Older Perp

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by carnation

Actually, I don't always have self-restraint! If this were not a close family situation, I'd jump right in. There are a few people who would think I was terrible if I hurt her feelings. They're not Greek so they don't get it. (Although my husband isn't Greek and he does get it.)

I was hoping that some of the people who first came up and commented on her DEF membership a couple of years ago would have said something to her by now. I mean, one is a DEF!

Those of you who know me IRL are probably surprised that I haven't fried her. I am too. And if I do, I'll never hear the end of, "Why couldn't you just play along? Why did you feel you had to expose her?"

Anyone who has ever been a member of just about anything should understand. I mean saying you are a member of athletic team would cause people to call you out. Isn't that often a theme in tv shows/movies? "Oh I'm a member of blah blah/on the team blah blah/work for blah blah." "Really wow that's interesting." Rest of the movie is person A trying to make lie work until person B figures it out and the relationship is ruined.

[AGDLynn]

This thread was started in 2009 but 3 years later, DEF members haven't called this person out?

If not, why not? Especially the one you had check the DEF database.

[carnation]

The DEF member in our family is wary of starting a huge family explosion--"why did you have to hurt D? Why couldn't you just play along?"

The DEF member who checked her out is a GCer who doesn't know her.

I wish I knew why some of the DEFs in town haven't said, "Look, ho..." (Probably because she's so @#! nice except for this.)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

And if I do, I'll never hear the end of, "Why couldn't you just play along? Why did you feel you had to expose her?"

That answer is super easy.

"Because I didn't want prospective rushees (possibly your daughters or their friends) to ask her for recommendations that she is not allowed to provide and hurt their chances at rush in the process."

[melindawarren]

Just read through this thread. Wow. Makes me wonder if I know any perps.

Carnation, she may be a very lovely person, but I know I would be hurt if I'd worked hard to secure a recommendation--only to find out months later that the person lied about her affiliation and I didn't have a rec at all. Truth be told, there's someone who may never have sent my rec (she's definitely a member of the organization, and I can confirm that), and I haven't quite forgiven her for leaving me hanging like that.

I just feel like you have to pull her aside and say, "hey, D, I really feel that it's important that you clarify your involvement with DEF." It definitely doesn't need to be a public event, and maybe she doesn't realize the potential danger in her lie? Maybe she needs someone knowledgable like you to help her realize that this is not really worth lying about.

I just think that it's a potentially bad situation, evidenced by the fact that your daughter bought into it.

[28StGreek]

Originally Posted by carnation

I do know the facts! She's definitely not a DEF. My daughter won't need a DEF rec because that group isn't at her college but I'm tempted to get her to ask D for one to see how she reacts.

Are you at the point where the only recs you're allowing your daughter to get are for Pi Phi? So you can finally get your legacy? :-P

But in all seriousness, good luck for another recruitment! Your daughter will be one of the most prepared PNMs in the country :-)

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by 28StGreek

Are you at the point where the only recs you're allowing your daughter to get are for Pi Phi? So you can finally get your legacy? :-P

But in all seriousness, good luck for another recruitment! Your daughter will be one of the most prepared PNMs in the country :-)

that would work if daughter was attending a school with a pi phi chapter,but alas, poor carnation will have to wait in the hopes that another daughter will attend a school that has pi phi!

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Maybe she's sorry she ever said it, is embarrassed and doesn't know how to get out of the situation. If she isn't actively perping or offering her rec writing services to unsuspecting PNMs, just let it go. Family and relationships are far more important than Greek life and forgiving the less than stellar behavior of our loved ones is kind.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

that would work if daughter was attending a school with a pi phi chapter,but alas, poor carnation will have to wait in the hopes that another daughter will attend a school that has pi phi!

I think you're just going to have to put your foot down. No Pi Phi; not allowed to attend.

[carnation]

^^^ Like!

[honeychile]

Bump for spammers.

[carnation]

Hoping that the Perpster isn't at it again this summer.