Informal

hopefulpnm. · #1 08-21-2016, 11:29 PM

Hi everyone! This is my first post on here but I need some advice. I participated in formal recruitment this past spring as a freshman, and I didn't get a bid. I was really upset because I have been wanting to be in a sorority for a long time. My best friend got a bid to the chapter that I was completely in love with. They are doing informal recruitment this fall and I was wondering if it would be worth it to participate. I didn't know if reaching out to my friend about it would help me out in getting a bid. I am also concerned because I cannot attend their informal "bid day" because I will be out of town. Will this automatically make me not get one?

DubaiSis · #2 08-21-2016, 11:55 PM

You won't get in if you don't try. I would reach out to your friend and tell her you are interested, but don't stalk or harass her. Not being able to attend on bid day shouldn't be a problem, unless it is because of a common problem, like you spend every weekend with your boyfriend or you're on a sports team or something that will always make attendance an issue.

hopefulpnm. · #3 08-21-2016, 11:58 PM

Unfortunately I have to go home that weekend for a wedding, so not a regular occurrence. I am just worried that since they cut me once, I wouldn't have a chance a second time.

hopefulpnm. · #4 08-21-2016, 11:58 PM

Also does having a close friend help you out a lot?

DubaiSis · #5 08-22-2016, 12:08 AM

Some chapters do have a cut once, cut always rule. But that is member selection and therefore secret. You just have to try and see. And yes, a good friend should be helpful.

SimplyMe · #6 08-22-2016, 12:29 AM

It's definitely worth a try! Tell your friend you're interested and she'll probably tell you how to go about signing up for formal. Having a friend is helpful, but remember she is only one person in that chapter and probably doesn't have a lot of pull. If you do get to go to their event just be yourself and focus on getting to know other members who aren't your friend.

hopefulpnm. · #7 08-22-2016, 01:03 PM

Should I be embarrassed about asking her?

Alpha O · #8 08-22-2016, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefulpnm.

Should I be embarrassed about asking her?

There is no reason to be embarrassed. A lesson that's worth learning now is that you have to take initiative and go after what you want. No one else is going to give you the things you want in life. You have to make things happen or they won't happen at all.

I'm surprised that you haven't told your best friend about this. She could have helped you meet her sorority sisters in order to get to know them better (so that you can see if you really would like to be a part of their chapter) and make connections to the chapter (which would help you during a future recruitment). If you two are as close as you say you are, I don't know why she wouldn't want to help you in this endeavor.

hopefulpnm. · #9 08-22-2016, 01:20 PM

Well I tried to brush off how hurt I was this past semester because I didn't want her to think I was super jealous and not happy for her. I thought that I would get over it and didn't plan on trying to rush again. However, I still can't stop thinking about it and since I saw on the PHA website that they are doing informal, I thought this could be a good opportunity.

Alpha O · #10 08-22-2016, 03:36 PM

I understand. I think it was smart of you to try to move on and pursue your other activities. From what I have seen, there are definitely many ways to get experiences similar to those of being a sorority member on most college campuses--for example, joining a sports team or an a cappella group.

It's also very considerate that you did not want to take the spotlight away from your friend's happiness. I think that you can definitely approach the topic with her and not make it seem as if you are jealous and not happy for her. Perhaps the easiest way is just to tell her that you're thinking about going through recruitment again and see where the conversation goes from there.

Personally, I did not go through formal recruitment, but once I saw what I was missing, I talked to my friends about my interest in Greek life and my decision to pursue sorority recruitment in the future. That was how my friends knew that I was interested, and they made sure to invite me to their informal recruitment events the following semester.

Definitely don't be shy about approaching your friend about your interest in sororities. She may have some pull within her chapter (though, like a PP has said, no individual member will have much pull), and may be able to give you some helpful advice and/or introduce you to other sorority women so that you can start building connections if you do decide to go through recruitment again.

If you are seriously thinking about going through recruitment again, take an honest look back at what went wrong last time. Do you have good grades? Are you involved in activities around campus? Do you need to work on your conversation skills? Did you present yourself well? etc.

Whatever happens, always remember that you are a person of worth and that there are so many possibilities ahead of you and infinite ways to have a fulfilling college experience.

hopefulpnm. · #11 08-22-2016, 03:46 PM

I thought that things went really well last time, so I was completely baffled to be honest. There were no awkward pauses in conversation, and I kept away from topics such as partying, boys, or trash talking other sororities. My GPA was a little low (3.27) but this past semester I got a 3.48 which might help me out some. School starts next week, is it too early to approach her about it now?

robinseggblue · #12 08-22-2016, 04:57 PM

I don't think it's too early to approach her now but I think this sounds like an in person conversation. Are you guys talking/hanging out? If you are then gauge the situation and bring it up when you feel like the time is right. If not then maybe ask her to grab a coffee/tea/frozen yogurt and again bring it up when you feel like the timing is right.

Not sure what kind of relationship you have with your friend but speaking for myself... I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if a good friend of mine told me that she was thinking about going through recruitment again and wanted to talk about that with me.

At the same time, I hope that you give other chapters a chance too. All NPC sororities offer very similar experiences and if what you want is to be a sorority woman then you will consider what you can do to improve your chances for the future...like keeping up your good grades, being involved with a couple of organizations on campus, and getting to know sorority women for friendship and so that they can (hopefully) help their other sisters notice your attributes during recruitment.

ladybug12 · #13 08-22-2016, 05:13 PM

Also, since your new friend was a new member last semester, she may not really understand COB (informal recruitment) or how it works. Just plant the seed in her head that you are very much interested in becoming a member of a sorority.

FSUZeta · #14 08-22-2016, 05:24 PM

And please, please tell her that you have to attend a wedding and are so disappointed to miss their activity.

thetalady · #15 08-22-2016, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefulpnm.

Hi everyone! This is my first post on here but I need some advice. I participated in formal recruitment this past spring as a freshman, and I didn't get a bid. I was really upset because I have been wanting to be in a sorority for a long time. My best friend got a bid to the chapter that I was completely in love with. They are doing informal recruitment this fall and I was wondering if it would be worth it to participate. I didn't know if reaching out to my friend about it would help me out in getting a bid. I am also concerned because I cannot attend their informal "bid day" because I will be out of town. Will this automatically make me not get one?

You are putting that horse WAY WAY WAY in front of the cart. You are making the assumption that you will get a bid. Very bad idea.

If you have good activities on campus, have been involved and kept your reputation very clean, of course you should try during informal recruitment for all of the chapters that might be holding events.

Do NOT just go to events of your friend. As a new member, she probably won't have a lot of influence anyway.

Give it a try. You have nothing to lose. Be sure to really have a "talk" with yourself to see what you have improved since your last time. What will make the outcome different this time? Hopefully the experience of going through formal recruitment will help you this time around. Good luck!