Daughter Rushing

Momto2girls · #1 07-22-2012, 01:49 AM

My D2 will be rushing in the fall. She has recs for each house on her campus and is a legacy to one. I am nervous for her as she is not the typical, "skinny" college freshman. I am hoping all goes well for her. We have had many discussions about "it only takes one" I am thinking that it will be more stressful for me than for her.

AnotherKD · #2 07-22-2012, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momto2girls

My D2 will be rushing in the fall. She has recs for each house on her campus and is a legacy to one. I am nervous for her as she is not the typical, "skinny" college freshman. I am hoping all goes well for her. We have had many discussions about "it only takes one" I am thinking that it will be more stressful for me than for her.

You're nervous for her because she's not skinny? Sheesh.

sigmadiva · #3 07-22-2012, 08:59 AM

^^^^^ I felt the same way about this mom's attitude towards her daughter.

FSUZeta · #4 07-22-2012, 09:42 AM

I am sure this mother loves her children. If her daughter is participating in recruitment at a very competitive campus, she understands that her daughter may be judged initially by her appearance, not her accomplishments, gpa and personality.

summer_gphib · #5 07-22-2012, 09:51 AM

And lets be honest. Weight does matter. If you are a little overweight it might not effect you during recruitment, if you are well put together and have a shining personality (heck that goes for all PNMs). If you are grossly overweight then it will hurt, at a lot of schools and with a lot of groups. If only because very overweight PNMs can have lower self esteem, and may not present themselves in a positive way. Not all, but some of them. Being in a sorority takes a lot of energy. It's fun-- but there are a lot of obligations and things to get involved with. If you aren't healthy and don't have a lot of energy, you may not have what it takes to balance college classes and Greek life. I'm not saying that it can't be done, or that at some schools it wouldn't be a big deal, but at least in my experience it's a consideration. It's sad, but it's the truth at some schools. I would urge you to be there and support your daughter. Don't take an attitude of "you're not skinny-- you won't get a bid" but use the time we have left to say "hey honey, lets try to start you off right-- lets go for a walk, and develop some good eating habits." If she honestly needs to lose weight help her do it by being supporting and loving, lifting up her self esteem. Whether or not she goes Greek, she'll appreciate that she has a mother at home that loves her and supports her, and wants her to be healthy and happy.

carnation · #6 07-22-2012, 10:13 AM

Very true, FSUZeta and summer_gphib! As moms, we love our daughters so deeply and when we see as long-time Greeks that they're going into a situation where they may be hurt (or heck, when we see as moms that they may be hurt in ANY situation), it breaks our hearts. All we can do is try to make them ready and pray.

Sciencewoman · #7 07-22-2012, 10:40 AM

Build her confidence up by making sure she has a very flattering wardrobe, a great hairstyle, manicure, etc. Help her with conversation practice. Help her be confident...don't pass any bad mojo on to her. If you think it's going to be more stressful for you than for her, don't project your pessimism. Be positive! Be excited! Make it fun! If you focus on the weight, she will too, and that will show.

The chapter officer I advise is probably 50 lbs. overweight, but no one cares. She always looks great, has a very high GPA, is extremely responsible, friendly, polite, etc.

Ladybugmom · #8 07-22-2012, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

Very true, FSUZeta and summer_gphib! As moms, we love our daughters so deeply and when we see as long-time Greeks that they're going into a situation where they may be hurt (or heck, when we see as moms that they may be hurt in ANY situation), it breaks our hearts. All we can do is try to make them ready and pray.

Very true words Carnation!!

Depending on what school you attend and rush at, you could be Supermodel Suzy and have a difficult time..there are so many other factors that are important as many others have said here. Just remember that there are all kinds of girls in every chapter and the best advice you can give your daughter is to keep an open mind. Good luck to her and you! It's a stressful time, even if you are #1PNM.

Everyone's stress is realtive!

Greek_or_Geek? · #9 07-22-2012, 11:29 AM

What exactly is the typical, "skinny" college freshman?

I sincerely hope you haven't shared these sentiments with your daughter.

Yes, weight and appearance do matter at many chapters at many schools, but the last thing a nervous PNM needs is for her mother to tell her that she may not receive a bid because of her appearance. Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy.

carnation · #10 07-22-2012, 11:41 AM

I doubt that she did. After all, how many moms want to blast their daughter away with, "Okay, Lardo, I doubt you'll get a bid,"? If the daughter is overweight, they both know it.

It seems like Mom just wants to share her nervousness with others who have been there and that's okay. No need to jump on her for something she probably didn't do.

Greek_or_Geek? · #11 07-22-2012, 11:52 AM

As I said, I sincerely hope she didn't. However I have seen many mothers do and say horrible unthinking things that completely undermine their daughters' recruitments. It doesn't take something said in an evil or deliberately derogatory way to have an effect on a young woman's self esteem.

33girl · #12 07-22-2012, 12:15 PM

I'm going to be devil's advocate here. Does your daughter really want to rush? Or is she just doing it to make you happy?

Momto2girls · #13 07-22-2012, 01:44 PM

I am sorry that you thought I was being judgmental regarding my daughter. That was not my intent at all. She is one of the most confident young ladies I know. This is also recognized by the rec writers who know her well. Her sister is in a sorority at another school and is beery much wanting that opportunity as well. She has no ideas of my concerns. They are mine due to the way many young women are judged during rush. She continues to be open to all chapters and truly wants to find that home in her new town.

Always AlphaGam · #14 07-22-2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

Very true, FSUZeta and summer_gphib! As moms, we love our daughters so deeply and when we see as long-time Greeks that they're going into a situation where they may be hurt (or heck, when we see as moms that they may be hurt in ANY situation), it breaks our hearts. All we can do is try to make them ready and pray.

***sigh*** Oh, I so understand this now.

AlphaFrog · #15 07-22-2012, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Momto2girls

I am sorry that you thought I was being judgmental regarding my daughter. That was not my intent at all. She is one of the most confident young ladies I know. This is also recognized by the rec writers who know her well. Her sister is in a sorority at another school and is beery much wanting that opportunity as well. She has no ideas of my concerns. They are mine due to the way many young women are judged during rush. She continues to be open to all chapters and truly wants to find that home in her new town.