I feel like I have such a tumultuous history with trying to go greek.
Last Fall Recruitment as a Freshman, I had to take a writing exam, notified the person coordinating and my Rho Gamm was supposed to call me. Never happened and things were just left like that.
Fall and Winter were terrible both academically(I'm not going to blame my major) and socially. I decided to go through Informal/Spring Rush with barely a 2.5. I was pretty close to AcaPro. Only a few houses participated. I managed to be preffed but did not receive a bid. I was surprised that I was even preffed. This situation inspired me to become a better person, get better grades, stop moping about Chemistry and work harder. I realized I had the power to change things for me and what I didn't like.
I worked on getting Recs and hit the gym. Finally got my GPA up above a 3.0
for the first time ever in my college career. I was a lot happier than before.
I still had doubts of my success. I felt like I didn't have enough of a competitive edge. It's odd because I probably could've killed it last year if I had actually rushed when I was supposed to. This year's freshman had beat out the admissions standards of last year's or my freshman class so they MUST have been amazing. And then the situation at UofA also kind of freaked me out.
I went through Fall as a sophomore. I definitely vibed with girls at houses, especially in the ones that I had not expected. It was surprising and I had good feels. I wanted to get to know some of these females better. I realized that I really wasn't that weird or different from them, my race
probably wouldn't matter and that I would have been able to fit in. I probably encountered really great rushers.
Whenever asked who I liked, I wasn't the one to gossip or act like I was hot sh*t and had total control. I didn't care for tiers. I would have been happy to at least be invited back by anyone because I wasn't in the most favorable position. I held off on doing a live recruitment story.
I got cut by all houses the first round. Apparently all groups had gotten pretty bomb pledge classes this year.
I'm still pretty scared to tell the alum who supported me my results.
Maybe my biggest mistake was going through recruitment under a pseudo-nickname because I was worried about they would think of my actual name. I was worried about seeming different or too wayward. It was easier not having to repeat myself or get weird looks but looking back, it was a pretty stupid decision. My name isn't something I should feel that I have to change. Maybe I still wasn't in shape or good looking enoguh. Maybe I didn't know enough girls who would fight for me(if they weren't thrown off by the name thing). It wasn't easy making greek friends last year naturally because I didn't necessarily run in the same circle to which I would have access. Maybe I was under-prepared yet I again. I don't know. I can't figure out what my problem is. Maybe I just suck, don't belong and the other girls were way better.
I will continue working on things and improving. I might not always be happy with myself but I do still know deep inside that I'm high quality. People ask why I even tried. I want to be in camaraderie with the strongest and best women that the school has to offer. I like charity work and actually feeling like I'm doing something. There's so much.
My failure has got me wondering whether I really belong at this school and whether joining a Panhellenic sorority is meant to be for me.
Things have gone wrong from the beginning. I thought that college would be a place for opportunity but it's turning out to be the opposite. I love being active and doing things that benefit others but all of the sudden I feel as if I have no power or lack a pathway to. I have tried joining clubs but in general, most didn't catch my interest or passion the first time around last year.
I was considering going through Spring but it feels a little overdone . A friend of mine, who's in one of the sororities, had encouraged me to. If I did, it's all or nothing. It would be the last chapter of my conquest to get picked up by a group.
My mom wants me to transfer to a school closer to home. Depending on how that goes, I'm not even sure if I would rush there next Fall as a junior. ugh.
My chances are hugely dwindling.
Though I didn't cry, I was PRETTY sullen after my rush attempt and feel kind of better now. I don't know what to do. I try to forget and get over sorority life but it won't go away and let me live life for the time-being.