chapters have some issues, as there will never be 150 women in one place who all agree on everything.

Finally, KSU is not being a jerk. She is a mental health professional who has offered you some very constructive advice.

gagirl90 · #27 03-11-2010, 03:08 AM

Leslie Anne thank you for your feedback.
Also just to clear the slate I haven't called anyone a jerk.
Wow that's great KD offers early alumna status. Mine definitely does not or else I would have taken that road. I am also not allowed to go inactive to evaluate my thoughts for a semester, according to the house. I really don't want to be associated with my chapter. As a whole I really don't like it, but I do like the national org and dont want to throw away my opportunities as an alum, so great insight and I will consider what you said!

Ggirl617 · #28 03-11-2010, 03:20 AM

gagirl-

just think about this before you decide to drop:

i am the expert of walking away when i don't like a situation and i have regretted it EVERY SINGLE TIME, without exception, no joke, and trust me i have walked away A LOT. no situation in your life will ever be perfect but it is about making the best of it. i think you could gain greatly from your sorority, but if it is your time to leave, so be it. please don't let the emotions of this situation make your decision though

RaggedyAnn · #29 03-11-2010, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gagirl90

I am also not allowed to go inactive to evaluate my thoughts for a semester, according to the house. I really don't want to be associated with my chapter. As a whole I really don't like it, but I do like the national org and dont want to throw away my opportunities as an alum, so great insight and I will consider what you said!

But, what you could do, is attend only mandatory events and do all your requirements for the rest of the semester, so you don't end up in hot water and hang out with your non-glo friends, study and work out during your free time. Sometimes getting away from a situation and decompressing will help you think more clearly.

Now, the downside is that you may feel really disconnected from the chapter, but the solution to that is to just get reinvolved with the non-mandatory events.

Ggirl617 · #30 03-11-2010, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

But, what you could do, is attend only mandatory events and do all your requirements for the rest of the semester, so you don't end up in hot water and hang out with your non-glo friends, study and work out during your free time. Sometimes getting away from a situation and decompressing will help you think more clearly.

Now, the downside is that you may feel really disconnected from the chapter, but the solution to that is to just get reinvolved with the non-mandatory events.

another downside is still paying...