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  #1  
Old 01-05-2006, 09:46 PM
washrinserepeat washrinserepeat is offline
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Advice to rushers: re: legacies

I know that sorority membership is one of mutual selection, but I would like to offer some advice. When rushing legacies, please remember that they can be a special part of your sorority. I know it is not possible to keep all legacies, nor should you if it is not a good fit. However, keep in mind that these girls probably grew up with lots of "aunts" and have some kind of connection to your glo. They have mothers and grandmothers who would love to have the chance to share the experience with them. Try to think ahead to the future and how you would feel if your daughter was cut from your sorority. Many of you will have the chance to watch your own daughter go through rush some day and you will want her experience to parallel your own. Having my mother at my initiation was an experience I will never forget. Good luck to the chapters with spring rush!
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Old 01-05-2006, 09:56 PM
alum alum is offline
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Re: Advice to rushers: re: legacies

Quote:
Originally posted by washrinserepeat
I know that sorority membership is one of mutual selection, but I would like to offer some advice. When rushing legacies, please remember that they can be a special part of your sorority. I know it is not possible to keep all legacies, nor should you if it is not a good fit. However, keep in mind that these girls probably grew up with lots of "aunts" and have some kind of connection to your glo. They have mothers and grandmothers who would love to have the chance to share the experience with them. Try to think ahead to the future and how you would feel if your daughter was cut from your sorority. Many of you will have the chance to watch your own daughter go through rush some day and you will want her experience to parallel your own. Having my mother at my initiation was an experience I will never forget. Good luck to the chapters with spring rush!
I agree wholeheartedly. One of the most special days of my life was hearing the news that my bio. sister was going to be my Kappa sister albeit at a different chapter in a different state. I was at her initiation. I have a lot of good friends whose daughters are going through spring recruitment right now and there is nothing more crushing than to hear that your own organization didn't "like" your daughter enough.
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  #3  
Old 01-05-2006, 10:55 PM
SmartBlondeGPhB SmartBlondeGPhB is offline
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Re: Advice to rushers: re: legacies

Quote:
Originally posted by washrinserepeat
I know it is not possible to keep all legacies, nor should you if it is not a good fit.
Exactly...........

It's a mutual decision and not one that the alumna can (or should) influence. Just because the member thinks that the legacy is wonderul doesn't mean she really is.

Don't discount a legacy, but also don't take one just because she's a legacy......
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  #4  
Old 01-05-2006, 11:07 PM
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honeychile honeychile is offline
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The key word HAS to be "mutual".

We've had legacies who didn't like us. We've had legacies who didn't fit in. We've had other sororities' legacies who loved us, not their legacy chapter.

The best analogy I can think of right now is that yes, you do want your biological sister become your sorority sister. But she may have different ideas. I love my brother, but would never fit into the same GLO as he.

Give each legacy the respect she deserves, and the chance she deserves - and let her do the same. No one should be guilt tripped into joining XYZ because it's her legacy chapter.
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Old 01-06-2006, 12:09 AM
WVU alpha phi WVU alpha phi is offline
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One of my good friends in my chapter is a legacy to another sorority at my school. The other sorority is very similar to mine; a lot of girls who pref us also pref them. Anyway, my friend's sister only graduated a few years ago, and she is from Morgantown, so she still knows some girls currently in the chapter. My friend told me that while her sister was slightly disappointed she didn't go with her chapter, she respected her choice and understood why she wanted to go with the chapter she fit into the most.

The only other girl in my family who went Greek is my cousin, who was an ADpi at Gettysburg College, so I've never dealt with any legacy situations or anything. However my chapter's personal policy is to offer all legacies a bid, which I don't always agree with. We have a few legacies who are not active at all in the chapter and I feel like they would've had a much better sorority experience if they'd joined a chapter where they felt comfortable, versus one they may have been pressured to join.
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  #6  
Old 01-06-2006, 12:46 AM
Buttonz Buttonz is offline
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I wish my sister would go through rush, but she refuses to. As much as I would love to see her go SDT if she was to go through rush, I would never force it on her. I would want her to go to whatever GLO feels like home for her.

My best friend might as well be a sister to me, and when she called me up to ask me if I would care if she went somewhere other then SDT, I told her the same thing. (Yes, not the same as a legacy, but still). She is now a very happy member of Phi Sigma Sigma.

Please, don't 'force' your legacies or good friends to go the same GLO as you are in, unless that's what they want. Let them do what's right for them.

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Old 01-06-2006, 06:14 AM
kddani kddani is offline
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Just because a girl is a legacy does NOT mean that she's a good fit for the chapter.

All sororities have special policies regarding legacies. But none of them REQUIRE that they give a legacy a bid.

There are plenty of non-legacies who have fantastic things to offer a sorority. If a legacy can't keep up with and compete with them, then why should a legacy get a bid over a nonlegacy?

There are plenty of legacies out there who don't know the first thing about being in a sorority; not all of them have this "special" connection already with the group through their mom, sister or grandmother. There are ones that do, great, but there are plenty that do not.

Bottom line is that legacies are given special treatment in the form of extra consideration. Usually a courtesy invite back to the first invite round and some groups say if a legacy goes to a pref party they must be on the first bid list. BUT, the legacy has to be just as impressive in their own right.

I'm not sure what other treatment you think a legacy should get.

I'm sure your daughter is wonderful. But the point is, not all legacies are wonderful and not all are a good fit for a particular chapter. Little Debbie Daughter may not be as wonderful and well qualified as her mom thinks and may not make a good XYZ. Debbie may also not want to join her mom's group- maybe she just doesn't get along with them or think they'd be a good fit for her. So mothers/grandmothers/sisters, DON'T PRESSURE YOUR LEGACY INTO JOINING YOUR GROUP. It may not be the best fit for her.
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  #8  
Old 01-06-2006, 07:24 AM
alum alum is offline
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I would like to hear from alumnae who have had daughters go through the process. I followed the Carnation stories of her many daughters, but I don't think she had a daughter who attended a school that had her GLO.

