Dealing with bullying...

sm1308 · #1 09-23-2013, 12:10 AM

I posted a thread a while ago because I was thinking about dropping. Well, I still am thinking about it. Here's why.

The school year has been going on for about a month. We had a great recruitment and got a lot of fantastic girls, and that made me happy even though I had been struggling since I came back. I've been battling depression and have started taking antidepressants, and that's taking a toll on me as well as my schoolwork.

Although I do have a lot of good friends in my sorority, there are a couple girls who have been bullying me for about a year. I don't want to go into specifics (because who knows... they might read this and then try to make my life even more miserable), but things finally came to a head recently. I contacted the president to tell her what happened, and she said she wanted to take action. When they got word that they were going to get in trouble, they started sending me threatening text messages. Despite that, I have contacted standards as well as our chapter advisor about what's going on. I feel so miserable right now. I don't think I've ever felt this miserable. They have made me feel like there's something wrong with me, because they are so nice to so many other girls. But I have been nothing but nice to them and they treat me like shit. They have made me feel like I don't belong in this chapter, despite me having other good friends who I do feel like I can turn to. And it just seems that they think they run the chapter, so they probably have the power to make my life even worse.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I've been considering withdrawing for the semester and just going home, but I don't think that would be the best thing to do. I'm sitting here crying while I write this.

AOII Angel · #2 09-23-2013, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sm1308

I posted a thread a while ago because I was thinking about dropping. Well, I still am thinking about it. Here's why.

The school year has been going on for about a month. We had a great recruitment and got a lot of fantastic girls, and that made me happy even though I had been struggling since I came back. I've been battling depression and have started taking antidepressants, and that's taking a toll on me as well as my schoolwork.

Although I do have a lot of good friends in my sorority, there are a couple girls who have been bullying me for about a year. I don't want to go into specifics (because who knows... they might read this and then try to make my life even more miserable), but things finally came to a head recently. I contacted the president to tell her what happened, and she said she wanted to take action. When they got word that they were going to get in trouble, they started sending me threatening text messages. Despite that, I have contacted standards as well as our chapter advisor about what's going on. I feel so miserable right now. I don't think I've ever felt this miserable. They have made me feel like there's something wrong with me, because they are so nice to so many other girls. But I have been nothing but nice to them and they treat me like shit. They have made me feel like I don't belong in this chapter, despite me having other good friends who I do feel like I can turn to. And it just seems that they think they run the chapter, so they probably have the power to make my life even worse.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I've been considering withdrawing for the semester and just going home, but I don't think that would be the best thing to do. I'm sitting here crying while I write this.

Don't back down. Turn everything you have into standards and your adviser. This kind of behavior is not acceptable in a sisterhood, and it is the job of your standards board and advisers to handle this before it gets out of hand (even if it means those women lose their badges.) Distance yourself from these girls. Block them from your phone. De friend them on FB. Don't be around them unless you absolutely have to. Lean on the people you can trust. Go to the counseling center at school if you need professional help (a lot of people get benefit from this so don't be afraid to go.) Good luck.

DubaiSis · #3 09-23-2013, 12:28 AM

I think you need to go back to your doctor about changing your dose or medication. These girls may deserve to be strung up by their toenails, but you shouldn't be letting it get you down this badly. Don't do anything rash. Deal with the depression and the other stuff will get easier. I'm sorry there are girls in your chapter who can see the depression and are targeting it instead of being extra generous of spirit but you have to rise above their pettiness. This too shall pass

maconmagnolia · #4 09-23-2013, 12:35 AM

I second what DubaiSis said about going back to your doctor. I tackled depression in high school and I know what it can do to a person. After trying a few different medications, I am as happy as a clam and my depression very rarely affects my life anymore. Why don't you try contacting your school counselor as well? Universities have counselors on hand that you can see for probably no cost to you. Maybe it will help to talk to someone outside your chapter. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to go see a counselor - a lot of people do it, and helping students is what they are there for!

This might be controversial advice, but I don't think that you should drop. If you drop, you're letting them win. Don't let a group of pathetic, petty girls take the Greek experience away from you. Plus, being an alumna is a life-long experience and you won't have to deal with the rude sisters in your particular chapter anymore if you do not wish to. Don't give up your sorority because of these girls. If anything, they should be the ones who miss out on being Greek because they are the ones exhibiting such negative behavior.

Another thing - if they are sending you threatening or mean text messages, Facebook messages, etc, yes delete and block them, but not before you print the messages as evidence. You can turn these over to your standards director and chapter president as evidence of the bullying.

Keep your head up and ask for help if you need to from friends, family, or your school counselor. Don't let these girls get to you. You are better than that. Don't stoop to their level or let them win. You are awesome and can get through this!

