A House Divided?

[PsiWolf]

Hey everyone, fairly new to the boards, but most of the threads I've read so far seem to be fairly open, so I figured I'd throw this out there.

I have a problem. Well, a quasi-problem. It's not really a serious concern, but hell, why not throw it out and get some opinions on it?

First, a little bit about me. I am (well, was) a brother of a chapter of Psi Upsilon (I've decided not to say which to protect the innocent). I had a good time with the people I hung out with, and generally thought the world of PsiU. However, due to academic, personal, and financial restraints, I had to leave that particular college for a while (granted, the academic was the most pressing one there for a time, heh). In my absence, I went Inactive. This is a sensible thing to do, seeing as I wasn't on campus nor was I within a nominal driving distance for daily activities (about an hour if traffic's being nice to me). However, when I didn't return the semester after that, I was expelled (yep, as in uninitiated, stricken from the records, all that fun and wonderful stuff). All this was done without my notice and without any consultation of the national office, as far as I know. That really aggravated me for about a semester, but I've since at least restored my friendships with the people in my chapter that I really identified with, as it were.

Anyway, now about my girlfriend (I'll omit her sorority and chapter to avoid embarassing her if she somehow finds this). She's a beautiful woman in a sorority at another college nearby, and she's got alot of pride in her letters and her sisters. I've done a few social things with them, and they are (quite seriously) the most closely knit group I've seen in quite a while. This is all well and good. I even enjoy buying her the occasional Greek gift, as I know she'll enjoy it, they're usually useful, and plus it's a guaranteed way to get her to smile (which rocks).

However, I'm not sure how to explain to her that I simply don't have the same pride in my letters and my brothers that she does in her letters and her sisters. I'm not embarassed about it, really, and I wouldn't mind something as a memory piece, but what do you guys think? Ever met someone who was expelled from their frat and was still fanatical about collecting their stuff (afghan, shotglasses, the usual)? I'm moving into a new place here shortly, and pondering a couple pieces of SDT stuff for her and maybe something of PsiU for me. Question is, how do I show pride in my frat in an apartment when I don't feel particularly proud of it? Should I just skip the PsiU thing and go all SDT?

To anyone who actually read all of this, thanks I know I tend to ramble alot. And I spent the greater part of an hour writing this while working, so I may have totally missed my point. My apologies if you can't make sense out of this. Thanks for any replies!

[KappaKittyCat]

I was expelled (yep, as in uninitiated, stricken from the records, all that fun and wonderful stuff). All this was done without my notice and without any consultation of the national office, as far as I know.

Doesn't a chapter have to go through the national office to do something like that? If I were you, I'd be on the phone to your HQ right now. They shouldn't be able to kick you out for transferring!

As for the rest, I'm sure if you just explain to your girlfriend what happened and that you're (obviously!) not as into things as you used to be, she'll understand. If she wants to buy you YU stuff once in a while, I guess that's okay. If you don't want it, just name something else when she asks you what you want for your birthday/Christmas/etc.

You sound like a really sweet guy. Let us know how this works out.

[astroAPhi]

I went through a rough time where honestly, I wasn't very proud to be an Alpha Phi because I thought my chapter was treating me poorly. I stopped wearing letters completely, turned down offers by my parents to buy me a chapter guard for my birthday, etc.

Take some time to heal. Don't buy anything just yet.

I'd also get in contact with your national office. If they weren't consulted, then you should still be considered a member according to them.

[PsiWolf]

Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
Doesn't a chapter have to go through the national office to do something like that? If I were you, I'd be on the phone to your HQ right now. They shouldn't be able to kick you out for transferring!

Well, that's amusing. I just checked out my membership status nationally, and I'm still a brother, my ID#'s still valid, and not only that, I'm an active brother; and not only that, I'd still be getting my copy of the mag if I hadn't changed addresses. LOL. I guess this means the little in-fighting politics that annoyed me so much have never even left the chapter house. Oh, my, that's quite amusing. Thanks alot for pointing that out, for some reason I hadn't even considered checking with the national office as far as my status was nationally.

Thanks everyone so far for the input, I think airing the concerns (and even just typing them) helped me get my head straight. I want her to be proud of her letters and her sisters, so I'm certainly set on getting some things to go around my place for her. But I don't want her to feel alienated by her Greek apparel, so I'm going to get something PsiU too. Maybe not the moment I move in, but after I wait a little bit. I guess I don't feel near as bad about it if I'm still technically a brother. Heh, does this mean I can crash the next regional?

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by PsiWolf
Well, that's amusing. I just checked out my membership status nationally, and I'm still a brother, my ID#'s still valid, and not only that, I'm an active brother; and not only that, I'd still be getting my copy of the mag if I hadn't changed addresses. LOL. I guess this means the little in-fighting politics that annoyed me so much have never even left the chapter house. Oh, my, that's quite amusing. Thanks alot for pointing that out, for some reason I hadn't even considered checking with the national office as far as my status was nationally.

Thanks everyone so far for the input, I think airing the concerns (and even just typing them) helped me get my head straight. I want her to be proud of her letters and her sisters, so I'm certainly set on getting some things to go around my place for her. But I don't want her to feel alienated by her Greek apparel, so I'm going to get something PsiU too. Maybe not the moment I move in, but after I wait a little bit. I guess I don't feel near as bad about it if I'm still technically a brother. Heh, does this mean I can crash the next regional?

