Dealing with a backstabber

volgirl2376 · #1 04-08-2002, 09:21 PM

Whats the best way to handle a backstabbing friend? I recently found out someone who I thought was a pretty good friend of mine has been spreading rumors and saying very hurtful things about me and some of our other friends. Not only that, but she has bragged about breaking into peoples e-mails and used that information against people. I know I should just ignore her - but I just cant believe that she has turned into a complete two-faced witch! I guess I could handle knowing she was saying stuff about just me...but its like quite a few of our other friends...its hard for me to pretend like it isnt going on. Suggestions?

Hootie · #2 04-08-2002, 09:55 PM

No trusted friend would do what you claim this person has done. I'd drop her like a bad habbit. It's hard because I know you'd have to put a few of your other friends in an ackward situation...but if you really dislike or even disapprove, you need to disassociate yourself from someone like her... especially if she's a backstabbing witch.

I just think, plain and simply, you should try to associate yourself with people that are like you...and she isn't.

Hootie

Peaches-n-Cream · #3 04-09-2002, 02:30 AM

I think that you should talk to her directly in order to find out if there is any truth to what you have heard. I recommend that you don't talk about her to other people or you will be just as bad as she is. Gossip isn't good. Also to be on the safe side, I think that you should change your e-mail passwords.
When there is smoke, there is usually fire. If you find out that she is a backstabber, drop her like a bad habit. You don't need that negativity in your life. Good luck!

James · #4 04-09-2002, 07:45 PM

Generally people that are gossipy and backstabbers are only like that because they have never had to face the consequences of their actions. i. e. no one ever calls them on it.

As a side note I have found that women sometimes are liklely to provoke a really intense confrontation (emotionally) and make a scene that many men would not . .. because we were taught to fear the potentially violent repercussions. Women are rarely threatened with violence in today's society.

Anyway, make sure you call her on it. If you don't you are just reinforcing the idea its ok.

Get a couple of your friends to back you up also.

Good luck . . . oh, don't fear her reaction either . . people that are backstabbers fear confrontation . . otheerwise they would be mean to your face.

Eirene_DGP · #5 04-10-2002, 01:00 PM

Well, I wouldn't say anything to this backstabbing person because they obviously have too much time on their hands. Also, it is better to wait some things out. You would be surprised to find out how things turn out in your favor. She can only go on with this type of behavior until she a) meets her match or b) gets caught. I would avoid confrontation unless she confronts you with some BS, then I'd let her have it.

AOX81 · #6 04-11-2002, 08:06 AM

Well I have actually had two of my close friends turn into backstabbers. The first one was my best friend of two years. We moved in together with another girl in our sorority and that's when the trouble began. My best friend, at the time, was telling me things that our other roommate was supposedly saying about me and telling the roommate things that I was supposedly saying about her. Luckily me and the other roomate sat down and talked about what things we had been hearing and come to find out that none of them were true! So we put two and two together and starting realizing that our friend was pretty much a compulsive liar. Then our lease was up on a house we were living in so we moved to a three bedroom townhouse with my fiance. That's when things got real interesting...let's just say we moved in near the end of January and we kicked her out at the beginning of April. She started spreading rumors, talking trash, and even revealed a deep dark secret of our other roommate. That was fun to be in the middle of!! Funny thing is she was my maid of honor in my wedding and now I pretty much can't stand the sight of her. I saw her a couple of weekends ago at a bar. She wanted to buy me a shot and I just turned and looked at her and said "no thanks" and walked away. I could tell she was pissed but I don't care. Friends don't shit on friends.

My other friend was a new member to our sorority. She was really fun, energetic, and great to be around. Then she got initiated and starting being Miss Gossip. Suddenly if someone looked at her she was stressed. My good friend of five years was really interested in joining the sorority and of course Little Miss Gossip starting telling me that no one wanted her in the sorority, which come to find out was a big lie. Anyway, I'm pissed at her because she caused such a stink about my friend joining and then she went inactive. Now my friend who wanted to join really doesn't want anything to do with the sorority...which is pretty bad because she went to more open events then the active members! We had awards a few weeks ago and there were some unofficial awards that we obviously didn't give out but the girl who went inactive was voted Sister Backstab

Basically all you can do with a backstabbing friend is confront them and tell them that you will no longer tolerate them and their need for attention and drama AND/OR cut the strings on your relationship with them.

