Is it wrong to keep dating him??

[absolutuscchick]

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
Agree. What would you have said if I came on here and made a post that said:

"I just went on a date with this hot guy, but I don't know what to do - I'm Catholic and he's in that yamulke (sp?) wearing religion where they don't believe in Jesus!"

I'm willing to be that would have gotten me some big ol' flames.

And I would have politely said that that is Judaism.

[MeLikey]

Originally posted by Eclipse

I certainly would not characterize wanting to date someone of the same religious background as you as being "mean". I think it makes great sense if you even remotely think that religion will play some role in your life in the future.

Whether or not you should continue to date him depends on several things IMO

How old are you? Dating someone you do not want to be serious with is o.k. in my opinion when you are 19 - 21, but beyond that, most folks are begining to look for life partners and why spend time with people you know you could not make a life partner?

How serious are you about your religion? How serious is he about his? It sounds like yours is somewhat important to you. Do you go to synogogue? Would you expect a boyfriend to celebrate the High Holy (I think that is what Jewish people call them--please forgive me if I am wrong) days with you/your family?

You say you could never get that serious with him, but your feelings don't always follow your brain in situations like this. Several dates of "good dates" with kissing and cuddling will probably lead to more stuff and that is where things get complicated.

I think the million dollar question is: If you want a relationship, why spend time with someone, no matter how fun and cute, that you know you could not be in a relationship with?

I totally agree... I think for me I'm not going to date someone unless I know it will lead to a lasting relationship just because I want to get married within the next few years (ideally). However, that's not to say I wouldn't give someone a chance, if I really liked him, it all depends how strongly you feel about the other person.

My ex was Jewish and I'm Christian--well I've never ever been really big on religion just because my parents aren't... and he was the same way but more serious about his religion than me because of his parents. We talked about marriage and were pretty serious, but we eventually just sort of grew apart.

[_Opi_]

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Only problem is...I'm Jewish and he's Arabic (like he believes in Allah or whatever).[/i]

The word arab describes someones ethnicity, whereas "he believes in Allah or whatever" is someone's religion. The word your looking for is muslim.

ETA: And I do want a relationship....but only with Jews (preferably) or not hella religious christians/catholics...is that totally mean of me????

It's perfectly logical to not date someone because you have different beliefs and not compatible with eachother. But observing your statement above, you obviously don't have a problem with dating outside your religion, you are just worried about his. I can't say that your reasons for not dating someone muslim, but is his specific religion the reason why you don't want to date him? ask yourself that.

If someone stopped seeing me because I was a muslim and not any other religion, i woud think it was mean. But Thats just my opinion.

[rho4life]

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Thank you SO much Geeky Penguin and KDdani....I feel like every time I ask advice from someone on GC I get responses like this from you guys. I'm not a mean person, but it really bothers me that you have to act as though I am. In the future, please don't respond to me unless you have something nice to say. Thanks

If the shoe fits....................Maybe you need to re-evaluate your definition of "mean". Your initial comments were insensitive at best and racist and religiously intolerant at best. While for many Jews their race and religion are synonomous, for most of the world this is not true! There are muslims all over the world. Perhpas if you talked to the guy about his religious beliefs you would realize that Judiasm and Islam have far more similarities than differences.

[PhiPsiRuss]

Originally posted by rho4life
While for many Jews their race and religion are synonomous, for most of the world this is not true!

Judaism is not a race.

[FiReKraCkEr]

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Thank you SO much Geeky Penguin and KDdani....I feel like every time I ask advice from someone on GC I get responses like this from you guys. I'm not a mean person, but it really bothers me that you have to act as though I am. In the future, please don't respond to me unless you have something nice to say. Thanks

Hmmm, I don't think Geeky and Dani were being rude. I mean you did say "he believes in Allah or whatever..." I think when most people read the 'whatever' part they think that sounds like you don't know or care about his religion. It's like saying to a Christian "Oh, yeah. You believe in God or whatever his name is." Allah is their god, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm not being rude, just know that. I'm just telling you what I have read face-value.

Anyway...as to keep dating him. You're young, you should experience different people and cultures. Have fun!

[MTSUGURL]

This is the way I deal with this issue:

My religious faith is very important to me. In fact, it is the most important thing I have, and the most important quality I possess. I would not enter into a relationship where I could not share this important part of my life with the other person. The one time I dated someone with beliefs significantly different than mine, it ended in heartbreak. I did fall in love with him, but knew it wouldn't go anywhere because I had no intent of marrying him. It wasn't fair to him or myself to continue dating him when I realized it was getting serious and I still had no intent of marrying him.

It does not make you mean to want to marry someone that shares your religous beliefs. It makes you smart. If he is talking about a relationship, I would end the "dating" phase of your friendship, and keep a friendship that will most certainly expand your horizons and your understanding of another culture.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by James
How far outside your religion? Like assuming you are a sect of Christianity . . . Are you talking about not dating non-Christians? Or not dating other Christian sects either?

It would depend on what that Christian sect's theology was.

I made an adult decision concerning my religious beliefs, and like Crystal, it's a very important part of my life. To be in a relationship where we were unequally yoked is simply too much stress on this lil ole gal - I'd constantly feel as if I'm walking on eggs!

[ZTAngel]

Hey all! A little message from your mod.

We have all already established that some people were offended by absolutuscchick's original comments and some weren't. Let's move on and answer the original question: Is it ok to keep dating him although she sees herself with someone Jewish?

There's no fighting in the dating forum!

[bethany1982]

Originally posted by absolutuscchick

ETA: And I do want a relationship....but only with Jews (preferably) or not hella religious christians/catholics...is that totally mean of me????

Why would that be mean? That's what you want.

[_Opi_]

ZTA,

I guess its not ok. They are not compatible and probably just wasting valuable time. But if maybe she should communicate that to him. Religion is important to some people and should not be compromised.