That is great news for you! It's been said a million times, but don't let a bad chapter experience distract you from your love for the organization and it's ideals. We actually have a couple situations like this on my old campus - men were expelled or chose to resign from the local chapter of SigEp, but they are still considered "Members at Large" by Sigma Phi Epsilon HQ. None of them wear letters (I think they would feel funny because they are all still on campus) but they are still considered SigEps and founding fathers of the chapter.

[Kevin]

If you're concerned about the status of the chapter and its ongoing existance I'd seriously reccomend having a chat with someone at HQ about how this could happen and what could be done to prevent it in the future.

If a chapter doesn't even know the proper procedure and understand exceptable circumstances to expel a member it's probably symptomatic of much broader issues. If your HQ were made aware of this it might help them to help your chapter get back to normal.

[PsiU_EN]

Hey nice to see another Psi U here, even though ur on the fringes. I am currently the archon of the EN chapter and i can tell u that in my chapter what they did to u was BS. You should at least know the reason why you got expelled (not black balled right?). I know practices differ from chapter to chapter and thats the beauty of Psi U so there may be rules you have that i am not aware of. You should probally talk to your friends that are Psi U's and ask what that was about, and if u still want to be on in it (which i hope u do) then talk to nationals. Ask for Tom Fox he is really helpful and doesnt BS you. If you dont then tell people in the chapter about how nationals think you are still active and tell them to deactivate you because they are paying for your national dues.

If u dont have the same pride in ur letters than ur GF just tell her u dont, it shouldnt be that big of a deal.

As for the letter thing for your GF dont deck out ur apartment with her letters unless she is living with you. It would be kinda wierd if i walked into my GF apartment and she had all this Psi U stuff all around. Also if i brought a friend to the apartment they prob would think my GF is a psycho.

If you need any email addresses or want a sounding board u can email anytime. My email is on the website on the chapter roll or my chapters website.

[adpiucf]

Great news that your membership has not been cancelled. Now CYA-- the fraternity has had you on their roster all this time, and they can claim that you may owe back-dues, even due to their negliengence. In this case, the fraternity can cancel your membership should you fail to pay. This, is however, a worst-case scenario. This is not to be cold-hearted. It is to protect yourself and your credit.

I recommend you call the National Office again to determine if your leaving the university granted you alumni status (as is the case with some of the sororities if you transfer schools), so you can clear any possible debt. Keep a paper trail. The chapter you came from sounds like they may not have all of their paperwork in order, but if someone comes in to clean house, or someone else goes on a power trip, you could get burned. Don't take the risk-- you've confirmed you are still a member-- now confirm that you have a $0 balance! Again, this isn't to come off as mean or impersonal; its to make sure that the chapter you came from, as they have already falsely told you that you have been cancelled, doesn't try to hit you with back-dues.

It's perfectly fine not to decorate your home with fraternity gear. It's your place-- decorate it however you like to make it feel like home!

Good luck!

[PsiU_EN]

Originally posted by adpiucf
Great news that your membership has not been cancelled. Now CYA-- the fraternity has had you on their roster all this time, and they can claim that you may owe back-dues, even due to their negliengence. In this case, the fraternity can cancel your membership should you fail to pay. This, is however, a worst-case scenario.

I recommend you call the National Office again to determine if your leaving the university granted you alumni status (as is the case with some of the sororities if you transfer schools), so you can clear any possible debt. Keep a paper trail. The chapter you came from sounds like they may not have all of their paperwork in order, but if someone comes in to clean house, or someone else goes on a power trip, you could get burned. Don't take the risk-- you've confirmed you are still a member-- now confirm that you have a $0 balance!

It's perfectly fine not to decorate your home with fraternity gear. It's your place-- decorate it however you like to make it feel like home!

Good luck!

Talk about cold hearted.
Nationals doesnt charge individuals it charges the chapter in lump sums. It would be chapter that would be for asking the money as far as nationals is concerened and if their chapter is current with payments, he is still considred in good standing. If he was expeled it should be in the the chapters minutes os if the chapter did claim that he owed dues then all he would have to say is that he was deactivated, his friends in the house should stick up for him. It also sounds that he did not get alumni status as he had to leave school and deactivated.

[adpiucf]

PsiU_EN--

I appear to have offended you and I apologize. I am concerned for our fellow GC'er to confirm his membership status with the National Office: inactive or alum. I understand the national org wouldn't be looking for past dues; the local chapter would. I see how my post may have been unclear. I am so sorry.

As he has not been formally cancelled, is there paperwork to confirm his inactive or alumnus status?-- if paperwork exists, no one looking to get the chapter's accounts receivables down can go chasing after him.

Again, my apologies if you were offended. I am not coming down on the GLO; I am merely cautioning this member to make sure he doesn't get a bill in 2 weeks or 2 years because the chapter didn't follow the right procedures when he left. My regrets for not being clear and again, I hope you are not personally offended.

Thanks. Have a wonderful day!

[PsiWolf]

That's a good point you raise, bro. I'll have to look into that in the morning. I would assume I'm an alum if I've left and my chapter doesn't show me as active, but who's to say? I'll check with the NHQ in the morning; here's hoping