2nd hand Recruitment Story at U of Arkansas

[wavycutchip]

MomofPNM11 - You know that I am pulling for you and "Lindsey." Hang in there with parties today and the week long wait! I am so glad that I didn't have to go through that!

I agree that the rejection aspect of recruitment is one of the hardest things to deal with as a PNM (and I am sure as a parent as well - thank goodness my legacy is young and I have a little time to work on that). For most of these young ladies, it could be the first time that they didn't achieve something that they really wanted. It also is hard if you are comparing yourself to those around you, like your gamma chi group or friends that you have made at college. If they seem to get all their favorites inviting them back each round, girls do feel the "what did I do wrong" or "what did XYZ not see in me." Understanding a little about RFM helps the head, but not always the heart. The only advice I can really say is be confident in yourself, bloom where you are planted, and be the change you want to see in your group. Take it from me, the faster you can get over being rejected in any aspect of life (sorority, job, etc); the faster you get to exactly where you are supposed to be in life. Looking forward to hearing more!

[DubaiSis]

Virtually all of us have been through to some extent or another just what your daughter is going through. It is exactly normal. Once she's been to the other side she will see that to a freakishly large extent, it isn't personal. I mean, yes, there are girls who are cut - we don't like her, she's outta here - but mostly it's just where they fall on the list.

This split rush system is being used on a couple campuses - Illinois and Iowa are two I can think of. My understanding is that retention rates go up a lot by giving the girls a breather. I think a lot of girls who say screw it, I'm done, will have a different opinion after they've had a chance to return to normal life for a few days. That house that seems completely unacceptable seems perfectly fine when they see chapter members walking around on campus and they don't have horns or tails.

[MomofPNM11]

Thank you so much for wonderful support and advice, Wavy and Dubai!

Lindsey called me when she was about to get ready for her House Tour party today. She was a totally different girl! She is fine now and happy to be going forward.

If I weren't posting in real time, I probably would have left Lindsey's emotional breakdown out of the story, but that wouldn't give other PNM's and their moms a realistic view of the ups and downs of recruitment.

Anyway, this thread is serving as my therapy, which I won't need after recruitment is over. I have no one else to really talk about it with. My husband wanted Lindsey to pick a certain sorority because they have the same colors as his favorite football team. Umm... yeah that's how it works.

[scrapcat]

My daughter is at Univ. of Iowa. They break rush into two weeks as well. It will all start next week. I think your daughters reaction is perfectly normal. My oldest went through rush several years ago at a mid-size mid-western school. Even though the greek system wasn't huge, she was still cut after first rounds and she also felt like quitting. She stuck it out, got 3(!) pref round invites (two houses she really liked and one failing house) Got into her first choice! oh and that "failing house?" it closed that following January. Very sad.

[tigerfanx5]

It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Hope that all you anxious moms can relax for a bit!

[MomofPNM11]

Ya know, Tigerfan, it is Friday and I think I'm going to pick up a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio. It's been quite a week. Poor PNM's can't even have a drink (mine BETTER NOT anyway).

[tigerfanx5]

Good! You deserve a nice glass of wine (or 2!) Did you get your plane ticket?

I haven't said this in any of my posts -- I really admire these girls! I don't have many memories of my own rush experience, and I certainly don't remember tears or stress. This is an exhausting process from both sides. Your daughter is doing great, and has such a wonderful attitude! (I'm sure the apple doesn't fall from the tree!)

[momof4girls]

I believe this is the first time Arkansas has extended their recruitment into a second week and I would think the vast number of girls going through is what brought on the change.

My dentist's daughter went through recruitment at Arkansas last year and her mother was there on bid day. I say definitely plan on being there bid day.

[MomofPNM11]

I bought the plane ticket, so I am going to be there next weekend! I'm so excited to see my daughter no matter what happens with recruitment.

[UT Daughter]

Good Luck to Mom and to daughter. I am in the same boat but at a different university. On the outside I am sunshine and flowers...on the inside I am really nervous. I dont remember my mom being like this but then again, everything wasn't so dang competitive. I am glad I only have a boy left. All he worries about is his next meal. Take care!

[MomofPNM11]

The second day of house tours was today. Out of the two Lindsey saw, she loved one, but still doesn’t like the other. I’m not speaking only about the house, but everything about the chapter. Tonight she will rank in this order:

Risky Business
Weird Science
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

The max number of Pref invites she can get is two. She says she would be happy to pledge either of her top two, but she said she would probably not pledge her bottom choice. I keep telling her not to rule anything out yet, but she seems pretty sure. Now we will wait a week to see what happens, so I won’t have anything else to post unless she gets the infamous dreaded phone call.

Lindsey will get her Pref schedule early next Saturday morning and then parties and filling out bid cards lasts until at least midnight. Because she won’t be able to call me Saturday, I won’t know anything until Sunday morning, which is bid day. I will post as soon as I can, but it may be when I get back home Monday night. Sorry for so much detail, but I don’t want anyone to wonder if I will finish the story or not. I promise I will!

[gee_ess]

Fingers crossed!

[Regina.George]

Originally Posted by MomofPNM11

My phone rang at exactly 7:30am Arkansas time. My heart sunk because Lindsey shouldn't have access to her phone unless she was released. She sounded shaky and then started crying. She got invited back to three chapters out of a possible four. Her schedule for House Tours is Risky Businesstoday; Ferris Bueller’s Day OffandWeird Sciencetomorrow.She got to go back to her dorm and use her phone because her party today is later in the afternoon, which is a huge blessing considering how upset she was.

So why was she crying? When people say recruitment is a roller coaster ride, they aren’t kidding! She had been so pleasantly surprised by all the great groups who had invited her to the second round. Now reality had set in and she realized she wasn’t the only one choosing. I tried to convince her that there are so many possible reasons she was cut other than that the girls “didn’t like her.” Those more selective groups could have tons of legacies, friends from high school, class presidents, cheerleading captains, girls with high GPA’s (Lindsey’s is only mediocre), etc. But try telling that to an eighteen year old who just had her heart ripped out.

When I asked her why she isn’t excited that her number one choice, Risky Business, had invited her back she said, “Because now I’m sure that they are just going to cut me too.” Logic, anybody? She is afraid to risk more hope on a process that she realizes she doesn’t have too much control over. I begged her to take the risk and not drop out. After she cried some more while I kept trying to focus on the good news, she agreed to stay with it for now.

The biggest negative for Lindsey is that after House Tours she will have to wait seven long days to find out if she got invited to Pref. She said she’s worried about being distracted in class all week and not sleeping. I really don’t like Arkansas’ schedule. I haven’t heard of other two week recruitment periods. Are there a lot of schools who do it this way?

I repeated all the great GC advice I had read: Keep an open mind. You are only half way through the four rounds. The two groups you don’t think you like could really shine during House Tours and Pref. You may meet some different girls that give you a whole new perspective. Do you really think out of three to four hundred girls in any sorority that you couldn’t find three to five best friends?

I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!

qfp

[UARKmom]

My daughter is also rushing at UARK so I enjoyed reading your story. The so-called 'dead week' is killing us too. I'm also from out-of-state and trying to decide if I should be there for bid day. Do you know if they call moms to tell them the bids first?

[atrianglepi]

Originally Posted by UARKmom

Do you know if they call moms to tell them the bids first?

I can't speak for recruitment at Arkansas, but I have never heard of the parent(s) being called to tell you if your daughter got a bid.