What did I do wrong?

[LuvleeGrrl]

Here is my rush story...

I go to kind of small college (around 6000 students), so there are only 2 active sororities on campus. I know hardly anyone here and have been really craving interaction so I thought rushing would be nice. My mom wholeheartedly agreed and said I would have no trouble getting in to one. (I was super active in high school, have an excellent GPA, and am averagely pretty). I pay my recruitment fee, go to the first day of rush, meet up with the girls from the two sororities, and had a fun time. Seriously, I got along great (or so I thought) with the girls from both groups. We mingled and joked and found common interests and all that jazz. Second day of recruitment comes up (business casual wear). I wear my most expensive outfit which is a pencil skirt, a blouse, and uncomfortable shoes. I spent hours on my hair trying to make sure it was perfect. I re-did my eye makeup twice so I could get the right blend. I get there to check out my schedule ...and one of the sororities has already cut me..."what the heck?" I was thinking. I listen to the other recruits talking and almost all of them have been invited back by both. So, I am a little upset but just think to myself "Ok the sorority that invited me back is pretty awesome. I like them. Maybe they will take me in." I go to their event and have even better conversation!..The sorority girls and I shared funny high school stories and I told them about myself. I seemed to have a bunch load of stuff in common with some of the girls. The chemistry was great (or so I thought), and I had a really fun time. Third and final day of recruitment comes up (day before bid day). I go all morning without "the call" so I start planning how I should do my hair and what shoes I should wear with my dress. I have class mid morning so I'm in my Chem lecture and I get the call..."I'm sorry but you have failed to receive an invitation..You have other options yada yada I know this hurts blah blah" I go back to my room, turn on loud music, and cry for 2 hours. I tried to do everything right. I know that I have always seemed to have trouble making friends because I can be a little shy, but now I'm just convinced I emit some kind of "anti" hormone that makes people dislike me. I know I can go to open bid, but now I have missed out on the experience of getting to go to bid day and going to the new sister bonding event. My whole life I have felt like no matter what I do, I miss out on the stuff every one else gets to enjoy (whole other sad sop story)...and I'm just wondering..What did I do wrong?

[WhiteDaisy128]

Originally Posted by LuvleeGrrl

Here is my rush story...

I go to kind of small college (around 6000 students), so there are only 2 active sororities on campus. I know hardly anyone here and have been really craving interaction so I thought rushing would be nice. My mom wholeheartedly agreed and said I would have no trouble getting in to one. (I was super active in high school, have an excellent GPA, and am averagely pretty). I pay my recruitment fee, go to the first day of rush, meet up with the girls from the two sororities, and had a fun time. Seriously, I got along great (or so I thought) with the girls from both groups. We mingled and joked and found common interests and all that jazz. Second day of recruitment comes up (business casual wear). I wear my most expensive outfit which is a pencil skirt, a blouse, and uncomfortable shoes. I spent hours on my hair trying to make sure it was perfect. I re-did my eye makeup twice so I could get the right blend. I get there to check out my schedule ...and one of the sororities has already cut me..."what the heck?" I was thinking. I listen to the other recruits talking and almost all of them have been invited back by both. So, I am a little upset but just think to myself "Ok the sorority that invited me back is pretty awesome. I like them. Maybe they will take me in." I go to their event and have even better conversation!..The sorority girls and I shared funny high school stories and I told them about myself. I seemed to have a bunch load of stuff in common with some of the girls. The chemistry was great (or so I thought), and I had a really fun time. Third and final day of recruitment comes up (day before bid day). I go all morning without "the call" so I start planning how I should do my hair and what shoes I should wear with my dress. I have class mid morning so I'm in my Chem lecture and I get the call..."I'm sorry but you have failed to receive an invitation..You have other options yada yada I know this hurts blah blah" I go back to my room, turn on loud music, and cry for 2 hours. I tried to do everything right. I know that I have always seemed to have trouble making friends because I can be a little shy, but now I'm just convinced I emit some kind of "anti" hormone that makes people dislike me. I know I can go to open bid, but now I have missed out on the experience of getting to go to bid day and going to the new sister bonding event. My whole life I have felt like no matter what I do, I miss out on the stuff every one else gets to enjoy (whole other sad sop story)...and I'm just wondering..What did I do wrong?

