Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended

[Benzgirl]

The worst wedding I went to was a Greek wedding last year. I don't mean our kind of Greek; it was Greek Orthodox. I need to preface this by saying that I grew up Orthodox, so I am well aware of the long ceremony and customs.

First came the shower....there were about 250 women for a 1:00 shower. Most of the women showed up in cocktail attire. Just before I left, a fist fight broke out between two women.


Since I knew a lot of people who would be attending the wedding, I went by myself. The usher wouldn't walk me down the main aisle because I was not "Greek". Who cares? The only thing that I cared about was that I didn't want to sit next to the acquaintance with whom they sat me. Mark had just been fired from my employer, and complained the entire time.

The wedding started 45 minutes late because the maid of honor was late getting to the church. Then she had to "do" the mother of the bride's hair AND her aunt's hair. We were all sitting in church freezing for what seemed like ever. I kept looking back at some friends who had flown in from Texas and the looks they kept throwing me were so funny.

So wedding finally begins. Mark, who was not of Greek descent, but thought he was, began to chant with the priest. The father of the bride kept trying to run out the church for a cigarette. The mother of the bride was making hand signals to all of the brides maids. By the time the reception started, we were starved but didn't care because we needed large amounts of alcohol.

The reception was at the adjoining hall. The bride, who was on a "strict budget" had 600 (that's right) people at the wedding. The hall held about 400 at most. 10 of us were crammed into a 6 foot table. If someone behind us had to pull their chair out, we had to move in. They ran out of liquor before dinner was served. By the time our food was served it was cold. We probably shouldn't have eaten it because everyone who ordered the chicken got sick the next day.

The father of the groom handed $3000 to two of my friends to go on a liquor run. Because the church hall is in a bad area of town, they had to drive 30 minutes to find anyone who sold premium shelf liquor. We finally had alcohol about 2 hours later.

The dancing, of course, was all ethnic, whiich would be fine in most circumstances. I have never seen a bride throw stacks of $1 bills from her cleavage, then grab a push broom to sweep it up. The best (or worst) sight of the evening was Mark trying to belly dance. It was quite a view watching him wiggle his butt.

Fast forward to thet honeymoon....I forgot to mention, the bride was not just a virgin, but a very naive virgin. She knew nothing! After the wedding night, she told her new husband that it hurt too much and never wanted to do it again.

The wedding was in May, we received thank you notes in December. The "thank you notes" were printed on a home printer with a fill-in-the-blank body:
Dear___________________,
Thank you for the ______________. It really means a lot to us.
Love, Bride and Groom

Very few of us have spoken with her since the wedding. From what she told us about the wedding night, I won't expect a baby shower invitation soon.