Dionysus · #7 04-11-2002, 09:50 AM

Thank goodness for GUY friends...

volgirl2376 · #8 04-11-2002, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
Thank goodness for GUY friends...

Amen!

I havent spoken to her since the revelation of her deceit. story The other people in the web of this mess have all pretty much have sat down with one another and cleared up the lies she told, and it feels good to have things straightened out. Whats funny is this girl is clueless that we all know what a lying pathetic person she is...so she is continuing. I mean that kind of person must be so bored with her own life to try to ruin other people. Word of warning - you probably know her too

#9 04-11-2002, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by volgirl2376

Amen!

I havent spoken to her since the revelation of her deceit. story The other people in the web of this mess have all pretty much have sat down with one another and cleared up the lies she told, and it feels good to have things straightened out. Whats funny is this girl is clueless that we all know what a lying pathetic person she is...so she is continuing.

I'm not trying to start up isht, just curious, but if this girl has cleared it up with the other people, why bring it back up in this thread? Is it to expose her for the liar she is?

Quote:

I mean that kind of person must be so bored with her own life to try to ruin other people.

In a perfect world, GC would be rid of people like this. Unfortunately, we all know this is not the case. We get people like this from time to time. In most cases, we can't get rid of them.

Quote:

Word of warning - you probably know her too

Now, was this really necessary? You know people will be dying to know who this girl really is.

Rather than throw dirty laundry on to the boards, wouldn't PMs be a better place?

Hootie · #10 04-11-2002, 09:33 PM

I agree with OTW...
When I responded I assumed this was about someone in your personal life. Although I would still stand by my comments of advice (if you agree with them) I say that if any of us have a personal problem with each other here on Greek Chat we try to solve it ourselves...unless it's to the degree of harassment and something extreamly terrible. Is it really fair for any one of us to post one side up on a thread that others will be dying to know who it is about ~ and then probably never get the other side of the story?
Just food for thought!

Hootie

Tom Earp · #11 04-11-2002, 11:34 PM

Sahara, maybe this so called back stabbing freind was standing up for you and whoever is telling you things could just be starting things!

There are always 2 sides to each story and each war!
Who wins in either one?

We all fly off of the handle sometimes as you know me, I do get a little off center at times!

Ponder the situation sanely and contact the person and try to just chat with them! What say ye My Southern Belle?

If Bull Shit was a penny a pound, I would be a multi millionare!

But my Heart is always in the right place!
Stop, look, and listen! Dont get blind sided by as Mac Truck!

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 04-12-2002, 12:04 AM

I stand by my original advice. I don't think that you should air your dirty laundry in public. Talk to her personally and resolve this if you want to maintain any sort of friendship.

Thrillhouse · #13 04-12-2002, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by OohTeenyWahine

I'm not trying to start up isht, just curious, but if this girl has cleared it up with the other people, why bring it back up in this thread? Is it to expose her for the liar she is?

[/b]

In a perfect world, GC would be rid of people like this. Unfortunately, we all know this is not the case. We get people like this from time to time. In most cases, we can't get rid of them.

Now, was this really necessary? You know people will be dying to know who this girl really is.

Rather than throw dirty laundry on to the boards, wouldn't PMs be a better place? [/B]

Totally agree with otw on this one. I don't know what you are trying to accomplish by posting this thread but pm's would be the better place.

carnation · #14 04-12-2002, 07:08 AM

Agree with otw, Hootie, and Ex Greek! Time to cool it now.

volgirl2376 · #15 04-12-2002, 10:05 AM

Ok, apparently I worded something wrong - I meant you might know someone like this in your own life - not necessarily someone from GC lol!

And no, it hasnt been cleared up by the girl....everyone she has involved in this BS has cleared up the lies with each other - salvaged friendship that she tried to ruin!

Im not trying to air my dirty laundry - I just was seeking advice on how to deal with this person.