None of us can tell you what you "did wrong" - we were not there and membership selection is confidential. Keep your head up and look to get involved in other clubs/groups on campus. Maybe one of the groups will be participating in COB and have a chance to get to know you better that way.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by LuvleeGrrl

Here is my rush story...

I go to kind of small college (around 6000 students), so there are only 2 active sororities on campus. I know hardly anyone here and have been really craving interaction so I thought rushing would be nice. My mom wholeheartedly agreed and said I would have no trouble getting in to one. (I was super active in high school, have an excellent GPA, and am averagely pretty). I pay my recruitment fee, go to the first day of rush, meet up with the girls from the two sororities, and had a fun time. Seriously, I got along great (or so I thought) with the girls from both groups. We mingled and joked and found common interests and all that jazz. Second day of recruitment comes up (business casual wear). I wear my most expensive outfit which is a pencil skirt, a blouse, and uncomfortable shoes. I spent hours on my hair trying to make sure it was perfect. I re-did my eye makeup twice so I could get the right blend. I get there to check out my schedule ...and one of the sororities has already cut me..."what the heck?" I was thinking. I listen to the other recruits talking and almost all of them have been invited back by both. So, I am a little upset but just think to myself "Ok the sorority that invited me back is pretty awesome. I like them. Maybe they will take me in." I go to their event and have even better conversation!..The sorority girls and I shared funny high school stories and I told them about myself. I seemed to have a bunch load of stuff in common with some of the girls. The chemistry was great (or so I thought), and I had a really fun time. Third and final day of recruitment comes up (day before bid day). I go all morning without "the call" so I start planning how I should do my hair and what shoes I should wear with my dress. I have class mid morning so I'm in my Chem lecture and I get the call..."I'm sorry but you have failed to receive an invitation..You have other options yada yada I know this hurts blah blah" I go back to my room, turn on loud music, and cry for 2 hours. I tried to do everything right. I know that I have always seemed to have trouble making friends because I can be a little shy, but now I'm just convinced I emit some kind of "anti" hormone that makes people dislike me. I know I can go to open bid, but now I have missed out on the experience of getting to go to bid day and going to the new sister bonding event. My whole life I have felt like no matter what I do, I miss out on the stuff every one else gets to enjoy (whole other sad sop story)...and I'm just wondering..What did I do wrong?

Let me say this. And I mean it with all sincerity and no snark.

There is more bothering you than not getting a bid, as you shared here. College is difficult enough, and that age is such a transition for most people. You seem to look at the world from the perspective of a victim.

Take control.

1. An expensive outfit and perfect hair doesn't guarantee anything. And uncomfortable shoes is enough to generate negative energy, even if you aren't conscious of it. You were obviously stressed out, doing your hair and makeup over, just to be "perfect". You don't need to put that kind of pressure on yourself. If you had to work so hard to achieve a certain look, you're not going to feel good about it. You're going to obsess, and that can bring you down, too.

2. If you really want to go Greek, don't worry about what you might have missed (like bid day), and pursue other opportunities if they are available

3. Find some clubs or hobbies - things you really enjoy and/or are good at. Things that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Things that bring you opportunities to interact with others. Become an expert in something. Be the "X" girl - X can mean anything. Are you the best team player? A leader? The creative type? The behind the scenes cheerleader? Use your interests and skills to build your confidence.

4. Lastly, and I probably should have mentioned this first, think about talking to someone in campus counseling. Get the crap out. Whatever your "story," it seems that you need to process it. That's what they are there for - to talk. If you have specific issues in your past, think about support groups. There is nothing wrong in asking someone to help you get through challenges. I think that the most successful people in life are those that have faced their challenges, not necessarily the most popular, best looking, more wealthy, or higher status people.

Whatever you do, good luck.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

There are a few threads on here about what to do if you are released. I think most are pinned to the top of the recruitment forum, and they contain LOADS of good advice. For starters, recruitment is not as personal as it may seem. Even at a small school, every sister does not meet every PNM, and chapters make decisions based on limited information.

You might also want to check out a book called the Introvert Advantage, if you find yourself feeling that socializing doesn't work out well for you.

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by LuvleeGrrl

What did I do wrong?

I'm sorry that you're hurting. No one here can answer your question because they were not in the rooms with you during recruitment and they were not sitting in the membership selection meeting afterwards (or if they were, they can't talk about it.)