Dnpgopenguins · #5 09-23-2013, 03:16 AM

Keep all text and Facebook messages, emails or any written prof of what these girls are sending you. This is your evidence! I had a stocker and this is what I was told to do. It does not matter what they send you, keep it! I know it is hard, and I know what it is like to want to give up, but I agree with other people here it is what these girls want. Don't give it too them. Seek out campus counseling, they even ought be able to help out with who to go to when filing a report. I would also turn to people outside of your sorority, like family who support you. That is the only way to get throught it.
I am not in a sorority, but I know at my college a guy got kicked out or suspended for his treatment of others. S, I am suggesting that a trip to campus police might be in order as well. I can only wish you good luck and I hope that these girls get what is coming to them!
DNP

ElvisLover · #6 09-23-2013, 08:53 AM

Absolutely, print out a hard copy of everything they have send to you via email, fb, texts, etc., for proof. I never could stand bullies and you need to put them on notice (not directly, of course), that you're not going anywhere. Don't depledge, but find allies (people you can get on your side), in other places, be it in your sorority or elsewhere on campus. Surely there are counselors or other adults with whom you can show your evidence who can step in and help you. Good luck and keep us posted.

agzg · #7 09-23-2013, 10:52 AM

Print/save everything. Including screenshots of the text messages. Take it to your chapter president and chapter advisor. Then consider whether you should take it up the proper channels in your university. Both your national org and your university should have anti-bullying policies.

scrapcat · #8 09-23-2013, 12:23 PM

If you have any witnesses round them up as well. You may find that you aren't alone!

DubaiSis · #9 09-23-2013, 02:35 PM

Did you see that Oprah recently nearly had a nervous breakdown? If Oprah needs help, the rest of us can certainly let ourselves off the hook for seeking outside help. Good luck!

ΣKΞFounder · #10 09-23-2013, 03:46 PM

Don't give up! I have been dealing with bullying and harassment for over three years (mostly from frat and sorority people, sadly), and I still keep my head up high, ignore the people hating me, and know that I am better than them and always will be because I do not spread wrongful hate just because. I get a lot of flack around here (my area not the threads) because I did found a co-ed fraternity and among other things is why I get a lot of unwanted attention, but it is not because of anything I did wrong just as you are not doing ANYTHING wrong, they are. They will get what is coming to them, and I know it is hard to sit and wait, but it is worth it in the end when you will be amoung loving sisters that care for you and the "sisters" that are bullying you learn their lesson.

Kevin · #11 09-23-2013, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ΣKΞFounder

Don't give up! I have been dealing with bullying and harassment for over three years (mostly from frat and sorority people, sadly), and I still keep my head up high, ignore the people hating me, and know that I am better than them and always will be because I do not spread wrongful hate just because. I get a lot of flack around here because I did found a co-ed fraternity that is doing well and already has two chapters in two seperate states and another prospective coloney all in one years time. Among other things is why I get a lot of unwanted attention, but it is not because of anything I did wrong. You are not doing ANYTHING wrong, they are. They will get what is coming to them, and I know it is hard to sit and wait, but it is worth it in the end when you will be amoung loving sisters that care for you and the "sisters" that are bullying you learn their lesson.

You have 9 posts. You get hardly any flack around here, actually, none of which I'm aware. Good luck with your colony, but using a thread about bullying to promote your group is in fairly bad taste. In this context, we don't care how awesome Sigma Kappa Xi is doing.

To the OP, you are handling it exactly right. Gather your evidence against these individuals. Strategically, the threatening text messages sound fairly damning. It's pretty typical of someone like that to simply double down.

I've dealt with many cases of domestic violence as an attorney. Your first item of business is to cease communication with them as much as is possible. If they blow up your phone, tell them to leave you alone, but leave it at that. Do not discuss any threats with them, do not discuss your feelings with them. Only tell them once not to contact you again and have no further contact. If your chapter's standards board doesn't take care of this, there are options out there which you can discuss with your school (their conduct is likely a violation of the student code of conduct) or even legal, throw their asses in jail if they keep it up, remedies.

ΣKΞFounder · #12 09-24-2013, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevin

You have 9 posts. You get hardly any flack around here, actually, none of which I'm aware. Good luck with your colony, but using a thread about bullying to promote your group is in fairly bad taste. In this context, we don't care how awesome Sigma Kappa Xi is doing.

To the OP, you are handling it exactly right. Gather your evidence against these individuals. Strategically, the threatening text messages sound fairly damning. It's pretty typical of someone like that to simply double down.

I've dealt with many cases of domestic violence as an attorney. Your first item of business is to cease communication with them as much as is possible. If they blow up your phone, tell them to leave you alone, but leave it at that. Do not discuss any threats with them, do not discuss your feelings with them. Only tell them once not to contact you again and have no further contact. If your chapter's standards board doesn't take care of this, there are options out there which you can discuss with your school (their conduct is likely a violation of the student code of conduct) or even legal, throw their asses in jail if they keep it up, remedies.

I did not mean around here as in these threads...as in my school....and I was pointing out the reasons I was (and still am) being harassed/bullied. I was trying to be helpful mr.debbiedowner