The rush process can be vicious. Girls get cut for a variety of reasons, some of them shallow. Being a legacy should not give the girl an automatic bid, but it should be more than being invited back to second round.

Throughout one's life, connections grant you an extra look. Whether it's from your alma mater, your club affiliations, your family, nepotism and cronyism are still very much alive in today's society.
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  #9  
Old 01-06-2006, 07:26 AM
washrinserepeat washrinserepeat is offline
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In my OP, I wasn't advocating for any special treatment for my own child-my daughter is rushing at a school where they don't have a PiPhi chapter, I was just expressing my feelings- it has been one year since my mother died and I was feeling a little nostalgic and missing her. Sharing initiation with her is a special memory that I am blessed to have.
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  #10  
Old 01-06-2006, 07:29 AM
FSUZeta FSUZeta is offline
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i would like to reword what washrinserepeat and alum stated. those of us with daughters don't expect SPECIAL treatment for our legacies. we hope that they will get FAIR treatment.

we hope that the decision to join their legacy sorority is in their hands, and that they are not cut from their legacy chapter BECAUSE they are a legacy. we also hope that the other sororities on their campuses will not assume that they will want to join their legacy chapter and drop them like a hot potato. we just want them to have a fair chance.

i have friends in most of the npc sororities. all of us have heard of chapters within our organizations that seem to "go gunning" for legacies. that is not anymore fair than offering a legacy a bid just because she is a legacy.

i would imagine that there is the occasion when a mother/grandmother/sister/aunt does push their legacy to join their sorority, without regard to the fit or the wishes of the legacy. however, the majority of us just want our daughters to be happy. that is so much more important than being able to call our daughter our sister.

Last edited by FSUZeta; 01-06-2006 at 07:31 AM.
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  #11  
Old 01-06-2006, 11:10 AM
aopirose aopirose is offline
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Well put FSUZeta!
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  #12  
Old 01-06-2006, 02:26 PM
AchtungBaby80 AchtungBaby80 is offline
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Personally, I'm glad that the chapter I was a legacy to did not offer me a bid. They invited me back several times even though it was obvious from the get-go that it wasn't the best house for me, and since I was a little afraid to cut them because I didn't want to hurt my sisters' feelings, I kept going back thinking maybe I'd like it better once I got to know the members a little more. They were nice girls and a "top" chapter on campus, don't get me wrong, it just definitely was not my first choice. I was soooo relieved when they finally released me right before Pref! It would've really sucked if the other chapters had just assumed that since I was a legacy I would pledge there, because DZ was a much better match for me. So while I think it's fine for legacies to get a "courtesy invite" after first round, that should be it--if, after that point, the chapter doesn't think she'd fit in, she should be released so that there's room in her schedule for houses that are better for her.
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Old 01-06-2006, 05:21 PM
WVU alpha phi WVU alpha phi is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Buttonz


My best friend might as well be a sister to me, and when she called me up to ask me if I would care if she went somewhere other then SDT, I told her the same thing. (Yes, not the same as a legacy, but still). She is now a very happy member of Phi Sigma Sigma.


I think you handled this situation really well. My grandlittle came through rush this year and had a best friend in another sorority on campus. She preffed us and her best friend's sorority, and I can see her totally fitting into both. She told our girl preffing her that she liked us more but she felt like she was betraying her friend if she chose Alpha Phi, and she had mentioned it to her friend, who didn't really seem too keen on telling her otherwise. Our girl preffing her had to work hard to convince her to do the sorority that was right for her, and if the other girl REALLY is a true friend, she will understand.
My grandlittle chose us, she makes a great addition to my family and our chapter as a whole, AND she's still good friends with her best friend before recruitment.
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  #14  
Old 01-07-2006, 12:49 PM
irishpipes irishpipes is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by WVU alpha phi
She told our girl preffing her that she liked us more but she felt like she was betraying her friend if she chose Alpha Phi, and she had mentioned it to her friend, who didn't really seem too keen on telling her otherwise.
I know this isn't the point of your story, but it really struck me...

Do you mean that she mentioned it to her friend during a rush party? Otherwise, she shouldn't have been talking about this with her friend during rush, unless your campus has different rules about dirty rushing. This seems to be one of the very scenarios that the silence rules were put in place to avoid.
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Old 01-07-2006, 01:20 PM
carnation carnation is offline
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I know I've posted this somewhere on GC before but...

I have mixed feelings about the legacy deal. On the one hand, a legacy may not be a good fit. I've known some who weren't; I remember that my chapter lived in fear that one particular sister's younger sister would rush.

However, I'm a mom now and that changes things a LOT. None of my daughters have rushed at schools with Pi Phi chapters but if Pi Phi ever does cut one of my younger daughters, I will be devastated. I have seen the devastation of many moms, especially those whose daughters are at UGa, when their chapters cut their daughters. Matter of fact, we know a lot of those moms and we don't know one girl who has gotten into her legacy chapter at Georgia. It's like legacies don't count anymore.

We have had the pain of one daughter not getting into her legacy chapter--her sisters' sorority but on another campus. I anticipated that would happen, though, and prepared her and luckily she was fine with it because she found another home that she loves. But what if she hadn't? And furthermore, we were told later by people we knew in other sororities that she was cut by their sororities solely because she was a double legacy to her sisters' group, so she could have easily been left out in the cold.


I don't think anyone can appreciate the pain of a legacy not making it into her legacy group until their daughter or sister rushes.
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