You can always try again, and I would encourage you to do so. For some PNM's it can take two or three tries (depending on your campus.) Many times it helps if you have sisters pulling for you in their respective houses, so try to get to know some sorority members along with the new members that you meet on your dorm floor or around campus. Get involved with campus activities because that will give you a higher profile. If your college has an organization that books concerts and events, I would recommend that one in particular, as it can make you very popular very quickly!

I used to be somewhat shy as well, so I do feel for you. The way to get past that is by going to lots of parties and other social events. You have to get used to walking up to complete strangers, introducing yourself, and starting a conversation. It's not as hard as it sounds because there are some pretty standard opening lines in college including where are you from, what dorm do you live in, what major are you pursuing, etc.

Good luck to you and let us know how things go. College is an exciting, fun time and I can guarantee you that in all likelihood you will have a very enjoyable experience whether you are in a sorority or not.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Blue Skies

You have to get used to walking up to complete strangers, introducing yourself, and starting a conversation. It's not as hard as it sounds because there are some pretty standard opening lines in college including where are you from, what dorm do you live in, what major are you pursuing, etc.

When I was an undergrad, I'd walk up to cute guys wearing Illini stuff and be like "you go to Illinois? Me too!". Which is, you know, ridiculous if you are on campus, but I thought it was funny

[KSUViolet06]

Good read:
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...light=released

[meganopp277]

Oh girl, I so know how it goes. Last semester I transferred to a school where I knew nobody and I had such a hard time first semester. I can be really shy too, and I had the same group of friends my whole life so I'd never been in a situation where I've had to meet new people. Here's my advice for you...
go to ANY student group that interests you in the slightest. I decided to start this semester completely fresh, I've been putting more effort into hanging out/getting to know my roommates, I've been going to more clubs, and (I haven't joined a sorority yet) but rush week even introduced me to a lot of people. Just get out there, I know it's awkward and it sucks at first but you just have to get through the awkward "getting to know you" stuff. You're going to be okay. If you still want to rush next year go for it. But UNTIL THEN you need to enjoy college and make the most of it!!

[Katmandu]

I am sorry you are hurting. i am a mom of college age students, and I feel for you. It can be tough. No one can answer your questions, about recruitment, unfortunately, because we weren't behind the scenes.

I echo what the previous poster said, that even in a smaller school with two groups, recruitment is not always personal. The girls who you spoke with may have really liked you, but they are not the only people who have a say in the decisions.

Don't make yourself crazy by trying to analyze your clothes, hair and conversation. Hold your head up, get involved in one or two activities that are fun for you and that will allow you to meet other people. If COB events are available, attend with no expectations. Sometimes connections happen when you least expect it. Even if those connections do not lead to greek membership, you will have an active college life.

If you cannot seem to overcome this disappointment, you should talk to someone in the counselling center. College life can be challenging sometimes, and sometimes we all need someone to talk to. Best of luck to you.

[33girl]

Get to know people this year. Join SOMETHING extracurricular that interests you. Get to know the girls in your dorm and don't be afraid to ask if they're going out or up to the dining hall. How do you get along with your roommate?

Be yourself. Throw those uncomfortable shoes in the trash bin.

You said you can go through open bidding? If there are spots available, do it. Yes bid day is a wonderful memory but it's SO small in the scope of a lifetime of sisterhood. Don't blow off a possible second chance because you missed one night. Some of those girls that "bonded" on bid day may not be active next year, next month or next week. It isn't magic.

[BraveMaroon]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

4. Lastly, and I probably should have mentioned this first, think about talking to someone in campus counseling. Get the crap out. Whatever your "story," it seems that you need to process it. That's what they are there for - to talk. If you have specific issues in your past, think about support groups. There is nothing wrong in asking someone to help you get through challenges. I think that the most successful people in life are those that have faced their challenges, not necessarily the most popular, best looking, more wealthy, or higher status people.

Whatever you do, good luck.

This! And not just to the OP, but to anyone who's having trouble connecting in college, out of college, etc.

I recently talked with a sister of mine about how back in college, I suffered from depression and saw a counselor and was terrified someone would find out and it would be all over the sorority. Her response? "Me too!"

There is nothing wrong with getting help. If you feel like you're putting a vibe out that isn't what you intend, work on it.

Do it now!

I have two dear friends who told me the first time the met me they thought I was really mean. Turns out that in social settings, I get nervous, and in an attempt to concentrate and fit in, I end up looking angry.

Wonder how many people wrote me off before I figured that out?

Great advice.